Not bored to leave

[glinka]

I have been retired for 6 years and feel I'm doing good. Not bored. Have enough to keep busy around the farm/house. The thing is I don't leave the place anymore than I have to. Recently my wife mentioned she wished I would go out on more on my own, leaving her home. She has friends and plenty to do on her own. I'm not the friend making type, like no close friend. Up until she mentioned this it didn't even hit me, but now I wonder if she's right.

 

[MichaelB]

Do you have a library nearby where you can go to read a magazine?

 

[LakeTravis]

I realized a long time ago my best friend was myself, and I enjoy spending time with him anywhere. Funny how when I do that, I meet other friends.

Take a little road trip. Doesn't matter where. Stop at some places along the way and take some pictures. Doesn't matter of what.

When you get home, share the pictures with your wife.

 

[Midpack]

Have you considered joining some groups to interact more with others? If you're like me, you have to force yourself to seek and join in, but you have nothing at all to lose.

Could be hobby related, church, volunteer organization, or anything else. Could be ongoing, or just to support an event/cause for a set period of time. You might find you enjoy it, and you don't have to stay with any group you find you don't enjoy - but you won't know if you don't try it. For example, think of 3 groups you might be interested in. Go to several meetings/gatherings, if you don't enjoy 2 of the groups for any reason at all, you just drop out. Even if you're not bored now, if you find you enjoy 1 of the groups after all, you will have enriched your life in some way. And if you make one (or more) new friend out of the experience, it's been worth it. Why not try it...

 

[W2R]

If you are happy now, I don't see any reason why you should change anything.

Most people prefer to leave the house at least occasionally. I leave my house every day, even though I am quite a homebody. But then, your life is yours to live, and if you are happy and content and not doing anything to bother anybody, then I think you should continue with what you are doing. If your wife needs some time alone now and then, maybe you could arrange for her to have part of the house, or a room, where she could go to be alone.

 

[citrine]

I am a homebody myself...I agree with W2R that you should keep doing what makes you happy and have your wife have her own room for her "alone" time.

 

[omni550]

Have you considered joining some groups to interact more with others? If you're like me, you have to force yourself to seek and join in, but you have nothing at all to lose.

Could be hobby related, church, volunteer organization, or anything else. Could be ongoing, or just to support an event/cause for a set period of time. You might find you enjoy it, and you don't have to stay with any group you find you don't enjoy - but you won't know if you don't try it. For example, think of 3 groups you might be interested in. Go to several meetings/gatherings, if you don't enjoy 2 of the groups for any reason at all, you just drop out. Even if you're not bored now, if you find you enjoy 1 of the groups after all, you will have enriched your life in some way. And if you make one (or more) new friend out of the experience, it's been worth it. Why not try it...

+1

I recommend checking out meetup.com for your area. They have tons of groups. And you can choose to participate in as many or as few events/activities as you want.

omni

 

[Chuckanut]

I think you wife may be an introvert at heart and need time to herself to recharge. I also wonder if perhaps you are depending too much on her for companionship. That may be to much of a burden for her. Just a few thoughts, I make no judgment since I really don't know you.

 

[FIREd]

If you are not the social type, maybe you can leave the house without going anywhere. Take a stroll through the woods for example. Or keep busy on the farm, away from the house. Or take a relaxing drive through country roads.

 

[MBAustin]

In the 2 years since DH and I have both been retired, I find that I'm happier when I am able to be "home alone" for a few hours at least a couple of times a week, which seems to happen most of the time (enough so that I've never felt the need to mention it). As I'm involved in more evening activities than he is, it's not really an issue for him - he gets the time whether he needs it or not. So I'd go with some of the suggestions above - or come up with something on your own - and try to get out once or twice a week.

 

[haha]

I would say that when a woman goes so far as to tell you to absent yourself from your own home for a while, she is saying that you are really getting on her nerves. Best to act to lessen her dissatisfaction, even if you don't really want to. That feeling may change, you may decide you also like your time away from her; she may even come to miss you. People do get divorced over things like this, and it is very expensive to get divorced. In can really change a retirement; take that message from one who knows.

Most retired couples just tough it out. I have a friend who is hiding out in China to avoid being around his wife. He has had pneumonia, kidney stones, and one or two other maladies since going over there but he is apparently in no hurry to come home. Likewise she ardently wishes she had never married him. Their bedrooms are at opposite ends of a small house.

Do you live near an upcale mall? Go down there, have an expresso, red the WSJ and watch the stylish young women walk by. It will be especially nice heading into Christmas. Beats being at home anyway. But stay away from crap malls. They are depressing.

Ha

 

[sunnysideup]

Are you hanging out in the "hearth" of the home? Our kitchen/family room with TV are together and I can relate to a spouse always being there, with the TV going, and wanting him to have a den to go to periodically!!! In fact, our retirement home must have a TV den that will be his alone!!!

And I am not an introvert. It's more of a give-me-some space thing...

From a still working wife!!!

 

[brewer12345]

If you are not the social type, maybe you can leave the house without going anywhere. Take a stroll through the woods for example. Or keep busy on the farm, away from the house. Or take a relaxing drive through country roads.

+1.

I enjoy the company of others, but I also am very happy to be with me, myself and I. There are lots of hobbies and whatnot that can get you out of the house even if you are not around a group.

