Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 04-20-2014, 09:59 PM   #81
Full time employment: Posting here.
Dog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 781
I will retire this year at 56 - wahoo!!! DH will retire in 2016 (58). I'm comfortable since many of my friends and prior co-workers are already retired and are very anxious for me to pull the plug. My family is a different case - my Mom doesn't understand why I want to retire (even though I'm the only daughter of four that continues to work) and I've already heard the "must be nice" from my younger sister multiple times. She was fortunate to quit work about 15 years ago to stay home and raise her children. Her husband made very good money and they lived very nicely (jewelry, top-shelf alcohol, boats, cruises, trips to Europe, lots of camps/classes for kids, upgrade of home, etc.). That has started to change the past few years - her husband's income has been cut significantly and they are gradually adjusting their lifestyle. She has returned to work three different times only to quit within a year. Typically it is because she doesn't like the commute, office politics and/or having to work more than 8 hrs/day. She currently isn't working but told me they will have to work until 70 before they can retire. I do feel bad - during flush times her husband use to talk about retiring by 50.
__________________

__________________
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Dog is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 04-21-2014, 03:45 AM   #82
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
gauss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,708
I ER'd at 48 after a year long leave of absence. DW is still working to get her 30 years years in and the associated large increase in Pension at that point (my megacorp stopped the pension accruals back in 2010).

With DW still working, the ER for me included additional social pressure for us. I decided that I must own my decision and be upfront with people out of respect for DW. She also felt awkward when people would turn to her and say "Well, what do you think about that?!", with the subtle implication that she is being taken advantage of. We finally came up with the honest response that it was "under evaluation". After six months to a year the answer morphed into "It's working for us".

-gauss
__________________

__________________
gauss is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2014, 09:43 AM   #83
Recycles dryer sheets
Henry Lili's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 104
I’m challenged by this all the time. It all depends on who is asking. I'm about 7 months in and at 47 don’t have a one-size fits all answer. My extended family and SO’s family got the “consulting” answer. Very close friends, though they assumed consulting was my likely path, now know by default I’m “managing my portfolio” (including looking for new investment opportunities) given they see I have so much free timeJ.

The trickiest group has been former co-workers (those I like and still socialize with). I left Mega-Corp sticking to the story that I simply needed a change and wanted to take the time to think clearly and not to just jump into something (they assumed a new Mega-Corp role I guess). My answer when I see them now is that while I haven’t closed any doors I find spending a good deal of time managing my portfolio to be quite enjoyable though I also continue to look for other streams of income such as foreclosures (been to a couple of sales); small business investments/purchases (not looking to buy a job/I don’t want to actually “make the sandwiches”) as well as volunteer opportunities and since I’m not closing any doors if they hear of a consulting project to let me know. This seems to make sense to them although I have limitted if any plans to actually do more than manage my portfolio and pursue the other items more like a hobby.
__________________
Henry Lili is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2014, 09:53 AM   #84
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
RetireAge50's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,118
Just gonna be one word. Retired. With a big smile of course.
__________________
RetireAge50 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2014, 10:00 AM   #85
Recycles dryer sheets
Henry Lili's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 104
Quote:
Originally Posted by 45th Birthday View Post
The reason I don't like describing myself as retired is that I don't feel "retired" in the traditional sense of not working. I still work, just not for direct pay, and mostly for myself.

Among friends, I don't get the non-understanding of how I can do it financially because my situation is not that uncommon and plenty of them could be FI. Some have asked, "What do you do all day?" I get the sense that if they could figure that part out, they would RE.

When I'm out doing stuff during "working hours," I sometimes get the "Day off today?" question or something similar from people like the haircutter. My answer: "I'm working from home today."
We must have the same haircutter . Last week I just said half day today
__________________
Henry Lili is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2014, 02:48 PM   #86
Moderator
MBAustin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,146
Quote:
Originally Posted by haha View Post
Ever hear a husband refer to his wife as "a good providor"?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katsmeow View Post
Not for me. I think that people often think of a non-working woman as being someone who was a stay at home wife. And, I don't really want to be seen that way.

For me, I've just never understand families where the wife never worked (I understand stay at home parents especially for younger children, just not women who never worked during their entire marriage). I realize every situation is different so it may well have a great choice for the particular family. But - for me - I don't want someone to think I'm or was a stay at home wife.

I think because stay at home wives are very common where I am, I don't often get asked anything that would even cause me to have to talk about my occupation or retirement status. And, that bugs me a little. Again, that assuming thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rodi View Post
This. I've outearned my husband our entire marriage. He's taken "breaks" along the way to deal with life changes (move across country for my job, dealing with elderly parents, etc.) It's worked for us - since he also picked up household responsibilities and childcare responsiblities during his breaks and when he was part-time. He's now retired... and regularly refers to me as the breadwinner. Not sure how he'll adjust when I retire sometime within the next few years. (I'm out in 2.5 years as a drop dead date - but hopefully sooner.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dash man View Post
My wife has been a great provider! When we got married fifteen years ago she made a little more than me, but her career took off and her base salary grew to three times my pay, plus stock options that put the icing on the cake. I have no problem telling her (or others) how proud I am of her accomplishment. I retired last year and am now just waiting for her to join me...the sooner the better.
Interesting that several of us here are part of marriages where the wife is/was the "breadwinner". Like Dash man's wife, I earned slightly more than DH when we married, but ended up making about 2x in base pay, plus significant bonuses and eventually stock options as well. He was never anything but proud of me.

