I don't know whether to be offended or more determined

[Gekko]

I agree with the other posts....talking about financial matters with the great unclean masses is a bad idea...besides, maybe some of this might be to show some superiority, which I dont see the point of...a lot of these holiday get togethers are often people trying to make themselves look better than they actually are....

Couldn't agree more. I'm not RE'd yet, but I am FI and could pull the trigger anywhere from right now to 10 years from now. Really just depends on what lifestyle I'd like to have and where I'd like to live. I like to keep friends and family in the dark about our finances. No point in rubbing it in. There is no positive way to discuss these topics with most people. I get enough envy vibes just from what little people already know. I could only imagine if I up and annouced I was retiring in my mid-40's. Whenever people probe too much, I just start joking around and change the subject. Oddly, other people seem quite willing to give me too much information on their own affairs.

 

[Milton]

What she was really saying is "I/we can't do it, so neither can you!". And the best way to deal with it is to change the subject when someone asks you about your plans.

Yes, I agree. In most situations, the best response to questions about your future plans is just to say that you haven't thought that far ahead (affecting a rueful attitude, with perhaps a grimace about "just paying the mortgage is all I can manage right now!").

You just have to keep moving along, knowing that you are doing the best for your kids. Make sure that you tell them about Early Retirement so they don't tell their teachers that you don't have a job.

Who cares what the teachers think?

I am 38 and work for City Government where EVERYONE but me is on the 30 year and out plan. I opted for the self-managed plan. One day a fella of similar age/senority as me made the comment that WE would be there 20ish more years. I said, NO, I have 5-8 more years to go. The room got quiet. They all knew I only have several years in.
I explained that I was in the self managed plan AND a deferred comp plan and that I would retire with 15-18 years and get the same payout I would have gotten in 30. They chose to disbelieve me and treated it as a joke.

You are apparently a (blue collar?) municipal employee, and so have the freedom to disclose your plans without fear of repercussion. But for most executives or professionals, admitting that you plan on being FIRE'd is unwise: you might just as well stay in the running for raises, bonuses, promotions and other incentives for the remainder of your employment.

 

[slazenger]

I have let it slip a few times at work to some friends I'm closer to that plan on retiring early. I've found mentioning it to not really be a problem because when I read their faces upon saying it, I read that they just don't believe me or that I couldn't actually pull it off.

There are those that do no planning at all but claim they're going to retire early too. It seems to be quite the popular thing to say whether you mean it or not. So I guess its easy to write off anyone saying that because others mentally just think "yeah right".

So, I don't see myself getting the resentment treatment until I actually back it up by beginning out-processing someday.

 

[Martha]

There are those that do no planning at all but claim they're going to retire early too. It seems to be quite the popular thing to say whether you mean it or not. So I guess its easy to write off anyone saying that because others mentally just think "yeah right".

This reminds me of what a surprising number of people used to say to me (IIRC, exclusively men) when I told them I was a lawyer. They would that they were going to be lawyers too, but blah blah blah, they chose a much better path. My SIL who is a medical doctor told me that the same thing would happen to her. Almost like people were trying to minimize what we did for a living.

 

[clifp]

This reminds me of what a surprising number of people used to say to me (IIRC, exclusively men) when I told them I was a lawyer. They would that they were going to be lawyers too, but blah blah blah, they chose a much better path. My SIL who is a medical doctor told me that the same thing would happen to her. Almost like people were trying to minimize what we did for a living.

I was going to be a lawyer, but then I found out that marketing types could get away with being just as sleazy, worked shorter hours, and were the butt of fewer jokes.

Seriously, even in my generation lots of guys were uncomfortable around a high status woman and its pretty hard to come out on top in the "my job is cooler than your job" competition with a doctor or lawyer. I think the situation has changed for Gen Y, "oh you are a lawyer cool are you married need a house husband?"

 

[Nords]

I think the situation has changed for Gen Y, "oh you are a lawyer cool are you married need a house husband?"

