Baby Bird Finally Left the Nest

[socca]

I have fond memories of sharing an apartment with a roommate and a house with 4 other roommates. Fun times!

During my final years of undergrad education, I rented a room in the basement of a house in a Midwestern college town. There were three other rooms in the basement, each rented to a male college student. We all shared a single tiny bathroom (no tub). All I remember is how disgusting the bathroom would get by the end of the week. Fun times? Uh, no.

I wonder now how I could have possibly lived like that. I suspect that the answer is that I was (1) young, and thus extremely flexible, and (2) delighted to be out of the college dorm and living "on my own". Now I'm living alone in a house with three bathrooms, and that seems about right. Call me spoiled.

 

[golfnut]

Read this subject with some interest. DW and I have a 26 year old son who has never left the nest. He tried junior college for a year or 2 and quit. Worked lot of low paying jobs til he decide to enroll in an electronics controls program . 2 year program which he completed in 2018. Have to give him credit he got hired right away and makes more than enough money to leave the nest.


His whole life right now consists of his job, playing x box in his bedroom and his girlfriend of 3 yrs (both wife and I like her alot). She is also so much more mature than our son.



He keeps telling us he and his gf (she has a great job) will be getting a place together later this year. = I admit thru the years I have encouraged him to move out. My DW, on the other hand does not want him to move out. I know this sounds ridiculous but our son will have to undergo a pretty big adjustment once he leaves the (doing laundry, cooking etc.. supermom does this for him now). I kiddingly tell my son to get a 2 bedroom apt (room for DW)>


We also charge him $500 monthly - in this we pay his cell and auto insurance. I figured its safer us paying the insurance as he might forget.




I know I'm an old guy but I remember being pretty happy when my old man dropped me off in the dorm when I was 18.

 

[ivinsfan]

I sure hope everything works out, but that rent as 50% of take home in not a consistently doable number IMO.

You mentioned she has varied hours and income, what if 50% becomes 60 or even more?
It really sounds like a roommate situation would have been the best option for her. I hopes all the variables work out and her first living away from home experience is a good one.

 

[ncbill]

But why aren't they sharing a 3 bedroom apt or house with some friends to make their housing more affordable? That is what we did, and it was fun having other people around.... I have fond memories of sharing an apartment with a roommate and a house with 4 other roommates. Fun times!

That's what my recent graduate is doing...him and 3 other guys in one house...maybe it's easier than for others because he's in the military and off-base landlords there are used to the transitory nature of their tenants (i.e. no penalty for breaking the lease due to orders)

 

[harley]

During my final years of undergrad education, I rented a room in the basement of a house in a Midwestern college town. There were three other rooms in the basement, each rented to a male college student. We all shared a single tiny bathroom (no tub). All I remember is how disgusting the bathroom would get by the end of the week. Fun times? Uh, no.

I wonder now how I could have possibly lived like that. I suspect that the answer is that I was (1) young, and thus extremely flexible, and (2) delighted to be out of the college dorm and living "on my own". Now I'm living alone in a house with three bathrooms, and that seems about right. Call me spoiled.

Starting out I had roommates too, and there were a lot of fun times. I even remember some of them. And yes, it could be pretty disgusting too. That was just more incentive to move to my own place. Which was also pretty disgusting until DW-to-be whipped me into shape.

I know this sounds ridiculous but our son will have to undergo a pretty big adjustment once he leaves the (doing laundry, cooking etc.. supermom does this for him now). I kiddingly tell my son to get a 2 bedroom apt (room for DW)>


We also charge him $500 monthly - in this we pay his cell and auto insurance. I figured its safer us paying the insurance as he might forget.

Another difference. Nobody did my laundry even at 16, although there did tend to be food made available. And I was definitely paying my own bills. I might have been tempted to stay in the same situation your son has. But probably not. Different times.

 

[street]

OP I hope all goes well for her in her new venture in life. We were very lucky with our son, he graduated at 17 went to college and started a great job right out of college and has been there for over 15 years now. He never asked for a dime and never moved back after 17 and has done very well in life so far. He bought a brand new home and has surprised me how well he manages his money. The next one could of been the complete opposite I suppose.

