Do you send money with sympathy cards?

[Souschef]

It seems many people just wear whatever they want to a funeral anymore, more casual rather than wearing a suit and tie.

I think it is disrespectful. When my DIL died, my son and grandsons wore suits to the funeral. I was unable to go because of my injury. Her daughter and her friends looked like they were going to the beach.

 

[FANOFJESUS]

I think it is disrespectful. When my DIL died, my son and grandsons wore suits to the funeral. I was unable to go because of my injury. Her daughter and her friends looked like they were going to the beach.

That's what I call tacky. Not weather you put money in a card or not. I wear a dress shirt and dress pants. I have even seen women with very short skirts. Crazy

 

[Walt34]

What is common is a request for a donation to a designated charity in lieu of flowers.

Same here. This thread is the first I've ever heard of sending money with a sympathy card.

 

[GenXguy]

I think it is disrespectful. When my DIL died, my son and grandsons wore suits to the funeral. I was unable to go because of my injury. Her daughter and her friends looked like they were going to the beach.

Yeah, when I said they are dressing more casual than suit & tie, I didn't quite mean that casual! If I haven't worn a suit and tie to a funeral, I've been conservative in my dress, dark clothes, and no jeans, t-shirts, or flip-flops. Actually, I NEVER wear flip-flops anywhere.

 

[Yoheadden]

I’ve been in the Greeting card business for 25 years(Family for 45) and although it’s not common, I’ve have heard of people doing it here in CT, IF you know the person and their situation very well. It is far more common to just send a card.

Different strokes for different folks.

 

[wrigley]

Going back generations and to this day.......when attending a viewing (wake) a card with money was/is always given.

Mike

 

[Letj]

I believe that in many cultures around the world receiving a monetary gift whether directly or accompanied by a card is very common. Gifts also can take the form of volunteering for funeral preparation. Death in many more traditional cultures is a shared village/community affair and often the family needs the help with funeral expenses. It’s not uncommon for people to help out in different ways as well such as preparing and bringing food and drinks. We are fortunate in the US that many can afford burial expenses.

 

[brett]

NO.

But a few years ago a niece living in another city passed away. There was an appeal for donations attached to her obit and notice of arrangements on the funeral home web page.

This was the first time I had ever seen this and found it a little odd given the arrangements and catering that had been selected. No idea of how common this is.

We did not contribute.

We subsequently learned that there was a six figure life insurance policy that paid out.

Most of the obits we had read have a request for a donation to a favored charity rather than flowers, etc.

We have contributed generously to a few relatives who suffered months and months with terminal cancer with little or no family income.

 

[gumshoe]

YES.

Have put anywhere from $50 cash to a $500 check in a sympathy card to either: A close friend/relative whose immediate relative has passed OR the family of a close friend/relative who has passed. Reason being there are usually expenses associated with a memorial service or special luncheon/dinner in honor of the deceased. Seems most people appreciate this, and I hope they would never consider it "tacky". I have also brought finger food, cookies, desserts, etc. to gatherings held at peoples' homes in honor of the deceased and/or to celebrate his/her life.

I have also sent sympathy cards - without any money - for casual coworkers and acquaintances (or their families) I don't know well.

I would think any respectful gesture of sympathy would be welcome and appreciated.

 

[Koolau]

After I attended my first funeral (actually, celebration of life) in Hawaii, I asked a friend how the bereaved folks (I knew to be of modest means) could afford the banquet presented afterwords. That's when I found out the Hawaiian cultural practice of including a check or cash in a sympathy card. I felt really bad that I was that ignorant and sent a card the next day.

If you travel the world, I believe you will find an amazing variety of cultural practices and rituals surrounding death. None are right or wrong - they just are.

 

[Koolau]

Oh, regarding cultural practices surrounding the departed: I've been meaning to mention some of the coolest cultural practices I've seen in the Islands. Maybe it's common in other places, but I had never seen it.

These practices may be common in other cemeteries but there is a huge cemetery in Kaneohe called Valley of the Temples. It takes its name (I assume) because of the large Japanese Temple located there as well as smaller shrines scattered throughout the grounds. It's truly multi-cultural and multi-ethnic. There are sections for each religious preference. I couldn't find a good set of pics/descriptions that were not also "ads" (very tasteful, but don't want to be accused of spamming!)

So I have observed two practices which fascinate me and make me happy to call myself kama'aina. It is common place to see families gather at the grave site of a departed family member or friend and have a picnic "with" the deceased.

Another practice is to leave "gifts" of food and drink on graves. Gifts are often items like fruit, candy and soft drinks. While the offerings may not be as glorious as flower decorations, the love and respect they show is touching.

Returning you now...

 

[athena53]

If you travel the world, I believe you will find an amazing variety of cultural practices and rituals surrounding death. None are right or wrong - they just are.

I agree- a little OT but I just finished a long walk in Skhoder, Albania during which I stumbled upon the Catholic cemetery. Beautiful monuments, mostly with pictures of the deceased on the tombstones, something I've seen only in a few places in the US. Most sites had rosaries, statues, etc., as well as flowers on them. I spent a lot of time there. It was beautiful.