Couple feels they are entitled to a certain lifestyle

[LateToFIRE]

I have made under $50K every year for my 25 years of working and I have not lived paycheck to paycheck since I was 21. My definition of paycheck to paycheck is being unable to pay a bill if I miss a paycheck.

This is my DW's attitude about money in a nutshell - no matter how much income we had or NW we accumulated, she is naturally intentional (if not exactly frugal) about every dollar, just like her parents.

Curious, where did you develop your approach to your finances? Parents? Negative experience? Internet Guru?

 

[jim584672]

Must have $2K mattress and many Apple watches, why are we out of money? I hate to know what else they blow money on.

 

[aaronc879]

This is my DW's attitude about money in a nutshell - no matter how much income we had or NW we accumulated, she is naturally intentional (if not exactly frugal) about every dollar, just like her parents.

Curious, where did you develop your approach to your finances? Parents? Negative experience? Internet Guru?

I did not get the help from my parents as you state as normal in your previous posts. I am frugal because I didn't want to end up with 5 figure credit card debt like my parents did. They were caring parents but not helpful when it came to money short term or long term. Things worked out ok for them after my dad finally got a decent job and then later got VA Disability payments from his time in Vietnam. I was and am not college material so I scrap by by living very cheaply. I spent around $14K the last 2 years(not counting the $24K I spent on a new car in 2022) and this year I may end up under $12K total spending with a paid off house. If my property taxes weren't $3500 on a $170K house that would help a lot more. I got no significant financial help and will get very little in inheritance, maybe 5 figures including half of a $100K house if my Mom doesn't have to give it up to go to a nursing home at some point.

 

[brett]

Fixed it for ya.

And the real head scratcher is that is isn't a deep, dark secret that SS alone is insufficient and that one needs to save for retirement.

What I do not understand is some of these folks seem to elicit sympathy and even financial assistance from others.

My spouse asked me why I helped her brother financially when he was ill with cancer and could not work and but not her sister.

I said it was simple. Her brother 'respects' money and is in his financial predicament through no fault of his own. Her sister....well it is the opposite. Why would I help someone financially who is going to p*** it up against a wall in order to maintain an image with her friends, etc. I worked too hard to throw good money after bad.

My approach may seem brutal but it is basically....it is for her creditors to solve not me! I stopped being a patsy years ago.

 

[LateToFIRE]

I did not get the help from my parents as you state as normal in your previous posts. I am frugal because I didn't want to end up with 5 figure credit card debt like my parents did. They were caring parents but not helpful when it came to money short term or long term. Things worked out ok for them after my dad finally got a decent job and then later got VA Disability payments from his time in Vietnam. I was and am not college material so I scrap by by living very cheaply. I spent around $14K the last 2 years(not counting the $24K I spent on a new car in 2022) and this year I may end up under $12K total spending with a paid off house. If my property taxes weren't $3500 on a $170K house that would help a lot more. I got no significant financial help and will get very little in inheritance, maybe 5 figures including half of a $100K house if my Mom doesn't have to give it up to go to a nursing home at some point.

Wow, kudos to you! I wouldn't even know how to live that cheaply if my life depended on it - just being honest. That's impressive.

Added: FYI, I do remember what it was like in my 20's when had just moved to NYC and often had just a few dollars in my pocket to last another week and THAT was the entirety of my NW. Can you say Cup O'Noodle for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But, that was about 40 years ago.

 

[ShokWaveRider]

Welcome to the new America, the world owes us a living. No for all, but for quite a few. Seems this is the way for all rungs on the socioeconomic ladder.

 

[Amethyst]

Wow. I literally did not think so many people can, or ever could, rely on inheritances, parental gifts, etc. to get along. I didn't, and neither did my late husband.

Just as I know some people have benefited from family and political connections, but plenty of us never did.

Keep in mind that many Americans who live paycheck to paycheck did not have parents who left them considerable financing. .....The entirety of Gen X that grew up in the Midwest has gotten hosed out of inheritance. Many millions of Gen X'ers.
.

 

[LateToFIRE]

Wow. I literally did not think so many people can, or ever could, rely on inheritances, parental gifts, etc. to get along. I didn't, and neither did my late husband.

Just as I know some people have benefited from family and political connections, but plenty of us never did.

Hard to know what the real stats are, but in the well-heeled, VHNW circles I inhabit, it is much more the norm than not that people received significant boosts from parents. It's not openly discussed, but it's pretty obvious once you get to know people. Heck, I was on my NYC co-op board where every buyer had to submit financial statements and reveal financing plans. I was the only one in the building who didn't get a handout out from parents for down-payment.

