RIP - Kate Spade

[Dash man]

I read an article about Kate Spade this morning, and how she used a scarf to commit suicide in her New York apartment. She had sold off control of the company with her name about ten years ago. She left her husband and a teenage daughter behind. DW and both DILs love Kate Spade bags.

I used to wonder why someone like Kate Spade, with everything going for her like financial security, a loving family, respect in her career, would take her own life. We've heard of many other successful people that have taken their own life over the years.

Last year I finally understood because I was in a similar position wanting to end my life. I too have a loving family. At age 61 am very comfortable financially, active in our wonderful church and long retired from a career where I felt I had made a difference for the good of others. Yet, about a year ago I was going down a deep, dark rabbit hole of sad thoughts, unable to see the love around me. One night I had provoked an argument with DW that should never have happened. She had no idea what was going on inside of me except for the sadness she could see on my face. I angrily walked out with all the medications I could grab, and there are some potent ones. I also had a military combat knife with me. My plan was to take as many meds as I could to ease any pain, the stick the knife in my neck. I believe God stepped in and I fell unconscious in my car before using the knife. I was awoken hours later by a police officer asking if everything was alright. I convinced him I had an argument with DW and fortunately the pills were all under a sweatshirt on the seat next to me. I sat there for another hour assessing how many pills I had taken, and amazed that I was still breathing. I was sure at a minimum I must have ruined my liver. That morning I went to talk to my priest and told him everything. He encouraged me to use his phone to make an appointment with my doctor. I did, and went home to ask DW to accompany me to the doctor so she would know everything.

A year later I am great. My doctor had put me on new medications to help my depression and got me into counseling. DW has been amazing...I couldn't have married a better woman.

I'm becoming more open about my depression because of people like Kate Spade who weren't able to reach out for help. It's important for us to recognize the symptoms of depression among our loved ones and encourage them to get help, because it may save their lives. Especially vulnerable are our veterans, so keep a special watch out for them. That's all.

 

[Nemo2]

DW's daughter had a childhood friend, beautiful girl, (I only saw her the once, at DW's daughter's wedding, but that was enough to make an old man think "Wow").

She was, as the expression goes, 'troubled'..... then she got into yoga, opened her own studio, and things, (from the outside), looked bright.

One night she deliberately OD'd, (on what I don't know, but AFAIK it wasn't on illegal drugs).

You just can't know what's in someone else's mind. Sad.

 

[harllee]

Dash man, thank you for your story. I have had a close family member commit suicide. I appreciate you speaking out. Depression is a disease like any other disease. I wish there were less stigma and more help for people with depression.

 

[3moreyears]

Thank you Dash for sharing that. I am SO glad you are in a much better place now.

 

[marko]

Dash man, thank you for sharing. It must be hard to share such inner thoughts, but maybe there's someone else out there who might benefit.

 

[samclem]

So much of this is biochemical. Sure, the brain is more than a bunch of chemicals, but it is also a bunch of chemicals. We understand only a little, but imbalances and deficits of various chemicals are clearly linked to many cases of clinical depression. It is among the most successfully treatable mental/emotional problems. Fortunately, the stigma is decreasing (due to folks like Dashman telling their stories, thank you!). Few would hesitate to see a doctor for a problem with blood sugar or other chemistry, but things are still "different" if the chemical happens to be a neurotransmitter.

 

[Dawg52]

Dashman I am so glad you are doing better. I worked with a guy who dealt with depression. He usually got through the dark days but it wasn't easy. I feel for those who have to deal with it.

 

[MRG]

Thank you for sharing.

Glad you had a great support team and a doctor who had the right tools and skills.

This year is the 40th anniversary of my brother's suicide. It's sad to think all he missed out on.

 

[MBAustin]

Thanks for your story, Dash man. So glad that medical intervention has helped you regain your health.