Dual-military Gen Y friends of ours-- he a P-3 pilot, she a doctor-- left the Navy and started living their dream of sailing around the world. They aborted that plan when she was became pregnant with twins (how does that happen on port & stbd watch rotation?) and returned home near one set of in-laws. She went back to the hospital she'd been a resident at and is pursuing her career. He's the world's happiest stay-at-home parent; four kids now and probably thinking about more.

Maybe the trick is to live with one o' them there high-status wimmin so that we don't have to feel intimidated by comparison? That's what my spouse tells me.

 

[template]

..... But for most executives or professionals, admitting that you plan on being FIRE'd is unwise: you might just as well stay in the running for raises, bonuses, promotions and other incentives for the remainder of your employment.

Happened to a friend and coworker. He announced his planned retirement date to his boss and everyone else. Then he got cold feet, changed his mind, and publicly postponed his retirement by about 6 months.

Because he announced his retirement intentions, he received no bonus. Almost everyone else got a bonus that year which was quite substantial and he had always received bonuses in the past.

 

[SecondCor521]

I'd be too slow to think of it if I were in the OP's shoes, but I think after she finished ranting, a long pause followed by a full belly maniacal laugh with no further explanation could be pretty funny.

2Cor521

 

[haha]

This reminds me of what a surprising number of people used to say to me (IIRC, exclusively men) when I told them I was a lawyer. They would that they were going to be lawyers too, but blah blah blah, they chose a much better path. My SIL who is a medical doctor told me that the same thing would happen to her. Almost like people were trying to minimize what we did for a living.

Aren't men too much! The crap some of us try to pull, thinking that you all are so naive that we aren't busted straight from the gate. Just because you don't call us out doesn't mean you aren't thinking what losers we are being.

I made a long careful study of women, and what I found was that all of them are way smarter than they let on, at least once they are over 17 or 18 years old.

What is the saying? "Never underestimate a woman."


Ha

 

[armor99]

This is a really interesting thread to read. I find it very interesting the reaction that some people have to other peoples achievements. There are some that look at another man's achievement and say... "Wow... that is great!!! How did you accomplish that? I need to learn from you so that maybe I can achieve something great as well!". Then there is another whole group of people, that look at anyone that has achieved more than they have, with absolute contempt and disdain. As in "How DARE you have more than me, or accomplish more than me?" As if somehow, you having more than they do, means that you TOOK something away from them in the process, which is certainly not true.
Remember the truth about people like that. They do not want to be rich... they want you to be poor. They do not wish to achieve for themselves, they want others to give to them. They do not want to succeed... they want you to fail. They do not believe in things like hard work and making progress towards a goal, they belive that life is random, and that people got the careers they did because of the "job lottery". What it really comes down to, is a form of dillusional escapeism. If they continue to believe that life is random, and there is nothing they could ever do to improve their lives at all, then it also absolves them of any and all responsiblities for their own actions. They attack you because you are destroying their fantasy that they have been living with for years. Attacking you is far easier than to actually accept the mess they have made of their own lives.

 

[travelover]

This is a really interesting thread to read......................They attack you because you are destroying their fantasy that they have been living with for years. Attacking you is far easier than to actually accept the mess they have made of their own lives.

Good summary, Armor.

 

[Milton]

Then there is another whole group of people, that look at anyone that has achieved more than they have, with absolute contempt and disdain. As in "How DARE you have more than me, or accomplish more than me?" As if somehow, you having more than they do, means that you TOOK something away from them in the process, which is certainly not true.

Remember the truth about people like that. They do not want to be rich... they want you to be poor. They do not wish to achieve for themselves, they want others to give to them. They do not want to succeed... they want you to fail. They do not believe in things like hard work and making progress towards a goal, they belive that life is random, and that people got the careers they did because of the "job lottery". What it really comes down to, is a form of dillusional escapeism.

Tall poppy syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[haha]

Tall poppy syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I think we are perhaps patting ourselves a little too hard on the backs here. Plenty of working people would not want to trade their cash flow and spending ability with any but the richest of us.

J.C. Flowers, or Bill Gates might be tall poppies, but not a bunch of penny pinchers with one to four million dollars. My son once said to me, "Why do you want to give up so much control over your destiny?"

