So how do you retire then?

[Meadbh]

Yes, I had a tough time separating career from "who I was". That's why I found it difficult. Good for you that it was easy. I guess it depends somewhat on the career. It would not have been easy to have the career I had without "becoming the job". You were lucky not to fall into that trap.

Dammar, if I had had your earnings, I would have "become the job" too. In fact, with a fraction of same, I did, outwardly, for a while. But I plotted quietly.....

 

[travelover]

I was just a nobody, so it was enormously gratifying to quickly get as far away as possible from the people whose lives were the job.

 

[texcurtis]

Perhaps it's time to focus on the next phase of your life. One without working.

You have permission to not work and still be a valuable person.


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[LitGal]

Yes, for all those years, one has commitments that take up all of one's time, and so one forgets how to have fun! Instead of calling it retirement, one may consider calling it going back to " the school of finding enjoyment in life". I was going to say "we are not born with the knowledge of how to have fun", but that's incorrect. We are, but we don't get to exercise it, and we simply can't execute effectively on having fun after being chained to the cube for so long; we forget how to have fun. And it doesn't have to be headonistic; your fun can be what someone else considers work. But be careful there, because we've had the " should" pushed on us, that we may try to fool ourselves into believing some "fulfilling" pursuit that sounds good to others is fun when it isn't.

Sage advice!

 

[pullmyfinger]

I suppose part of it is sadness at giving up my career, which hasn't really reached the heights I had hoped - and I certainly don't want my retirement/next phase of life to be blighted by feelings of failure. My career progression has really run into the sand lately, and I feel demotivated and burned out - but I want to retire for positive rather than negative reasons. (In other words, I want to jump rather than be pushed!)

I can really relate to this. I never went to graduate school, and chose a field for potential security because I didn't have confidence in my abilities to do what I would rather have done. At 46 I definitely feel like I am having a midlife crisis. I don't know what the answer is besides figuring out how to let that go. If someone else has the answer, please share.

I have been retired now for almost 10 months and wish I could say that I have no regrets and that I am having the time of my life. I can say that I really enjoy not having the feelings of dread and all the physical symptoms of burnout. I like having unstructured time, but I debate adding a very small amount of structure. I am sometimes bored, but I was sometimes bored while working, in fact frequently while I was at work. I enjoy being able to see friends and family whenever their schedules allow. I enjoy being able to go for walks in my neighborhood and have long conversations with my neighbors. I enjoy being able to plan vacations whenever I want to travel. I do have moments when I feel like I am back in college and can do whatever I want. I would like for those moments to become more frequent and last longer.

I am envious of those who can jump into ER with both feet, for some of us it is a little more complicated.

 

[pullmyfinger]

I think this may sum it up.

 

[AnIntentionalRoad]

Utrecht, that is exactly what keeps going round in my head. I genuinely can't rationalise my resistance. I think a lot of it is fear of the unknown, perhaps also of people's reactions, and I guess of trying to do things a different way in a world which is somewhat disapproving of 'slackers'.
I was certainly happier when I was younger and not on the career treadmill. I even enjoyed my casual jobs that I got for money while a student. But it's not really possible to travel back in time and live like a youth or even a child with no responsibilities is it? I also feel that I should be using my talents and experience for some greater good (not that I'm saying my work is necessarily the only way to do that, but I do wonder how meaningful a contribution can be made as a volunteer).



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There are many other ways to contribute to society and find purpose beyond either working or volunteering. Start a company, write a book, learn to play an instrument, a new language. Start your own charity or civic group to do good works. Go back to school and get that next degree.

So many possibilities in life if one isn't constrained to a 9 to 5 job, taking orders from someone else.

Sounds like you need to read some memoirs and biographies to get ideas of what else is out there and then start to understand yourself again outside your current self-image as a salaryman.

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[AnIntentionalRoad]

yes, I think you're right (about caring what people think). I don't really mind what strangers think, but I wonder whether things would change with my friends. I may be underestimating them though.
Most important though is that I care what I think, and I have to get to the point where I think it's ok. I'm working on it



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Things will likely change. It may take extra effort to stay connected to your working friends. I have struggled to do this well after retiring in my 40's.

