Hi all;
I've been reading this thread with much interest, mainly due to the experience of my mother with a second marriage, and now would like to add my thoughts to the many good ones already expressed here.
First of all, I will apologize in advance if anyone is offended by what I have to say. Nothing is aimed at any particular poster or post; I'm just relating my own experience and feelings.
In my observation over time, I feel there are -- very broadly speaking -- two types of men (all on something of a sliding scale between the two extremes). First, like me, there are those who spent some time in their early lives as bachelors -- living alone or otherwise -- and once getting married spend the rest of their lives learning to share their space with another person. My wife and I have been together 32+ plus years, and I love her dearly. But I still very much place value on "alone time". She's going on a girls' trip in a couple of weeks, and I'm looking forward to how I'll spend my time while she's traveling.
Secondly, there is a type of man who has always had someone -- or some entity -- to take care of him -- whether it be mama, the army, the college fraternity, etc. They marry early with little if any time living on their own. If they find themselves widowed after many years of marriage, they are near terrified at having no one to take care of them. And their priority becomes to find another wife -- anyone who will have them, and love has nothing to do with it.
My dad died of ALS, my mom being his primary care giver. Shortly after that, her path crossed with the second type of man described above. Early on in the relationship, he placed pressure on her to get married. She knew there was something not right about it, but he eventually wore her down. Fast forward many years, Mom was the primary care giver again as he declined with dementia and other health issues. Now that he has passed, Mom has many health issues which I think are at least somewhat related to the stress of caring for her second husband. I also feel that he took advantage of her financially, but that's a whole other post in its own.
So to sum, I think women in particular have to be most wary in approaching second (or more) marriages. Men that are wanting to move too quickly in the relationship should be a definite red flag. As far me, never say never, but I would be in no hurry to remarry if I were to outlive my wife. Conversely, I've told her if I go first she is to steer clear of needy old men -- else I will come back to haunt her! Although I would be pleased if she finds a genuine good guy!