Social interaction after ER?

Dawg52 said:
My favorite bar is at the country club. You always see somebody you know there. Outside of that, I only go somewhere I know friends are going to meet. I never have been very good at going into a bar not knowing anyone. I've always been afraid some bar lady might try to take advantage of me. :angel:

I've always enjoyed the Cheer's theme song. Brings on a strong urge to head to the refrig for a med.
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I love that theme song too Dawg. I wish there was a local Cheer's bar where folks from this forum could meet and socialize. We'd have to have a seperate table for the political discussions though;)
 
W2R said:
Even though we spend every afternoon and early evening together, I get about the right amount of solitude alone at home the rest of the time.
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In a conversation at some party on how to accommodate to married life, I recall my wife commenting that she found living with me a lot like living alone. And in fact we both need a lot of time to ourselves. Right now, I have the house to myself, and she is outside in our yard reading. But then, we've had 43 years now to learn how to adjust our social interactions to the goldilocks level.
 
I had very little interaction with people at work, almost none really and it was by choice.

Now that I am retired I have virtually none. Once a year many of the original group of us that worked together in the late 80's to mid 90's have a lunch and I really enjoy that.


I like things as they are. I'm not a social butterfly and people wear me out though there are a few exceptions. Just about all my friends have died, might as well say all. I'm not about to meet or make new friends at this point, it goes against my nature and no one comes here to met me so.... Living in a rural area doesn't allow for much interaction with people unless you seek them out.
 
Look in the newspaper for public fundraising events...church suppers, Legion, Rotary, Elks, Grange, VFW chicken BBQs or raffles, various charity walk-a-thons or road races, etc. Lend a hand to food banks, sorting and price tagging at the Goodwill or Salvation Army, or get involved with DAV transportation or VA day programs. Volunteer to write the newsletter or help with mass mailings for some group.
These groups ALWAYS need helpers for small or large duties. You pick your level of involvement.
Have fun! :D
 
One of my friends (a serial entrepreneur) has been encouraging me to start attending Rotary lunches with him. I can see that sort of socializing would get out of control very quickly.

Lsbcal said:
Someone told me about SIR - Sons in Retirement, for guys. It's in central and northern California. Might be something to check out if you live in those area. Here's a link: The Beginning of Sons In Retirement, Inc
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At first that sounded familiar to me, but it turns out that "Sons of Anarchy" is a whole 'nother subject...
 
veremchuka said:
I had very little interaction with people at work, almost none really and it was by choice.

Now that I am retired I have virtually none. Once a year many of the original group of us that worked together in the late 80's to mid 90's have a lunch and I really enjoy that.


I like things as they are. I'm not a social butterfly and people wear me out though there are a few exceptions. Just about all my friends have died, might as well say all. I'm not about to meet or make new friends at this point, it goes against my nature and no one comes here to met me so.... Living in a rural area doesn't allow for much interaction with people unless you seek them out.
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Being an introvert by nature, I understand exactly where you're at. I'm glad you found us here to chat with and exchange ideas:flowers:
 
As far as I am concerned not having to "chat" with folks is one of the better retirement benefits that I have. When the phone rings it is seldom for me, unless it is Rachel calling about credit cards or wanting to clean my carpets.
 
Hello Purron - Would you like to help me send children's vitamins, clothes, or OTC meds to Central America? I plan to go back to Central America in October (El Salvador and Guatemala) and January (Nicaragua). The needs are huge. In January I will go to Bluefields, Nicaragua, where 45,000 people "live" without any medical care... Any help would be much appreciated.

Purron said:
I think it would be healthy to have more contact and interaction with people and am considering changing or adding to my volunteer and other activities. What do you think? Suggestions?
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Purron...it's obvious to me you have a passionate nature.

I see you as a victim's advocate. I also see you as...get ready for this...a politician. I can see you sitting on a city's board making changes that would benefit not just one group of people...but every citizen.

You are a strong, intelligent, compassionate woman...and yes, I would vote for you. :)
 
I don't need a crowd of friends, just a handful of close friends will do. I have not made any new close friends since I retired 11 months ago. And that is due to choice because I've been lazy, busy and choosy. I don't need a lot of friends but I do need to have some conversation, interaction and lunch partners. So, before I ER, I had a standing resolution for 2 years to make lasting friends whom I can call on for interaction, golf, meals or little trips. That was a really good move because I have around 10 close friends like that now. I recently joined a language class and I can see the possibility of developing some new friendships if I want to but for now, I'm ok to keep them as just people I make small talk with. Developing new close friends takes a lot of effort and trust.
 
DW and I both are homebodies. We enjoy each others company to just about anyone else. She is more outgoing when we are in a social situation, but be both can't big crowds or phony people at parties and the like.

However, we both are trying to figure out how to make some close friends. We live in a small community and it's very clicky and we don't fit in. We have some friends, but they are all an hour away and working. Even with them we feel we have to be someone else at times, excepting my one good friend that's more like a brother. They are curmudgeons, otherwise. Even my best friend is kind of a stick in the mud.

We are having a hard time. We have lots of friends we have met in our trips to Jamaica and they are the type of people we would love to hang out with. Fun, open minded, etc., but they live all over the country.