Perhaps this is one reason why the assumption by folks that I was and am a SAHM rubs me so much the wrong way.
__________________
"One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute." William Feather
----------------------------------
ER'd Oct. 2010 at 53. Life is good.
MBAustin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2014, 03:04 PM   #87
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,469
Quote:
Originally Posted by growing_older View Post
A relative retired early and let everyone know what a success he was to do so. There was lots of jealous grumbling. A few years later when his investments went bad, he barely stayed retired but got no sympathy and the jealous grumbling continued. He's not the only early retiree and not the only successful person in the family, but his high profile ER sure made him the target for ill feelings. I'm no where near as successful and not even ER yet, but I'll sure be taking a low profile when I do ER. No reason to risk that kind of jealous negative reaction.

I have an uncle who retired at 49 and moved to a couple of very nice houses over the years, including his current one worth at least $800K not far from Pebble Beach. The problem is he is always money grubbing when it comes to family property, wanting to income sell property co-owned amongst myself and one other family member who really needs the income. The property is farm/orchard property and has been in the family for about 150 years I think. He and my aunt got $150K from the sale of another parcel 8 years ago.

The problem isn't ER. The problem is not quite being FI and not making good use of one's time, as well as the behavior of the person.

Good thing the ER folks aren't low profile here. You all give great advice!
__________________
EastWest Gal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2014, 03:30 PM   #88
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 135
I am 57 y/o and planning to retire as soon as I can get a successor/replacement readied, hopefully within 2014, and I have given this subject some thought.

Among our family and friends are many folks who are or will not be able to FIRE. When the subject of finances or retirement comes up, we often hear comments like "since the recession I'll have to work til I drop", "so-and-so lucked out/got all the breaks/was so cheap"/(insert any one of a dozen other reasons/excuses of choice) no wonder he/she/they can retire, etc. I usually avoid such discussions with people as much as possible as I don't want to have rifts between family/friends, etc.

In earlier years, such as our 30's-40's, it seemed we and all our age peers would discuss careers, family, plans, etc., Without trying to be preachy I used to suggest balancing family and work/FIRE was possible by education, working hard to earn a reasonable living, LBYM, and considering books like "The Millionaire Next Door" or "Your Money or Your Life". Of course until the decades unfold, you never know what good or bad fortune may occur, and whether your plans will work out or not.

Now that the results of decades of life choices, and in some cases circumstances beyond control, have brought us (age peer group) all to the final period of the game with whatever "score" we have, and the fact that for some a victory is not likely, and for others it is, is staring us all in the face. I feel a little sad that some of our good friends and family are now on the outside looking in as we prepare to FIRE, but I also know we worked hard and honestly, planned and made choices to live a good life while keeping one eye on the goal.

So, I doubt that I will be ashamed or intimidated about being FIRE'd, certainly when asked, but as others have said, while I am proud of the FIRE accomplishment I will be (and always have been) aware of not gloating or thumping my chest, especially with those who are on the outside looking in. That is another reason I enjoy it here at ERF. Kindred souls are not all that easy to find out there.
__________________
Best!
-AJ
ajs56 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2014, 04:07 PM   #89
Recycles dryer sheets
iam21177's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 159
Quote:
Originally Posted by Onward View Post
Being in your 40's and telling your friends you are retired is like being at a banquet and showing your steak to the starving beggars at the window.

I learned that first-hand.
Yes, this is what I've experienced (in mentioning our saving habits or ER plans). It just doesn't do any good.
__________________
iam21177 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2014, 04:25 PM   #90
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
NW-Bound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 19,387
We never have to lie about our ER. We are old enough now (though we do not look like it) that when we say that we retire early people automatically assume that we are able to do it because we have juicy pensions plus free or cheap healthcare benefits. We have none, but it is better to let people think differently.

I found out recently that even my brother-in-law and his wife thought we had retiree's healthcare, and I told them that no, we bought our own health insurance that had nothing to do with our former megacorp, just like they shopped for their car insurance.