 

[Midpack]

Everything I've read and experienced suggests we can probably all benefit from a combination of social interaction and time to ourselves. New experiences and new relationships make life more interesting IMO. I am sure I'll get flamed for this but FWIW...

Low Social Interaction Harms Lifespan on a Par with Obesity, Smoking, Inactivity

A new study from the US suggests that social interaction should be considered an important factor for extending lifespan, on a par with other health and lifestyle factors, to the extent that low social interaction harms longevity as much as alcoholism and smoking, has more impact than lack of exercise, and is twice as harmful as obesity.

The only article I found that suggested low social interaction was healthy opened with "HUMOR ALERT. THE AUTHOR IS ATTEMPTING SOMETHING MORE DANGEROUS THAN JUMPING FROM AN AIRPLANE. HE IS ATTEMPTING TO BE MILDLY SATIRICAL WITHOUT BEING DISRESPECTFUL TO THE DEAD. THIS IS TONGUE-IN-CHEEK." "Active Lifestyle" -- Dangerous for Your Health - henrymakow.com

 

[Nords]

Recently my wife mentioned she wished I would go out on more on my own, leaving her home. She has friends and plenty to do on her own. I'm not the friend making type, like no close friend. Up until she mentioned this it didn't even hit me, but now I wonder if she's right.

You "wonder" if she's right? Hopefully you're not new to this marriage thing.

I'm surprised that she hasn't adopted the time-honored tactic of finding things for you to do, to the point where you suddenly discover that your presence is urgently required elsewhere.

Or maybe she's resigned herself to this advice:
"Ladies, if a man says that he will do something, then he will do it. There's no need to keep nagging him about it every six months!"

But seriously, a library run and a Starbucks stop could easily be the change of pace you've been asked to seek.

 

[REWahoo]

Low Social Interaction Harms Lifespan on a Par with Obesity, Smoking, Inactivity

For me, "high" social interaction would definitely make my lifespan seem to drag on...and on....

 

[W2R]

Do you live near an upcale mall? Go down there, have an expresso, red the WSJ and watch the stylish young women walk by. It will be especially nice heading into Christmas. Beats being at home anyway. But stay away from crap malls. They are depressing.

And here I always thought a mall was a mall was a mall, and essentially a complete drag and someplace anyone would rather avoid.

See the things I learn from this forum?

 

[Moemg]

I would say that when a woman goes so far as to tell you to absent yourself from your own home for a while, she is saying that you are really getting on her nerves..

Ha

I have to agree with Ha . I think your wife really needs some alone time . Go to a movie , join a gym , take a long walk , hang out at a bookstore but give her a little alone time . I love & get along great with my So but when football season rolls around I am a happy camper because every Saturday I have at least four hours of nothingness while he watches the games at his son's house.

 

[Mulligan]

I have to agree with Ha . I think your wife really needs some alone time . Go to a movie , join a gym , take a long walk , hang out at a bookstore but give her a little alone time . I love & get along great with my So but when football season rolls around I am a happy camper because every Saturday I have at least four hours of nothingness while he watches the games at his son's house.

If the consensus is correct and it is more about the wife getting more down time, this begs another question, as this occurs sometimes in my relationship. If she wants more alone time, why doesn't she just ask for it specifically? I chuckle because, sometimes my GF does this to me. Tells me what I want to do, even though I specifically said I do not.

 

[Chuckanut]

If she wants more alone time, why doesn't she just ask for it specifically? Tells me what I want to do, even though I specifically said I do not.

For Crying Out Loud!! Mulligan, haven't you figured out that you are supposed to read her mind to get this information?

 

[haha]

For Crying Out Loud!! Mulligan, haven't you figured out that you are supposed to read her mind to get this information?

++++!

When women start being outfront we must be nearing some sort of singularity.

Ha

 

[Amethyst]

I dig what Ha is saying. I grew up within driving distance of several high-end malls in Florida that catered to wealthy folks - a wonder they even let a kid like me in there They were showcases of conspicuous consumption. The buildings themselves were designed to appeal to the eye, and the stores sold gorgeous things to look at (if not buy). It was great fun just to walk around and feast the eyes. I don't think I saw a lot of "stylishly dressed young women," though.

All other malls are, as W2R says, no place anyone [over 16 years old] would want to visit except from necessity.

Amethyst

And here I always thought a mall was a mall was a mall, and essentially a complete drag and someplace anyone would rather avoid.

See the things I learn from this forum?

 

[haha]

I don't think I saw a lot of "stylishly dressed young women," though.

Amethyst

LOL. I guess it depends on where you place the bar. I'd say Rodeo Drive or 5th Avenue around 52nd in NYC are tops in US, but in most of the country enclosed malls have better weather, and some are pretty nice. Bellevue Square here in Seattle area attracts young women plenty stylish enough to entertain me. Downtown Seattle can be even better, but there is also a lot of annoying street action.

Ha

 

[Moemg]

If the consensus is correct and it is more about the wife getting more down time, this begs another question, as this occurs sometimes in my relationship. If she wants more alone time, why doesn't she just ask for it specifically? I chuckle because, sometimes my GF does this to me. Tells me what I want to do, even though I specifically said I do not.

Women usually tell guys what we want but they filter us out until "The danger she's extremely pissed & may be leaving the relationship " light goes on .Then they suddenly spring to action.

 

[FreeAtLast]

Change is not always a bad thing. I would take her advice and try to get out more.