skipro33
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
My dad, widowed and living with me, has mild Alzheimers/Dementia. He's been living here with me for about a year and a half. A victim of elder abuse regarding his finances, he had maybe $5,000 in cash when I took him in. He wasn't diagnosed at the time and resented anyone telling him how he should be spending his money. He had a soft heart for anyone, women especially, who had small children who were coached to call him grandpa. I was able to get him to a Neurologist under the pretext of an annual physical exam. I now have his power of atty for medical, my brother has for financial. Since he moved in, I've been able to get his pension, social security straightened out and got him a military disability pension for serving in Korea and now needing full time care. All total, he has almost $6,200 income take-home and about $50,000 in the bank. (I cashed in his life insurance policies, researched his wife's policies and paid, liquidated his property other than what he can use living here with me)
If not for me and my brother, I'm sure he would have continued to been abused financially by other family and those closest to him he should have been able to trust.
My brother and I feel that we have him now in a good place medically, physically and financially so that he is able to afford an assisted living facility. Researching for a facility that will be the best fit for him has not been easy. Seems every time I tour one, ask questions, I learn more and need to review the previous places with this new found intel. We are very close to choosing a place and have been grooming him for the day he'll be moving to a facility.
All this begs me to ask about my and my wife's situation; what if we were in his mental situation? Would we have someone who we could trust to take over all our assets, make all our financial and medical decisions, decide where we will live and how? I've talked to both my sons and, while good men, they pretty much said they would find us a good home and move on with their lives. In one sense, I'm glad they won't stress over what I and DW have been dealing with since we were aware of Dad's financial and medical issues. But it also really drives home to me that I need to very proactive in putting together a plan that protects me and DW in such an event.
My brother and I have no need for our dad's money. We have more than enough of our own, so situating him isn't going to be a financial hit to either of us. Can I say the same about my boys? Even subconsciously, would they make decisions on my behalf in my or DW's best interests and leave their own self interests out of it? Who knows for certain?
So what's your plan for this sort of contingency? I do not want to be a financial or any other kind of burden to my kids. I also don't want to be warehoused in a rat hole, sleeping in my own mess, eating garbage or otherwise, a compromised quality of life either. I hope my own actions set an example for my kids to follow when and if the time comes for them to make these sorts of choices or not.
****EDIT****
I want to add that I have funds bankrolled to cover expenses for DW and I if we are in a similar medical/mental condition as my dad. But I read so much on here about spending down net worth so as to leave as little as possible, enjoy as much as possible, the assets earned over a lifetime. These two things don't jive; being responsible for all contingencies financially in our lifetimes and maximizing the enjoyment of a life of LBYM.
If not for me and my brother, I'm sure he would have continued to been abused financially by other family and those closest to him he should have been able to trust.
My brother and I feel that we have him now in a good place medically, physically and financially so that he is able to afford an assisted living facility. Researching for a facility that will be the best fit for him has not been easy. Seems every time I tour one, ask questions, I learn more and need to review the previous places with this new found intel. We are very close to choosing a place and have been grooming him for the day he'll be moving to a facility.
All this begs me to ask about my and my wife's situation; what if we were in his mental situation? Would we have someone who we could trust to take over all our assets, make all our financial and medical decisions, decide where we will live and how? I've talked to both my sons and, while good men, they pretty much said they would find us a good home and move on with their lives. In one sense, I'm glad they won't stress over what I and DW have been dealing with since we were aware of Dad's financial and medical issues. But it also really drives home to me that I need to very proactive in putting together a plan that protects me and DW in such an event.
My brother and I have no need for our dad's money. We have more than enough of our own, so situating him isn't going to be a financial hit to either of us. Can I say the same about my boys? Even subconsciously, would they make decisions on my behalf in my or DW's best interests and leave their own self interests out of it? Who knows for certain?
So what's your plan for this sort of contingency? I do not want to be a financial or any other kind of burden to my kids. I also don't want to be warehoused in a rat hole, sleeping in my own mess, eating garbage or otherwise, a compromised quality of life either. I hope my own actions set an example for my kids to follow when and if the time comes for them to make these sorts of choices or not.
****EDIT****
I want to add that I have funds bankrolled to cover expenses for DW and I if we are in a similar medical/mental condition as my dad. But I read so much on here about spending down net worth so as to leave as little as possible, enjoy as much as possible, the assets earned over a lifetime. These two things don't jive; being responsible for all contingencies financially in our lifetimes and maximizing the enjoyment of a life of LBYM.
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