robnplunder
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
My 81 year old mom has dementia. It has gotten to a point of being dangerous to live by herself. She can't retain her short term memory unless it has significant emotional content. She can't manage her medicine. Her apartment is full of things she kept buying/bringing in b/c she can't remember if she has the item or not. Once in our visit (360 mile drive), we found 6 different bag of onions bought at different times. The oldest one has turned into a rotting mushy thingy. She started get lost while driving so we took away her car. Number of her neighbors, friends begin to shrink and I suspect she was spending most of her time alone. I also suspected that she was being taken advantage of by people close to her.
But I knew it was going to be a battle to make her move. She has been fiercely independent all her life, and despite being aware of her "memory" issue, she believes she is well enough to live by herself. We visited multiple assisted living places with her. None met her approval. Instead, she was insistent on how she is fit to live by herself. This went on for a few months until we found an assisted living place where one of her friends live. She became a spokesperson for the place and my mom finally agreed to move. We submitted an application for DM and returned home.
Some two weeks later, we got the notice that the place is ready to receive DM. When I told DM that we are coming to move her to her friend's "apartment," she went "huh?" Of course, she (her dementia) forgot all about the assisted living place she visited, and her friend who is waiting for DM to join her there. In essence, I had to start the battle all over again. A few days before the move, I took DM to the place again. Unknown to DM, I prearranged her friend to be there to meet her. This worked and before my mom's memory of this 2nd visit faded, we mover her into the new place.
The 1st month was tough for all of us. DW and I spent two weeks away from home, setting up her new place, visiting her every day to help her get adjusted, cleaning out her old apartment, .... All the while, DM resenting the move, worrying about stuff she left in her old place, etc..
It's been two months now and DM is happy in the new place. She has new friends, more activities, and definitely less lonely. She became physically healthier, too. Things worked out well, knock on wood.
Moving her to the assisted living place was one of the most stressful thing I had to go through since I retired 3 years ago. The finality of my mom's condition hit me hard. The fact that I have to move her to a place where the main gate is locked from inside hit me harder. But I've come to terms with it. Special thanks to DW whom I could not have done the move without.
But I knew it was going to be a battle to make her move. She has been fiercely independent all her life, and despite being aware of her "memory" issue, she believes she is well enough to live by herself. We visited multiple assisted living places with her. None met her approval. Instead, she was insistent on how she is fit to live by herself. This went on for a few months until we found an assisted living place where one of her friends live. She became a spokesperson for the place and my mom finally agreed to move. We submitted an application for DM and returned home.
Some two weeks later, we got the notice that the place is ready to receive DM. When I told DM that we are coming to move her to her friend's "apartment," she went "huh?" Of course, she (her dementia) forgot all about the assisted living place she visited, and her friend who is waiting for DM to join her there. In essence, I had to start the battle all over again. A few days before the move, I took DM to the place again. Unknown to DM, I prearranged her friend to be there to meet her. This worked and before my mom's memory of this 2nd visit faded, we mover her into the new place.
The 1st month was tough for all of us. DW and I spent two weeks away from home, setting up her new place, visiting her every day to help her get adjusted, cleaning out her old apartment, .... All the while, DM resenting the move, worrying about stuff she left in her old place, etc..
It's been two months now and DM is happy in the new place. She has new friends, more activities, and definitely less lonely. She became physically healthier, too. Things worked out well, knock on wood.
Moving her to the assisted living place was one of the most stressful thing I had to go through since I retired 3 years ago. The finality of my mom's condition hit me hard. The fact that I have to move her to a place where the main gate is locked from inside hit me harder. But I've come to terms with it. Special thanks to DW whom I could not have done the move without.
Last edited: