religious peer pressure on kids

[Meadbh]

You and I are Canadian. This is a bit of a non-scientific observation, but Canadians are a lot less religious and/or judgmental than our southern neighbours. I was at a business dinner in NC where the guy next to me started the conversation with "what church do you belong to". That would never happen in Canada.

That's why I chose to become a Canadian!

Back to the OP's problem. I think he must find a way to educate his children about views other than those they are exposed to at school. Most importantly, he and DW can be role models for respect and tolerance.

 

[kumquat]

The OP and his DW can try to educate their DK about religion . Unfortunately, the "saved" can do a lot to hijack that education. That's what peer pressure means. Hopefully, they can deal with it.

BTW, OOC, from where did you come and were religious practices part of your decisions?

 

[kyounge1956]

(snip) I agree that there is probably a lot of bashing of adults who are especially religious, sharing their faith with others. I seem to remember that the New Testament actually demanded this.(snip)

Z

You are correct. Jesus told his followers to "make disciples of all nations, baptizing them...and teaching them to obey everything I commanded you." I think the way some of my fellow-believers try to carry out this command is, unfortunately, counter-productive, and may even cause the hearers to harden their hearts against the Gospel message.

 

[RonBoyd]

You know, all of your answers can be found in the many works of fiction provided by the Judiac/Christian/Islam religion. Or you can have all of your research done for you:

Answers in Genesis

as an example:

Shouldn’t the Woman (Eve) Have Been Shocked that a Serpent Spoke? - Answers in Genesis

How could one possibly argue with this:

God also programmed language into Adam and Eve (since they were able to speak immediately with God), which would have included some words that describe animals and their capabilities. So it shouldn’t have been shocking to see or hear something for the first time if you’re already “programmed” to know about something like talking animals.

 

[Leonidas]

Well, the even-temper and decency of the conversation was nice while it lasted.

 

[Martha]

We can get back there Leo. I hope the OP comes back and tell us more about the community she lives in and the makeup of the school. That might lead to some more ideas.

 

[Bestwifeever]

All parents imho have an obligation to know what exactly their children are exposed to and how it fits in with their family's belief system. I think the 7 year old daughter in the OP is too young to sort things out on her own, whether religion, financial style (imagine if another child told her she was poor because her parents didn't buy her Ugg boots), nutrition (again imagine another child telling her she should eat more Hostess snacks instead of apples), movies, whatever. I think it's perfectly okay to simply tell your children that your family believes something different than another child's family and then plan some other activities to do with her friends.

 

[ER_Hopeful]

thanks for everyone's response, I've learned something.

I like the idea of taking my DD 'shopping around' in the various religious establishments(I think of this as an immunization process), we've a couple of Buddhist temples and quite a few churches nearby. I agree we, the parents, should get involved personnally so DD won't be caught in the middle of it all by herself. I intend to keep our household religious free, after reaching adult age, it's her own decision.

Should have been more precise in my original post. We live in a city near L.A(but we don't own MacMension or big suv's), so luckily, we're not facing pressures from the community. The peer pressure mainly come from DD's two best friends in school. I think what they told her is more earth-shattering than I'd imagine. As an adult, I'd just laugh it off, but to a 8 year old, it's quite different. I should start looking at things from her frame of reference more often now. Glad I posted my question here.

 

[simple girl]

Your daughter is lucky to have you as a parent.

 

[Brat]

Often these experiences give parents an opportunity to discuss a subject with our children that wasn't on our radar.

 

[Nords]

(Leo, atheism is not a "belief," see http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f27/where-is-the-bible-belt-exactly-44714-3.html#post826397, as I do not want to derail this thread).

An atheist doesn't take on faith that there is no life after death. The absence of a belief isn't a belief. It is nothing.

That sounds very Zen to me.

But categorizing atheism in that manner is probably offensive to both atheists and to followers of Zen...

I hate it when the clergy uses alcohol as a crutch.

A serious health risk too-- the guy used to chug the leftover communion wine after the ceremony, and our church was so cheap that they bought Mogen David. "Luckily" it was after the sermon too. Or maybe the appropriate word would be "unfortunately"...

