I don't know whether to be offended or more determined

[cute fuzzy bunny]

That does it.

I'm buying stock in the company that makes bonbons.

 

[youbet]

just need to be prepared if/when it happens again.

Why? You need to be prepared to dislodge food stuck in DW's throat if she's choking, you need to be prepared to brake as you approach a stop light, you need to be prepared to provide backup to the IRS if audited, etc. But you don't need to do anything about this but get over it.

People can be jerks for any number of reasons. The world is full of 'em. My wife had a professional career (teacher/college instructor) while, for some time, I was a blue collar hourly worker. At get-togethers with her work buddies, someone would invariably ask what I did for a living. I'd tell them I worked on a factory assembly line and they'd get a special, disgusted look on their face and make some comment trying to withdraw the question. I'd hold myself back from flattening their smug face, and................. let it go. After a while, I learned to consider the source, not take offense, and just go with the flow. And, after I learned to do that, I was better off for it. I use the same technique regarding FIRE. Although, admittedly, since I didn't RE until 58, there really haven't been too many questions or comments.

Anyway....... instead of practicing responses and getting yourself ready to poke 'em back, try just not giving a crap. If you can do it, it's the best scenario IMHO.

If you're the better person, and operating in the more favorable circumstances (and I think you are), you don't need to prove anything, win the argument or anything of the like.

Enjoy FIRE!

 

[Twinkle Toes]

Oops...my post was entered twice... see below.

 

[dumpster56]

After watching the tube today, with people spending silly amounts on TVs and other high end stuff no wonder most will never retire. Early? Nope not many.

I think she was just a talker, you know the type, the know it all. I wonder how much debt they carry. It feels so good to have no debt. It feels so good that I did ER at 50.

 

[Twinkle Toes]

Has this ever happened to you and how did you deal with it? I am sure the critics will come out of the woodwork closer to my ER date. I am still stunned about this.

Tomcat98

Yes, so many times you wouldn't believe it. We decided to call it quits at 49 in 1996...just couldn't stand any more "fun" in the corporate world. People at work didn't believe me when I said I was going to leave in May, then they asked me to stay until December when most of the contracts I managed terminated. I agreed, so there was a lot of time for questions such as is your hubby a lot older than you...no same age...is he retiring from the military...no...how will you live...on our assests. That part was a little funny. The response we got from others, even family, after we quit was not so funny. Lots of resentment.

My mom was happy for us, but MIL, FIL and BIL were embaressed at our state of unemployment and made snide remarks at every opportunity. Finally, we said this is enough and if you can't accept us for who we are, then we will just keep our distance. Took about two years of nothing but frosty holiday and special occasion "contact" before they decided to be nice. Things finally returned to normal or at least a new acceptable normal.

As for friends...some, maybe most, of that group changed...found other early retirees with common interests...not a bad group...and we don't usually discuss investment strategies...just have fun.

Strangers and acquaintances...just don't go there, especially if they are a lot older...resentment never seems to be more than surface deep and the more you discuss your situation, the closer to the surface it gets. It's a no win situation. Casually find an excuse to move on.

There is a a line from one of Jimmy Buffet's songs that says it all...breathe in, breathe out, move on.

 

[Jeb-NY]

If anyone suggests that I might have to w*rk in the future I ask if I can try my next carreer on them. When they say 'what', I say 'Welcome to Walmart, clothing for the seriously obese is in aisle 22'.

I may have to update my comment to people that question if my early retirement will really work. I already was telling them I had two backup plans. "Welcome to Walmart" and "Do you want fries with that"

Jeb

 

[W2R]

I mentioned at work that I plan to retire in two years, at age 61. That's not especially early!! But still, I got some skeptical comments. People wondered aloud how I could possibly afford to retire by then. The phone rang and I never had a chance to respond to those queries.

I think they are assuming that retirement means living on my present income, when in reality I plan to live on much less (as I have been doing all along, of course). I also think that they are curious about whether I inherited a fortune when my wealthy mother died earlier this year, or not. To them, that could be the only reason I can afford to retire in a couple of years and they can't.

In reality, I haven't seen a penny yet and my ER plans do not take any possible inheritance into account.

 

[JDARNELL]

After all those conversations you've had with that woman's husband, it's interesting that he didn't rise to your defense. Maybe he knows better than to challenge her assumptions. I hope that he's not working because it's easier than retiring with her.


You have to care what the right people think. Your kids will let you know that you're making the right choices, and you're probably going to be starting terminal leave just as they enter the "teen danger zone". Your spouse will be more than happy to let you deal with that time of their lives, which will probably make diapers look easy.

You should tell the woman that you're:
1. Retiring to take care of the kids while your spouse ramps up her career, or
2. You've always wanted to be an at-home parent sitting around all day watching TV & eating bonbons.