When I hear of a suicide, I always remember a dear woman in my church choir back in the 80s. She had a wonderful family, a beautiful voice, and a bubbly personality. What almost no one knew was that she struggled with mental illness (in hindsight, I believe it was bipolar disorder) for many years. Shortly after we moved away we heard she had died by suicide. I so wish there was something we could have done for her, and I think about her children (college age at the time) and husband grieving her loss.

 

[Red Badger]

Thanks for sharing, Dash man. So glad that there were many wonderful people to help you recover.

I went through a tough period (self inflicted)in my early twenties that included a stint of homelessness. Suicide was strongly considered as a "solution." My oldest brother saved my life by guiding me to a pathway out of my hole.

 

[Dash man]

Thank you all for the kind comments. It means a lot.
While many suffering from depression are very good at covering things up, there are symptoms you can look for that may rear their ugly head at times. Besides general sadness, look for changes in a person’s daily moods.
Are they more withdrawn than normal?
Do they anger more easily (I don’t anger easily, yet I picked an argument with DW).
Are they always tired?
Do little things agitate them?
Are they unusually sensitive?
Are they pushing friends and family away?
Are they sleeping much more?
Are they talking more about death? (I did this by preplanning our funeral and cemetery arrangements. It’s actually good to do this, but not for the hidden reasons I had).
Has alcohol use increased? Is drug use a factor?
Of course, a traumatic event in a person’s life can trigger depression, but that is not always the case.

There are more, but this is all I can come up with now.

Thanks everyone!

 

[LARS]

Glad you got the help you needed, Dashman. Too many suffer through depression.

David Foster Wallace, who committed suicide at age 45, at his seminal commencement speech at Kenyon College several years before he took his life made the chilling observation that people who commit suicide are often already "dead" long before they stop breathing.

There is a video of his commencement speech on the WWW if you are so inclined. I HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend a listen. Despite his own sad suicide, it is an absolute treatise on how to live, and function within, the world.

 

[athena53]

Thanks for this reminder, Dash Man. I worked with guys at two different employers who told me that they were on meds for depression. One had lost his mother to suicide. Both were smart, funny people and great workers- the last ones I would have guessed to be managing depression. I talked to the other when he was unable to make a business trip to India (he was based in London) and his meds weren't working. He just sounded DOWN. When they got his meds adjusted he was back to his usual self. If I'd needed any proof that sometimes medications are what's needed to put someone's brain chemistry on a level playing field with the rest of us (and I didn't), they were proof.

My HS class valedictorian also committed suicide- years later classmates told me she rarely had people over to the house because her mother slept a lot and didn't take care of the house. I'm guessing Mom was depressed, too. We never knew.

 

[Dash man]

Glad you got the help you needed, Dashman. Too many suffer through depression.

David Foster Wallace, who committed suicide at age 45, at his seminal commencement speech at Kenyon College several years before he took his life made the chilling observation that people who commit suicide are often already "dead" long before they stop breathing.

There is a video of his commencement speech on the WWW if you are so inclined. I HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend a listen. Despite his own sad suicide, it is an absolute treatise on how to live, and function within, the world.

I did listen to it. Thanks for the recommendation!

 

[Breedlove]

Dash Man , thanks hugs and kind words !

 

[mamadogmamacat]

Dash Man, so glad you got the help needed and that those around you even without understanding fully perhaps knew you needed some kind of help and each did what thy could at just the right moment, priest's call immediately to your doctor being the catalyst, and then DW's understanding and presence. Kudos to you both

So many do not get that help at key moments

 

[Dash man]

Dash Man, so glad you got the help needed and that those around you even without understanding fully perhaps knew you needed some kind of help and each did what thy could at just the right moment, priest's call immediately to your doctor being the catalyst, and then DW's understanding and presence. Kudos to you both

So many do not get that help at key moments

Thanks! My priest knew he didn’t have the tools to deal with my depression, but knew how I could get help. He’s been very supportive since.
We all need to be sensitive to what our loved ones say to us and provide the same guidance if the situation calls for it. It can be tough and many refuse help. My wake up call that night helped me realize I needed help, but I hadn’t connected the dots to depression. My priest did, fortunately.

