Live in the Moment?

[freebird5825]

There's a pearl, thanks. Too often people think retirement is nirvana by definition. If you've been unhappy prior to retirement, it seems unlikely you'll automatically be happy in retirement. [I've had too much wine this evening, just in case I regret this post manana].

Oh, not so fast. I am living proof of misery turning to happiness in the blink of a resignation letter sent by email from home on a scheduled day off. It all happened at the speed of light. Whoooooooossssssshhhhhh

PS Enjoy your buzz , take 2 aspirin with lots of water and call me in the morning.

 

[pasadenaDC]

Interesting post, I'm 30 y/o as well with a 95th percentile job with ER somewhere on my horizon. My struggle is that I'm always thinking twice (okay maybe three or four times) before spending money and I just have a hard time spending in the now... thinking that it may be more useful later. I use it as a mental security blanket, which can be quite inhibiting. It feels like no amount of money in the bank can really make me happy. I know money does not equal happiness. But dang, sometimes having an excess is just more stressful than living with much much less.

I have TRIED to value experiences (travel, vacations, hiking, outings with friends/family) and spend accordingly versus buying CRAP/STUFF and it has served me well for the most part. But still, its always eating at me. I appreciate all the responses in this thread. I'm always cycling this stuff in my head....

 

[simple girl]

GS, I have been battling this off and on for quite a while now myself. It seems when we change things up a bit, it helps me for a while. For example, changing jobs, or moving, or as others have said, trying a new hobby. Still, I struggle with this issue, especially when we come back from vacation.

 

[W2R]

Interesting post, I'm 30 y/o as well with a 95th percentile job with ER somewhere on my horizon. My struggle is that I'm always thinking twice (okay maybe three or four times) before spending money and I just have a hard time spending in the now... thinking that it may be more useful later. I use it as a mental security blanket, which can be quite inhibiting. It feels like no amount of money in the bank can really make me happy. I know money does not equal happiness. But dang, sometimes having an excess is just more stressful than living with much much less.

I have TRIED to value experiences (travel, vacations, hiking, outings with friends/family) and spend accordingly versus buying CRAP/STUFF and it has served me well for the most part. But still, its always eating at me. I appreciate all the responses in this thread. I'm always cycling this stuff in my head....

Your post reminds me so much of my big brother. He was in the same position at your age, and not spending much. He was the family miser and when he was a kid, his favorite cartoon character was Scrooge McDuck.

Anyway, he retired at around 50 (49? maybe), and then once his future income was assured, he was able to start spending more. He has enough that despite withdrawals, I suspect that his portfolio is growing in the long term. He lives in St. Louis but bought a second home on Maui, and has been doing a lot of international travel every year. Unlike me, he has the travel bug. He bought a new Corvette at the beginning of ER but realized that he was really happier driving an old truck, so he got one and left the Corvette in the garage except for an occasional outing. He still drives a truck but buys whatever appeals to him. He has plenty of STUFF now, as well as experiences, and he is most definitely living the good life and enjoying it.

I guess that what I am saying is that *if* you survive to ER, you may find that spending doesn't bother you as much and that you were glad that you did it your way. Life is a gamble.

 

[hankster]

DW and I made a decision a few years ago to generously fund a budget category for travel. We realize that this will take some money that could make our nest egg grow faster and possibly move ER up a year or two. But we're both alive and in good health. We hiked several miles at the Grand Canyon in June. Who knows if we'll be healthy enough to do that in 8 years? Her mother passed away at age 61.

We'll continue to seek that balance between saving for a more prosperous retirement while enjoying our traveling in these years of good health. I'm fortunate to have a lot of vacation time and she can take unpaid leave with sufficient notice.

 

[GoodSense]

Sorry I wasn't able to respond until now. It was a busy day at w*rk with out-of-town staff from the headquarters. Always a bit more chaotic when that happens...

It was great to read all the responses! Sounds like it's a common sentiment around here. Like some, I am also a planner and want to map things out, even if things don't go my way. I love do a ton of vacation planning. I think it's the same issue with life -- I want to control how it goes. Even though that is a good thing, most of the time, it can be stifling.

I do have a lot of hobbies: singing, painting, easy hiking. My biggest bug is travel. I love traveling, both domestically and internationally. A part of the problem is that I always travel on a small budget, and stay in youth hostels where everyone else is traveling for 3 month to a year at a time. I met some people in Costa Rica in April and they are still traveling down south, in Bolivia now. It's more the comparison that makes me feel that my life is "on hold," like Kronk said. It's my version of "keeping up with the Joneses" but with a regular job, I am of course unable to keep up. Maybe I need to start hanging out with different people.

