donheff
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
For a little perspective put yourselves in the shoes of her kids worrying about your gold-digger FIL. Let it be...
My dad "married" late in life. They had a church wedding and signed an agreement for things like how the house would be handled (his house, but upon his death, she can live out her life in it if she wants). They just found it easier to handle their financial affairs by staying separate legally.
FIL has been a widow now for 2 years this month. He's met a woman and after 2 weeks they are talking about getting married!
DH and I are freaking out. We know he's lonesome, but 2 weeks is a little soon!
He lives across the country so we haven't met her and we know nothing about her family.
I've done a background check as much as a civilian can do. It doesn't appear she has any bankruptcies, criminal issues, or other unsavory past, but we're still worried about him.
The suggestion to live together won't fly. They're both 81 and live in rural Arkansas, so "what would the neighbors say!" is what they would tell us.
I realize bottom line it isn't any of our business but we're worried and don't know how to talk about this with him without upsetting him. We could care less about his "estate" just don't want him to get hurt.
Any advice?
My mother and her man (rural Northern Arkansas) were going to do the same thing. I called his lawyer son and we had a long talk. His son wasn't happy. He and I prevailed. My mother and his father have been happily dating for four years now. My mother wears a ring. They tell anyone who asks that they are married. They spend a few nights per week at my mother's apt (progressive care facility) and a few nights/week at his house. They have travelled the world together. They split costs. He is more well of than my mother. Their arrangement seems to work very well for them. Once they found out that the family did not care if they were "living in sin" all seemed fine.
Good luck
The use of the word "prevailed" isn't anything I would feel good about in regards to my parents.
These seniors "pretend" marriage after pressure from 2 of their children. And it works out "well for them". good enough I guess.
If you do talk to him about protecting himself financially, make sure the emphasis is on making sure that he is able to use his resources for his health and well being and not about any assets that might be left to his heirs.
How did that work? . . . . Was it some sort of commitment ceremony that didn't count as marriage in the eyes of the state?
Yes, a commitment ceremony, but it was the same as any other wedding I had ever been to. I was the best man, they said vows, they exchanged rings . . . Only thing different was that no paperwork for the State was filed.
....The suggestion to live together won't fly. They're both 81 and live in rural Arkansas, so "what would the neighbors say!" is what they would tell us. ....