Others reactions to your Financial Independence

[Danmar]

While the "opposite may be true" with family (DW's family dynamic is similar), that may indeed be a different case than friends.

In your friends experience, are your friends richer than you are? If not, your example may not be applicable. It sounds like your friends pay their own way, and you pay your own way. Would you expect anything different if your friends were "richer" - if not, it would cost your more...

I think you may have missed my point, which is our friends need to have enough wealth to feel comfortable paying their own way doing the kinds of things we like to do. I am thinking mostly of international travel (can be quite expensive) or expensive (or otherwise) restaurants. Of course they expect to pay their own as do we expect to pay our own. My phrase"fighting for the bill" reflects a healthy desire on everyone's part to pay their share, or even a little more. When dining with friends, no one would ever ask for separate bills. we would split it evenly or maybe take turns paying. On the other hand, our family has been frequent beneficiaries of our generosity in relation to travel and eating out. As far as I know most of our good friends are quite comfortable financially based on general conversation, their real estate, autos, and their apparent ability to join us and invite us back. Obviously, we haven't specifically compared net worth nor intend to.

 

[Danmar]

I have a very good friend from high school who is doing ok, but not near as well as we have. When we do things together, sometimes he pays and sometimes I pay. I usually try to make up some excuse to pay more often since I know I can afford it easier than him (like when I was working I would us an excuse that I'm splurging because I just got my bonus last week - or some similar thing). While we implicitly know that there are significant differences in our wealth, we don't dwell on them - I don't mind paying more often because I know he doesn't expect me to.

You sound like a great friend.

 

[Midpack]

I think you may have missed my point, which is our friends need to have enough wealth to feel comfortable paying their own way doing the kinds of things we like to do.

Thanks for reinforcing the adage "The richer your friends, the more it will cost you." We've come full circle...

 

[Danmar]

Thanks for reinforcing the adage "The richer your friends, the more it will cost you." We've come full circle...

sorry but I'm missing it? But doesn't matter.

 

[Lcountz]

It is now almost winter here in the Northeast.

My house is warm.

I have enough clothes and blankets and towels and dishes to last 10 lifetimes.

My two cats are here and are well fed and warm.

My fridge/freezer is full.

Everything works and is clean and neat.


I cooked dinner tonight, with enough left over for next two or three days.

I have a one hundred mile view of about 8 mountain ranges out my back door, and my neighbors are neat, clean, respectful and QUIET.

Life is good!

 

[Meadbh]

It is now almost winter here in the Northeast.

My house is warm.

I have enough clothes and blankets and towels and dishes to last 10 lifetimes.

My two cats are here and are well fed and warm.

My fridge/freezer is full.

Everything works and is clean and neat.


I cooked dinner tonight, with enough left over for next two or three days.

I have a one hundred mile view of about 8 mountain ranges out my back door, and my neighbors are neat, clean, respectful and QUIET.

Life is good!

Well said! Except for the cats and the location, my situation is similar. Life is, indeed, good!

 

[Walt34]

It is now almost winter here in the Northeast.

My house is warm.

I have enough clothes and blankets and towels and dishes to last 10 lifetimes.

My two cats are here and are well fed and warm.

My fridge/freezer is full.

Everything works and is clean and neat.


I cooked dinner tonight, with enough left over for next two or three days.

I have a one hundred mile view of about 8 mountain ranges out my back door, and my neighbors are neat, clean, respectful and QUIET.

Life is good!

Exactly. All the important stuff and some luxuries. Anything more is icing on the cake.

 

[Ronstar]

I used to get questions about my work "arrangement" 10 years ago when I started working whenever I wanted to. But now at 58 years old , nobody questions whether I'm retired or not or how we make it work. If anyone has reactions, we don't here about it. But MIL often gets upset when we buy her something etc. I fed her a few numbers to calm her down.

 

[martyb]

I have a very good friend from high school who is doing ok, but not near as well as we have. When we do things together, sometimes he pays and sometimes I pay. I usually try to make up some excuse to pay more often since I know I can afford it easier than him (like when I was working I would us an excuse that I'm splurging because I just got my bonus last week - or some similar thing). While we implicitly know that there are significant differences in our wealth, we don't dwell on them - I don't mind paying more often because I know he doesn't expect me to.

Sounds a lot like the situation between my best friend since high school & I.

 

[Snowcat]

Life is good!

Ditto to that. That is what is important.

 

[kramer]

I have been retired from high tech for about 6.5 years now and I live in the Philippines (the fourth country that I have lived in).

The main questions I get now when I see old friends and colleagues and even some family are:

Are you *really* retired?

Why are you living abroad?

I think some suspect that I don't have much money and thus can't afford to live in the USA and that is why I am living abroad -- which is not true, of course.

Some family members have thought I must be up to something secret. One family member asked me if I am gay! Which came as a total shock to me, especially as I have had many girlfriends over the years and my mom even met my girlfriend when she visited me in Asia.

When I was living in Colombia, my girlfriend and a couple of her friends thought I might be a secret US government agent, they later confided in me. I mysteriously traveled around the world. I spent a good deal of time on language acquisition. I seemed to have plenty of money. I exercised daily and was very fit. I spent all kinds of time reading about various topics. I have also been told by more than one person that I look like Matt Damon, who played Jason Bourne. Hmmm.

 

[Meadbh]

Kramer, international man if mystery......

