We Really Are Different

[REWahoo]

Knowing I needed every possible advantage to make some sort of impression on the first date, I convinced a friend to let me borrow his car for the occasion. It was nine years old at the time but was still in good shape:

What I drove on the second date was the real test of where the relationship would go. The only similarity between the two was the brand name*...


*I'm referring to the car, of course.

 

[Nords]

This popped up in one of my vocabulary e-mails a few days ago:

It is said that for money you can have everything. No, that is not true. You can buy food, but not appetite; medicine, but not health; soft beds, but not sleep; knowledge but not intelligence; glitter, but not comfort; fun, but not pleasure; acquaintances, but not friendship; servants, but not faithfulness; grey hair, but not honor; quiet days, but not peace. The shell of all things you can get for money. But not the kernel. That cannot be had for money.

(Translated from Norwegian, perhaps by a widow related to UncleMick...)

-Arne Garborg, writer (1851-1924)

 

[Meadbh]

I will never have the luxury of getting bored sitting on $50M

Who needs $50m? I could cheerfully get bored on 10% of that!

 

[youbet]

Most people do not have a personal plan for their future. Some have a very basic plan for their future. This seems to not be correlated with education level or even job success.

I had a plan for ER. It was basic but it seems to have worked. Planned ER at 55. LBYM, save diligently, and invest fairly conservatively (to grow assets over time).

As far as career (or work planning), I have made a few mistakes and done some things right. All in all it has turned out fine.

But did you have fun and enjoy yourself along the way? That would be the real measure of the success of a plan for spending your life.

 

[haha]

But did you have fun and enjoy yourself along the way? That would be the real measure of the success of a plan for spending your life.

I think those of us who were born in mid-century US or Western Europe are the luckiest common people to have ever lived. Just an average path, avoiding terrible illness, prison, etc. pretty much automatically delivers a happy life.

It may never be this good again. At this point my goal is merely to hang in there, as it is easy to be pleased by our average lives. Whether you are retired or not, well off or not are mostly details. The major theme is that we were born to a great cresting wave. Let's hope the run out is gentle.

Ha

 

[chinaco]

I think those of us who were born in mid-century US are the luckiest common people to have ever lived. Just an average path, avoiding terrible illness, prison, etc. pretty much automatically delivers a happy life.

Ha

I agree. Both basic prosperity and standard of living. But when one factors in that the US has pretty good human rights laws... We have to represent the high watermark so far. I would say the same goes for most of Western Europe and Canada.

 

[TromboneAl]

You guys had cars when you met your spouses?!

 

[Onward]

The shell of all things you can get for money. But not the kernel.

I was raised on this Desiderata-type stuff, and I really feel cheated by it. It may have been true in medieval Norway, but US culture has somehow evolved into a place where there simply is no contentment or peace of minid without financial independence. I say this based on my experience and the experience of everyone I know--the looks on their faces on Sunday nights, or after a day of being forced to deal with the petty, hateful people that every workplace seems to have. If your experience is vastly different, I salute you, but I think you are a lucky rarity.

 

[Alan]

You guys had cars when you met your spouses?!

I was thinking the same thing

We'd been together 4 years (married 1 year) before we got our first car. DW2B even paid her own bus fare

 

[haha]

I would say the same goes for most of Western Europe and Canada.

Agree. I changed my post to include this. The main thing better about the US is that the early mid-century US birth cohorts missed the danger and devastation of WW2, which were very much part of Europe including England, and Japan.

Australia and New Zealand have been blessed as well.

Ha

 

[REWahoo]

You guys had cars when you met your spouses?!

Yep. They wouldn't allow me to keep my horse in the dorm parking lot...

 

[bbbamI]

Hey - I owned a (used) '71 Vega (lime green hatchback ). Sure, the block was cracked (replaced under warranty), and it overheated in the summer.

But it was a fun car back in the 70's (and I was already married - no "first impression" to worry about...)

Well I suppose your DW and I have something in common. We looked at the driver and not the wheels.

 

[TromboneAl]

And the stick, right?

 

[bbbamI]

....it's all about the shiftin'....

 

[Gone4Good]

....it's all about the shiftin'....

Sounds like a good first date.

 

[Nords]

It may have been true in medieval Norway, but US culture has somehow evolved into a place where there simply is no contentment or peace of minid without financial independence.

I think he's trying to point out that even financial independence won't buy peace of mind. The 19th-century version of "But... but.. but what will I do all day?"

I forget who said it (Mae West?) but I also like the quote "I've been poor and I've been rich. Rich is better."

If your experience is vastly different, I salute you, but I think you are a lucky rarity.