The husband definately knew what was worth falling on his sword for. He just grinned and shook his head in the background. He is in his mid 40s and recently took the govt retirement seminar. He told me that he has just hit the big ramp up in retirement pay under the old system and the opportunity cost of retiring was now to high. He has the golden handcuffs. But there are times when I am on leave he gets the "blue Flu" and we take the kids to a baseball/hockey game etc.

Yes my kids will be at the pre teen stage when I punch and I intend to be fully engaged. Every break/summer vacation I intend to be doing something with them keeping them occupied, showing them things etc. Plus the involvement with school activities, sports, boy scouts, Awanas, etc.

You may see us "Space Aing" thru your part of the world with our backpacks and swim trunks. Can I get a surfing lesson I plan on having the basement finished so there is an area for them and their friends to hang out. Oh yeah and a freezer full of pizzas.

Spouse is a realtor and really keeps hopping so having me around to help her more is a good thing. I prefer to stay in the background.

Mom, FIL, MIL & BIL are all on board with the plan. They think it is great that we should have more flexibility to visit and do things together. FIL has come a long way from when we first met. The other day he told me I had done a great job taking care of his daughter and his grandkids. Now after 15+ years if he would let me call him by his first name that would be progress. But in the grand scheme of things calling him Dr. ____ works.

Tomcat98

 

[REWahoo]

The other day he told me I had done a great job taking care of his daughter and his grandkids. Now after 15+ years if he would let me call him by his first name that would be progress.

Heh, must be a generational FIL thing. I'm in the same boat...just add 25 years.

 

[template]

...
Mom, FIL, MIL & BIL are all on board with the plan...

I retired without consulting my mom or inlaws, though I mentioned it to my mom ahead of time. My mom was a little concerned that retiring at 49 was too early, but she didn't belabor the point.

My father-in-law seemed worried after I retired that I didn't have a job. He was a hard worker all his life, right up until he passed away in his 70s. FIL was a homeowner, but had virtually no savings so he couldn't retire.

My wife and I lived the LBYM philosphy. My inlaws lived just above the paycheck-to-paycheck level.

I never told my inlaws how much money we stockpiled. They would not have understood that our money has to last us for the next few decades. I didn't want them hounding us to spend dough on trips with them to the casinos, lending money to the deadbeat/drunk SIL and BIL, etc.

 

[maddythebeagle]

I agree with the other posts....talking about financial matters with the great unclean masses is a bad idea...besides, maybe some of this might be to show some superiority, which I dont see the point of...a lot of these holiday get togethers are often people trying to make themselves look better than they actually are....

 

[JDARNELL]

I never told my inlaws how much money we stockpiled.

We don't have this discussion either. In fact anytime $$ is mentioned I tell my FIL that I really don't want to know his position as it is their business not mine. I do have a good idea on Net Worth with my mom but we really don't discuss it. The conversations tend to be more around when she is going to retire and how much travel she is going to do. She owns a travel agency and she already travels a lot. My concern for all our parents is that there is enough to make sure they are taken care of, not how much any inheritance might be. This does come up periodically when we get the "is there anything specific you want when we depart?"

tomcat98

 

[Nords]

You may see us "Space Aing" thru your part of the world with our backpacks and swim trunks. Can I get a surfing lesson

Absolutely... between Hickam & Kaneohe it's never been easier to hop out here and there's plenty of Navy Lodges in addition to the Hale Koa. Who knows, the AF might even have guest quarters available now!

Give us a call if you need a ride-- I've spent a lot of midwatch time in that Hickam PAX terminal.

 

[Meadbh]

Underestimated is exactly what I like being...

CFB, don't let your third grade teacher read that sentence!

 

[firewhen]

To each his/her own

There have been a number of posts in the past, but I agree the best rule of thumb is to say nothing. They don't ask permission of us to live paycheck to paycheck, and work into their 60's and beyond. They do not need to know that we can stop working decades before. When I stop, I will make up some white lie, like I am a financial consultant (I will be--for myself). Life is for living. Doesn't mean you have to work for 40+ years to be a productive member of society. I have gradually started to get involved in some non-profits and causes and can see ramping that up when the time comes and I am able to.

I have been in a few settings where people have said something like "you have another 15 or 20 years to go". The most I have said is I hope not, or I do not know how I will be able to put up with the grind at that age. I have never mentioned that will not be because I do not have to.

My advice is to share your thoughts/plans/fears with us here, and do not worry about the naysayers.

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

CFB, don't let your third grade teacher read that sentence!

I forgot the [yoda] and [/yoda]

My third grade teacher was also my dads third grade teacher. I think she was in her 90's. Good chance i'm safe from scrutiny.

 

[Goonie]

The only resentment toward me ER'ing, hasn't really been spoken but merely implied. My siblings are a bit ticked off that I ER'd at 50. They are both older than myself, and HAVE to keep w*rking for many years to come. They were NEVER LBYM'ers. Both are in their late 50's, and haven't got much, if any savings or investments to speak of. Any time we talk, I can sense a tinge of jealousy on their part. Oh well! Not my problem!

