Single men of ER...chime in pls

[rayinpenn]

Women are a funny breed? For many that first real guy could be the biggest bum of all yet in their eyes he could do no wrong. With age comes a shift of focus to long term goals.. does he have have a good, job, education and prospects?

When I was in my early thirties, I was a simple, single, guy who loved to fish and had an MBA and made a respectable living. Suddenly I was shocked to find myself as desirable. I made a very deliberate choice and we are still together today... could I be so lucky again? I just don't know.

 

[aja8888]

I thought doing the dishes and the kitchen clean up was part of the children's chores after dinner? Maybe that's why my first marriage failed?

 

[Music Lover]

I don't know how to dance, either.

Rather than his cooking dinner, I would love to see the gentleman serenely and competently clean a kitchen.

If someone cooks for me, I will always wash the dishes...or, at least clean the table and put them in the dishwasher.

I'm not a very good dancer so I have to make it up somewhere...

 

[splitwdw]

At age 55, and happily retired and financially secure, it would raise a red flag if a woman that I'm dating is unable to pay for a date on occasion, or is unwilling to pay at all. It's 2017, not 1957.

The last few first dates that I've been on it's been separate bills or one bill with the other person chipping in. One time the server asked if the bills were to be together or separate and I said one bill was fine as I was planning on paying, but the lady I was with gave me money for half saying "It's only fair that I pay my share".

It sometimes feels like 1957. Take into consideration that there is still a pay discrepancy for women, your under garment are a few bucks where ours cost quadruple yours, the moisturizer that my husband uses from Neutrogena costs half of mine for the same size and brand but mine's for "women", my dry cleaning bill costs more than my husband's. Just keep in mind that you do like to see us dressed up, especially on a first date or two. And don't get me started on makeup. I don't wear much but even the cover-up that I use for dark circles (thank god only during allergy season) under my eyes is $32 for .52 oz.
Wonder why it's always assumed because you are a female that you'll be a great cook or cleaner. I can get by but would rather be out in the garage working while someone else makes dinner. My husband is a worse cook than I am.
So please, keep some of the above in mind when you are dating and wanting us to pick up dinner tabs.

 

[razztazz]

Yes. It's all about the dollars and cents

 

[Gumby]

I would love to see the gentleman serenely and competently clean a kitchen.

I have been cleaning the kitchen since I was eight years old. Maybe that's why the young wife keeps me around.

I am reminded of the first time I went to my future in-laws for Thanksgiving. I was 22 at the time. After dinner, I went out in the kitchen and started washing the dishes. My young wife's quite elderly grandmother came out while I was washing, took one look and left. She went back to the living room and complained to the young wife "There's a man in the kitchen. Tell him to leave."

Back on topic - let me just say that I have no idea what I would do if I had to date again. The young wife and I met when we were in college and married 4 years later (and the years in between I was mostly underwater), so my dating experience as an adult is severely limited.

 

[FlaGator]

It sometimes feels like 1957. Take into consideration that there is still a pay discrepancy for women, your under garment are a few bucks where ours cost quadruple yours, the moisturizer that my husband uses from Neutrogena costs half of mine for the same size and brand but mine's for "women", my dry cleaning bill costs more than my husband's. Just keep in mind that you do like to see us dressed up, especially on a first date or two. And don't get me started on makeup. I don't wear much but even the cover-up that I use for dark circles (thank god only during allergy season) under my eyes is $32 for .52 oz.
Wonder why it's always assumed because you are a female that you'll be a great cook or cleaner. I can get by but would rather be out in the garage working while someone else makes dinner. My husband is a worse cook than I am.
So please, keep some of the above in mind when you are dating and wanting us to pick up dinner tabs.

I do pick up the tab, but the idea there should be financial consideration for these kinds of things makes it easy for me to prefer older, financially secure women. My attitude has become "I don't need anyone else's money, and I don't want anyone who needs mine".

If someone really can't afford to pay for dinner every 4th or 5th time (assuming it gets that far), they will be a net drain in a long term relationship with me.

While it's not "all about the money" all the time, it's a major consideration. Not willing to see the money my late wife and I accumulated spent on/by someone who's tastes exceed their self-discipline. Better to leave it to my kids, who have already shown respect for what it takes to make it and preserve it.