I like the idea of taking extra time off. Weekends are OK, but they are usually fairly busy with mandatory chores. Maybe I need to designate time to just enjoy it without trying to check things off my list.

I have thought about changing jobs, and may pursue it in the next year or so. I have come to realize that there is dysfunction in all jobs, and no job will make me completely happy. But a new job will at least offer some novelty for a few years.

A couple of posts mentioned kids. That certainly makes one a lot more aware of time passing. Right now I don't feel that different than when I was 10 years ago. I guess with children you naturally think about their growing bigger, your growing older, and the need to carpe diem.

A part of me also wonders if my life is too good, that I am taking it for granted. It's hard to just change one's attitude without the environment changing, though. I find that after I travel to a developing country, I always feel very grateful for what I have. But the euphoria fades away quickly as I am getting to my daily grind of w*rk.

Anyway thanks a ton for the food for thought!

 

[BunsGettingFirm]

Good thread. I was in that mode for a while too in my early 30s. Thank goodness to the backward sliding portfolio that I realized that I really need to have some fun now. Money is just money. Don't blow it all, but don't hoard it all. Rolling around in a mattress full of money just give you paper cuts in places you don't want to have paper cuts.

 

[Mill]

I also get caught up in the spend it now or save it for later debate with myself. I think it all boils down to doing whatever gives you the most satisfaction/security with your money. Personally, I like to save and invest and watch my money grow. Its fun to me, and it gives me more pleasure than buying stuff. A Live-above-your-means type would think this is a miserly; boring way to live, but your life is yours, and it is what you make it. As others have mentioned, tomorrow is not guaranteed, so live your life the way you want to, and if it involves spending money, or taking an extra vacation, then so be it.

I value my free time, so I take 6 or 7 weeks vacation a year. I only get 2 paid weeks, and the 5 unpaid weeks a year; times 20-25? years will undoubtedly delay FIRE. I think how much more ahead I could be, but youve got to live your life with some balance.

good thread.

 

[meekie]

A part of the problem is that I always travel on a small budget, and stay in youth hostels where everyone else is traveling for 3 month to a year at a time. I met some people in Costa Rica in April and they are still traveling down south, in Bolivia now. It's more the comparison that makes me feel that my life is "on hold," like Kronk said. It's my version of "keeping up with the Joneses" but with a regular job, I am of course unable to keep up. Maybe I need to start hanging out with different people.

I seem to just run into the people who are taking the bare minimum amount of time off and doing way too much. Just think about all the people who are doing less travel than you.

I like the idea of taking extra time off. Weekends are OK, but they are usually fairly busy with mandatory chores. Maybe I need to designate time to just enjoy it without trying to check things off my list.

One of the best spending ideas we added a few years ago was a regular housekeeper every two weeks. Paying for that and a gardener is so worth it to enjoy my free time more. I'm trying to pay people more than doing things around the house, and trying to value my time more than my money.

 

[eridanus]

Set a goal, find out how much you need to save, put the savings on auto-draft, and spend the rest.

In theory, anyway.

 

[pasadenaDC]

Your post reminds me so much of my big brother. He was in the same position at your age, and not spending much. He was the family miser and when he was a kid, his favorite cartoon character was Scrooge McDuck.

Anyway, he retired at around 50 (49? maybe), and then once his future income was assured, he was able to start spending more. He has enough that despite withdrawals, I suspect that his portfolio is growing in the long term. He lives in St. Louis but bought a second home on Maui, and has been doing a lot of international travel every year. Unlike me, he has the travel bug. He bought a new Corvette at the beginning of ER but realized that he was really happier driving an old truck, so he got one and left the Corvette in the garage except for an occasional outing. He still drives a truck but buys whatever appeals to him. He has plenty of STUFF now, as well as experiences, and he is most definitely living the good life and enjoying it.

I guess that what I am saying is that *if* you survive to ER, you may find that spending doesn't bother you as much and that you were glad that you did it your way. Life is a gamble.

Thanks for this MSR. Funny, I am called a miser by my parents and sister. The same parents which I've freely given over 10K the last few years and the same sister which was given 10K to finance her 'dream wedding' Yet they know I have XX dollars in the bank and it boggles their mind that I could save that much.

