Ch-ch-ch-changes

[eytonxav]

Very sorry to hear this bad news. Try to keep your spirits up and I will be praying for your speedy recovery.

 

[Animorph]

Sorry to hear it, best wishes. It sounds like a good time to retire to me. Keeping your options open while it makes sense of course.

 

[Avalon]

We'll be keeping you in our thoughts. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

The diagnosis of cancer can knock the wind out of you.

Yes. Even us bystanders.

Time to do what you want to do. Think about what you want to do. It is good you have choices.

Be well.

 

[Katsmeow]

I wish you the best.

 

[Coolius]

Saying a prayer for you.

 

[Retch The Grate]

Sorry to hear about the medical issue, sending good thoughts your way. Looks like for the short term you'll be getting to have mom take care of you while you live together, that's really great that you guys live so close and you can move in with her. Yay family!

 

[tangomonster]

Sorry to hear about this---but your recovery is more important than any j*b. In fact, healing will become your job.

 

[DangerMouse]

Wow, sorry to hear of what is certainly a life changing diagnosis. Wishing you all the best with your upcoming surgery and treatment.

 

[kyounge1956]

Thanks for all your prayers and good wishes!

Maybe I should clarify a little. When I said I was thinking seriously about retiring now, I didn't mean that the paperwork is all filled out and ready to be sent in. I do see the logic of using whatever sort of leave I'm eligible for, as long as I can. It's more like, why not admit to everyone, including my boss, what I've pretty much already decided--that I won't be returning to work after treatment. It seems disingenuous, to say the least, for me even to imply that I might come back when I really have no intention of doing so. Why not just 'fess up? What are they going to do, fire me?

 

[obgyn65]

I would keep silent with my boss for now and focus on the treatment and my well-being instead. Take care.

Why not just 'fess up? What are they going to do, fire me?

 

[MichaelB]

Thanks for all your prayers and good wishes!

Maybe I should clarify a little. When I said I was thinking seriously about retiring now, I didn't mean that the paperwork is all filled out and ready to be sent in. I do see the logic of using whatever sort of leave I'm eligible for, as long as I can. It's more like, why not admit to everyone, including my boss, what I've pretty much already decided--that I won't be returning to work after treatment. It seems disingenuous, to say the least, for me even to imply that I might come back when I really have no intention of doing so. Why not just 'fess up? What are they going to do, fire me?

Kyounge1956, being forthcoming with your employer is admirable. Another perspective, however, is keeping your option to stay employed without misleading your employer. What do you lose by putting off that decision until after your treatment? There is nothing unethical and it allows you to focus on just one thing - your health.

 

[Milton]

Good advice from MichaelB. You have a lot to contend with - I can well believe that the diagnosis has turned your life upside down - and if possible it would probably be best to defer your RE decision until after your health and housing issues have first resolved.

My mom says "don't burn your bridges behind you" ... [but] I can't see myself going back to work after treatment. I'm very certain I don't want to, and not sure that I could do my job well again after a lapse of a month or more, even if I wanted to.

Mom knows best, at least in this case. If there is a possibility of taking an unpaid leave of absence rather than quitting outright, I suggest taking it. While your current feelings are understandable, there is no obvious downside to that strategy, since you can always tell your employer that you have decided not to return (or feel unable to do so): no reasonable boss is going to pressure a cancer survivor to return to work against their better judgment.

Best of luck to you.

 

[kyounge1956]

Update

Surgery was June 6, and I have pretty much completely recovered. It was nowhere near as bad as I was afraid it would be. I was really nervous about only being in the hospital overnight for what seemed like a really major operation, but I was more tired and sore after surgery than actually in pain...sort of like just getting or just getting over a bad case of the flu. I think some of the women in the online breast cancer forum I've been hanging out in since my diagnosis even had mastectomy as an outpatient surgery and went home the same day!

After surgery, I had a wait of some weeks before my first appointment with my oncologist, and after that a couple more weeks waiting for a test result to come back. The results of that test suggested that chemotherapy would be advisable, so I've just started a 6-month course of CMF, which is made up of two drugs by IV once a week, and the third in a daily tablet. This isn't the most modern drug cocktail currently in use for breast cancer, but the two-drug combo originally suggested by Dr. F has a potential side effect that really freaked me out--about 3% of people in the clinical trial for one of the drugs lost their hair permanently. The two-drug combo, called TC, has a two percentage-point net advantage over CMF (i.e. two more people in a hundred still alive ten years later), but I just didn't feel it was worth risking baldness for such a small difference. TC would have needed to show a much greater superiority over CMF to make me prefer it. CMF takes longer, 6 months vs 3, but has fewer and milder side effects than TC. There was a third option, but one of the drugs in that cocktail can cause heart damage. Dr F advised against option #3 for that reason and as being more aggressive than warranted for my diagnosis, and I had no argument with that advice, and if (heaven forbid) I do have a recurrence, I still have that more aggressive regimen to throw at it. As yet the side effects of CMF have been negligible, but it's only two weeks into the six months. I keep waiting for the shoe to drop, but so far it hasn't.

