What to do after ER?

[livingalmostlarge]

My DH and I had a discussion last night about ER. We are definitely on track especially if we move. However my DH said he didn't want to retire. He wasn't interested in leaving his job. He was worried about not having a meaning in life.

I stay at home and find like okay and I do worry about kids go to school. But I think there will still be stuff to do. He asked what do you do all day when the kids are at school?

He's worried about doing nothing. He has no desire to work in a job that he doesn't like. He likes what he does A LOT. He doesn't want to start a business when we retire and cut into our savings rather than keep on working at what he does.

So what can I tell him? What do I say? Do people here who are ER have kids? What do you do while they are in school?

 

[Arifriekinel]

I am not FIRE, but there are plenty of things to do that don't require someone else telling you to do them. There is always something out there to create, destroy, or learn about, someone to help.

He could focus on exercising more and work on living the rest of his life to its fullest at his best, he could read, read, and read some more, nonfiction and fiction. He could catch the volunteer bug and lend his skills out for free, on his own terms, or give some shelter animals one more person's TLC for the day. He could learn to cook amazing things, dance beautiful dances, or play beautiful music.

He could write. A blog, a book, a journal, or a newsletter. He could start knitting and sewing blankets and clothes for grandkids yet to come, and donate the extra if he finds he can't stop. He could fish, or paint, or sing. He could learn trick shots in pool, or start auditioning for every local play and production. He could start filming your children grow up, and capture every moment.

After ER, he can try it all, and have all the time he needs to learn.

He could try a new thing every single day, or he could do the one thing he loves the most every day for the rest of his life. He could even wander around the streets shouting at young folk for using their cell phones too much. That's his choice.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

If he likes what he does then why do you want him to ER? Are you bored without having him home more?

 

[aja8888]

He asked what do you do all day when the kids are at school?

So what did you tell him you do?

 

[Arifriekinel]

If he likes what he does then why do you want him to ER? Are you bored without having him home more?

I missed the part where you said he likes his job a lot! I only saw where you said he has no desire to work a job he doesn't like.

I second this question. Why would he stop doing something that he loves and is making money at it?

 

[H2ODude]

He sounds like a poor candidate for ER...at this time. Neither was I until I hit late fifties and the BS bucket started to get full. I was afraid of an inevitable poor exit because I'd just blow up at the foolish people I worked for (politicians). Anyway, I'd relax and let him work if that's what he wants to do; it will only pad your accounts for a more relaxed and financially safe retirement when he's ready to go.

Speaking of retirement we stopped at Barnes and Noble on way home from lunch. If you're retired, take a slow walk down the "Management" aisle...I almost burst out laughing at the titles! Especially ones I had been forced to read during my career. Hence my tag line...good ol Lester Burnham!

 

[Sea Kayaker]

When I saw the title of this thread, my immediate thought was that he/she/they are not ER material.

I mean, less than a year away from my own ER, I spend a lot of time visualizing how my work-free days will unfold - there is so much on my to-do list that quite honestly, even retiring in my early 40's, I will be hard pressed to do it all.

Some (if not most) people should just keep working (providing they like their jobs).

 

[Walt34]

If he likes his job and is not staying there because he doesn't know what else to do, but because he likes what he's doing, then there is no reason for him to retire now. Many people enjoy their jobs and see no reason to leave.

But eventually and inevitably whether by choice or not everyone is going to stop working. It's a good idea to have in mind what to do when that happens.

The longest-running thread on this board is What did you do today? that is other people's answer to that question. Perhaps there is one for him.

And welcome to the forum!

 

[Midpack]

If he enjoys his work, or just prefers it to 'permanent vacation,' he should keep working! Having the means to retire is not in itself a reason to retire. 'It's not enough to retire from something, you also have to have something (better) to retire to.'

I had the same concern before I retired. What helped me was a simple exercise, the Get-A-Life Tree exercise in the book How to Retire Happy, Wild & Free by Ernie Zelinski (it may be in The Joy of Not Working also) - your local library may have it. It helps you brainstorm for personally engaging activities, the goal is identifying 50.

What to do in retirement does not come as easily to some, as others. It's important to remember this forum community is NOT typical. For many here the question may seem silly, but for a surprisingly large number of people (outside ER.org), answering the question, "What do I do for fun?" is harder than they expect.

According to AARP, you shouldn't even consider retiring until you can identify at least 25 things you like to do that can fill your time.

Some people find their work rewarding, contrary to some views here. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as you don't let your work define you entirely. There should be more to life than work alone.

A second career just for fun is an option if he gets bored, but restarting a primary career after years out of circulation can be difficult if not impossible.

And here's some good reading (probably for him) http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f47/faq-archive-but-what-will-i-do-all-day-30655.html

 

[splitwdw]

I'm not sure I'm an ER candidate, I love my job, but I joined the site to learn.
I don't understand your opening " My DH and I had a discussion last night about ER. We are definitely on track especially if we move." How are you on track if he doesn't want to retire?
"He was worried about not having a meaning in life." When/if he's ready, doesn't he have hobbies or interests? There are classes at local colleges, volunteer possibilities, reading to catch up, sleeping!!!!

 

[Onward]

He wasn't interested in leaving his job. He was worried about not having a meaning in life.

IMO, for someone like this, it would be a huge mistake to retire voluntarily.

It's a mentality I don't understand, similar to that of someone who chooses the coal mine over Shangri-La, but even I would recommend he continue w*rking.

 

[Ready]

I know a lot of people who put so much of their life energy into their career that they never had much time to develop other interests. I believe this group of people likely struggles with retirement the most. Some keep working until their health completely fails. It happened all the time at my last company.

 

[Mulligan]

I know a lot of people who put so much of their life energy into their career that they never had much time to develop other interests. I believe this group of people likely struggles with retirement the most. Some keep working until their health completely fails. It happened all the time at my last company.

That's my dad. I keep taking him to doctors for various pains and surgeries on hope for a pain free repair.....To enjoy retirement? Uh, no...so he can keep working at age 77. I don't even think he takes the money, he just gives it back to my brother who owns the business. I know he thinks I'm nuts at age 49 retired and not doing anything of true substance.

 

[HFWR]

...not doing anything of true substance.

I think I have a new sig!

 

[dontworry]

This is one question I would have NO problem answering . But I do know quite a few family members who would not know what to do with themselves without work.

 

[chris2008]

He does not have to ER if he does not want it.
But wouldn't he like to take part in the life of the kids and be a real influence, more than by being the provider of the money?
Wouldn't it be great to take extended trips with the family during school holidays?

Could DH test the waters by taking a day/w off regularly or taking a sabbatical, if not for a year then for a summer?

Relatives of us started ER when he was 50 with a pension, she SAHM at 35, their kids between 4 and 8. He and his wife joined sports activities of the kids, like coaching, becoming referees, visiting games. They also did lots of other things as a family, like visiting historic places during camping trips. No helicopter parents, just interested in their kids as persons.
Today the kids are grown up, still very close, very bright and fun to be with.

 

[Which Roger]

I ER'd because I was not getting any fulfillment at w*rk, and while I was sitting at my desk, I felt like I was dying inside because of all the dreams deferred that would give me that fulfillment. Those who get that sort of fulfillment while getting paid are lucky IMO.

 

[Fishingmn]

I would recommend this book - Amazon.com: How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free: Retirement Wisdom That You Won't Get from Your Financial Advisor eBook: Ernie Zelinski: Books

 

[steelyman]

It's tempting to try to plan what you'll do when you ER, but may not turn out as you planned. It's sort of like having sex - can be better than you think!

 

[seraphim]

OP

Sounds like he's set with what he wants to do, but you're having difficulty with it. Find things for yourself to do, things YOU enjoy. Go out and meet new people. You can't sit home alone alone and be happy. Hopefully, he'll get the picture and retire so you can do things together; unless his job is more important than a relationship. Yea - it's his job, but it takes two to make a strong relationship.

Show him this thread...

 

[RockyMtn]

if he likes the job a lot let him work. You do your thing, he does his. Once the kids are out of there maybe you'll be able to entice him with other things. Kids out of the nest and ER are a good combo. Till then it's not like you can do a round the world cruise or something similar.

 

[citrine]

What does your husband do for work? Has he ever taken classes (cooking, wood working, art) or talked about something he would like to do if he had the time? I definitely suggest reading the Retire Happy book...great advice and homework questions. Can he take an extended period of time off as a practice run to see if he would like it?
I am semi-retired and am way too busy with clients, working out, taking care of the house, projects, reading, napping, taking classes.....some days I wish I was retired!

 

[Dcharles]

I wish there were more hours in a day! ER'd for 2 months now and loving it......not bored yet!

 

[Katsmeow]

I agree that your DH may not be a good candidate for ER right now. I say right now because what you described reminds me of a friend of mine who never had any interest in any kind of retirement because he enjoyed his work a lot. He did enjoy doing some other things, but loved work more. Yet, lately, it has become clear to me that he really does now get the idea of retirement. This is because he has cut back some on work the last couple of years and has gotten more into travel and sees clearly what he could be doing while retired. It think that someone who has no idea what he/she wants to do after retiring is probably not ready to do it.

Anyway, what DH and I do during the day: (We do have adolescents at home)

We homeschooled our daughter through high school.

She graduated high school in December but doesn't yet have her drivers license so we drive her to and from the community college.

We play online games, mostly World of Warcraft (both of us) and Hearthstone (me).

We both like to read.

Surfing the web.

Going to forums I enjoy (such as this one).

I write a blog. I would never have had time for it before. I also visit other blogs on the same subject and read them and comment.

Exercise. DH and I are both really trying to use our free time to get healthier and exercise more and eat better and lose weight (DH has lost 65 pounds since he retired in 2010).

Stuff around the house. Just the usual house cleaning/house maintenance stuff. We can do more of that kind of stuff ourselves now because we have time for it.

Cook more. Again, I never had much time for it when I was working full-time.

Learning - DH is learning a little bit about coding, for example. I've been learning more about Photoshop Elements. Again, we have more time for that kind of thing now.

I do want to do some volunteer work. I had always planned to do it once I had more time. I haven't gotten around to it, but it is on the list.

Truthfully, there are always more things to do than there are hours in the day....

 

[martyp]

Like everyone else I would say that he shouldn't retire if he is enjoying his w*rk. However, he is going to have to quit someday and he should consider what he is going to do then. Developing outside interests while you are w*rking makes for a smooth transition.

What are your thoughts about his liking his w*rk and wanting to continue to w*rk? If you are unhappy because he is still w*rking then that is worth a discussion.