To be honest, I've stopped telling even close family of my savings 'number' because they look to me as a bank. For example, my mom suggested I loan her 3-4K for new windows on her house which she would pay back when she sells her house in a few years. Ahuh. Mind you my dad makes more than I do yet they don't have it in their mind to just save up for it.

I tolerate this type of talk and at the end of the day love my family unconditionally. Didn't mean to turn this into a vent, but yeah, it stinks sometimes to be fiscally responsible yet teased for it at the same time. Perhaps being a grumpy young man is in my future?

 

[W2R]

Thanks for this MSR. Funny, I am called a miser by my parents and sister. The same parents which I've freely given over 10K the last few years and the same sister which was given 10K to finance her 'dream wedding' Yet they know I have XX dollars in the bank and it boggles their mind that I could save that much.

To be honest, I've stopped telling even close family of my savings 'number' because they look to me as a bank. For example, my mom suggested I loan her 3-4K for new windows on her house which she would pay back when she sells her house in a few years. Ahuh. Mind you my dad makes more than I do yet they don't have it in their mind to just save up for it.

I tolerate this type of talk and at the end of the day love my family unconditionally. Didn't mean to turn this into a vent, but yeah, it stinks sometimes to be fiscally responsible yet teased for it at the same time. Perhaps being a grumpy young man is in my future?

That truly does stink! It is such a shame that you were teased about it, and that your family actually borrowed money from you. George was our family "miser", yes, but that was considered to be admirable in my (Scottish) family, just as my other brother's creative genius was considered to be his most admirable quality. Nobody in our family has ever asked George for money or accepted even one cent from him, despite the fact that he is quite wealthy now.

 

[freebird5825]

...I have XX dollars in the bank and it boggles their mind that I could save that much.
To be honest, I've stopped telling even close family of my savings 'number' because they look to me as a bank.
...but yeah, it stinks sometimes to be fiscally responsible yet teased for it at the same time. Perhaps being a grumpy young man is in my future?

Psssssssttttttt...and do trust me about this one.

Repeat these 3 magic words, 3x on a full moon night.
"It's all invested"
"It's all invested"
"It's all invested"

Or, just practice in front of a mirror to get it right.

 

[pasadenaDC]

Psssssssttttttt...and do trust me about this one.

Repeat these 3 magic words, 3x on a full moon night.
"It's all invested"
"It's all invested"
"It's all invested"

Or, just practice in front of a mirror to get it right.

Sounds good! Thanks for the responses FB5825 and W2R, and for the record..outside of the loan requests my parents do always tell me that they are proud of me and usually gush about me to their friends (esp. if they have young single daughters lol)

I didn't mean to hijack this thread but yeah... the perspective/insight from those with more life experience than me is ALWAYS appreciated. Thanks again guys.

 

[GoodSense]

PasadenaDC, I am surprised your family share with each other how much you have in the bank. No one in my family is expected to share that. It's interesting to hear how different families operate differently.

 

[Jay_Gatsby]

Thanks for this MSR. Funny, I am called a miser by my parents and sister. The same parents which I've freely given over 10K the last few years and the same sister which was given 10K to finance her 'dream wedding' Yet they know I have XX dollars in the bank and it boggles their mind that I could save that much.

To be honest, I've stopped telling even close family of my savings 'number' because they look to me as a bank. For example, my mom suggested I loan her 3-4K for new windows on her house which she would pay back when she sells her house in a few years. Ahuh. Mind you my dad makes more than I do yet they don't have it in their mind to just save up for it.

I tolerate this type of talk and at the end of the day love my family unconditionally. Didn't mean to turn this into a vent, but yeah, it stinks sometimes to be fiscally responsible yet teased for it at the same time. Perhaps being a grumpy young man is in my future?

Interesting situation. My wife and I are in a similar one. We both earn very high salaries, far more than any of our siblings. Yet we live in a 3-bedroom condo walk-up and drive sensible cars (late-model Honda vehicles). Our respective families look at us and wonder why we don't "live a little more" by buying nicer cars, another flat panel TV, new cell phones, etc.... We shrug and say what my father often said (paraphrase) - "if it still functions and does everything I need it to do, why replace it?"

We like to travel as much as the next couple, but the past few years have been a bit hectic. We're expecting our first child in another month and a half, so travel this year and most of next year is probably out as well. Road trips to places within 1-2 days drive aren't completely out of the picture (hello Disney World ), but strolling along the Seine on a warm spring afternoon is not likely.

