Career Management Regret

[Which Roger]

Being able to say "I regret some career choices and I ended up FIRE'd as a result" is much better than having to say "I regret some career choices and now I'll never have enough money to retire".


Also, there's no reason one can't undo the regret while retired. I've found working without pay to be much more fulfilling that working for pay could ever have possibly been.

 

[Bryan Barnfellow]

I have regrets and am generally glad for them; they demonstrate that I haven't stopped trying to learn.

One suggestion I would offer is to collect together a set of positive things into a "Kudos" file. Mine includes publications, mentions in press, thank yous from higher ups for a job well done, notes from peers, and most important: copies of the many, many messages of encouragement and/or kudos that I sent to others (usually junior people) during my career, along with their offers of thanks. I find that when I find that the regrets are gaining the upper hand, I need only glance through my kudos file and rebalance!

For those who haven't FIRE'd yet, I should note that I started this file early in my career as my own personal log of good things that I could tap on bad days.

Slightly edited.

-BB

 

[JoeWras]

Sure..I have lots of free time and can make my own choices now..but I have few interests that I'm passionate about, no real desire to volunteer for anything, few true friends and basically not much that I look forward to on a daily basis. Going to need to change that somehow, but at the moment it's overwhelming and extremely depressing..

Retiresoon: hang in there. I think you are still working out some of the issues of job insecurity that is so common today.

Might I suggest you give something a try, whether it be volunteering or a small easy (yes, low paying) job? You may hate it, but at least you checked it out.

I reconnected, accidentally, with an old friend from 20 years ago while volunteering at a youth camp. We are both tech refugees. I wasn't sure I wanted to do it, but have found it to be fun (for now) and I'm meeting new people. I also hear "Thank You" a lot more than I ever did before.

If you try anything and don't like it, you can just not sign up again. That's freedom.

 

[Amethyst]

I used to do that, and was sometimes amazed at the glowing things people had written about me and that I had somehow forgotten. Apparently, I saved the day more than once

I have regrets and am generally glad for them; they demonstrate that I haven't stopped trying to learn.

One suggestion I would offer is to collect together a set of positive things into a "Kudos" file. Mine includes publications, mentions in press, thank yous from higher ups for a job well done, notes from peers, and most important: copies of the many, many messages of encouragement and/or kudos that I sent to others (usually junior people) during my career. I find that when I find that the regrets are gaining the upper hand, I need only glance through my kudos file and rebalance!

For those who haven't FIRE'd yet, I should note that I started this file early in my career as my own personal log of good things that I could tap on bad days.


-BB

 

[Carpediem]

But am in same position as OP - I know a bunch of people but can't think of many of them that would or could actually help - so I'm pretty much back to applying to gigs where I can find them vs having any "in" anywhere that most GOOD jobs come from..I'm also pretty beaten down physically and mentally, which doesn't help - especially adding in being a mid 50s YO person - that's never easy either..and the thought of going back into the frying pan with what's likely to be just a different flavor of BS with different people isn't that appealing, either. SURELY there must be some "purple unicorn" company out there that's actually reasonable to work for. Yeah, and the tooth fairy is real, too.

RetireSoon, Just a thought but what about checking out flexjobs.com? I personally haven't gotten any gigs through them but there are several that sound interesting. I wish you the best and don't delay seeing someone if you feel it will help.

 

[Badger]

I volunteer a couple days a week. It provides a sense of purpose for me (as do my hobbies etc) and it helps my neighbors get by . I really enjoy the time with the other staff members and customers. Besides, its work. Menial tasks as well as tactical and strategic projects. Something different every day. Just like work. But with one beautiful distinction. No carrying BS buckets & no filling BS buckets. Too much to do and no time to give or receive BS.

If you're FI, consider using a little time to giving back. I find that I get more than I give. Much more.

+1


Cheers!

 

[IMATERP]

I feel EXACTLY the same way as OP..in fact, I wondered if I wrote the original post "sleep posting" or something..

Have had more jobs that I would have liked over 35+ years, and recently decided to leave the most recent one due to extreme overflow of the BS bucket. (Plan was and still is to RE, but my timing was awful as the market has been melting down essentially 30 days after I gave notice)..I also am not a "people person", and didn't realize the importance of developing and keeping good relationships that might help in future career moves.

