What to do after ER?

[InParadise]

My DH and I had a discussion last night about ER. We are definitely on track especially if we move. However my DH said he didn't want to retire. He wasn't interested in leaving his job. He was worried about not having a meaning in life.

I stay at home and find like okay and I do worry about kids go to school. But I think there will still be stuff to do. He asked what do you do all day when the kids are at school?

He's worried about doing nothing. He has no desire to work in a job that he doesn't like. He likes what he does A LOT. He doesn't want to start a business when we retire and cut into our savings rather than keep on working at what he does.

So what can I tell him? What do I say? Do people here who are ER have kids? What do you do while they are in school?

Sounds a lot like our path to ER. I kept on planning, even buying our vacation/retirement home. Made sure our investments (which is a lot of what I did while the kids were in school,) were going to prepare us financially to retire. Now waiting for Youngest to graduate high school next year, fixing up the primary residence to sell and the vacation home to move into full time. Though we've been financially able to retire for a while, we did not want to move while the kids were in school. It's a great school district.

DH maintained he really liked his job, wanted to keep working for another 5 years. I told him that was up to him, I respected his work ethic and have been very tolerant of his hours, however once work became optional I was going to take it personally that he preferred working to spending time together as a couple. (He puts in 12+ hour days.) Told him I would not be staying to play maid when the kids were gone, and hoped he would find the time to join me at the vacation home on long weekends. Would love to have him full time in my life, but was done putting my life on hold. I would rather be kayaking.

It was surprising how quickly his fondness for work deteriorated from that conversation. It helped that he got thrust into a position of glorified babysitter of some really childish corporate big wigs. He is now looking forward to kayaking and fishing from the back yard, hiking, volunteering as a couple to maintain hiking trails in our area, doing extended travel in the winter.

My parents retired early, always commenting how they didn't know how they ever had time to work, given how busy they were in retirement. Early retirement was in my blood. DH on the other hand had a dad who worked into his 70's, going back to work as a contractor after being made to take retirement. Even with 20 years of talking and planning for retirement, the cultural obstacle to retirement was in DH's way. It's an obstacle they need to hurdle...you can't do it for them.

 

[hausfrau]

We are similar. We both worked until our kid was preschool age. I've been home for a couple of years now taking care of home/kiddo. DD is in school now. I've thought about looking for work, if I can find some magical 4 hour a day job where I can be off for summers/breaks/weather days . I worked for 25 years. I miss earning money sometimes, but DH likes not having to deal with childcare/house duties, so it works for us. DH likes his job too for the most part. With a child, we are still bound by a school schedule, but I think it would be nice to be a little more free during the summer (random road trips, long camping trips, etc.).

I have no problem filling in the time at home while DD is at school (I pick up her up at 2:00). I think DH would have a hard time. Unlike me, he doesn't have a lot of hobbies. I have to save an errand or two for him to do on the weekends so he can get out of the house. I love being home. I never feel housebound or claustrophobic.

 

[nash031]

He has no desire to work in a job that he doesn't like. He likes what he does A LOT. He doesn't want to start a business when we retire and cut into our savings rather than keep on working at what he does.

So what can I tell him? What do I say? Do people here who are ER have kids? What do you do while they are in school?

When I hit FI in a few years, there is a very good chance (if things stay as they are now) that I will retire and my wife will continue working. She enjoys her job.

We do not (yet) have kids (at 36 and 33). We might. In that event, I will have kids and be ERed and she will still work (our most likely scenario). In that case, I'll see the kids off, and will take to my hobbies: golf and triathlon. I can run, bike, swim, or hit the driving range for an hour or two, and then by the time lunch and cleanup and daily stuff is over, I'm probably picking kiddos up.

I've also been kicking around the idea of volunteering at a local dog rescue during my ER. I can dictate my own "hours", get to play with/take care of dogs for a couple of hours, and then be home when I need to.

I recommend letting him keep on keepin' on and finding more to do on your own that you enjoy on your own. If nothing else, it makes your retirement all that much more secure.