This is positive, in a sense, that one can have such direct communication with one’s boss. At the same time, isn’t it strange that two adults ever need to go at it “hammer and tongs” at all? The higher I rose in the organization, the more I had to confront people on behalf of my team, whether HR bureaucrats, underhanded or oblivious program managers who did something toxic to me or us, or my bosses. Or, I was increasingly the recipient of incoming harshness from others for one thing or another that my team or I didn’t do, in their siloed opinions, not caring about our team’s larger obligations to the organization. Or maybe one of my team members or I did something that offended someone and had to be worked out over awkward “coffee” off site.
I took my work responsibilities seriously but, a few years ago, I started looking around and realized, “Is this really how adults have to behave? I go through the rest of my daily life without ever having to close the door, hoping to calmly resolve something, only to end up in a shouting match with someone who didn’t attend the “Dealing with Conflict” seminar and generally got their way by presenting as a bully. Do I really need to spend days in emotional turmoil before and after, and losing sleep? Maybe there’s a better way, and I can eliminate 100% of the problem altogether, at its very source.”
So I did. It’s been 10 months with no such confrontations with anyone, and a massive relief. With the major irritant of my life eliminated, I’m more balanced and centered. Of course, in marriage, two people have to try to work out little things constantly so that they don’t become big things, but DW and I are better able to disagree without being disagreeable without the background of my intense work stress. She eliminated her own 3 years ago this month.