Stroke

[REWahoo]

Thanks to all of you for your empathy and information.

I spent much of last week helping DW research and tour nursing homes in our area. We found 17 within a reasonable distance, eliminated 12 due to low Medicare and state inspection scores, and visited the remaining 5. We went back a second time to three of those and she settled on two that she liked, both about 25 miles from our house. It came down to which of the two seemed have a more caring environment, and she waffled before making the final call today.

Two and a half weeks after his stroke and after two weeks at a skilled nursing/rehab facility, FIL shows only slight improvement. Tomorrow he will be transferred 200 miles by ambulance to the NH DW selected. He will continue to get therapy, but at a significantly lower level of intensity.

He had no LTC insurance and his costs for NH care will be paid from his life savings until they are depleted.

 

[haha]

Rough Wahoo. I am sorry he didn't make better progress so far. I hope he will catch a break soon.

Ha

 

[Dawg52]

Yes, I hope things will improve for him.

 

[REWahoo]

Final update:

Last Friday, a week after his 90th birthday, FIL died from complications of the stroke he suffered five months ago.

His funeral was held in his small hometown in West Texas, attended mostly by sunburned old cowboys wearing jeans and boots. We heard dozens of stories about how he was the archetypal old west cowboy with legendary toughness and a reputation for telling it like it was. He had told many of his friends over the past few years that he'd lived a good life - he'd had a good wife, wonderful children and great horses. Of course no one would swear he made the statement in precisely that order.

I was talking with a group of those old cowboys after the service and was surprised to find they held me in high esteem for something I did more than 40 years ago. To quote one of them "I can't imaging the courage it must have taken to ask him for for his only daughter's hand in marriage."

He was quite a character.

 

[bbbamI]

My sincere salute to your father-in-law.

I'm sure he'll be missed.

 

[Cruisinthru]

I am so sorry for your loss. Your FIL sounds like quite a man. There are not many like him around any more.

 

[samclem]

Best wishes to you and the family--it sounds like he enriched a lot of lives. I'm sorry his final months were so difficult.

 

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

Last Friday, a week after his 90th birthday, FIL died from complications of the stroke he suffered five months ago.

Sorry for your loss. Can't imagine from what you describe that he would have wanted it any other way given his recent stroke.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

 

[toofrugalformycat]

I'm not any sort of medical professional.
My grandmother was in a nursing home for about 10 years after a stroke. She was awake and conscious and knew what was going on but could not talk, or move much at all.
But somehow you could tell she was following the conversation. Maybe with her eyes, I can't tell you but I know she knew and understood. She would chuckle sometimes, and at appropriate moments. She kept her sunny personality through it all, somehow.
You may already know this, but I would suggest that you assume that he hears and understands everything anyone says around him. So if anyone is talking baby talk, or talking gloom and doom, anywhere near him, cease and desist. Just talk with him like you normally would. No condescension.
Just my suggestion.

 

[W2R]

toofrugarlformycat, as you may have discerned it is too late for REWahoo to take your advice as his father-in-law has passed away. But your advice may be very helpful to others who have family members that are stroke victims. My brother had several severe strokes about five years ago, but thank goodness he can still communicate - - however if he gets worse I will remember your advice.

REWahoo, my condolences to you, your DW, and the rest of your family. Your description of your FIL was amazing. There aren't many true cowboys of his generation left and it sounds like he will be sorely missed.

 

[Purron]

REWahoo-I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. How wonderful of his friends to share such heart warming memories with you. He must have been quite a man.

 

[RonBoyd]

You have my condolence, as well.

 

[Brat]

You have my condolences too. He was blessed to have the life he loved for so many years.

Last weekend I attended my 50 year HS reunion. One of our classmates, a professor at a NE university, was scheduled to take his former position in our class rally squad that evening. Unfortunately he suffered a massive stroke ten days earlier and we are praying for restoration of a quality life.

 

[TromboneAl]

I'm sorry to hear about this, REW.

If you feel like talking about it, did you ever get an idea of why he didn't want to communicate with you or DW soon after the stroke? Did that change?

 

[ls99]

Happy trails to the old cowboy.

 

[REWahoo]

... did you ever get an idea of why he didn't want to communicate with you or DW soon after the stroke? Did that change?

No, we never fully understood his ability to comprehend the world around him. At times he would respond to a question or comment with a nod or a smile, at other times only a blank stare. We never knew if those blank stares were a lack of understanding or a lack of interest in communicating.

 

[Moemg]

Sorry for your loss !

 

[freebird5825]

Please accept my condolences for your family's loss.
He must have been quite a person to sit and have a cold beer and a good long talk with.

 

[harley]

My condolences too. Especially to your DW. My wife's dad died 8 years ago and she still misses him every day.

 

[Buckeye]

Sorry for your loss. It's sad to lose the oldsters. Missing MIL who died 4 months ago at 94.8.

 

[W2R]

It's sad to lose the oldsters. Missing MIL who died 4 months ago at 94.8.

Yes, it is. My mother died two weeks before her 98th birthday, two years ago. I still think about her every day and miss her.

 

[Dawg52]

Sorry for your loss. Sounds like the kind of guy who would not want to live in that condition. Best of luck to your family.

 

[bright eyed]

Wow rewahoo, I never saw the original thread till now, but must say you have been on quite a journey. So sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had a great experience in knowing him and he had you and your DW and other family by him thru the ordeal. The RV next to the nursing home takes it to a whole new level! He definitely sounds like a character and will be missed by those who knew him...

 

[Westernskies]

Vaya con Dios, vaquero to your FIL, and all the best to you and your family, REW. It is always tough to lose a loved one, especially one as tough as your FIL.

Thanks for sharing him with us.