 

[Walt34]

Ah. So being FIRED is just a cover story.

 

[cj]

Kramer - that's awesome! Secret agent...

I really think that most of our family/friends don't really know how much we have. I think they wonder, but we haven't hit any resentment. We dress casual (OK, borderline sloppy) a lot of the time. One of our neighbors asked me not long ago if we had refinanced our mortgage since we moved in 6 years ago. I wanted to giggle and say, "what's a mortgage?" I just said no. She said you really ought to. I said I'd think about it.

 

[seraphim]

Cj

+1

Having just retired six months ago, I've been very enthusiastic about being retired, and I post a lot of photos on FB from our travels because everyone says they like photos. Lately, though, I've been feeling small pangs of guilt over having such a comfortable and early retirement. The topic of retirement is generally brought up by others, though. Still, I think I'd be more comfortable discussing it less.

 

[brewer12345]

I had a lengthy chat yesterday catching up with a friend from college. For like the third time he asked a lot of questions about my plan to bail. There is no hostility or envy in it, just that this does not compute for him. He is in an unhappy marriage and they are a financial trainwreck, so I imagine this seems to him like I am planning to relocate to the moon.

 

[Sarah in SC]

so I imagine this seems to him like I am planning to relocate to the moon.

This is what I get about DH quitting back in June. Our buddies just seem sort of awkward about it, sometimes making fun of him as a kept man working for me now, and sometimes wondering how we can afford to pick up the tab on group activities. If they really wanted to know, I'd sit them down and torture them with numbers/budgets/timelines, but really, they don't.

 

[pb4uski]

....If they really wanted to know, I'd sit them down and torture them with numbers/budgets/timelines....

Sounds to me like a quick and easy way to get rid of a friend....

 

[Sarah in SC]

Sounds to me like a quick and easy way to get rid of a friend....

Anyone who is a close enough friend to us has two reactions to our financial situation. First is that my husband is universally referred to as "that poor bastard" once they get to know me pretty well, and second, that it is abundantly clear where our money goes, or doesn't, as the case may be.

BTW, Rewahoo, a new country was formed this weekend while we were camping at a bluegrass festival with friends; they call it "Sarahstan". And everything is perfect there, and done just how I think it should be. Visa applications will be accepted starting next week.

 

[MichaelB]

BTW, Rewahoo, a new country was formed this weekend while we were camping at a bluegrass festival with friends; they call it "Sarahstan". And everything is perfect there, and done just how I think it should be. Visa applications will be accepted starting next week.

Where the sun always shines and the beer flows like water? Count me in as a regular tourist...

 

[MDJO]

I've been accused of having every nickel I've ever made. I take it as the ultimate compliment.

 

[NW-Bound]

I am fortunate that we have no problems with siblings from both sides, as they are all OK financially. Two are of retirement age, but want to work to get more spending money. My younger brothers are well-paid high-tech workers, but I doubt that they save much outside their 401k, and that's not enough for ER, unless one works for the next Google.

I guess relatives all know that we are not into extravagance, other than having 2 homes. We drive older cars than they do, and our Japanese SUV does not impress like their BMW X3 and X5. So, they understand that because they do not want to cut back consumption, they will have to work, while we don't. Still, I do not think they know that we are multimillionaire. They never probe though.

As to friends, I only have two really close friends. They are OK financially, and as we have been friend for decades, envy is never something that would come up. As to other friends, they are more like acquaintances, and they do not know how much we have to even express envy.

 

[pb4uski]

I've been accused of having every nickel I've ever made. I take it as the ultimate compliment.

You can actually test that hypothesis by comparing your NW to your total lifetime medicare earnings from your SS record. Mine is only ~70%, but one does need to eat and have a little fun now and then.

 

[rodi]

Interesting topic.

Most of my peers/friends at work freak out when I mention I plan to retire at 55 at the latest. (I'm 52). Lots of discussion about this lately because a coworker just gave notice for his retirement and folks wonder how he can afford it. Most of my peers spend as much (or more) than they earn... so retirement and FI are not on their radar. Ironically, they accuse me of being cheap for bringing my lunch to work, driving an 18 year old car rather than a new BMW like themselves, and cooking at home.

Family... My sister and I both inherited money when our parents died. Not enough to be FI - but enough to move the FIRE date forward a few years for me. My BIL has inherited quite a bit more money. They live a lifestyle that works for them - but requires a lot of cash. So our networth is about the same and they can't consider retiring without changing their lifestyle. We've talked about it. They both love their jobs - so are fine working for several more years. I don't love my job and my sister understands my desire to RE.

Hubby's family - we don't talk about it, other than to say we're paying off our mortgage, so that we can afford to retire some day. They range in financial stability from on SSI (one BIL), and chronically unemployed/underemployed (another BIL) to upper middle class typical - getting/got kids through college and figuring out or starting retirement. One BIL is a saver - he's in good shape. I trade advise with him on how to empower the kids to be financially independent from parents and on the road to success in life.

I would imagine the two BILs who are living close to the edge, financially, would be the first to have their hands out if they knew our net worth. We don't plan on sharing that info with them. Especially since both are in their current situation because of self inflicted circumstances.

 

[RockyMtn]

We live well but not extravagantly. Nobody knows our NW other than our estate lawyer. If anyone were to ask I would tell them "enough to not work anymore". Beyond that it is none of their business as far as I am concerned.