 

[mountainsoft]

I sure hope everything works out, but that rent as 50% of take home in not a consistently doable number IMO.

You mentioned she has varied hours and income, what if 50% becomes 60 or even more?

I agree, but "something" had to change. We've tried to get her to find a better paying job for years, but that never happened. Hopefully this crash course in adulthood will be the incentive she needs to seek something better. Until then, her income is increasing slightly, and she does have a good buffer built up in savings to cover any emergency or down months she might encounter. It won't last forever, but she won't have to head back home at the first sign of trouble.

 

[ckelly78z]

My 21 YO son, and a good friend of his will be moving out soon to a nice townhouse appt in our local area that they found for $720 a month. He is pretty money savvy, so not worried about the outcome, but glad, we will finally have an empty nest, smaller food/electric bills, and more room in the driveway.

 

[Teacher Terry]

The 2 bedroom houses rent for that price and it would have to be 2 to a bedroom to make that work. I laughed when I read a landlord will work with you. We have a huge housing shortage so landlords are fussy. Wages aren’t high and it’s getting to be a huge crisis.

 

[38Chevy454]

Something that I thought of, when I graduated college my goal was to get a job no matter where the job location was. Goal was not to only get a job in my hometown.
By default this forced me to be on my own. Although I already was as a self supporting student. The main factor though was a job 350 miles away from parents. Yes it helped being an engineer and making better money than liberal arts graduates. But first job being in Los Angeles area meant that I still had a friend engineer as a roommate.
It just seems that the kids now don't have the same desire for a job first and then making it succeed. It's easier to move back home and use the parent's safety net.

 

[golfnut]

Besides financial reasons, I think (in alot of cases), we parents tend to coddle our children more nowadays. I know this is true in my social circle and general neck of the woods - Chicago and burbs.




Right or wrong, my and most of my friends parents were either immigrants or 1st generation. They instilled in us kids (sometimes in the wrong manner) the importance of education while at the same time getting a part time job. I don't ever remember any of us getting an allowance from them. Once you were 18/19, better be in college or get a full time job/and fly the coop.


I told this story before but on my 18th birthday, I obtained my cab license and my best friend did the same few months later. Parents of course were were concerned but they did not stop us. And yes, violence was bad in 1973/74 in Chicago. Our cabs (yellow) were accessorized with bullet proof glass between the driver and passenger.



As a sidenote, I find it amusing how difficult it is for the later day generation to share a bedroom. The horrors!


Just felt like rambling!

 

[Bestwifeever]

Everyone I knew growing up had four to six kids in the family in pretty small houses and those kids moved away asap. They were used to sharing close quarters and didn’t mind a roommate or three. The people I know who are my age who chose to have children maxed out at two. Although our two moved out while still in college, they grew up with their own rooms in a bigger house; we still call those rooms “Susie’s room” and “Johnnie’s room.” I do think some parents today don’t see a kid moving back home or never leaving as that big of a deal (and if that works for them, great). My very nice neighbors have one child who is also very nice, very accomplished and he has a really good IT job; the parents have done a reversal and moved out, to a condo with a large bedroom suite for their son, but he is still living in the big house and I have wagered DH that the parents will keep the house for their son, as he seems to enjoy it. Perhaps that will be the next chapter in the boomeranging kids story.

 

[Teacher Terry]

2 of my 3 adult kids can no longer afford to live here. They moved to a LCOL. Things have really changed in 23 years.

 

[pb4uski]

Similar here. 5 kids in a 4 bedroom house when I was growing up... as the only male I had my own bedroom but my sisters bunked together in full sized beds... oldest & youngest in one bedroom and the middle two in the other.... just the way it was.

We had two kids and they each had their own bedrooms. While I am careful to refer to them as the green room and the beige room we do sometimes slip up and call them "Susie's" or "Johnnie's" room because even though they are long out of the house when they visit they tend to use those rooms.

On the last part I have a sister like that. DBIL moved due to a job change over 5 years ago and DSis followed him... but they still have the home that they raised their 3 kids in and their two sons in their early 30s still live there. I have no idea if my nephews are paying rent but it's none of my business.