With chemo plus and hormone therapy, my chance of the cancer coming back should be greatly reduced. I have already had one consultation with a plastic surgeon about reconstruction. He likes patients to recover for a couple of months between chemo and reconstructive surgery. At that rate, by the time I'm recovered from reconstruction it'll be close to May 2013, which is when I was planning on retiring anyway. The longer I stay out of my office, the less inclined I am ever to go back. I've been telecommuting part time and occasionally going in to my office on Saturday when there's nobody else there. It's so much easier to get a lot done when it's quiet and distraction-free. For some reason I am reluctant to see people from my office while I'm in treatment. Fortunately this feeling doesn't extend to the folks from St. John's, who have been just fantastic, or I'd turn into a complete hermit (not that there's anything wrong with that ).

My townhouse went on the market earlier this month. I just got an offer on it yesterday, so now I'm waiting to see what the prospective buyer says to my counter-offer. Meanwhile, two weeks ago my mom & I drove down to Olympia to look at a couple of houses on the market down there. I saw one I'd like to check out further, a little two-bedroom bank repo, but it already has an offer on it and the agent isn't responding to my voice mail, so I guess they are sure enough of the sale they don't want a back-up offer, or already have one or more. It's a pity, it's a nice little house, close to pretty much everything and very inexpensive, but it's not the only one in Olympia, and anyway if it will be the better part of a year before I complete treatment there is no reason to be in a hurry. My mom is making noises about putting this house on the market next spring, but I don't see any movement yet toward clearing out the accumulation of thirty years' residence here. Heaven knows I have made noises about doing things well in advance of taking any action, so who am I to get impatient if my mom does the same thing? I just hope I still have enough energy later in chemo treatment to help with the packing up and winnowing down, because it's going to be a big job and I'm the only one of us four kids who lives nearby. The next closest sibling is in San Diego and my two brothers are both back east. Oh well, cross that bridge when we get to it. Mom will move when she's ready to.

 

[haha]

Surgery was June 6, and I have pretty much completely recovered. It was nowhere near as bad as I was afraid it would be. I was really nervous about only being in the hospital overnight for what seemed like a really major operation, but I was more tired and sore after surgery than actually in pain...sort of like just getting or just getting over a bad case of the flu. I think some of the women in the online breast cancer forum I've been hanging out in since my diagnosis even had mastectomy as an outpatient surgery and went home the same day!

After surgery, I had a wait of some weeks before my first appointment with my oncologist, and after that a couple more weeks waiting for a test result to come back. The results of that test suggested that chemotherapy would be advisable, so I've just started a 6-month course of CMF, which is made up of two drugs by IV once a week, and the third in a daily tablet. This isn't the most modern drug cocktail currently in use for breast cancer, but the two-drug combo originally suggested by Dr. F has a potential side effect that really freaked me out--about 3% of people in the clinical trial for one of the drugs lost their hair permanently. The two-drug combo, called TC, has a two percentage-point net advantage over CMF (i.e. two more people in a hundred still alive ten years later), but I just didn't feel it was worth risking baldness for such a small difference. TC would have needed to show a much greater superiority over CMF to make me prefer it. CMF takes longer, 6 months vs 3, but has fewer and milder side effects than TC. There was a third option, but one of the drugs in that cocktail can cause heart damage. Dr F advised against option #3 for that reason and as being more aggressive than warranted for my diagnosis, and I had no argument with that advice, and if (heaven forbid) I do have a recurrence, I still have that more aggressive regimen to throw at it. As yet the side effects of CMF have been negligible, but it's only two weeks into the six months. I keep waiting for the shoe to drop, but so far it hasn't.

With chemo plus and hormone therapy, my chance of the cancer coming back should be greatly reduced. I have already had one consultation with a plastic surgeon about reconstruction. He likes patients to recover for a couple of months between chemo and reconstructive surgery. At that rate, by the time I'm recovered from reconstruction it'll be close to May 2013, which is when I was planning on retiring anyway. The longer I stay out of my office, the less inclined I am ever to go back. I've been telecommuting part time and occasionally going in to my office on Saturday when there's nobody else there. It's so much easier to get a lot done when it's quiet and distraction-free. For some reason I am reluctant to see people from my office while I'm in treatment. Fortunately this feeling doesn't extend to the folks from St. John's, who have been just fantastic, or I'd turn into a complete hermit (not that there's anything wrong with that ).