 

[Fedup]

This thread reminds me why I use my husband's moisturizer and don't take my clothes to dry cleaning any more. I won't say whether I might skip the underwear part and just wear boxer instead had I known they charge me more. I'm bad at cleaning up so I prefer cooking. Fair division of labor.

 

[Music Lover]

It sometimes feels like 1957. Take into consideration that there is still a pay discrepancy for women, your under garment are a few bucks where ours cost quadruple yours, the moisturizer that my husband uses from Neutrogena costs half of mine for the same size and brand but mine's for "women", my dry cleaning bill costs more than my husband's. Just keep in mind that you do like to see us dressed up, especially on a first date or two. And don't get me started on makeup. I don't wear much but even the cover-up that I use for dark circles (thank god only during allergy season) under my eyes is $32 for .52 oz.
Wonder why it's always assumed because you are a female that you'll be a great cook or cleaner. I can get by but would rather be out in the garage working while someone else makes dinner. My husband is a worse cook than I am.
So please, keep some of the above in mind when you are dating and wanting us to pick up dinner tabs.

The wage gap myth has been disproven. Virtually all the difference has been attributed to career choice and not because businesses pay women less. And, if enough women started using their husband's moisturizer the price of women's moisturizer would drop until it was competitive.

I used to be married to a woman who could neither cook or clean, so I have no illusions that those skills are gender related.

 

[Amethyst]

Nah. Guys' underwear has a hole in it.

This thread reminds me why I use my husband's moisturizer and don't take my clothes to dry cleaning any more. I won't say whether I might skip the underwear part and just wear boxer instead had I known they charge me more. I'm bad at cleaning up so I prefer cooking. Fair division of labor.

 

[HFWR]

+1

I had very few GFs before meeting and marrying my college sweetheart, so I never had much opportunity to develop any dating skills. Now in year 37 of connubial paradise, whatever skills I had then are hopelessly out of date.

But I have since learned two things about The Chase which I suspect are timeless, and which I have passed on to my two sons:

1. If a gentleman wants to meet a lady, he should learn to dance. Most men dislike dancing because they feel awkward doing it, but women appreciate any man willing to go out on the floor. One of my brothers figured this out early, and he never lacked female companions. Caveat: Do some practicing at home before revealing your inner Astaire in public.
2. If the gentleman wants the relationship to proceed further, he should cook dinner for her. A woman will be more impressed when a man actually prepares and serves a meal than if he takes her to the most exclusive restaurant in town. Caveat: The dinner should be a bit more elaborate than hot dogs and chips.

Learn these two principles and you will significantly boost your odds of cultivating a new romance.

It's been suggested to me on numerous occasions that the way to meet women is to (a) learn to dance, or (b) go to church.

While those may be true, I don't care about dancing, and I'm not religious, so the women I would meet doing either of those activities would likely not be a good match...

 

[Mulligan]

It's been suggested to me on numerous occasions that the way to meet women is to (a) learn to dance, or (b) go to church.

While those may be true, I don't care about dancing, and I'm not religious, so the women I would meet doing either of those activities would likely not be a good match...

Ya got to be industrious... Getting dates my entire life has been easy. Living in smaller towns you can find out info easier and know someone who knows someone, etc...One time back in the day a lady I kept seeing around town and talked to her once very briefly, but couldnt track her down again so I had a local policeman find the info for me. It was well worth the time if I remember correctly.

 

[GravitySucks]

DGF and I visited her friend one evening. This woman had just signed up on Tinder. She called it the Free Dinner app.

Where do all the good girls go
What clubs they hang in?
~Andre 3000

 

[AnonEMouse]

DGF and I visited her friend one evening. This woman had just signed up on Tinder. She called it the Free Dinner app.

Where do all the good girls go
What clubs they hang in?
~Andre 3000

I believe it's called the "Married" club.

 

[Totoro]

So please, keep some of the above in mind when you are dating and wanting us to pick up dinner tabs.

