Do You Hide Your Financial Success From Others?

[capitalhockey]

I grew up in a blue collar family and worked hard to get ahead in life by living below my means and delaying gratification (put savings into investments instead of spending) in my 20s and 30s. The sacrifice has paid off Big Time!!

With that being said, I find that I tend to keep my financial success to myself.....by not talking about it and have lived modestly. I don't go around bragging about my finances. I also drive a 10 year Toyota Camry and live in a townhouse while I can easily afford a BMW and a large McMansion. Outside of work, I like to dress comfortable in sweat pants, jeans and t-shirts even thought I am a highly paid professional. I wear old clothes with holes in them when I do yardwork....my wife tells me that I look like a homeless guy. On paper, I have won the financial game in life but to most people I look like I live paycheck to paycheck.

Now that I am fat FI at 40 and have started to enjoy the fruits of my labor (part of my long term plan). I brought new golf clubs to replace old ones that I got at a Thrift Store for $30 twenty years ago. I took nice vacations with my family (pre-covid). I got a boat to go fishing and crabbing with my son. I built a nice home on a lot that I had purchased. My friends, neighbors and coworkers around me are mystified compared to the person they had known....they see me as a Great Gatsby character. They are wondering if I had won the lottery or inherited some windfall.

They didn't realized the 20 years of sacrifice that put me in this position. I had watched coworkers brought new cars, fancy watches and clothes after promotions. I had friends who financed their lifestyle with credit card without saving much for the future. I just put my head down to work hard and invest during this time.

How do I explain to people when they ask me? Will they be inspired by my story of hard work and sacrifice or resentful at my success ?

 

[Keim]

IMO most dont get an explanation. Let them wonder. Only a very, very trusted few should know anything.

 

[Dtail]

IMO most dont get an explanation. Let them wonder. Only a very, very trusted few should know anything.

+1
Jealousy is a big emotion when it comes to financial success. It's just the way it is.

 

[RunningBum]

"I was lucky, but I also made some of my luck".

 

[HI Bill]

People just can’t comprehend that you saved half your income for 20 years. They can’t conceive of doing it themselves. I gave a couple of retirement planning talks at work, and most walked out depressed or jealous, rather than inspired. They just don’t get it. I’d just say “I saved and invested” and let it go at that, unless they ask for more info. The only path to wealth and security most people can fathom is winning the lottery, unfortunately. When I told people of my early retirement, they often say that I’m lucky!

 

[RobbieB]

I bought Tesla, Apple, Google and Facebook early.

 

[SecondCor521]

Your finances are none of their concern, and anyone who asks directly is behaving rudely IMHO.

Your story will probably not inspire more than one or two of your acquaintances. Most will either shrug their shoulders or decide on their own that you must have had some special advantage to justify why you did it and they didn't.

At least that was my experience when I FIREd at 46. I sent out a farewell note to probably 100 coworkers. Most assumed I was going to another job, and I clarified that I wasn't. Only one seemed to get how I had done it, and my strong suspicion is that they were another silent millionaire next door type who recognized what was happening with me because he was already on the same path. Out of those 100, exactly zero asked me for input or advice or seemed to take any inspiration.

Oh, and your true friends shouldn't care either way.

 

[yakers]

I don' hide it and I don't flaunt it. Before I got older and looked retired young I would mention a few medical issues and that was enough. In fact the medical issues did make me decide to retire early to enjoy more of my days although I could have kept working.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

Some of our acquaintances kind of freaked out when we retired early, so I guess we looked poor on the outside. I wasn't mentally prepared for our retirement to have an impact on people we didn't know all that well.

Our neighborhood is changing now with home prices kind of crazy. It seems like a lot of wealthy young techies moving in so compared to our new neighbors we probably aren't all that financially successful so there is nothing to hide. In terms of retirement friends, some have less than us but a lot seem to be pretty wealthy. Many retired neighbors have moved to lower cost of living areas, so the retirees left or moving in from out of state tend to be pretty comfortable.

 

[foxfirev5]

Yes. None of their damn business.

 

[street]

Yes, I try not to talk about money, and we live like the millionaire next door.

 

[COcheesehead]

I don’t hide it, but how do you hide who you are? I live in a nice home in the best neighborhood in town and retired at 57. We drive new cars, drink good wine and travel as much as we can these days, but I never push it in anyone’s face. We is who we is.

 

[Souschef]

Yes. None of their damn business.

+100
We live in a +55 mobile home park, and I am sure most of the people are of modest means. When we showed up one day with a new car, and someone commented on it, I mumbled something about car payments.
DW bought the car for cash, and it the first car she has ever owned without car payments.
All of our sons have an idea we have some money, but never discuss it. My younger son has never asked for anything from us, but he wanted to buy a house and asked for an "advance on his inheritance" as he put it to help with the down payment.
I said i would be happy to do that and would give him $250K. He actually broke down after I told him and had to leave for a while to collect himself.