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[Ginny]

I have become the job. Contacted a business broker whom I knew and will list my 35 year old business for sale. There was a sudden relief and weight lifted off my shoulders.

I will retire completly by 62 or so.

 

[LaVieQ]

As an exercise, why don't you make a grid with 21 spaces? Label the spaces with the days of the week and morning, afternoon, evening. Try filling them in. I realized I was ready to retire when I could fill the spaces in and what I saw there made me happy.

+1 I like that approach, although I don't have much in the way of inactive time after 1 year of leaving the yob.

To OP's dilemma:

I was in a similar situation as I approached 55. I had enough in the way of saving and financial wherewithal to pull the plug, but, certain other (personal) reasons required me to stay employed, in a place far away from where I wanted to retire. Luckily for me, I was in a position where I could continue working at a diminished pace and have enough time to do other things (travel to exotic places on vacation, for instance). The hard part was to shut off the competitive juices at work and not be bothered with all the corporate politics and the self-imposed restriction on career progression. Once I made up my mind that I could continue to work in such a manner, I found that I deal with working until finally I was completely through with it all. The nice thing about waiting that far is that I could leave with no regrets, nor a backward glance...

So, if at all possible, continuing to work in a diminished capacity/role might be a palatable option to consider. (Many in this thread have mentioned taking on a part time role for a long while before retiring.) However, I should emphasize that my particular circumstances forced my hand to adopt such a compromise. It may be too specific to me.

As far as finding things to do after retiring, I can honestly say that I've been super busy and I'm trying to cut down on activities and interests that I've been pursuing since I retired. There is no need to worry about boredom if you have interests and activities that you pursue outside of work.

All the best. You have a good dilemma on hand - either way you win.

 

[EastWest Gal]

I am similarly situated to the OP. In 2009 I received an inheritance that was almost enough to allow me to quit working, but not quite. I had wanted to retire at 55 from the beginning, but 3 years of poor earnings (2004-2007) really screwed up my savings. Long story.

5 years later my BS bucket filled up, and an amazing couple of years in the market put me in the position to ER. I had wanted to quit cold turkey, but our group is now very short staffed and since it involves taking care of babies, I couldn't walk away. So I work just a few days each month to fill gaps in the schedule.

I'm still in decompression/recovery from burnout. I'm exercising more but not enough. I admire the perfect people who brag about their health.

One of the most helpful things has been traveling. I haven't done much, but to take even one 2 week trip made it easier to let go of the workplace, even though I go in occasionally.

It is a process. You will continue to evolve and grow. When that old feeling of wishing I had done more comes up, I tell myself that we humans are screwing up the planet trying to do so much. I tell myself I am a human being, not a human doing. It's ok to smell the roses instead of trying to win a competition for the best rose.

Most of us aren't going to change the world from our workplace. Ben Franklin's major accomplishments all occurred after he retired from his printing work in his 40s. And they did not occur in the first year of retirement.

I did FireCalc a hundred times before I decided to retire. I'm not finished for good, but will be by the end of the year. I read some of this forum's recommended reading. Think of some things you have wanted to do and start planning. It really helps to have some things to retire to.


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[Danmar]

The recent posts are very interesting and useful and demonstrate that for some (many?) it isn't as easy as you might think to retire. It is such a personal thing.

Good luck to the OP. Many people have travelled the road you are on. It will all work out, eventually.

 

[Which Roger]

Yes, I had a tough time separating career from "who I was". That's why I found it difficult. Good for you that it was easy. I guess it depends somewhat on the career. It would not have been easy to have the career I had without "becoming the job". You were lucky not to fall into that trap.

For someone who is feeling the urge to ER, but is facing this hurdle, I would recommend initiating the "letting go" process while still working. Start looking at the job as being a job, instead of something that define's one's identity, and work on developing one's identity outside of the job. Doing so will make pulling the plug much, much easier.

