Best friends' wedding going to dent ER plans

[saluki9]

Oh man, what to do

My best friend just annouced that he's getting married this August. I figured hey great news, he really needs to settle down. Then he announces that the wedding is going to be at the Ritz Carlton in Grand Cayman. Rooms (all inclusive) will be $450 a night

He says that friends "don't have to come" but we've been buddies for 20 years. On top of that my wife and I have already planned our vacations for the year.

At this stage in my career $2K (for just me, no wife) isn't going to really dent my ER plans, but when I think of the work I have to do to get that after tax it sure hurts.

 

[Nords]

Doesn't your employer have an urgent business trip that needs to be taken in Grand Cayman? I wouldn't even file a travel claim, just take the tax deduction.

Attending a wedding without your spouse, a reception that may serve intoxicating beverages, and a big empty ol' hotel room-- that trip could get a lot more expensive than $2000...

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

You might let your friend know that there is a direct correlation between the cost of a couples wedding and the likelihood, expense and hard feelings during the divorce...

Sort of makes sense if you noodle it around in your head a while.

 

[justin]

Dunno. Stay in an el cheapo hotel next door and catch a cab over to the hotel for the festivities?

 

[brewer12345]

Go to the wedding and enjoy it. Your buddy will (hopefully) only get married once, and good, long-term friends are worth quite a bit more than money.

 

[fire2018]

You should definitely go. Maybe split a room with another friend who's also going? Or stay at a cheaper place. Have you used www.biddingfortravel.com for strategies to bid on Priceline?

 

[SteveR]

Go, enjoy yourself, take the wife and have a good time. You only go around once in life and this sounds like a really nice trip for you both to take together.

Regrets over things you could have done together may haunt you someday. This is from personal experience. Screw the money....take the trip.

 

[ladelfina]

What is this guy thinking? Sounds kind of passive-aggressive to me.

When we got married in Italy we invited a small number of people: half from overseas, half from Italy. The visitors came up with airfare and we paid for an all-inclusive agriturismo for 3 nights for everyone coming from the US, renting essentially the whole place. Made it a lot easier on everyone, and because we invited fewer people, we spent way less than my sister did on her standard big-city hotel wedding where no-one got 'comped'!!! There was only one couple I wish had been there who couldn't scrape up the airfare and, in retrospect, I wish I'd sprung for their tickets as well. Being of 'a certain age', we specified no gifts; if people felt the need we told them to make a donation to the Christian Childrens' Fund. Weddings are not only for the couple getting married; they're for their whole "community" of family and friends.

Bring a backpack; stay at a hostel -- $450/night is insane. I wouldn't pay that in Rome, NY, Paris.. anywhere! Maybe someone will let you crash on their floor, and you'll only get hit up for the extra $25 continental breakfast if you need some coffee the morning after...

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Go without a room. Spend $40 getting another couple drunk. When they pass out, drag them back to their room, sleep in their bed, and make them as comfortable as you can in the tub.

Next day...target a different couple...

 

[brewer12345]

This place looks pretty decent and runs a third of the price of the Ritz: http://sunsethouse.com/resort.php

I bet you could find other places as well.

 

[WanderALot]

news, he really needs to settle down. Then he announces that the wedding is going to be at the Ritz Carlton in Grand Cayman. Rooms (all inclusive) will be $450 a night

We went to a wedding in Cozumel last year and stayed at a different hotel than the bride/groom. In fact, there were about 40 people at the wedding and more than 50% stayed at different hotels, some cheaper and some more expensive. No one saw it as a big deal.
I wasn't the best man, but I was in the wedding.

Pick up a Lonely Planet and find a cheaper hotel.

 

[saluki9]

Well, I talked to the wife and the trip is going to conflict with her work schedule and she's taking so much time off for our other trips. So she's a no go.

I found 2 other friends and we're going to split a room. I guess the price of the resort has turned this from a normal destination wedding to a destination wedding / bachelor party.

I'm no expert, but I would guess that as a bride to be, the last thing you want at your wedding is your husband and his 3 best friends (who left their wives at home)

 

[Nords]

I'm no expert, but I would guess that as a bride to be, the last thing you want at your wedding is your husband and his 3 best friends (who left their wives at home)

Speaking from personal best-man experience, that's right.

It certainly establishes who's who on the pecking order. Any my shipmate ended up moving all the way to Israel to free himself of his first second wife.

 

[ladelfina]

the last thing you want at your wedding is your husband and his 3 best friends (who left their wives at home)

funny as hell, since I'm figuring this whole shebang (  ) is the bride's idea, not the groom's.

 

[RETIRE_TINGLE!]

Try renting a timeshare for the time you will be there.  You might be able to find something on fleebay or redweek.com.  If you rent a timeshare you can prepare your own meals.  Go and have fund, but don't break the bank trying to live up to others expectations/lifestyle.  If they can/want to afford Ritz Carlton, more power to them, but that doesn't have to be your final destination

 

[J-Lu]

If he's a good friend, then go. I didn't attend one of my best friend's weddings because I had just gotten a new job, hadn't accrued any vacation time, and was too chicken to ask for time off. I was very young and it was a stupid decision that I regret. I have a feeling that you will not be the only guest who is not staying at the Ritz.

 

[saluki9]

Well, believe it or not I'm actually going to stay at the Ritz Basically all of the pre-wedding and wedding festivities are happening there. Split 3 ways it comes out to a more reasonable $500 for 3 nights. The funny part is that as part of the wedding party, out room rate includes food and alchohol. I'm not quite sure the hotel management understands the deal with the devil they have made.

My guess is that after viewing our bar bill, the Ritz will no longer be offering all inclusive packages anymore.

 

[Lusitan]

I file this under "thoughtless and self-centered" weddings.

I'm sorry, but unless one of the couple is from another country, I think it's ridiculous to have your wedding in a foreign country and expect your friends to attend.

I would attend (and have done so) in a heartbeat if there was a reason (e.g. the bride was from there). And I'm sure I would have a great time. But I wouldn't spend my vacation time/money on someone else's wedding just because they felt like having a jet-set wedding experience, or whatever.

I don't need to go to any "vacation wedding" - if I just wanted to take a vacation, I'd take it when I wanted, where I wanted, and I wouldn't want to spend several days of it at wedding-related events.

Just my 2-cents.