I've grown very cynical and am dealing with pretty severe depression over it all - to the point I realize I probably should "see somebody" about it..a very big part of my identity has been and continues to be tied up in my work life - and I've really been struggling since announcing my ER in late August with "is this all there is" also? Sure..I have lots of free time and can make my own choices now..but I have few interests that I'm passionate about, no real desire to volunteer for anything, few true friends and basically not much that I look forward to on a daily basis. Going to need to change that somehow, but at the moment it's overwhelming and extremely depressing..

I told DW last night that I think I made a HUGE mistake resigning and that I might need to go look for something after the new year. But am in same position as OP - I know a bunch of people but can't think of many of them that would or could actually help - so I'm pretty much back to applying to gigs where I can find them vs having any "in" anywhere that most GOOD jobs come from..I'm also pretty beaten down physically and mentally, which doesn't help - especially adding in being a mid 50s YO person - that's never easy either..and the thought of going back into the frying pan with what's likely to be just a different flavor of BS with different people isn't that appealing, either. SURELY there must be some "purple unicorn" company out there that's actually reasonable to work for. Yeah, and the tooth fairy is real, too.

I've always thought that people who work for the big autos (eg: GM, Ford) or in .GOV jobs have it made. They appear to have real stability over decades and fairly reasonable quality of life. Most people I know in these companies (and I know quite a few) seem to go in at reasonable times, get home at reasonable times, work for the companies for DECADES and generally have stability in their work lives. Sure, there's BS - but they don't deal with fear of losing their jobs on a regular basis like you do in tech, and just generally seem to have carved out a very safe and stable foundation to build the rest of their lives on. I've never had that, and am pretty envious and perhaps more than a bit jealous of it. Sure, I probably got paid more than some of my auto or .gov friends - but have had to change jobs every 2-3 years also along the way. Not sure the trade-off was worth it.

Anyway..definitely feel for and empathize with OP..seen that movie and am living it daily..

I can relate and struggle with the same. I stopped learning in 1997 and played SAFE (moving forward.). I made employment decisions based on my Physical Health needs as opposed to growing professionally and intellectually. I took the menial State Job for healthcare benefits, but deep down sold my self short professionally.

The good news is that for the most part, my health insurance needs (for a chronic illness) have been met for life. The bad news is - I could have been more successful, and get stuck in the “what if syndrome.”

I constantly forget that I cannot compare myself with others and I have to compare where I am at today versus where I was at previous points in my life. I have to accept that.

Cheers,

 

[Vincenzo Corleone]

I have to compare where I am at today versus where I was at previous points in my life.

+1

When I do that, it puts a smile back on my face. In general, I did quite well despite certain "unpleasantries" earlier in my life.

Thanks for the reminder.

And thanks to all who have responded with empathy and compassion and constructive suggestions. I got some real good nuggets from this thread.

 

[marko]

A string of bad job choices left me unfulfilled, frustrated, and caused that B.S. bucket to fill more quickly than it otherwise might have.

Hang in there. You're equating your job choices with the BS bucket filling faster. Fact is, the BS bucket would likely fill just the same.

I think personal careers go through their own life cycle with youthful aimless energy, productive middle age and eventual 'what is he still doing here?' as times and work environments change. Like many here, it was "when, not if" the BS bucket filled for you.

There's a thread here right now about workers who came close to RE but dropped just months before; maybe start there.

 

[brett]

I never took a job because I was running away from a job. I only took a new job when I was running to the new one for career or financial reasons. I got this advice very early on in my career and paid attention to it.

Likewise, when I was in a position to hire I avoided those applicants who seemed to me to be running from their current or previous positions.

 

[Out of Steam]

I certainly could have done better, and know I made the mistake of staying with the same job too long more than once--one of them being my current job.

The core issue has been that, out of insecurity, I stuck with a line of work that was a poor fit for my personality and quirks. I don't think I could have done better financially, but I surely could have found another field that would have been less difficult and frustrating.

It's largely done now, I'm a year or less from retirement, healthy and solvent. I plan to take a year away from any work before deciding whether I want to work again.