Sure, you keep in mind that you have better degrees, live longer, and have less dangerous jobs

 

[aja8888]

Ya got to be industrious... Getting dates my entire life has been easy. Living in smaller towns you can find out info easier and know someone who knows someone, etc...One time back in the day a lady I kept seeing around town and talked to her once very briefly, but couldnt track her down again so I had a local policeman find the info for me. It was well worth the time if I remember correctly.

I think you should change your user name here to "Sly Fox".

 

[madsquopper]

+1
If a gentleman wants to meet a lady, he should learn to dance. Most men dislike dancing because they feel awkward doing it, but women appreciate any man willing to go out on the floor. One of my brothers figured this out early, and he never lacked female companions. Caveat: Do some practicing at home before revealing your inner Astaire in public.

I can second that. When I met my eventual spousal unit 23 years ago she told me, "I go out swing dancing every Saturday night, you can either come with me or else you can go do something else that night". So I didn't have much choice other than start taking lessons (partner dancing is a lot harder than the typical freestyle stuff everyone can do), and we still go out dancing at least once a week.

Larry

 

[aja8888]

The "Texas Two-step" is what gets "it" going around here.

Here's a little on it:

 

[HFWR]

Ya got to be industrious... Getting dates my entire life has been easy. Living in smaller towns you can find out info easier and know someone who knows someone, etc...One time back in the day a lady I kept seeing around town and talked to her once very briefly, but couldnt track her down again so I had a local policeman find the info for me. It was well worth the time if I remember correctly.

You're assuming, incorrectly, that I'm urgently looking... [emoji12]

 

[Mulligan]

You're assuming, incorrectly, that I'm urgently looking... [emoji12]

I big fish in a small pond is way better than being a little fish in a big pond! I got " the one now" for 10 years going now, so hopefully done with that game now...But...it was fun while it lasted.

 

[Mulligan]

I think you should change your user name here to "Sly Fox".

I remember it was funny. I was talking to one of the local cops and she just happened to drive by where we were at. I mentioned she was hot, but I didnt know her name. He said I will run her plates and find out for you... It worked....Had a date like within a few days if I remember right.

 

[rodi]

On the subject of who pays...

I always offered (and was willing) to pay my share. But if he didn't accept, and it was a good date, I let him pay. I also had the attitude, for first dates, that whoever asked should pay... so if I asked - I fully expected to pay and would make the moves to do so. Some guys didn't like that... but most appreciated it. All of that is for 'good' dates.

If the date was turning out to be someone I was definitely NOT interested in then I insisted (emphatically) on paying my share. I wanted to obligation or sense of expectation on his part.

I had a male coworker (coworker#1) in his early 40's, never married, who would get very upset that women didn't insist on paying their own way. Another (male) coworker and I started laughing - we'd been on both sides of the woman insisting on paying. Coworker #2 pointed out that it never ended well when a woman insisted on paying.... there was never a date #2.

Coworker #1 is still single... still upset that more women don't pay 1/2... and still clueless. I'm friends with him (3-4 emails a year...) I've given up trying to explain it to him...

 

[Snidely Whiplash]

She called it the Free Dinner app.

Unless she goes on a date with someone like this guy:

Woman left with huge bill after Plenty of Fish date eats expensive meal | Daily Mail Online

Although the article focuses on the crummy male (and he was), be sure to take note of the "victim's" profile picture vs her current state.

 

[exnavynuke]

I saw this the other day and thought of the conversation here.

Note that initially, the overwhelming majority of the audience said the guy should pay.

 

[scrabbler1]

Back in the 1990s, I had a special policy for first-date blind-dates, mainly those I contacted on line through ad or dating websites. To make sure the women were not after me for simply free meals, and to reduce the pressure of a first "date," I asked to meet her for something less than a meal, such as a snack or cup of coffee at a Starbucks (which I would happily pay for). If we hit it off fairly well (read: she wasn't total idiot), and had another date, I was perfectly willing to have a more conventional date which included dinner and I'd be happy to pay for it.


My first-date proposal was always happily accepted. Except for one time. Some gold-digger woman demanded a complete dinner on a first date and would accept nothing less. I refused. She then berated me and called me cheap. I told her it was good to know she saw me as only a free meal so I could move on to someone else.