Your marriage / relationship after retirement

[Aus_E_Expat]

There are probably already 100 threads on this topic (but I cannot find them).

How has retirement / financial independence affected your marriage / relationship?

Good or bad?

Less stress - does that mean things improve (particularly in the bedroom)?

Looking at retiring next year at 56.

 

[longranger]

Brave question Aus E Expat. I doubt anyone can give you a direct serious answer. Each relationship is different. A big change like FIRE could have a range of unintended effects upon your relationship both positive and negative. Making most of your specific decisions regarding FIRE together with lots of communication before, during and after probably stacks the effects in your favor.

 

[F4mandolin]

For some strange reason.....my wife actually LIKES me around all the time. I'm a lucky guy. Seriously.

 

[chris2008]

Our marriage hass been great before.
Since ER in Sept 2013 we both appreciate more than ever to spend time together.
We are lucky. Life is great.

 

[Dash man]

I nearly lost her 10 years ago to ovarian cancer. I cherish every minute I have with her. Fortunately she's doing great today, but I'll never take that for granted. Life is good!

 

[Walt34]

Better than before retirement! Take away all the stress from work and commuting, I expected no less.

 

[gauss]

With DW still working and myself FIRED, I think she appreciates all the household tasks I peform during the day that she used to do. Helps to take the time stress off of her.

-gauss

 

[marko]

With DW still working and myself FIRED, I think she appreciates all the household tasks I peform during the day that she used to do. Helps to take the time stress off of her.

-gauss

The only thing better than not having is job is having a wife with one!!

To answer the question, our relationship has improved tremendously since RE. We do all kinds of stuff together and the lack of stresses and distractions from work allow us to focus more on each other.

 

[Sarah in SC]

The only thing better than not having is job is having a wife with one!!

Apparently.
DH is much happier, which makes my life easier. I'd say that our marriage has gone through some fairly dramatic ups and downs since he left his job last June, but on balance it is a plus, and right now, things are really very good. But there is no doubt that adjustments on both sides of the marital fence are necessary.

 

[BTravlin]

Almost one year in now and I can say things are much better. Especially in the romance department. Our relationship has always been good but constant stress will wear on practically anyone. Without the stress and more time to enjoy things together we are getting closer than ever before.

 

[MichaelB]

ER for us meant I went from never home to always home. It took some adjustment. The home office has played a big role, before that the local public library.

 

[Mulligan]

The only thing better than not having is job is having a wife with one!!



To answer the question, our relationship has improved tremendously since RE. We do all kinds of stuff together and the lack of stresses and distractions from work allow us to focus more on each other.

I have a long term GF, not a wife. But I chuckle at your comment. I retired 4 years ago, when we were only a few years into the relationship. As great as she is, she is definitely one of those... "The day you retire is the day I retire" types. Since she is nowhere near financially independent to be able to retire, I would have had to take a second job if we were married just to keep her working as my stash is not big enough to pay for two yet.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Donzo]

Our relationship is better - I was so stressed and tightly wound while working and the phone was constantly ringing (work related) when I was home. Now I am much more relaxed and the phone rings only for friends and family.
We do a lot together and a lot alone and with friends - go to the gym separately etc. Neither of us feel trapped, I think that is a problem in many relationships. We have been married for 32 years and have worked out a life that works for us.

 

[sengsational]

Not much has changed in my relationship. Just a couple of months in.

My job was not stressful, and I knew I could walk at any time, so no stress there. And I had been telecommuting for a few years before quitting, so the 'being around the house' thing was routine. She has been around the house the last 22 years, so that didn't change.

She's a bit less interested in travel than I. And I'm more of an adventure travel guy whereas she's more about have people bring her umbrella drinks. So perhaps now that I'm searching for places to go and things to do, that actually adds to her stress! Luckily that hasn't impacted the bedroom situation

 

[W2R]

We don't live together, but have been "going steady" for the past fourteen years.

We spend more time together now than we did before retiring, because work does not get in the way. Everything seems to be working out nicely. It really helped that we made a point of developing a routine that includes our time together each day, and time alone. I'd say that in general, we are closer and have adjusted to the changes in our routines pretty well. I think that the fact that we have plenty of "alone time" and personal space has been a big help.

That said, we do plan to live in closer proximity to one another eventually, but there is no rush and we still plan to allow a lot of time for solitary pursuits when we do this. We are about 2 miles apart right now. We imagine that as we grow older and presumably more physically decrepit, age will entail increased dependence on one another so we will want to live closer to each other such as in the two sides of a duplex or next door to one another or some such arrangement.

 

[Derslickmeister]

I nearly lost her 10 years ago to ovarian cancer. I cherish every minute I have with her. Fortunately she's doing great today, but I'll never take that for granted. Life is good!

We are not FIRED yet but have been to the edge of the abyss with Ovarian cancer as well. It is always in the back of our minds and serves as a reminder not to wiz away this time we have together...

 

[seraphim]

We enjoy the time together, and the ability to jump into the RV whenever, go wherever, and stay however long. We can spend alone in the same house, then get together and do things simultaneously - which we couldn't do working different schedules ( I worked most weekends). There is less - no - stress, which came from our jobs and we appreciate having so much time together. With occasional breaks, of course *grin*. But we choose those times, not our jobs.

 

[FIREd]

Since DW started cutting back on the crazy work hours, we've had a ton of fun. DW remarked the other day that we have done more fun stuff in the past few months than we did in the previous 10 years combined. W*rk was really getting in the way of living and enjoying each other.

 

[pb4uski]

Interesting question. I'll have to ask her too but I would say much better. I'm much more mellow about things and that helps along with having time to accomplish more around the house.

 

[jollystomper]

I'm fortunate to have a DW who has appreciated my financial efforts for her and our kids. She has seen so much of the opposite in her family and some of her close friends. Reaching FI has been a "shock" to her - in a good way. She has always enthusiastically shown her appreciation to me for it.

She really wants me to RE, and has pointed out that the benefits would include more time to "chase her around the house"...

 

[ajs56]

I'm fortunate to have a DW who has appreciated my financial efforts for her and our kids. She has seen so much of the opposite in her family and some of her close friends. Reaching FI has been a "shock" to her - in a good way. She has always enthusiastically shown her appreciation to me for it.

She really wants me to RE, and has pointed out that the benefits would include more time to "chase her around the house"...

Similar here, Jolly. My bride was NOT raised to be financially prudent by any means. But over the years she embraced LBYM (within reason) and is very supportive of financial planning and FIRE, even as her family puzzles as to why we don't live it up more. After all, as they often say, "you have the money, don't you?" We feel we have not missed out on anything we wanted to do, and are quite content to know that yes, we do have the money. And now that I'm about to FIRE at age 57, maybe they will get it. Naw, they won't...

She and I have talked a lot about life after FIRE, that there will be some adjustments, etc., and we are both looking forward to it!

 

[rodi]

I'm still working but DH retired a few months ago. I am TOTALLY reaping the benefits - he's become obsessed with the food network and trying to recreate FABULOUS dishes. (We both enjoy cooking - but he's doing stuff we never had time for before.) He's taken on projects he always talked about (raised veggie gardens, etc.) And he's 100% in charge of kid logistics during the work day.

This has taken a huge stress off of me - and I'm finding myself more willing to slog it out another year. (Yep - OMY syndrome.)

I hope to join him in retirement early next spring.

As far as romance - his lower stress levels, and my lower stress levels now that I don't have to juggle as much, have led to more appreciation for each other. It's all good.