 

[Lusitan]

We're expecting our first child in another month and a half, so travel this year and most of next year is probably out as well. Road trips to places within 1-2 days drive aren't completely out of the picture (hello Disney World ), but strolling along the Seine on a warm spring afternoon is not likely.

Congratulations, Jay! But don't count out Paris just because you'll have a little one tagging along. Kids will go with the flow so long as you and your wife are calm enough to not stress about the small stuff (and don't make them the center of the universe). We've taken some pretty cool trips in the first 3 years with our little one, including several trips abroad. Afternoon strolls are still in your future, although late nights sipping French wine out at a bar will probably be on hold for a while (you'll hit the bottle from your hotel room balcony instead ...)

 

[FUEGO]

Congratulations, Jay! But don't count out Paris just because you'll have a little one tagging along. Kids will go with the flow so long as you and your wife are calm enough to not stress about the small stuff (and don't make them the center of the universe). We've taken some pretty cool trips in the first 3 years with our little one, including several trips abroad. Afternoon strolls are still in your future, although late nights sipping French wine out at a bar will probably be on hold for a while (you'll hit the bottle from your hotel room balcony instead ...)

Really? We were just discussing the feasibility of taking our 3 and 4 year olds to Paris or somewhere else in Europe for a week. They complain of being tired after walking 0.25-0.5 miles without fail. They are good to go in an art museum for 30 minutes max. Not much in the Louvre I can see in 30 mins. I don't see how I could pull off a trip to Paris with kids in tow and not pull all of my remaining hair out.

 

[IndependentlyPoor]

Not to mention the poor schmuck sitting in front of your kids on the transatlantic flight enduring 10 hours of them kicking the back of his seat.

 

[NW-Bound]

You all should wait until they are in college before you can truly expect to enjoy such trips. And that is of course assuming that you survive their teenage years. That is when you really lose all your hair.

Meanwhile, enjoy your little kids. I still remember taking time off from work to attend my kids' school plays, and see happy kids on the playground. It is hard to fathom how such cute little kids in elementary schools would grow up to be the obnoxious ones you see in high schools.

 

[haha]

It is hard to fathom how such cute little kids in elementary schools would grow up to be the obnoxious ones you see in high schools.

Our parents had the same question.

Ha

 

[FUEGO]

Not to mention the poor schmuck sitting in front of your kids on the transatlantic flight enduring 10 hours of them kicking the back of his seat.

Exactly. Except how will my kids stay awake if I dose them with benadryl and dremamine? I hear that the side effects may include drowsiness.

You all should wait until they are in college before you can truly expect to enjoy such trips. And that is of course assuming that you survive their teenage years. That is when you really lose all your hair.

Meanwhile, enjoy your little kids. I still remember taking time off from work to attend my kids' school plays, and see happy kids on the playground.

I tend to agree with this. Or at least don't bring very young children and expect them to do much or care about much if you were in, say, Paris.

Maybe there is a sweet spot in the pre-teen years where they are old enough to enjoy the trips and behave but not too old to be seen in public with their parents? Or is that wishful thinking?

In a way I think hauling the kids half way across the globe for a relatively short vacation could be a little selfish and not a particularly productive way to spend your limited time with them. I'd rather take them to the playground in our neighborhood or let them play in the backyard or go swimming or something vs. make them sit quietly through a 24 hour round trip flight to/from Europe at the age they are at now. However I also want to go on some vacations in less than 15 years, so we will probably leave the kids with family and take some short jaunts around the globe. I think a 6-7 day trip to Uruguay and Argentina is the current plan early 2010 at this point.

 

[REWahoo]

Maybe there is a sweet spot in the pre-teen years where they are old enough to enjoy the trips and behave but not too old to be seen in public with their parents? Or is that wishful thinking?

No that actually happens. In our case it was on a Thursday for the older one and on a Saturday for the youngest...

 

[FUEGO]

No that actually happens. In our case it was on a Thursday for the older one and on a Saturday for the youngest...

Too bad the Concord stopped regular service to Paris. Otherwise we could have enjoyed a really great afternoon in the city of lights with our kids.

 

[freebird5825]

Not to mention the poor schmuck sitting in front of your kids on the transatlantic flight enduring 10 hours of them kicking the back of his seat.

That happened to me just recently flying to Barcelona, but the kicks were happening only very occasionally for about 15 minutes.
My nostrils were just beginning to flare...but the mother took care of it before I had to ask her. YAY!