 

[Which Roger]

Regarding the sense of achievement and purpose that one gets from working: Unless you own a business, most of the those things come on someone else's terms, by accomplishing a task that someone else tells you that you have to do (and is paying you to do it).

With retirement comes the responsibility of filling that void - nobody is telling you what to do anymore - but when you find the things to fill it, what you get out of those things will far exceed whatever sense of achievement and purpose you received while earning a paycheck.

Two examples from my retirement: First, I recently completed a major home remodeling project which I was hesitant to take on and for which I was sure I would need some hired help. But I took it upon myself to learn and plan and execute the project, and other than a few hours of help from a buddy, I did it all by myself, and it turned out great. Second, while vacationing during my working years, I fell in love with an economically-depressed area, and since I ERd, I have been doing various things to support the area and to get people to go there and spend their money.

 

[kcowan]

I suppose part of it is sadness at giving up my career, which hasn't really reached the heights I had hoped - and I certainly don't want my retirement/next phase of life to be blighted by feelings of failure. My career progression has really run into the sand lately, and I feel demotivated and burned out - but I want to retire for positive rather than negative reasons. (In other words, I want to jump rather than be pushed!).

The highlighted phrases describe what you need to deal with. Such burnout is natural and is a major reason why many people FIRE.

If you can't rekindle the fire, then shop yourself around for another position (either within or without the organization) for some new challenges. If that turns out to be fruitless, then study what you might do after work to gain some of the same feeling.

Your issues are real and deserve serious attention. I have been retired for 13 years, but when I made the decision, it was really about not committing to another 4 year project (which is the minimum time to learn a company and the key people and make the changes necessary and watch them progress to automatic pilot).

I get my jollies out of who I am and not what I do now.

 

[Willers]

Some of us retired early in part because we believed that there are other causes, endeavors, hobbies, self-care, family-interests, etc. worthy of our time. You may not be "done" with your career work yet, and that is just fine. But consider what else your life perhaps might be for.

How?

I'm a little late to this discussion, but I just went through something very similar to this. I was not quite ready to pull the plug and was thinking about looking for a new career. My mentor gave me the following exercise:
1) Make a list of the career areas in which you excel.
2) Make a list of the parts of you current work that you most and least enjoy.

You must be very careful to be honest with yourself. Now look for areas of intersection and for careers that might fit.

When I did that I decided that I could best apply my strengths and "wants" through some volunteer work that I'd already explored. That helped me decide not to get another FT job and to pull the plug. I have an opportunity lined up in a local financial education/counseling program. I can help others reach their goals. I've always taken pride in my career. Now that won't have to change in retirement!

Yes, you can have it all if you think outside what might seem like the typical path.

Good luck!

 

[Danmar]

For someone who is feeling the urge to ER, but is facing this hurdle, I would recommend initiating the "letting go" process while still working. Start looking at the job as being a job, instead of something that define's one's identity, and work on developing one's identity outside of the job. Doing so will make pulling the plug much, much easier.

Agree and I tried. Easier said than actually done though. All worked out eventually.

 

[Danmar]

I get my jollies out of who I am and not what I do now.

I understand what your are trying to say, Keith, but I get a lot of enjoyment from what I do in retirement, eg physical fitness, volunteering, travel, sports, etc. agree it has nothing to do with my "job"

 

[collingwood]

thank you to everyone who has replied here. It's given me a lot to think about, and hopefully the answers have helped others too.


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[Totoro]

I tell myself I am a human being, not a human doing. It's ok to smell the roses instead of trying to win a competition for the best rose.

This is a very tough one for me, too.

I get bouts of a low sense of self-worth and self-perceived value.

Which is all the more strange since intellectually I've never made the connection of self-worth to the fact I earn money, and didn't in particular think my work activities contributed to a much better world, let alone defined me.

The unbearable lightness of being I guess.

Although I do think in my case it may be connected to a shortage of intellectual activity. Just have to find a way to fill in that niche properly.

Thanks everyone for the comments here, interesting perspectives here.