 

[Aerides]

I know I'm lucky that I'm wired to really never look backwards with regret - despite mistakes, etc. I'm pretty zen about it. I made some colossal mistakes in my personal life, but they've never kept me up at night. Had I not made them I wouldn't be where I am now, and now is good.

I do know this: every time I've missed an opportunity (didn't get that new role or job I wanted, etc.), something else has come along that I would not have found or been able to do had I been chosen for that thing I thought I wanted.

 

[Lsbcal]

I resigned from my last job about a year ago without having something else lined up. My B.S. bucket began to overflow mightily and I reached the point where staying would mean losing a bunch of my self-respect.

I still haven't found anything new, but DW and I are fine financially, and I don't think I regret my decision to resign. But now having lots of time to reflect, I've been feeling pangs of regret over the way I managed my career over the years. A string of bad job choices left me unfulfilled, frustrated, and caused that B.S. bucket to fill more quickly than it otherwise might have. I'm not a people-person and building my network was not something that I worked on, which limited my job choices. And I sit here thinking, "Is that all there is? Am I really done?"

I'm not sure what I hope to accomplish by posting this - just feeling a bit down and needed to put this out there. Maybe just hoping that someone could relate.

Maybe stop looking back as that just brings bad dreams (to me at least). Your current job is now to find meaning in life. When we have so much freedom it is tough.

I'm grateful for the opportunity to push myself forward without a corporate mission statement. I have to look for ways to make life experiences as rich as possible.

 

[Souschef]

Here is a thought:
[FONT=&quot]Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we seek too late the one that is open."[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]--Alexander Graham Bell[/FONT]

 

[Scuba]

+1

Sometimes I think of other careers that I could have pursued, and see them through rose colored glasses. I think, "I should have done" this or that. But really in the end, it's all the same (dust to dust) and everything worked out OK in my life. I find that for me most happiness comes from within, not from external sources. I am just as happy being a retired Oceanographer as I would have been being a retired (fill-in-the-blank).

This is how I feel. There are always roads not traveled, and who knows whether I’d be even happier if I had made different choices? The good news is that DH and I are happily retired together and financially secure while living a very nice lifestyle.

I agree with giving back through some type of volunteer work/community service. Whatever you choose, helping others will make you grateful for your life and good for being of service.

 

[COcheesehead]

I feel like I’ve done all I could. In many ways an over achiever. I have no regrets. For all the younger folks reading this thread, do it all, don’t hold back.
The problem I have now is I am 2 years from FIRE. Locked into those last two years in a buyout contract and I have little left in the tank. Trying my best to nurse the old engine to the finish line.

 

[Floridatennisplayer]

What was the old saying when God closes a door he opens another one. So quit beating on the closed door!

 

[Vincenzo Corleone]

What was the old saying when God closes a door he opens another one. So quit beating on the closed door!

+1

 

[HI Bill]

I never took a job because I was running away from a job. I only took a new job when I was running to the new one for career or financial reasons.

+100!

Ever since I decided that I wanted to FIRE around 50, I considered myself a mercenary. I took on more responsibility, and kept jobs that didn't excite me. I kept my eye on the end game. Overall, the most BS has to do with ISO 9001 audits, but they're short, and only every few years. I've been lucky to have a lot of autonomy, and lack of direct oversight over the past 14 years. Makes it easier to ignore the BS.

I've let people know I'm leaving next year, and my BS tolerance is very low. I just blow off things that aren't important, now, and tend to stand up more for what I believe, not that it will make a difference after RE.

Good luck finding a new job if you're not FI.

 

[marko]

I never took a job because I was running away from a job. I only took a new job when I was running to the new one for career or financial reasons.

My first mentor told me "Never take a job for what it will give you. Take a job for what it will give you toward the next job".

 

[Starsky]

I resigned from my last job about a year ago without having something else lined up. My B.S. bucket began to overflow mightily and I reached the point where staying would mean losing a bunch of my self-respect.

I still haven't found anything new, but DW and I are fine financially, and I don't think I regret my decision to resign. But now having lots of time to reflect, I've been feeling pangs of regret over the way I managed my career over the years. A string of bad job choices left me unfulfilled, frustrated, and caused that B.S. bucket to fill more quickly than it otherwise might have. I'm not a people-person and building my network was not something that I worked on, which limited my job choices. And I sit here thinking, "Is that all there is? Am I really done?"