 

[DawgMan]

Not sure I would say hiding, but I do not discuss specifics with very many people and even with those, it's generally vague things based in % as opposed to real $$. Human nature is to sometimes size people up based on what you see them dress in, drive in, live in. I try to blend in and not draw extra attention. I am guessing most of my friends think I have 1/2 to 1/3 of what I really have and that's good by me.

 

[DawgMan]

I don’t hide it, but how do you hide who you are? I live in a nice home in the best neighborhood in town and retired at 57. We drive new cars, drink good wine and travel as much as we can these days, but I never push it in anyone’s face. We is who we is.

Agreed!

 

[Dash man]

Some of our family figured it out when we bought a condo in Florida and a house at the Jersey Shore. But we were surprised when DW went to a family reunion on her dad’s side on the other side of the state. A second or third cousin she hadn’t seen in years commented when they spoke, “oh, you’re the rich cousin!” Her father lives with us and apparently has seen or overheard things. He’s been telling others we’re “rich.” DW wasn’t happy.

 

[foxfirev5]

Not often mentioned but it's truly hilarious when you find out that others are actually much better off than you.

 

[skyking1]

Some people get it, others don't. I can't fix that. One of my sisters is just wired to think things only go one way her way and has no flexibility. She cannot imagine that I am retiring before medicare, because that was how she did it. Needless to say that problem crops up in all of our dealings, not just the retirement question.
I'll be the youngest in my immediate family to officially retire at 62. My dad did too.
My cousin and I can talk about it and as you mention @foxfirev5, they are much better off. It is not really a surprise as his DW inherited and he was the son of an accountant investor type, and of all those kids he was most like his father. I am pretty sure he inherited a significant amount too, but IMO how he conducted his own affairs has more to do with it.

 

[capitalhockey]

Some of our family figured it out when we bought a condo in Florida and a house at the Jersey Shore. But we were surprised when DW went to a family reunion on her dad’s side on the other side of the state. A second or third cousin she hadn’t seen in years commented when they spoke, “oh, you’re the rich cousin!” Her father lives with us and apparently has seen or overheard things. He’s been telling others we’re “rich.” DW wasn’t happy.

My nieces and nephews have been getting $100 on their birthdays from their uncle!!

 

[DawgMan]

Some of our family figured it out when we bought a condo in Florida and a house at the Jersey Shore. But we were surprised when DW went to a family reunion on her dad’s side on the other side of the state. A second or third cousin she hadn’t seen in years commented when they spoke, “oh, you’re the rich cousin!” Her father lives with us and apparently has seen or overheard things. He’s been telling others we’re “rich.” DW wasn’t happy.

Yep, family dynamics can get weird too as well. I have a SIL who likes to tell others "hey, he can afford it" when any discussion of bigger purchases come up. I just go silent and ignore the comments.

I ying and yang on what/when I want my kids to know specifics. While my sisters and I did get an inheritance from my dad, it did not move the needle for me and I encouraged my dad to spend it all while he was alive... never expected/underwrote an inheritance in my plan. There is a high probability my kids will inherit some significant dollars at end of days. The last thing I want my kids to do is EXPECT an inheritance. My biggest concern is they learn the real numbers and $$ signs light up aka big inheritance is on their daily radar affecting their drive in life. That said, I am looking at strategic ways to both spend it with/on them including occasional specific cash gifts. For now, they know enough to know mom and I are doing just fine.

 

[capitalhockey]

"I was lucky, but I also made some of my luck".

There’s some truth to that in my career!

 

[pacergal]

IF anyone asks, simple to say "I lived below my means and saved like crazy". They will either look at you with a strange face or ask for more information-lol.
If they think you won the lottery, or are jealous, so be it, that's on them.

We live in what could be known as a wealthy suburb. But we live in a 60+ year old ranch in an older neighborhood that has yet to be taken over and rebuilt like much of the town has.
We have been known to shop at Goodwill, and do not own fancy cars. No one knows or cares where we go on vacation. We have both retirees and young families with kids in our neighborhood.
If you don't flaunt your money, or flash fancy "things" to show off, no one is the wiser.
Just live your life for who you are, be honest and kind to others, and don't worry about what folks think of you.

 

[grasshopper]

The worst thing is i don't even know that i am wealthy.

 

[Starsky]

I prefer to remain mysterious and I generally dress like a lazy slob. Anyone who really knows me, already knows my story. It's not like we're really rich anyway. We just have what we need.

I did once have a person ask if I was famous while we were on holiday. I think it was mostly because we were taking a three+ week vacation in a very beautiful and remote place and they weren't used to seeing Americans stay for so long. (I also had very large sunglasses on that day!)

 

[capitalhockey]

I prefer to remain mysterious and I generally dress like a lazy slob. Anyone who really knows me, already knows my story. It's not like we're really rich anyway. We just have what we need.

I did once have a person ask if I was famous while we were on holiday. I think it was mostly because we were taking a three+ week vacation in a very beautiful and remote place and they weren't used to seeing Americans stay for so long. (I also had very large sunglasses on that day!)

Cool story….where was this paradise?