A Tale of Two Layoffs

[haha]

I'd avoid this (and any other financial) subject unless he specifically asks for your input. He's a smart guy and no doubt already knows this. No reason to bring it and rub salt in his wound.

I doubt there is any financial advice you could give him that would be helpful at this point - too late. Even though you don't think your friendship is in jeopardy, a financial disaster can be very tough on relationships.

+1. That horse is out of the barn. Also if he pulls it together or grabs a new job, he may resent your "advice". Once someone is 50, he knows where money goes, he has made some choices that look poor at this time, but life is for making choices and he likely enjoyed his life up to now and probably will find a way to enjoy it now too.

Ha

 

[caninelover]

I agree with the posters who suggest not offering any advice unless specifically asked. Now that the friend has a new lease on life (maybe temporary) you can gradually drop hints that you would be unwilling to provide financial assistance (e.g. 'I don't have to look for work immediately but my budget is looking very tight' or something along those lines). Hopefully he will pick up on the hint and either work harder to keep his job, or stash away some extra cash.

 

[Badger]

I never loan money to relatives and friends, at least in my mind. If I do 'loan' money it is with the attitude that it is a gift and if I get paid back some or all of it, that's very nice and I am glad for both of us. If not, it was a gift.

If I can't afford the gift, I don't 'loan' it.

+1. That horse is out of the barn. Also if he pulls it together or grabs a new job, he may resent your "advice". Once someone is 50, he knows where money goes, he has made some choices that look poor at this time, but life is for making choices and he likely enjoyed his life up to now and probably will find a way to enjoy it now too.

Ha

+1
My best friend for 50 years was in a similar situation. His income was much greater than mine and was self employed. He lived large and enjoyed his toys. Then everything went downhill and opportunities dried up. He went through the little savings he had, the equity in his home (then had to walk away from his house), and all his inheritance.

I was careful to avoid offering advice. He didn't need to hear that from me. He needed to know I was still there as his friend regardless of his hardships.

He used to tease me for being cheap so he doesn't know my financial situation. At one point I was tempted to offer financial help (without caring if it was paid back) but realized it could hurt his pride and damage or lose a friendship that I cherish.

It's a few years later and he and his wife are now doing fine. He never could find a job so he is now retired with a little SS and his wife has a good job. Their budget is tighter now and I'm sure saving is minimal but they are making their way and we are still friends.

He never asked for advice or money and I never offered. If asked I would have offered advice if I thought it could help but I would have chosen my words carefully.

Cheers!

 

[scrinch]

I never loan money to relatives and friends, at least in my mind. If I do 'loan' money it is with the attitude that it is a gift and if I get paid back some or all of it, that's very nice and I am glad for both of us. If not, it was a gift.

If I can't afford the gift, I don't 'loan' it.

In my opinion this is the way to keep from busting up families or friendships. Look at it as a gift or don't give it at all. It's like how I keep the game of golf fun. I look at it as a walk through the grass, sand, and trees! Don't expect any more from it and you won't end up disappointed.

 

[ziggy29]

In my opinion this is the way to keep from busting up families or friendships. Look at it as a gift or don't give it at all. It's like how I keep the game of golf fun. I look at it as a walk through the grass, sand, and trees! Don't expect any more from it and you won't end up disappointed.

I pretty much look at it this way as well. If I feel compelled to do it, I mentally think of it as a gift, and if it's paid back, it's a bonus. If I'm not willing to kiss the money goodbye permanently, I probably don't "loan" the money.

 

[pb4uski]

I wouldn't offer any advice unless he were to ask for it - more just someone to talk to and a sympathetic ear.

I have a friend who is in much different circumstances than I am. We both realize it but rarely talk about it. I tend to help him out by springing for tickets or the dinner bill more often when we go out and do things together, although he pays for the bill occasionally.

A few years ago he was going through a divorce and needed a few thousand to get his lousy ex out of his life and I gleefully loaned him what he needed and he paid me back ahead of the payback schedule we agreed to (no interest BTW) - but that was an exceptional and temporary situation but if he was in a similar jam I would do so again.

 

[Mulligan]

I offer unsolicited financial advise to my 3 best friends all the time. Two of them it helped (one immensely), the third not at all. Recently friend 3 asked if I would finance his 20% down so he could avoid PMI. I told him hell no, and if he had listened to me at all the past 8 years he wouldn't have had to ask. So he scraped up 5% and is paying PMI. I am glad that my friends do not need to be politically correct or "sensitive" to each others feelings. If we had to, we wouldn't be friends that is for sure.

 

[ERD50]

... I am glad that my friends do not need to be politically correct or "sensitive" to each others feelings. If we had to, we wouldn't be friends that is for sure.

That's how I feel too. We all have to 'tip-toe' around all sorts of social tight-ropes (mixed metaphor anyone?) - I like to play it straight with friends.

That said, I don't really offer 'advice' as such. I'll explain what I see as the pros/cons, I might even say what I would do in their shoes, but it's up to them to decide. I just supply information that they may or may not be aware of.

-ERD50