I totally get this sentiment, and I think it's one that nobody really talks about as part of the career path - the truths about aging and employment. Just my $.02...

Not everyone gets to the top of the pyramid. Talent, aptitude and experience are often overwhelmed by those with high-level social skills and/or timely expertise. Career choices make a huge difference in a career path, and not all choices are obvious at the moment. The reality is usually felt long afterwards, and may be entirely out of your control.

The psychological part of aging comes when you realize that you are no longer on an upward trajectory career-wise and are working harder just to keep what you have. Once you leave, voluntarily or not, you realize how much your self-identity is wrapped up in your work; and how delicate that self-identity is when you are not working. Work allows you to rate yourself based on the simplest of criteria - where you are on the org. chart. You're either a boss, or an aspiring boss. When you are not working, you are off the map.

Letting go is hard. It sucks to learn your aspirations might just be dreams. Given you weren't a big networker, you probably didn't see a huge purpose in your career other than providing for your needs. If that's the case, then celebrate and congratulate yourself for getting through the maze in one piece! On the other hand, if your career gave you a fulfilling purpose, now you can pursue your passion on your terms. Look at it as a win-win.

Freedom can be as scary as it can be liberating. I often think about my 'purpose' now that I am retired and feel that I should be 'doing something' with my life. My answer to myself is to remember that the future doesn't belong to me; now it belongs to the young - the people I had mentored over the years. I came to that realization when I was caring for my dying father and saw how displaced and unhappy he was in the current world - and I was not that far behind him. Whatever my future purpose, it definitely doesn't involve a 9-5 job anymore. It's not what I should be 'doing' at this point in my life. Let the Kids have it.

All my time playing the role of a good employee was for a purpose - to earn enough to retire - and now that we reached our personal goals, we can appreciate 'living' much more as the finish line gets closer. There is a deeply beautiful, comforting harmony in that natural cycle.

I look at my days as an extended Summer vacation where each day is mine to discover on my terms. While I wait for my higher purpose to reveal itself, I can find purposeful activities in every day - whether walking for exercise, or helping someone with a project, or supporting a family member in need.

If you are happy, healthy and comfortable then give thanks. Don't let your depression keep you indoors. This may be just the time to find your social-self. You might be surprised how fun it is to make new friends and meet new people with common and different interests. You'd be surprised what it can lead to.

Have a happy, enriching New Year and Stay Positive!

 

[big-papa]

I totally get this sentiment, and I think it's one that nobody really talks about as part of the career path - the truths about aging and employment. Just my $.02...

Not everyone gets to the top of the pyramid. Talent, aptitude and experience are often overwhelmed by those with high-level social skills and/or timely expertise. Career choices make a huge difference in a career path, and not all choices are obvious at the moment. The reality is usually felt long afterwards, and may be entirely out of your control.

The psychological part of aging comes when you realize that you are no longer on an upward trajectory career-wise and are working harder just to keep what you have. Once you leave, voluntarily or not, you realize how much your self-identity is wrapped up in your work; and how delicate that self-identity is when you are not working. Work allows you to rate yourself based on the simplest of criteria - where you are on the org. chart. You're either a boss, or an aspiring boss. When you are not working, you are off the map.

Letting go is hard. It sucks to learn your aspirations might just be dreams. Given you weren't a big networker, you probably didn't see a huge purpose in your career other than providing for your needs. If that's the case, then celebrate and congratulate yourself for getting through the maze in one piece! On the other hand, if your career gave you a fulfilling purpose, now you can pursue your passion on your terms. Look at it as a win-win.

Freedom can be as scary as it can be liberating. I often think about my 'purpose' now that I am retired and feel that I should be 'doing something' with my life. My answer to myself is to remember that the future doesn't belong to me; now it belongs to the young - the people I had mentored over the years. I came to that realization when I was caring for my dying father and saw how displaced and unhappy he was in the current world - and I was not that far behind him. Whatever my future purpose, it definitely doesn't involve a 9-5 job anymore. It's not what I should be 'doing' at this point in my life. Let the Kids have it.