I think that getting to a sustainable middle-class lifestyle/retirement can be done thru thrift and saving, and/or generous old-school pension, but getting beyond that, you usually gotta start on 3rd base. Usually. It might be the case that folks here on this board are largely the exception.

 

[5Miler]

FYI, I do remember what it was like in my 20's when had just moved to NYC and often had just a few dollars in my pocket to last another week and THAT was the entirety of my NW. Can you say Cup O'Noodle for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But, that was about 40 years ago.

Brings back memories of when I was a young two striper in the Air Force in the early 70's. I would stop by the AFAES store and float a check for two dollars about 3 days before payday to buy formula for my oldest when he was a baby. Don't ever want to relive that again.

 

[Time2]

I once sold a house to a buyer who used two mortgage loans. One loan was a balloon loan. The buyer did not understand any of the balloon loan terms and had a long discussion on that topic at the closing with his realtor.

Back in 84, we bought our first home with 3 year balloon mortgage, it shaved 3% off the 30 year rate of 16-3/4%. I understood the details, It all worked out without any problems. However I did get laid off 30 days after signing for the mortgage! I found other work pretty quick.
Would I do the same today? Even though it wasn't a problem, I'm not sure what if I would do it today.

 

[LateToFIRE]

Brings back memories of when I was a young two striper in the Air Force in the early 70's. I would stop by the AFAES store and float a check for two dollars about 3 days before payday to buy formula for my oldest when he was a baby. Don't ever want to relive that again.

I can only imagine what that responsibility must have felt like - my FIL had a lot of stories like that about raising kids on a shoestring while in the service. Him and MIL ended up millionaires eventually just thru hard work, focus and frugal habits [and pensions, can't forget the pensions which totally covered all expenses]. So grateful I got to learn from their example.

 

[Time2]

I just don't get why people post videos and articles like this. They are of no value to us. Are we supposed to feel superior for not being this way? Why clutter up the board with these?

Interesting that this is a subject that you think clutters up the board. It is financial and all about what happens if you don't live below your means.
Seems there a whole lot of other topics way outside of the financial arena that you would pick first.
Are there deeper feeling brought up by this video you would like to talk about?

 

[Montecfo]

I watched a good bit and found it interesting.

But I would have liked to see what Dave Ramsay would have taught them.

I bet it would have been quicker.

 

[Time2]

I have made under $50K every year for my 25 years of working and I have not lived paycheck to paycheck since I was 21. My definition of paycheck to paycheck is being unable to pay a bill if I miss a paycheck.

Same here, however, the the $18,000 we earned in 1982 is equivalent to $57,500 today. We had about 19 of our 37 earning years where we were closer to the $75k median household income. We saved $6000* in 82 our first year married, and never lived paycheck to paycheck.


* OK, I exaggerated, we started with $535 of wedding presents, so we saved $5,465 of our $18k earned.

 

[Gumby]

Exactly - those of us starting from behind have the added burden that our parents and family are often dependent on us helping them out as opposed to them helping us out.

if you think about compounding in reverse - negative compounding then maybe you start to see how stacked the deck can be. We're running a maze in life where very early situations, choices and decisions have excruciating far-reaching consequences. We make most of those decisions when we're young idiots. That is why family and culture are such powerful determinants of our future.

I left home at 18, 3 weeks after graduating from high school, with the clothes I was wearing and $20 in my pocket. I never received a penny in support from my parents after that. In fact, for the first 7 years, I sent part of my paycheck home to my mother every month to help out her and my younger sister (since my father had hightailed it to parts unknown).

 

[Teacher Terry]

My parents were born in 1920 and very smart people that never had the opportunity to go to college. They were blue collar workers that were good with their money and frugal but not cheap. They wanted us all to go to college.

We could live at home for free, they gave us an old car, loaned tuition with no interest and open ended repayment and it was required we work part time for spending money, gas, etc. Both my siblings took them up on their offer.

I married at 18 and had 3 kids. When I went to college at 31 my mom helped with the kids which made it possible for me to succeed. My dad would have also helped but had a big stroke so I helped my mom with him.

They never needed financial help knowing how to live on their money and my mom spent it traveling and a car as needed. We told her to spend her money. I feel very lucky to have had such loving, supportive parents.

 

[LateToFIRE]

Interesting that this is a subject that you think clutters up the board. It is financial and all about what happens if you don't live below your means.
Seems there a whole lot of other topics way outside of the financial arena that you would pick first.
Are there deeper feeling brought up by this video you would like to talk about?

