I was reading your post and nodding in agreement with your issues. When my Dad was alive he didn't need any personal care from us like your MIL but he needed to be taken to the VA medical center for doctors appointments. My sister lived right in his neighborhood. She took him to the VA once and then said she'd never do that again, it was icky and inconvenient and interfered with her swim time and her lunch with friends.
DH was already retired so he said he'd do these appointments. We are 45 minutes away and he'd drive up early, pick up Dad, drive downtown to the VA and do all the waiting and attending. My Dad's favorite part was getting lunch at the Patriots Cafe at the VA. Then DH would drive him home, get him settled inside and then have the drive back home. DH basically set aside an entire day to take Dad to a VA appointment. My sister lives right there and couldn't be inconvenienced. Thankfully DH enjoyed these escapades with my Dad. DHs father died in 2000 at age 70 and DH said these are the things that he wished he could have done with his own father. I went with them a few times and the VA was not icky, it was quite nice, and my Dad was treated like an honored member.
Dad was living in an assisted living facility so we didn't have to provide any care but I would visit on the weekends. I avoided the weekdays if I could because of the traffic in his area. He liked that I came, always thanked me for making the trip and then he'd say he was fine and everything was the same and then he was done. Visits lasted about 5 minutes, maybe I could stretch it to 10. And then I'd drive back another 45 minutes.
So I understand about how she wants to be of help to her Mom but it becomes a full day trip. As your MIL gets older is there any chance she'd be willing to move closer to your area? It doesn't sound like she's needing an assisted living place yet but if she gets to that point look for one closer to your area. Multi-weekly trips become a simple errand if she's in your neighborhood.
DH was already retired so he said he'd do these appointments. We are 45 minutes away and he'd drive up early, pick up Dad, drive downtown to the VA and do all the waiting and attending. My Dad's favorite part was getting lunch at the Patriots Cafe at the VA. Then DH would drive him home, get him settled inside and then have the drive back home. DH basically set aside an entire day to take Dad to a VA appointment. My sister lives right there and couldn't be inconvenienced. Thankfully DH enjoyed these escapades with my Dad. DHs father died in 2000 at age 70 and DH said these are the things that he wished he could have done with his own father. I went with them a few times and the VA was not icky, it was quite nice, and my Dad was treated like an honored member.
Dad was living in an assisted living facility so we didn't have to provide any care but I would visit on the weekends. I avoided the weekdays if I could because of the traffic in his area. He liked that I came, always thanked me for making the trip and then he'd say he was fine and everything was the same and then he was done. Visits lasted about 5 minutes, maybe I could stretch it to 10. And then I'd drive back another 45 minutes.
So I understand about how she wants to be of help to her Mom but it becomes a full day trip. As your MIL gets older is there any chance she'd be willing to move closer to your area? It doesn't sound like she's needing an assisted living place yet but if she gets to that point look for one closer to your area. Multi-weekly trips become a simple errand if she's in your neighborhood.