All my time playing the role of a good employee was for a purpose - to earn enough to retire - and now that we reached our personal goals, we can appreciate 'living' much more as the finish line gets closer. There is a deeply beautiful, comforting harmony in that natural cycle.

I look at my days as an extended Summer vacation where each day is mine to discover on my terms. While I wait for my higher purpose to reveal itself, I can find purposeful activities in every day - whether walking for exercise, or helping someone with a project, or supporting a family member in need.

If you are happy, healthy and comfortable then give thanks. Don't let your depression keep you indoors. This may be just the time to find your social-self. You might be surprised how fun it is to make new friends and meet new people with common and different interests. You'd be surprised what it can lead to.

Have a happy, enriching New Year and Stay Positive!

Very well said!!!

 

[jimbee]

I totally get this sentiment, and I think it's one that nobody really talks about as part of the career path - the truths about aging and employment. Just my $.02...

Not everyone gets to the top of the pyramid. Talent, aptitude and experience are often overwhelmed by those with high-level social skills and/or timely expertise. Career choices make a huge difference in a career path, and not all choices are obvious at the moment. The reality is usually felt long afterwards, and may be entirely out of your control.

The psychological part of aging comes when you realize that you are no longer on an upward trajectory career-wise and are working harder just to keep what you have. Once you leave, voluntarily or not, you realize how much your self-identity is wrapped up in your work; and how delicate that self-identity is when you are not working. Work allows you to rate yourself based on the simplest of criteria - where you are on the org. chart. You're either a boss, or an aspiring boss. When you are not working, you are off the map.

Letting go is hard. It sucks to learn your aspirations might just be dreams. Given you weren't a big networker, you probably didn't see a huge purpose in your career other than providing for your needs. If that's the case, then celebrate and congratulate yourself for getting through the maze in one piece! On the other hand, if your career gave you a fulfilling purpose, now you can pursue your passion on your terms. Look at it as a win-win.

Freedom can be as scary as it can be liberating. I often think about my 'purpose' now that I am retired and feel that I should be 'doing something' with my life. My answer to myself is to remember that the future doesn't belong to me; now it belongs to the young - the people I had mentored over the years. I came to that realization when I was caring for my dying father and saw how displaced and unhappy he was in the current world - and I was not that far behind him. Whatever my future purpose, it definitely doesn't involve a 9-5 job anymore. It's not what I should be 'doing' at this point in my life. Let the Kids have it.

All my time playing the role of a good employee was for a purpose - to earn enough to retire - and now that we reached our personal goals, we can appreciate 'living' much more as the finish line gets closer. There is a deeply beautiful, comforting harmony in that natural cycle.

I look at my days as an extended Summer vacation where each day is mine to discover on my terms. While I wait for my higher purpose to reveal itself, I can find purposeful activities in every day - whether walking for exercise, or helping someone with a project, or supporting a family member in need.

If you are happy, healthy and comfortable then give thanks. Don't let your depression keep you indoors. This may be just the time to find your social-self. You might be surprised how fun it is to make new friends and meet new people with common and different interests. You'd be surprised what it can lead to.

Have a happy, enriching New Year and Stay Positive!

Your essay hit home with me. Thank you.

 

[meleana]

I can relate. I quit my 13 year old job on 9/21 after new/bad management came in and the BS started BIG TIME! I had hung in there for 7 months but just could not muster up the energy and mental stamina to stay any longer. I had 3 years left to go to age 65.


I told my husband I just couldn't do it anymore. He is going to be 65 in April and FRA is 66. Mine is 66 and 4 months.


I just went to work chipping away at our budget because my salary was just under half our income. We are doing ok on the one income but I am worried now for the future and for health insurance fo me when hubby retires. He wanted to retire at age 66. No pensions. well- he has one but it stinks and it was chopped at the knees years ago anyway. We want to take the lump sum when he retires and of course with interest rates being what they are even that value is down.



We also want to put our home up for sale then and move to NH. I hope it all works out.


Sometimes I say to myself I should have stuck it out. But I had too much respect for myself. People ask me if I am looking for another job or retired. I tell them I am unemployed. I would consider working from home but that is all. All the jobs out there stink to high heaven.