My townhouse went on the market earlier this month. I just got an offer on it yesterday, so now I'm waiting to see what the prospective buyer says to my counter-offer. Meanwhile, two weeks ago my mom & I drove down to Olympia to look at a couple of houses on the market down there. I saw one I'd like to check out further, a little two-bedroom bank repo, but it already has an offer on it and the agent isn't responding to my voice mail, so I guess they are sure enough of the sale they don't want a back-up offer, or already have one or more. It's a pity, it's a nice little house, close to pretty much everything and very inexpensive, but it's not the only one in Olympia, and anyway if it will be the better part of a year before I complete treatment there is no reason to be in a hurry. My mom is making noises about putting this house on the market next spring, but I don't see any movement yet toward clearing out the accumulation of thirty years' residence here. Heaven knows I have made noises about doing things well in advance of taking any action, so who am I to get impatient if my mom does the same thing? I just hope I still have enough energy later in chemo treatment to help with the packing up and winnowing down, because it's going to be a big job and I'm the only one of us four kids who lives nearby. The next closest sibling is in San Diego and my two brothers are both back east. Oh well, cross that bridge when we get to it. Mom will move when she's ready to.

I am very glad to hear this encouraging news. Good for you!

Ha

 

[Amethyst]

Thanks for the update. Glad things are going better than you expected, and for what it's worth, I am totally in synch with your decision to spare your hair!

Amethyst

 

[PawPrint53]

Damn breast cancer, that truly sucks. Now I feel really dumb thinking you were a man.

My DH had breast cancer last year, followed by a mastectomy, chemo and radiation. So men do get breast cancer, and often it's advanced when it's found because men just don't think they can get it. He then got a prostate cancer diagnosis two months after completing treatment for breast cancer. A little yin and yang.

To the OP, glad to hear that the surgery went well, and it sounds like you have a great plan to beat this thing.

 

[Live And Learn]

I've just read this entire thread for the first time. I'm glad to hear that things are working out well for you.

I like that you can work from home and that you can go into the office when its quiet. I'm sure that has helped a great deal. In your shoes, I would continue with that arrangement until after fully recovering from the reconstruction.

I wish you continued progress in your treatment and long and happy retired life.

 

[Dreamer]

I've just read this entire thread for the first time. I'm glad to hear that things are working out well for you.

I like that you can work from home and that you can go into the office when its quiet. I'm sure that has helped a great deal. In your shoes, I would continue with that arrangement until after fully recovering from the reconstruction.

I wish you continued progress in your treatment and long and happy retired life.

+1 I don't know how I missed it before, but I am sure glad to hear that things are going so well with you. I am glad that you did not quit your job in the beginning and that you and your mom are together. Best of luck with all of your choices.

 

[cj]

Kyounge - sorry I've missed this whole thread. I used to spend a lot of time reading here until I retired, and now I have other things that keep me busy...

Anyhow, I hope all will continue to go well with your treatments. I am here to offer encouragement - my first BC diagnosis was almost 18 years ago (I was 39). Had a mast with reconstruction (which was extremely successful) followed by 4 cycles of AC and 5 years of Tamoxifin. My second diagnosis (other side) was almost 5 years ago - lumpectomy with 6 cycles of TC, 33 radiation treatments, and I'm in my 4th year on Arimidex. So I've been through the BC amusement park, and have been on almost every ride, so I can definitely understand what you are going through. I'm doing well now, and wanted to let you know that there is life on the other side!

Working through the process can be very trying, and yes - your perspective really changes. A LOT. A year after my first treatments, I left mega-corp after 22 years there. I hated my job and was pretty much treading water waiting for the magic 30 years and retirement. Then I realized, hey! I could be dead in that amount of time! So I went to another company where I was appreciated, and worked there for 15 really good years. Retired last year at age 56. Not sorry for one minute.

Anyway, only you know what is best for you. Get all the help, advice, and support you can, make your decision, and move forward. I wish you well!

CJ

 

[kyounge1956]

(snip) I am here to offer encouragement - my first BC diagnosis was almost 18 years ago (I was 39). Had a mast with reconstruction (which was extremely successful) followed by 4 cycles of AC and 5 years of Tamoxifin. My second diagnosis (other side) was almost 5 years ago - lumpectomy with 6 cycles of TC, 33 radiation treatments, and I'm in my 4th year on Arimidex. So I've been through the BC amusement park, and have been on almost every ride, so I can definitely understand what you are going through. I'm doing well now, and wanted to let you know that there is life on the other side!

Working through the process can be very trying, and yes - your perspective really changes. A LOT. A year after my first treatments, I left mega-corp after 22 years there. I hated my job and was pretty much treading water waiting for the magic 30 years and retirement. Then I realized, hey! I could be dead in that amount of time! So I went to another company where I was appreciated, and worked there for 15 really good years. Retired last year at age 56. Not sorry for one minute. (snip)
CJ

Hi CJ,
Thanks!