 

[samclem]

Just for consideration--the two religious friends in the OP probably aren't bullies. If their faith teaches that the unsaved will go to hell (no if, ands, or buts), and if they believe OP's daughter to be unsaved, then they almost surely see it as right and their obligation to get her to church and to give her the message. I don't think there's any way their parents can effectively communicate to 8 YOs that "everything you heard in church is true--hell is real and the unsaved are in the express lane to that place. But, just the same, don't badger your friends about this, they need to make up their own minds, and their families may not believe as we do, we need to let them go their own way. Yes, they'll probably go to hell and burn forever in unimaginable anguish." The problem isn't with the kids or the parents, the problem is the beliefs themselves.

I think the OP's plan to talk with DD about other faiths and take her to some services is a good idea. These families are indoctrinating their kids, and if you don't take an active posture yours will be indoctrinated, too, in a way that you'd probably not like. IMO, seven years old may be a little young to start visiting churches with her, but maybe not. I'd keep the kitchen table lines of discussion open, look for opportunities to raise the issue, and back off on the actual site tours if she doesn't show signs of interest.

 

[ER_Hopeful]

Your daughter is lucky to have you as a parent.

Thank you.

 

[Calgary_Girl]

You and I are Canadian. This is a bit of a non-scientific observation, but Canadians are a lot less religious and/or judgmental than our southern neighbours. I was at a business dinner in NC where the guy next to me started the conversation with "what church do you belong to". That would never happen in Canada.

So true! I lived in the "Bible Belt" (Tulsa, OK) for a couple of years and had a co-worker try to convince me to attend their church. I politefully said thanks, but no thanks. Same thing happened with DH's friend from grad school....he and his wife wanted us to go to their church (I think it was an Evangelical church). DH and I are Catholic and are raising our children as Catholics. That being said though, I wouldn't say that I'm going to Mass every Sunday (more like once or twice a month ).

My parents go to Mass every Sunday but they were raised in Eastern Europe where you would surely go to Hell if you didn't go to church every Sunday. I also had an uncle on my mom's side that was a Priest (he passed away 12 years ago...the coolest Priest you would ever meet btw...). On DH's side though it's a different story, MIL is a lapsed Catholic and SIL is finally starting to go to church again after being a lapsed Catholic for the past 20 years (she has a 2 yr old daughter so I'm pretty sure that the renewed interest in the Church is for her daughter, who was baptized last year). SIL's DH however is Agnostic. FIL is Lutheran I think.

 

[FreqFlyer]

I grew up in the rual south, raised by a lapsed presbyterian (DF) and an atheist (DM). The fact that we didn't go to church made our family very foreign and suspect to many others. I tried very hard to keep my doubts about christianity a closely-held secret. Any little slip of my true feelings brought waves of disapproving looks and pity from my teachers.

After years of being anti-religous, now I just try to be a live-and-let-live kinda guy. I don't care what anyone believes as long as they don't bother me with it.

At least now I can appreciate the beauty of so many parts of religion, the buildings and the cool, fragrant air flowing out of churches with people singing as I rollerbladed by on a Sunday morning...

 

[youbet]

After years of being anti-religous, now I just try to be a live-and-let-live kinda guy. I don't care what anyone believes as long as they don't bother me with it.

I like that. I wish everyone could adopt that policy.

I've never been very religious. But as a youth I attended the local church (a different denomination than either of my parents!), mostly for the social life. Met DW at youth group activities and as cabin counselors at camp, etc. Two buddies I'd known since we went to grammar school together got on a militantly atheist soapbox while we were seniors in highschool. All I heard from them was what a fool I was to still go to church, it's all a fantasy, I must be a naive dummy, etc., etc. It was relentless. I eventually ditched them as friends since they just couldn't stop the harrassment. One was killed in Nam and I have no clue about what happened to the other. But I'll never understand why they thought they needed to "save" me from being victimized when I was having a good time. Just no life of their own I guess.......

I like to take the Iris Dement angle on all this and "let the mystery be."

 

[haha]

I like that. I wish everyone could adopt that policy.

