Forbes-"The Rich and The Unfaithful"

[W2R]

The only difference between facing life alone after a divorce, and facing life alone after an entire life single is duration.

True, though in my case I feel an appreciation for solitude that I never had before my marriage.

In either case, you have to do your best to deal with a situation that you may not have chosen.

I also object to the reference to fantasies of a swinger lifestyle. For one thing, the term is mis-applied. A man who wants entree into swinger events needs to have a woman to offer.

I hadn't thought of that. I think that you are probably right, though I assumed that Rich meant a sexually free and very active lifestyle rather than joining swingers' groups. I still don't think that sex is a major motivation for divorce. I could be wrong! It wasn't in our case.

For another, most older men who find themselves divorced did not desire it, but had it thrust on them by a woman who had her own sometimes inscrutable reasons for wanting out.

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. I could go on, but that can get really tedious, really fast.

The people on this board are very cautious. I don't think any of us needs to be reminded that it would be nice to have a dependable, companionable life partner, especially as one gets older.

Ha

That's for sure, though some of us do not equate "dependable, companionable life partner" with being legally married by the state, with all the concomitant financial entanglements.

 

[haha]

Want2, I agree with everything you said. I realize my post was from the man's POV; plenty women get left by men, again often with no clue why. IMO there may not be any reason other than: "Because, just because".


And I didn't mean that having a dependable companion meant marriage. If you are divorcing though, you are transitioning from a state that you thought included that to one that is fluid and undefined. Some find a trustworthy and compatible companion and proceed nicely without marriage. Some re-marry, some give up or decide they would rather take their chances alone, and some are "looking".

Here are a couple of British looks at marriage and other ways of seeking satisfaction of one's needs.

http://www.thefirstpost.co.uk/index.php?menuID=1&subID=894

http://www.thefirstpost.co.uk/index.php?menuID=1&subID=516


Ha

 

[Moemg]

Since I live in Florida home to the older swingers ,I can see two older couples throwing in their car keys (one Lincoln Continental ,one El dorado Cadillac ) so they can test the other's V-8 on the way to the early bird special at the Rotary club .

 

[W2R]

Ha, those are interesting articles. The authors do seem to understand what marriage is, and what it is not, and why. There's nothing wrong with marriage but these days sometimes we tend to think it is the only possible form of relationship or even friendship.

 

[Gumby]

If the young wife ever throws me over the side (as well she should), I don't believe I would ever marry again. I am simply too old and set in my ways to make the necessary compromises.

 

[Martha]

Good articles Ha.

I like the concept of not expecting more or less from marriage, but realizing that marriage should not fulfill all our social needs and that we should increase our expectations of what friends and community can provide.

 

[Zoocat]

Good articles Ha.

I like the concept of not expecting more or less from marriage, but realizing that marriage should not fulfill all our social needs and that we should increase our expectations of what friends and community can provide.

I like this concept too. But I have to say that, in this regard, I like my single life much better than I liked my marriage. One thing I especially like is that I can pick and choose the friends who please me and if they cease to please me I can go on my own merry way without them. In my marriage it was always a compromise about which friends we spent time with and, unfortunately, the ex and I were attracted to different sorts of friends. And also unfortunate was that compromise was not my ex's strong suit.

 

[W2R]

I like this concept too. But I have to say that, in this regard, I like my single life much better than I liked my marriage. One thing I especially like is that I can pick and choose the friends who please me and if they cease to please me I can go on my own merry way without them. In my marriage it was always a compromise about which friends we spent time with and, unfortunately, the ex and I were attracted to different sorts of friends. And also unfortunate was that compromise was not my ex's strong suit.

You must have felt terribly isolated during and after your divorce. I am glad that single life has worked out to be much better. I think that the near isolation of some married women happens all too often, especially in abusive marriages (not saying that yours was, but just saying).

 

[Zoocat]

You must have felt terribly isolated during and after your divorce. I am glad that single life has worked out to be much better. I think that the near isolation of some married women happens all too often, especially in abusive marriages (not saying that yours was, but just saying).

It was an isolation that was partly my own fault. No, it wasn't an abusive marriage at all. Just two people who couldn't deal with the challenges of a difficult relationship, although we both did the best we could most of the time.