 

[whatnot]

Thank you for sharing such a personal story. I hope that the stigma of mental health is eventually gone. Your story may save lives. I am glad your story had a positive ending.

 

[Dash man]

Thank you for sharing such a personal story. I hope that the stigma of mental health is eventually gone. Your story may save lives. I am glad your story had a positive ending.

Thank you, and me too!

 

[Dtail]

Good luck Dash man in all your future endeavors and we all look forward to many more posts from you.

 

[CoolRich59]

Glad to hear that you sought help and are doing well.

I had a somewhat similar experience (that did not get as far), but, like you, talked to a priest who made sure I got help.

 

[vrijheid]

I read an article about Kate Spade this morning, and how she used a scarf to commit suicide in her New York apartment. She had sold off control of the company with her name about ten years ago. She left her husband and a teenage daughter behind. DW and both DILs love Kate Spade bags.

I used to wonder why someone like Kate Spade, with everything going for her like financial security, a loving family, respect in her career, would take her own life. We've heard of many other successful people that have taken their own life over the years.

Last year I finally understood because I was in a similar position wanting to end my life. I too have a loving family. At age 61 am very comfortable financially, active in our wonderful church and long retired from a career where I felt I had made a difference for the good of others. Yet, about a year ago I was going down a deep, dark rabbit hole of sad thoughts, unable to see the love around me. One night I had provoked an argument with DW that should never have happened. She had no idea what was going on inside of me except for the sadness she could see on my face. I angrily walked out with all the medications I could grab, and there are some potent ones. I also had a military combat knife with me. My plan was to take as many meds as I could to ease any pain, the stick the knife in my neck. I believe God stepped in and I fell unconscious in my car before using the knife. I was awoken hours later by a police officer asking if everything was alright. I convinced him I had an argument with DW and fortunately the pills were all under a sweatshirt on the seat next to me. I sat there for another hour assessing how many pills I had taken, and amazed that I was still breathing. I was sure at a minimum I must have ruined my liver. That morning I went to talk to my priest and told him everything. He encouraged me to use his phone to make an appointment with my doctor. I did, and went home to ask DW to accompany me to the doctor so she would know everything.

A year later I am great. My doctor had put me on new medications to help my depression and got me into counseling. DW has been amazing...I couldn't have married a better woman.

I'm becoming more open about my depression because of people like Kate Spade who weren't able to reach out for help. It's important for us to recognize the symptoms of depression among our loved ones and encourage them to get help, because it may save their lives. Especially vulnerable are our veterans, so keep a special watch out for them. That's all.

Thanks for sharing your story, Dash Man. Very glad you found the help and support you needed.

 

[Sunset]

Thanks OP for posting such a deeply personal story about a topic that society hides and tries to keep secret.

At my last doc appt, I told my doc I felt sad/depressed a lot of the time.... he said it wasn't serious until I couldn't get out of bed in the morning..
That's the same doc that told me to donate blood to test for Hep C.

 

[Scrapr]

My wife's sister is bi polar. Hospitalized 3 times I think. She is on meds but they are cummulative so it takes months sometimes for them to work. And the brain can change in the middle of it. She is very open about what the voices in her head are telling her to do. (kill herself) She knows she doesn't want to do that. But if the meds are off you never know. It has really opened our eyes to her illnress

Good luck Dash man and thanks for opening up and sharing

 

[USA]

I too have received assistance from a theologian. Life gets messy. I believe it’s important to hear clearly at an appropriate age that “nothing is worth your life” from a parent or grandparent. For me it stuck. I’ve been privileged to have a great primary MD since retirement. He’s asked me if I’d thought of harming myself or anyone else. I replied No. Then he said “if yes, what would you do?” I answered I would be here (at the docs). Previously I’ve had and witnessed trauma and sucked it up. Some on the job, some not. You’re not crazy when your mind goes to dark places, the mind needs help finding a different place to go. A good counselor, pastoral or not can do that.
Note to Sunset-to put it bluntly the doc sounds like a quack.