They each called here on Thanksgiving, but Mom answered and talked to them....I got out of it! Of course she let them know how much fun I've been having since I retired in the Spring. "He's really been busy in the garden and the yard this year. And he's been traveling a lot, in fact he has 4 big trips planned for next year already! Plus he's been tinkering around in his shop and hobby room. He's REALLY enjoying retirement!"

They're planning on retiring in their late 60's....maybe. But I guess that's the difference between planning for the future when your young, and planning for the future once your already there. It would be nice if they were happy (or even content) about my ER, but I won't lose any sleep over it. Life goes on!

But other than them, I've had nothing but glad tidings and good wishes from all my other family members and friends! Everyone else thinks it's great that I was fortunate enough to be able to pull the plug so young!

 

[Goonie]

My third grade teacher was also my dads third grade teacher. I think she was in her 90's. Good chance i'm safe from scrutiny.

I don't know. I think some 3rd grade teachers live almost forever. Mine just passed away this summer.....at 103! She out lasted my grade school principal by 1 year. The principal was 102 when she passed away!

Besides applying the 'board of education' to my 'seat of understanding', I hope they also instilled their longevity into me!

 

[Khan]

I don't know. I think some 3rd grade teachers live almost forever. Mine just passed away this summer.....at 103! She out lasted my grade school principal by 1 year. The principal was 102 when she passed away!

Besides applying the 'board of education' to my 'seat of understanding', I hope they also instilled their longevity into me!

Years ago (when I was about 40) my mother showed me a local newspaper article about my 3rd grade teacher. It was about her 100th birthday. Miss Van Ess.

 

[Moemg]

The only resentment toward me ER'ing, hasn't really been spoken but merely implied. My siblings are a bit ticked off that I ER'd at 50. They are both older than myself, and HAVE to keep w*rking for many years to come. They were NEVER LBYM'ers. Both are in their late 50's, and haven't got much, if any savings or investments to speak of. Any time we talk, I can sense a tinge of jealousy on their part. Oh well! Not my problem!

I have some slight resentment from my sister who always thought she was smarter than me in all aspects .She's still working at 64 but hey they had a great LAYM life while I squirreled money away .

 

[Goonie]

I have some slight resentment from my sister who always thought she was smarter than me in all aspects .She's still working at 64 but hey they had a great LAYM life while I squirreled money away .

Yep, same here. Mine is 56, nearing her 57th. She told my Mom the other day that she is tentatively planning to retire at 67. She also just took on a 2nd j*b to help make ends meet. It's ironic how LAYM catches up, at the worst possible time in life.....when your getting around retirement age. I'm afraid she's got a long row to hoe. Too bad she didn't learn at least a little about LBYM from our folks and grandparents.........Oh, that's right! I forgot! She was smarter than them!!!

 

[youbet]

So, it's really fun to gloat, huh?

 

[Texas Proud]

My third grade teacher was also my dads third grade teacher. I think she was in her 90's. Good chance i'm safe from scrutiny.

LOL... my sister had a number of student's like that... she taught 41 years and did teach the kids of some of her former students...

she retired a few years ago, but if she had stayed could have had taught one of the granddaughter of one... she said she was glad it did not happen.

 

[Goonie]

So, it's really fun to gloat, huh?

It's not gloating....it's just stating the way things are. She has ALWAYS let it be known how "smart" she is. She NEVER 'needed' or accepted advice from anyone.....ESPECIALLY family members. If you knew "the rest of the story", as Paul Harvey says, you'd shake your head in total amazement! She's set a marvelous example of what NOT to do, and how NOT to do it.

However, there IS a partial happy ending to the story. Her 3 kids learned from her mistakes and poor choices, and all of them are definitely LBYM types. They're all very shrewd with their money, and aren't into 'stuff'. They all enthusiastically enjoy life, and the 2 older kids own their own businesses, and have one or two joint ventures together. They've also traveled all over the world on a shoestring, spending only a few dollars a day. They walked and biked all over India, Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, China, Pakistan, Central & South America, Mexico, Canada, Europe, and Russia. Not bad for a couple of 'twenty-somethings'. They also do a lot of volunteer work. The youngest is still at home, but banks every red cent, and lives far below her means. She's definitely NOT a material girl! I'm sure she'll follow in her siblings footsteps.

I bet all 3 will be FIRE'd by their early 40's or sooner.

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

LOL... my sister had a number of student's like that... she taught 41 years and did teach the kids of some of her former students...

she retired a few years ago, but if she had stayed could have had taught one of the granddaughter of one... she said she was glad it did not happen.

It was funny when my Dad showed up and dropped me off at class on my first day. She still remembered him and he suddenly turned into an 8 year old in front of her.