 

[chrave1956]

I can see why your child (and millennials in general) never left earlier ... your parenting!
You searched for an apt for her .... how will they ever learn to take responsibility if you do everything!!

 

[corn18]

My wife just called and said she just watched our oldest daughter get taken off in an orange jumpsuit and shackles. She was crying (my wife and my daughter). So there's that.

 

[mountainsoft]

I can see why your child (and millennials in general) never left earlier ... your parenting!
You searched for an apt for her .... how will they ever learn to take responsibility if you do everything!!

I will never win a parenting award, but we've been waiting years for our daughter to take responsibility on her own. Nothing we said or did seemed to be the incentive she needed to move forward. Eventually, we had to help her out or she would live her forever.

That said, she works so much she barely has time to do anything, and the rental prices far outpace incomes around here. I would be difficult for me, let alone someone with no time or previous life experience.

I'm happy to say she has been taking charge since moving out and is enjoying her new apartment (when she's there).

 

[rodi]

I could tell you stories of when I moved out 2 weeks after I turned 18 (true) and had to walk uphill, both ways, through the snow (not true). Times (and rents) are different now.

As the mom of a 17 yo and 19 yo I suspect the 17 year old will go to college and never look back. It's the way he's wired. The 19 yo is more, er, challenging. Bombed his first semester of college and is now on academic probation. Had a very firm heart to heart with him on the drive back for semester 2... if he bombs again the school is kicking him out... he'll have 2 weeks to find a job and start paying rent. (To us or if he moves out to a landlord.) He seemed shocked... but I pointed out he was 19 and not a child anymore... It seemed to sink in - but time will tell. He's had issues with depression - so it's finding a balance without enabling a lack of responsibility.

I expect my boys will have roommates when they move out. That's the norm here. It's not necessarily cheap because this is San Diego. I also expect they'll live in sketchier parts of town than our house or at least a lot further from the beach... that's just the way it is when you are young and starting out.

Each child is different. So parenting is going to be different for each child.

BIL has 3 kids in their 20's. (one turns 30 this year) All at home after college. Two are prepping to move out... the third is a tougher case. BIL & SIL are getting ready to retire and plan to move to FL. They assume the tough-nut will move with them and get an apartment down there (cheaper rents there.) Their 3 kids are different....

 

[imnontrad]

Congratulations. Maybe she will show the initiative to get a roommate to help split the expenses.
Do some research and you can find some "recipes" for laundry detergent, household/floor cleaners, etc which will cut costs. Also, I hope she knows how to budget her money.

 

[harley]

I can see why your child (and millennials in general) never left earlier ... your parenting!
You searched for an apt for her .... how will they ever learn to take responsibility if you do everything!!

Four posts in 15 years, and two of them were complaining about people's parenting. Not a hot button issue for you, is it?

 

[Just_Steve]

My wife just called and said she just watched our oldest daughter get taken off in an orange jumpsuit and shackles. She was crying (my wife and my daughter). So there's that.

Thats one way to move out for sure.

 

[I was misinformed]

^^^^ That is one of those mysteries of life. Same parents, same home, same upbringing, same schools.... but totally different! How does that happen?

Yes this happens so often. I had an acquaintance with 2 children who had drastically different paths in life. He claims he could have foretold all this from the first day each was home after their birth - one was already happy, patient, serene, the other was unhappy, impatient, agitated....

 

[Teacher Terry]

My sister would have never left home despite having a college degree until my dad pushed her at 25. She is 74 so this was a time when kids didn’t linger. They are all different.

 

[ckelly78z]

My 21 YO son, and a good friend of his will be moving out soon to a nice townhouse appt in our local area that they found for $720 a month. He is pretty money savvy, so not worried about the outcome, but glad, we will finally have an empty nest, smaller food/electric bills, and more room in the driveway.

My DS will be moving to a nice townhouse appt. with a good friend tomorrow. He is thrilled, we are thrilled...looking to finally be able to get a budget around, and not have endless spending.

 

[Caskem]

Now you don't have to wear pants around the house!