LMAO

 

[athena53]

That is true for nearly all of my friends and myself, and is true for a lot of people who live here in the Midwest. It used to be that many of us inherited lots of land but little money. Then along came scandals, bank collapses and ag-corps and now all the land is owned by them but leased to and farmed by the people whose families have lived on the land for generations. They don't even own the crops they grow. The entirety of Gen X that grew up in the Midwest has gotten hosed out of inheritance. Many millions.

I’m baby boom, not Gen X, but grew up in Ohio. Last generation to farm was great-grandparents and they had too many kids and were impoverished. My parents did fine with the values LateToFire mentioned; Dad got an Engineering degree through a co-op program and he and Mom put 5 kids through college. I was pleasantly surprised that Dad left what he did when he died in 2021 (Mom died in 2016) but I was 68 and sure wasn’t including that in my financial plans.

I give more credit to the values my siblings and I learned from Mom and Dad and try not to forget that we were born on 3rd base and so were our kids and our grandchildren.

 

[Delawaredave5]

Wife is clueless, admits clueless, but never going to change.

 

[Aerides]

Keep in mind that many Americans who live paycheck to paycheck did not have parents who left them considerable financing. That is true for nearly all of my friends and myself, and is true for a lot of people who live here in the Midwest. It used to be that many of us inherited lots of land but little money. Then along came scandals, bank collapses and ag-corps and now all the land is owned by them but leased to and farmed by the people whose families have lived on the land for generations. They don't even own the crops they grow. The entirety of Gen X that grew up in the Midwest has gotten hosed out of inheritance. Many millions of Gen X'ers.

Compare that to Gen X kids who grew up in New York City. When they were born NYC real estate was in bad shape. Today when their parents pass they inherit multi-million dollar small apartments and reap rewards for selling. Same is true for many east/west coast cities.

I'm GenX, square in the middle of it. My parents are both still kicking. Looking around my peer group, most of us still have at least one parent still living (70's and 80's), so, no one has gotten hosed because the events that lead to inheritance are not yet reality.

I'm in the SE, but my friends are all over.

 

[jj]

I flogged my way all through this video (full of ads, by the way) to the end.

Ramit Sethi has a blog, My Rich Life, which is also a book. Plus, he has a short series on Netflix called 'How to Get Rich'. Despite the fact that I should find him obnoxious I like the guy. He's trying to help people with their relationship with money.

The couple in the video are annoying and clueless. Ramit makes them dig into their past and accept the lies they are telling themselves. They are overspending their $100k+ income, and taking out payday loans with massive interest just to get through the end of the month! They are 'deer in the headlights' unable to help themselves and spend less.

I do think this influencer can help the ER crowd recognize where their 'Rich Life' is - how you use wealth to improve your life by spending on things that really matter to you.

 

[Time2]

I flogged my way all through this video (full of ads, by the way) to the end.

Re: the ads, I use Adblock Plus, it has worked for commercials, unless they are presented by the Youtuber. I seem to recall Ramit had some.

I recently got a popup saying that I couldn't watch Youtube with my ad blocker on, then a couple days later, my ad blocker works again. Don't know, but I like my ad blocker, when it works.

 

[jazz4cash]

It was a slog…..I kept watching because it felt like it was gonna get better. It did not. The whole time I’m thinking two things.
1.) They have way, way more debt than they are admitting to. People tend to ignore or understate their debt when they are struggling. Maybe I missed it but I did not see evidence of a line by line deep dive into their debts.
2.) The couple seemed to be devoted to each other. I did not see signs of tension directed at the other partner.
The host mentioned her low paying employment but we never heard an explanation.

 

[Amethyst]

I started on 1st base and had a few lucky runs and base hits, e.g. eventually a stable marriage. But for the first few years, it was strictly a matter of frugality and self-denial. No fun, but I know quite a few others who've done it, too, even w/o the pension.

Aside from luck, such as not being born in a war zone, or laid low by a costly health problem, getting your feet under you financially is mostly about what you can say "No" to. The people in this video (I only scanned it) equate saying "No" to yourself, to losing.

H
I think that getting to a sustainable middle-class lifestyle/retirement can be done thru thrift and saving, and/or generous old-school pension, but getting beyond that, you usually gotta start on 3rd base. Usually. It might be the case that folks here on this board are largely the exception.

 

[freedomatlast]

Looks like they thought they had plenty of money for necessities like tattoos and jewelry.