I think my experience has been vastly different from about 99.5% of the board, but I've preferred the philosophies of "the harder I work the luckier I get" and "fortune favors the prepared mind"...

 

[RonBoyd]

I forget who said it...

Surprised me:

I've been rich and I’ve been poor -- and believe me, rich is better.
Sophie Tucker
US (Russian-born) vaudeville singer (1884 - 1966)

 

[rescueme]

You guys had cars when you met your spouses?!

I didn't. Bought my first car two weeks before I married my first wife, over 40 years ago.

Don't have the car; still have the wife ...

 

[calmloki]

These folks exist. At one point I worked for an extremely bright guy who had a net worth in the $50MM range. Personally, I would have hung up my spurs and lived a full life at well short of that figure. Instead, he was quite happy working 12+ hour days and trying to grow his business and his net worth. It takes all kinds, I guess.

As for me, I realized tonight that all of the regrets I have in life are directly related to my career. What more incentive does one need to try hard to get to FIRE?

Some just aim higher - Sir Richard Branson seems to balance his time pretty well. Making bunches of money doesn't necessarily mean your life sucks.

Egotastic! - Denni Parkinson: Nude Model Girlfriend of Sir Richard Branson

 

[Khan]

Poor = happy is a meme spread by those with money.

I have enough to live on and to give away some; can't imagine I'd be less content with more money.

My EX used to get upset because I wouldn't spend money.

 

[bbbamI]

Sounds like a good first date.

Yes..it was. It's lasted over 33 years.

However instead of shifting gears, we're more into cruise control now. I suppose that's ok 'cause after that many years, we've found we're built for comfort and not for speed...

...well every once in a while I rev up my engine....

 

[pinot]

Egotastic! - Denni Parkinson: Nude Model Girlfriend of Sir Richard Branson

Better read the fine print (not that it changes your point):

Correction Update: Oops! Denni Parkinson is actually the photographer's girlfriend, not Branson's, who is in fact married. Still, it doesn't suck to be a Billionaire (or a photographer, I guess).

 

[clifp]

Better read the fine print (not that it changes your point):

Correction Update: Oops! Denni Parkinson is actually the photographer's girlfriend, not Branson's, who is in fact married. Still, it doesn't suck to be a Billionaire (or a photographer, I guess).

Evidently, Branson's wife and kids were watching the photo shoot from the shore, a very lucky man indeed.

 

[Celany]

I think the poor = happy meme also comes from people who are poor, resentful, passive-agressive and won't *ask* for what they are worth, they just think it should be given to them. That's an annoying thing I find in CorpWorld. People who think they deserve a big raise (and very well might), but won't *do* anything about it, & just bitterly complain when they get the standard crap raise.

When I got the standard crap raise, I complained & my company told me "Sorry, we don't have more money for you. Better luck next year." So I interviewed around, & had another place offer me to do the same job, for 10k. Took that offer back to my company (2 months after I was told there was no money) & told them to match it or I go. Amazingly enough, suddenly, the money was there, and I got a 10K raise.

That whole situation was stressful as all get-out, because I truly didn't want to leave, but I was NOT being paid what I was worth, & I was willing to put up with the extreme mental discomfort to get to a better place.

On the subject of us being different...sigh, yeah. I know a lot of people that I respect & care about & we can have great conversations about a million different superficial things. But when it comes to life paths...I can't even explain mine, because it's 10 turn-offs from what they expect, and they're not willing to mentally go past 2 turn-offs. It's a little sad, & I don't let it stop me from talking about different aspects of what I want (FIRE, slow travel, freeganism/dumpster diving, tiny homes, small business, no kids, no religion). I try to find the ones that they might be most receptive to, and maybe plant some seeds. Because the thing I see is that these lovely people are *so stressed* by the full-time work, buy a big home, trade-up the home, have cars, have cable, constantly be renovating & improving, buy the right clothes, go to the right church, have the kids, get the kids into the right pre-school, school, college, take the right vacations, and on and on and on. Maybe they don't want an out of ALL of them, but I try to suggest that there are things above & beyond that, & they can be *so much* more enriching.

But it only can come out a wee trickle at a time, or they get overwhelmed.

 

[stoutboy]

Can you say "rent"? It's a shame 'rent' became a four-letter word in our society. With 750K housing prices and a 250K salary, I would've rented a nice condo minutes from work, and banked/invested every spare dime. (I'm actually doing something similar to that now, although I'm nowhere near 250K).

This is quite common in Westchester, even worse in parts of Conn. With home prices in the “nicer areas” averaging more that 750K and taxes at 2.3%, lots of folks had $5K monthly and thought they were lucky. For a while, at least. Now all they need to do is keep their $250k jobs – for the next 20 years or so...