Yes, it takes a lot of money to retire independently from megacorps, and we do not want to "advertise" that we do not have to rely on megacorps.
__________________
"Old age is the most unexpected of all things that can happen to a man" -- Leon Trotsky
NW-Bound is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2014, 05:02 PM   #91
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
redduck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: yonder
Posts: 2,052
Quote:
Originally Posted by NW-Bound View Post
... when we say that we retire early people automatically assume that we are able to do it because we have juicy pensions plus free or cheap healthcare benefits.
Actually, they probably assume that you go to bed early.
__________________
redduck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2014, 06:03 PM   #92
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
mpeirce's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Columbus area
Posts: 1,589
Quote:
Originally Posted by NW-Bound View Post
I found out recently that even my brother-in-law and his wife thought we had retiree's healthcare, and I told them that no, we bought our own health insurance that had nothing to do with our former megacorp, just like they shopped for their car insurance.
I get the the healthcare questions at times , what do you do about insurance? "We bought insurance ourselves". That's what FI means - you can pay for the things you need. Some people just don't get it.
__________________
mpeirce is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2014, 06:32 PM   #93
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
NW-Bound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 19,387
Quote:
Originally Posted by redduck View Post
Actually, they probably assume that you go to bed early.
Perhaps there's that too.

When people do not have money to do anything else, I guess they go to bed early. I have read that poor people often have more offsprings because of that too.

PS. What I read was "The rich get richer, and the poor get more children." Now, where did I read that?
__________________
"Old age is the most unexpected of all things that can happen to a man" -- Leon Trotsky
NW-Bound is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2014, 06:47 PM   #94
Moderator
Walt34's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Eastern WV Panhandle
Posts: 16,494
Quote:
Originally Posted by MBAustin View Post
Interesting that several of us here are part of marriages where the wife is/was the "breadwinner". Like Dash man's wife, I earned slightly more than DH when we married, but ended up making about 2x in base pay, plus significant bonuses and eventually stock options as well. He was never anything but proud of me.
After I retired and DW went back to school to finish her degree I told her that if/when she got a job, when she got home I'd be more than happy to have the house cleaned, dinner on the table and I'd greet her at the door with smile, a glass of wine and a "How was your day dear".

Sadly, she didn't take the hint.
__________________
I heard the call to do nothing. So I answered it.
Walt34 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2014, 07:42 PM   #95
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Lafayette
Posts: 267
Catching up on this thread just after reading the Retired Doctor 1 year anniversary one. Some gut-wrenching tales of burnout and young doctor suicides on that one.

The similar themes in the two threads struck me: why do we as a society seem to only value "w*rk" so much, and devalue the other aspects of life? and w*rking like a dog, sacrificing personal pursuits, time with family, etc. etc. Seems to me it's a theme that links the two threads: people can't understand why (or how) some of us want to retire early (stop w*rking), and people expect doctors (and other professions) to work till they drop, and love every minute.

Maybe the millennial generation will change some of that thinking. I fear they won't have "enough" to retire by our standards, but maybe they will at least think more clearly about the value of w*rk relative to other things in life.
__________________
gardenfun is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2014, 08:50 PM   #96
Recycles dryer sheets
truenorth418's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 482
Quote:
Originally Posted by mpeirce View Post
I get the the healthcare questions at times , what do you do about insurance? "We bought insurance ourselves". That's what FI means - you can pay for the things you need. Some people just don't get it.
Five years after it's passage and all of the news coverage and controversy, especially over the past 6 months, have people still not heard of ObamaCare? That's kind of frightening.
__________________
truenorth418 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-2014, 08:54 PM   #97
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
NW-Bound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 19,387
Heck, I have not even tried to get an account at ACA.gov or whatever it is called after reading all the posts here about it. I just couldn't risk not having insurance if it did not work out, nor risk raising my blood pressure. I may try next year.
__________________
"Old age is the most unexpected of all things that can happen to a man" -- Leon Trotsky
NW-Bound is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 04-22-2014, 08:33 AM   #98
Moderator
Ronstar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: A little ways southwest of Chicago
Posts: 9,335
Back in my early semi retirement days, I was always asked why/how, etc. I never lied about my part time gig, but I felt a little uncomfortable explaining it to everyone that asked. But now that I'm 58 and retired, I rarely get any comments. I think its because I'm now at an age that most people consider an acceptable age for retirement.
__________________
Ronstar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-22-2014, 09:25 AM   #99
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
John Galt III's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,283
I think a lot of the resentment is from people thinking that we are not following the rules, as they are. That we are being crafty, clever, beating the system somehow. Otherwise we would be toiling away with the other galley slaves until the taskmaster let us go at the appropriate age of 65, like a normal good person.
__________________
John Galt III is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-22-2014, 10:03 AM   #100
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
brewer12345's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 16,391
Quote:
Originally Posted by John Galt III View Post
That we are being crafty, clever, beating the system somehow.
I take pride in the fact that this is the case for me.
__________________

__________________
"There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest have to pee on the electric fence for themselves."



- Will Rogers
brewer12345 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
The Big Investment Lie (excerpt) pedorrero FIRE and Money 53 11-30-2007 01:21 PM
Dollar cost averaging is... a lie? Sisyphus Young Dreamers 43 07-09-2007 05:15 PM
Why Lie ? Moemg Other topics 18 06-23-2007 12:58 PM
Do you think people on the board lie about their financial position? Wealth Health Young Dreamers 51 04-30-2007 09:09 AM
How often do you lie on polls? cute fuzzy bunny Other topics 16 02-22-2006 06:49 PM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:19 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.