We got along fine they way things are, but we are just lacking a few really close friends that share our outlook on life, people we want to be with a lot, not just in small doses. We just don't know how to go about it.
 
flyfishnevada said:
...(snip)...
We are having a hard time. We have lots of friends we have met in our trips to Jamaica and they are the type of people we would love to hang out with. Fun, open minded, etc., but they live all over the country.

We got along fine they way things are, but we are just lacking a few really close friends that share our outlook on life, people we want to be with a lot, not just in small doses. We just don't know how to go about it.
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Hi Flyfishnevada, you've brought up a lot of interesting conundrums in your post. What do we look for in friends? What do they look for in us? Are we accepting enough or do we just look for validation of our thoughts? Do we listen or just want to expound? Are we fun enough or too serious? Is all this light stuff just a way of avoiding exposing ourselves?

When you figure this stuff out let me know too. :)

In the mean time I'll just have to settle for small doses of friendliness. If I didn't have DW I'd probably be a more troubled sole.
 
Purron said:
Being an introvert by nature, I understand exactly where you're at. I'm glad you found us here to chat with and exchange ideas:flowers:
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Thanks. If not for a place like this and a few others I'd really be without any human interaction so I value the few forums where I am active. I have a lot in common with people here, LBYM, saving to accomplish early retirement and a lot of us are INTx types. I find this a great forum, it is the best one I am on. It's easy to "be with people" this way more so than in person. :)
 
veremchuka said:
Thanks. If not for a place like this and a few others I'd really be without any human interaction so I value the few forums where I am active. I have a lot in common with people here, LBYM, saving to accomplish early retirement and a lot of us are INTx types. I find this a great forum, it is the best one I am on. It's easy to "be with people" this way more so than in person. :)
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Me too.
 
obgyn65 said:
Hello Purron - Would you like to help me send children's vitamins, clothes, or OTC meds to Central America? I plan to go back to Central America in October (El Salvador and Guatemala) and January (Nicaragua). The needs are huge. In January I will go to Bluefields, Nicaragua, where 45,000 people "live" without any medical care... Any help would be much appreciated.
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I'll send you ab PM ob.
 
Lsbcal said:
Hi Flyfishnevada, you've brought up a lot of interesting conundrums in your post. What do we look for in friends? What do they look for in us? Are we accepting enough or do we just look for validation of our thoughts? Do we listen or just want to expound? Are we fun enough or too serious? Is all this light stuff just a way of avoiding exposing ourselves?

When you figure this stuff out let me know too. :)

In the mean time I'll just have to settle for small doses of friendliness. If I didn't have DW I'd probably be a more troubled sole.
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I'm sure living out in the sticks has something to do with it, but I always feel like I have different friends for different purposes. I had work friends, fishing friends, etc. I know the secret is just getting out there and meeting people, but like I said we live in the sticks and meeting places are a long way away.
 
Now that I am semi-retired and have more time I have made an effort to alway attend events that I am invited to. One thing leads to another and friendships form at the most unexpected places and times.

I do have to get better at calling some close friends that I have not seen in a while.
 
One of the things I am looking forward to when I FIRE is spending less time with people (client lunches, client receptions etc) in settings that make me feel uncomfortable. Given that I plan to retire somtime in the next 18 months or so, the perceived disconect between myself and most of the people whom I interact with through work (who, as far as I know, intend to keep working), is growing.

I very much prefer my social interaction outside the family in small, managable doses and preferably when there is something to do other than just talking.
 
This thread is very interesting to me. It's made me realize just how much our introversion (my apologies to the few extrovert members) fuels our drive to retire early. It's behind just about every other reason we give: the freedom to do what we want, when we want to -- that is, to control our own schedule and pursue other interests (or not). And most of us, based on the posts in this thread, could be considered extreme introverts.

I'm not retired, so almost all my off-work time is intentionally largely spent alone, and I treasure it. That wasn't always the case. In my 30s I was often mistaken for an extrovert. But by my mid-40s, my introversion reasserted itself. Initially, spending the weekend without any social interaction (other than with my equally introverted partner) was not sufficiently stimulative. Not anymore. As others have mentioned, the Internet has filled the gap.

Still, I worry when I see longevity studies. They usually conclude that having a large circle of friends contributes to a long life. The impression I'm getting from the other posts here is that early retirees are doing just fine with only very light social interaction, often with mere acquaintances.
 
This thread seems to translate to "Hooray, now I'm retired I don't have to see any more people."

Ha
 
traineeinvestor said:
I very much prefer my social interaction outside the family in small, managable doses and preferably when there is something to do other than just talking.
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I think that this statement encapsulates the essence of this current discussion given the personality types involved. INTJ and similar types may not necessarily be unable to act the part of social butterflies - or Wild & Crazy guys! - but are probably unable to enjoy it if the occasions occur too often or in regular doses. IMO it simply extracts too much energy for an INTx type to have to be in social situations where
chatting and talking are the primary focus as these social events have their own rules, judgements, procedures, etc. that must constantly be followed and analyzed.

Anyway, I myself have difficulty now and then with small dinners with people that I do not know well once the conversations begins to dull: The problem for me is that I begin to talk more simply to get the energy of the group back off the floor which ends up extracting even more energy from me by the end of the event. All of this is why Golf is such a great game - it's time spent together but not...together!
 
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