I've never been very religious. But as a youth I attended the local church, mostly for the social life. Met DW at youth group activities and as cabin counselors at camp, etc. Two buddies I'd known since we went to grammar school together got on a militantly atheist soapbox while we were seniors in highschool. All I heard from them was what a fool I was to still go to church, it's all a fantasy, I must be a naive dummy, etc., etc. It was relentless. I eventually ditched them as friends since they just couldn't stop the harrassment. One was killed in Nam and I have no clue about what happened to the other. But I'll never understand why they thought they needed to "save" me from being victimized when I was having a good time. Just no life of their own I guess.......

I like to take the Iris Dement angle on this and "let the mystery be."

Same with me. I am not a particularly philosophical person anyway. If the people are friendly, the music nice, the young women pretty and the food good, count me in.

How the heck am I to know what ultimately reality is or is not? Call me Mr. Immanence.

Ha

 

[youbet]

How the heck am I to know what ultimately reality is or is not? Call me Mr. Immanence.

Ha

Well, it seems like lots of folks are curious as to why we're here, how to conduct outselves during our brief stay and whether there's anything later other than "lights out." Lots of religious and philosophical stuff trying to address it over the eons.......

One Saturday night I was listening to Garrison Keillor's "A Prarie Home Companion" on Public Radio. Iris Dement was one of the guests and when she did this song, it really struck a cord with me. I mean, hey, "think I'll just let the mystery be......"


YouTube - Let The Mystery Be

 

[Sue J]

"Let The Mystery Be". I love that. That's DH's feelings on all this, too. He calls himself a "wow-ist". It's ok that we don't understand everything in the world. Sometimes it's enough to just appreciate it and think, Wow, that's really something.

Thanks for the video link. I hadn't seen the original version, just heard the one by Natalie Merchant (10,000 Maniacs) and David Byrne.

 

[HsiaoChu]

I'll never forget when one my bosses from about 24 years ago discovered that I had become a Quaker from Methodist like him. He pulled me into his office to lecture me on how I was damning my eternal soul to hell to do such a thing.

It turned out to be the single most important positive spiritual change that I have seen in 61 years of living. It impacted my kids positively, and is still impacting me. If this is loss of my personal soul to hell, then I must have been in some kind of very very deep nether region before.

I get lectured all the time by the more conservative christians in my environment, both at work and even from my one sibling. I don't lecture them at all.

Z

 

[JacqJolie]

We moved from Canada to Texas a few years ago when my oldest son was 12. He had gone to Catholic school here in Canada for his first 7 years of school but we were stealth mode atheists with the school, which was not a big deal at all. There's lots of nominal Catholics like me who send their children to catholic school up here just because it's a bit higher quality.

About 2 weeks after we arrived in Houston, he started to be bullied by some religious children (at a non-religious school) who asked him if he had been "saved". When he replied that he was an atheist, they told him he was going to hell. He was harrassed verbally and physically for being an atheist on a regular basis for the remaining 2 years that we lived in Houston. Not coincidentally, it solidified his previously wavering atheist beliefs (I'm not hard core). I complained to the school after they started getting physical, but it seemed to get worse after that. It was definitely a learning experience.

It would be a cold day in hell before I'd take my kid to church or pretend to be a religion I wasn't just to avoid peer pressure for myself. If it made the difference between having a job or not and I was desperate, I might be that hypocritical. I would do it for their sake for a better education or if I thought it was the only solution to a problem.

Hopefully things are changing, but if anything, the issue might get even worse once she's a little older. Although I did have a 7 y.o. kid trying to convert me at a campground last summer. That was kind of fun.

 

[Brat]

One technique my dear departed Mother would use with doorbell ringers is to state that we were devout Catholics. Most just walked away but if they pressed the issue she asked for their name and the name of their church and threatened to tell everyone at Mass that they were harassing us.

It was her (and my) opinion that our religious faith was no business of others. We were taught not to discuss religion or politics outside of the family.

My husband has a gig that only adults can play: you listen in silence for 30 minutes why my beliefs are right and I will listen in silence for 30 minutes about yours. No one yet has been willing to listen that long to his point of view - he gets wound up extolling the merits of the Blue Dome faith (pray under God's great blue sky and walk among His magnificent forests, etc, etc). Funny.