Who knows, obviously some of us do. But a good job or business beats the hell out of obsessing about withdrawal rates.

Ha

 

[mountaintosea]

I just told my brothers and their wives that I retired on 11-09. They were shocked but didn't really say anything. I haven't told my parents. I've heard the oh you are too young or you will be bored etc. from them. I can understand your feelings about this. I can understand you retiring in your early 40's! Good for you! Follow Nords!

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

"Why do you want to give up so much control over your destiny?"

Funny. Thats the very reason why I quit working. So I'd have more control over my destiny.

 

[mountaintosea]

This reminds me of what a surprising number of people used to say to me (IIRC, exclusively men) when I told them I was a lawyer. They would that they were going to be lawyers too, but blah blah blah, they chose a much better path. My SIL who is a medical doctor told me that the same thing would happen to her. Almost like people were trying to minimize what we did for a living.

Martha,
I just had to add that I also heard these comments a lot! Must be universal!

 

[TickTock]

Dang. I misread that as "tall poopy syndrome" the first time, and so declined to click on the link.

 

[Martha]

Given that I am reading the book Mistakes were Made (But not by Me), I am thinking that a number of these comments about retiring or what you do for a living are partly due to the need to reinforce people's own life decisions. All about cognitive dissonance: "I am a smart and capable person, I could not possibly have made bad decisions."

Otherwise, we would have a hard time sleeping at night.

 

[clifp]

I think we are perhaps patting ourselves a little too hard on the backs here. Plenty of working people would not want to trade their cash flow and spending ability with any but the richest of us.

J.C. Flowers, or Bill Gates might be tall poppies, but not a bunch of penny pinchers with one to four million dollars. My son once said to me, "Why do you want to give up so much control over your destiny?"

Who knows, obviously some of us do. But a good job or business beats the hell out of obsessing about withdrawal rates.

Ha

Probably quite true, but obsessing about withdrawal rates and exchanging cracks about poor working stiffs, beats most BAD jobs.

 

[pl05br]

nice post, armor99. Bang on!

 

[youbet]

I think we are perhaps patting ourselves a little too hard on the backs here.
Ha

On this board? Noooo way! Come on Ha, you know that all the folks on this board are confident, self-assured folks who would never need to talk up their own life decisions and put down others to feel good about themselves! We're perfect and anyone leading their lives differently from us is just a dummy.

 

[bssc]

My wife is an engineer and works on the company's national support line. There are still people who get her and assume she is a secretary and ask to speak to an engineer. And when we go into place like Home Depot or Fry's Electronics, the salesdrones will try to talk to me even though she is asking the questions. After all, women aren't supposed to know these things.

 

[Meadbh]

Martha,
I just had to add that I also heard these comments a lot! Must be universal!

Curious.....this has never happened to me.

 

[Milton]

Given that I am reading the book Mistakes were Made (But not by Me), I am thinking that a number of these comments about retiring or what you do for a living are partly due to the need to reinforce people's own life decisions. All about cognitive dissonance: "I am a smart and capable person, I could not possibly have made bad decisions."

Thank you for the reference. I have ordered the book (from the library, natch!); it sounds interesting.

 

[TickTock]

I think we are perhaps patting ourselves a little too hard on the backs here. Plenty of working people would not want to trade their cash flow and spending ability with any but the richest of us.

No doubt, but I'd think those folks would react with pity or incomprehension to the ER, not hostility and a rant. The hostility/rant tends to indicate envy to me.

J.C. Flowers, or Bill Gates might be tall poppies, but not a bunch of penny pinchers with one to four million dollars.

I don't know about that. Median wealth for the world is $2,200 per adult. Top 10% is $61,000. link

Anyone want to redistribute their wealth back to the world median? Or the top 10%? Not me.

However, consider the US.

Household wealth of >$1m qualifies for top 10% link Tall poppies, perhaps.

My son once said to me, "Why do you want to give up so much control over your destiny?"

Who knows, obviously some of us do. But a good job or business beats the hell out of obsessing about withdrawal rates.

For some folks. Not for others. I intend to find out which category I fall into someday.