How has ER affected Marriage?

[Teacher Terry]

I think the key too is not to expect to do everything together. Have some separate friends, do not do all errands,together, etc. WE each have our own offices to work in & we have 2 TV's in different rooms so if we don't want to watch the same thing at nite we don't have too.

 

[FUEGO]

I think the key too is not to expect to do everything together. Have some separate friends, do not do all errands,together, etc. WE each have our own offices to work in & we have 2 TV's in different rooms so if we don't want to watch the same thing at nite we don't have too.

You got it. When one or both of you are working full time, there's only a few hours each workday you're together (or less if you work opposite shifts) plus usually hectic weekends that often consist of running errands, shopping, and catching up on housework or yard work. Retire and then you both have 16 hours a day where you have to decide how you want to spend your together and alone time.

 

[Tree-dweller]

I retired 3 years ago. DW retired 3 months ago. Right now she is experiencing the "What do I do with all this free time?" willies that I went through back then, whereas I have grown comfortable opting to spend an afternoon with a good book, etc,with no pangs of guilt. Given time, she'll get there.

 

[audreyh1]

We travel together, and we really enjoy that even though we are together 24/7.

But when at home, we are doing our own thing during the day most of the time. We'll go on a few outings together. We share meals and go out to eat and shopping/errands together. But we live in a neighborhood with lots of activities around, and we each tend to do our own thing in the area and at home, get separate exercise, and watch different programs.

 

[BellBarbara]

I think I gave everyone the idea I am unhappy - I am not. I am very happy. I just hate doing the dishes and cleaning the house. If I get annoyed enough we can hire a cleaner back. I still enjoy being with my hub more than anyone else. That has actually improved without the stress of work.

I was just bringing up things that changed since we stopped working. Thanks for the suggestions!

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Not a retirement story, but one of "seeing more of each other" that ended badly.

A career submariner went into civilian life, so wasn't cruising the bottom of the sea for 6 months at a time. They had grown kids, so less of a reason to stay together. So could have been "too much of each other".

A little off topic, but I know exactly what you're talking about. While in the Air Force, folks that flew operationally (on the road A LOT) could go do a tour at the schoolhouse (never on the road) for a few years. For the folks that flew the C-5, the schoolhouse was in Altus, Oklahoma. A wonderfully quaint little town, but there wasn't much to do there...except get tired of your spouse and get divorced. It even had a nickname, 'AIDS'...Altus induced divorce syndrome. Of course, on the other side of the coin, those that didn't get divorced usually had at least one kid!

So I could see that the ER of a couple could result in higher divorce numbers.

Sent from my mobile device so please excuse grammatical errors.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I do have cleaners 1x per month because hubby has never cleaned & this did not change after semi-retiring. It is not a lot of $ so well worth it.

 

[seraphim]

I can see changes coming and would appreciate advice and shared experiences. DW works ~30 hours a week at a fabric/quilt shop. She likes the w*rk and plans on continuing. I've always been the long-days business traveler and will be going to semi-RE in a few weeks. Bottom line: a lot more time at home.

I asked her how the change will affect our marriage and her reply was "it won't as long as you don't change my routine." That sounds easy enough, but have others had to make adjustments?

Yea - we started jumping into the camper much more often and disappearing into the boonies for longer periods of time. I grew a beard. We have much more time to enjoy together. When we're home, we occasionally have lunch with friends - sometimes separately, sometimes not. We enjoy the increased time together, and if one needs some alone time they say so no big deal. We are both retired full time....


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[Sea Kayaker]

Our marriage probably hasn't been this good in 10 years...I fear I was letting my dislike of my job turn me into a bit of a ogre. She could have complained a lot more about me over the years...but didn't. I know I'm a lucky man.

 

[Walt34]

Like most others we got a lot closer. Less stress and more time will do that for almost anyone. At the moment she is off babysitting her 9-month-old grandnephew and enjoys that very much. She would not have been able to do that on a Friday if she had to w*rk.

 

[BellBarbara]

Yes, the time available to help family is so satisfying. I craft all kinds of things for my granddaughter, and I am helping my son/DIL with some things around their house. LOVE this.