I resigned from my last job about a year ago without having something else lined up. My B.S. bucket began to overflow mightily and I reached the point where staying would mean losing a bunch of my self-respect.
I still haven't found anything new, but DW and I are fine financially, and I don't think I regret my decision to resign. But now having lots of time to reflect, I've been feeling pangs of regret over the way I managed my career over the years. A string of bad job choices left me unfulfilled, frustrated, and caused that B.S. bucket to fill more quickly than it otherwise might have. I'm not a people-person and building my network was not something that I worked on, which limited my job choices. And I sit here thinking, "Is that all there is? Am I really done?"
I totally get this sentiment, and I think it's one that nobody really talks about as part of the career path - the truths about aging and employment. Just my $.02...
Not everyone gets to the top of the pyramid. Talent, aptitude and experience are often overwhelmed by those with high-level social skills and/or timely expertise. Career choices make a huge difference in a career path, and not all choices are obvious at the moment. The reality is usually felt long afterwards, and may be entirely out of your control.
The psychological part of aging comes when you realize that you are no longer on an upward trajectory career-wise and are working harder just to keep what you have. Once you leave, voluntarily or not, you realize how much your self-identity is wrapped up in your work; and how delicate that self-identity is when you are not working. Work allows you to rate yourself based on the simplest of criteria - where you are on the org. chart. You're either a boss, or an aspiring boss. When you are not working, you are off the map.
Letting go is hard. It sucks to learn your aspirations might just be dreams. Given you weren't a big networker, you probably didn't see a huge purpose in your career other than providing for your needs. If that's the case, then celebrate and congratulate yourself for getting through the maze in one piece! On the other hand, if your career gave you a fulfilling purpose, now you can pursue your passion on your terms. Look at it as a win-win.
Freedom can be as scary as it can be liberating. I often think about my 'purpose' now that I am retired and feel that I should be 'doing something' with my life. My answer to myself is to remember that the future doesn't belong to me; now it belongs to the young - the people I had mentored over the years. I came to that realization when I was caring for my dying father and saw how displaced and unhappy he was in the current world - and I was not that far behind him. Whatever my future purpose, it definitely doesn't involve a 9-5 job anymore. It's not what I should be 'doing' at this point in my life. Let the Kids have it.
All my time playing the role of a good employee was for a purpose - to earn enough to retire - and now that we reached our personal goals, we can appreciate 'living' much more as the finish line gets closer. There is a deeply beautiful, comforting harmony in that natural cycle.
I look at my days as an extended Summer vacation where each day is mine to discover on my terms. While I wait for my higher purpose to reveal itself, I can find purposeful activities in every day - whether walking for exercise, or helping someone with a project, or supporting a family member in need.
If you are happy, healthy and comfortable then give thanks. Don't let your depression keep you indoors. This may be just the time to find your social-self. You might be surprised how fun it is to make new friends and meet new people with common and different interests. You'd be surprised what it can lead to.
Have a happy, enriching New Year and Stay Positive!