It is encouraging to meet long-term breast cancer survivors! Since my diagnosis I've found out there are nearly a dozen, just in my home parish of some 300 souls. Some of them were diagnosed over 15 years ago, and it's really heartening to see them going about their lives just like anyone else. Cancer is at the front of my thoughts a lot of the time nowadays, which I suppose is only to be expected while going through treatment, but apparently there does come a day when you don't think about it all the time, or have to push it out of your head and deliberately think about something else. I'm looking forward to that.

 

[clifp]

Hi CJ,
Thanks!

It is encouraging to meet long-term breast cancer survivors! Since my diagnosis I've found out there are nearly a dozen, just in my home parish of some 300 souls. Some of them were diagnosed over 15 years ago, and it's really heartening to see them going about their lives just like anyone else. Cancer is at the front of my thoughts a lot of the time nowadays, which I suppose is only to be expected while going through treatment, but apparently there does come a day when you don't think about it all the time, or have to push it out of your head and deliberately think about something else. I'm looking forward to that.

Thanks for keeping us updating on your very encouraging progress.

One of my good friends has been through two different cancers in the last 15+ years, he says that some years he doesn't really think about until right before the semi-annual doctors appointment.

 

[kyounge1956]

(snip) why not admit to everyone, including my boss, what I've pretty much already decided--that I won't be returning to work after treatment. It seems disingenuous, to say the least, for me even to imply that I might come back when I really have no intention of doing so. Why not just 'fess up? What are they going to do, fire me?

I would keep silent with my boss for now and focus on the treatment and my well-being instead. Take care.

Kyounge1956, being forthcoming with your employer is admirable. Another perspective, however, is keeping your option to stay employed without misleading your employer. What do you lose by putting off that decision until after your treatment? There is nothing unethical and it allows you to focus on just one thing - your health.

Good advice from MichaelB. You have a lot to contend with - I can well believe that the diagnosis has turned your life upside down - and if possible it would probably be best to defer your RE decision until after your health and housing issues have first resolved. (snip)

I got an email from my boss last week asking me to fill them in on my long term career plans, so they can arrange for continuity, and hoping I will be returning full time when I complete my treatment. When I was first diagnosed I thought, why not just 'fess up that I don't plan to return, but now I wonder exactly how I should respond to this question.

In conversing with co-workers including supervisory/management over the last few years, I've never made any secret of the fact that I was aiming at retiring in May of 2013, and I told my boss and his boss when I was first diagnosed that depending on how things went, I might retire straight from medical leave. I was planning on taking a leave of absence, but ended up decreasing my hours to half time and telecommuting instead. At this point, I expect to be close to or possibly even past my target date by the time I finish chemo, reconstructive surgery and recovery from the latter. ff chemo goes on as it has so far, with negligible side effects, I don't expect to have any delays due to low white counts or other such things. However, there are only a few surgeons in my health plan who do the type of reconstructive surgery I am planning on, so there may be a considerable delay between when am cleared to proceed with reconstruction after finishing chemo and when I might actually be able to schedule the surgery. And my circumstances have changed somewhat from what I expected them to be when I first got diagnosed. I am working half time instead of on unpaid leave, so I do have some income, and I think my house is sold, so I won't have a mortgage payment after next month I hope. So now I am leaning more toward trying to stay on the payroll until after I finish my treatment. It seems to me I could do one of three things:

1. Stall: reply that things are too uncertain at this time for me to make any definite career plans.
2. Partial Revelation: reply that I plan to retire after finishing treatment, but can't give a definite date yet, because of possible delay in finishing chemo and/or reconstructive surgery.
3. 'Fess Up Completely: reply that I plan to retire after treatment and if all goes according to schedule that will be right around when I was planning to retire anyway next May, and I should be able to give you a more specific date when I finish chemo and talk to the plastic surgeon again, which I expect to be sometime the first two months of next year.

I'm leaning toward #2. I don't really feel comfortable saying I have no definite plans about when I intend to retire, but now I also don't want to get off the payroll until I am closer to finishing my treatments, and due especially to the uncertainty of the surgery schedule, I don't know when that will be.

 

[Dawg52]

Glad your surgery went well. I remember when my mother had breast cancer, it was like someone dropped a bomb on the family. But she had her surgery, treatments and she is still kicking.......some 50 years later. She's 94.

Best of luck with your treatments. It will all be behind you soon.

 

[Meadbh]

Good to hear your treatment is going well with few side effects. Some side effects are common as the total doses accumulate. Hopefully it will all go smoothly for you.

As you can see, things can play out a little differently than expected, so I would definitely not commit to #3. I would choose #1. There are too many unknowns. You wouldn't want to be facing reconstructive surgery without health insurance.