Do you sometimes financially help people that are not that close to you?

[Sunset]

I'm sure some will take Venmo , as many I see around here have cell phones.

 

[FindingForward]

Interesting thread. Did anyone ever find themselves on a different page vs significant other? One wants to give...other doesn't?

I was the "not wanting to give" guy once, but grudgingly agreed. The fairly substantial "loan" was never paid back and the recipient - formerly a friend - was right back where they started shortly after.

So answering OP's question: did NOT feel good about giving. I felt my significant other had a heart of gold and loved to help others, but was a poor judge of character. I knew the cash was a temporary bandaid - wouldn't solve anything.

We're not wealthy and I felt resentful losing a lot of hard-earned money (especially without the fun of spending it!)

 

[FindingForward]

My ex keeps a bunch of $5 McDonald’s gift cards in his car and wallet so if someone asks him for money he gives them one.

We do this - and every single time - the recipient has been so grateful and graciously thanked me. No one has ever been rude or dismissive.

I also tip extra generously dining out: talk about a little extra making a big difference! Anyone waiting tables and putting up with the public's abuse can use all the help they can get. In many states, "minimum wage for tipped employees" is far lower than minimum wage. I try to make up for all the losers who dine out, then "protest" their dislike of tipping by punishing the waitstaff.

 

[Jeffman52]

I keep a $100 Kroger gift card in my wallet. A couple of times over the last few years I have gotten behind someone in the checkout line that finds they cant afford the groceries they picked and start putting stuff back. Both times I have handed them the gift card to make ends meet.


I dont regret those decisions and my wife and I have each kept a card on us for those situations.


But I never give to someone on the street panhandling.

 

[jollystomper]

Interesting thread. Did anyone ever find themselves on a different page vs significant other? One wants to give...other doesn't?

In earlier times in our marriage we were like this. DW has a heart of gold. I am the one with a heart of stone. In addition, the dynamics in her family put unfair pressure on her to help relatives as they assumed we were well off, and the attitude was "you are just lucky, we deserve what you have" . So she was always ready to help, no questions asked. Experience became the best teacher, and fortunately what we "lost" was not substantial. She came to the realization to never "loan" more than one would not resent if it were never paid back.

But we learned from each other, as I, having more "street smarts" experience and being wary of ever giving anything, was softened to some degree by DW.

Differences in giving we had then were also solved by our individual no questions asked" budget allocations. DW probably used half of hers to loan/gift to others. I might disagree, but it is hers to control.

 

[harley]

I often give to people with a sign, or asking for money in a gas station parking lot or something like that. But I base it on my impression of the person. If they seem to be professional hustlers I'll say no. I'm sure I'm wrong a lot, but it's what I'm comfortable with. I've never given to the people that troll in stores with a full cart, whether groceries or other stores. I've given and loaned money to not-immediate family, but I'm always surprised if I get paid back. I don't expect it. I've never had a stranger ask me for a significant amount, so I can't answer that. I do appreciate the link to the 8 levels of giving from the Talmud. I'm going to rethink both my giving and my attitude about it.

 

[Dtail]

In earlier times in our marriage we were like this. DW has a heart of gold. I am the one with a heart of stone. In addition, the dynamics in her family put unfair pressure on her to help relatives as they assumed we were well off, and the attitude was "you are just lucky, we deserve what you have" . So she was always ready to help, no questions asked. Experience became the best teacher, and fortunately what we "lost" was not substantial. She came to the realization to never "loan" more than one would not resent if it were never paid back.

But we learned from each other, as I, having more "street smarts" experience and being wary of ever giving anything, was softened to some degree by DW.

Differences in giving we had then were also solved by our individual no questions asked" budget allocations. DW probably used half of hers to loan/gift to others. I might disagree, but it is hers to control.

Nice post.

 

[athena53]

I wouldn't give to official charities because too much of that money is wasted on administration costs.

There are plenty of sites to research charities (guidestar is one) and see what they spend on admin costs vs. what goes to the needy. I've also trusted the local ones where I know people who work or volunteer there and can see what they accomplish.

I have far less trust in the government to discern the truly needy and help them in the best possible way with my tax dollars.

 

[MarieIG]

When people ask me for money in the street, I assume they ask because they need money and I almost always give them some. I never ask what they plan to do with it, as, in my view, a gift has no conditions. Yes, I have been roundly chastised by friends for doing that.

Once, about 25 years ago, some guy approached me in the parking lot as I was leaving work for the day. It was cold and snowing like crazy. He asked if I could spare a dollar and, even though I didn't ask, told me "Look, I'll be straight with you; I'm going to buy booze." I replied "Well, you're not going to get much for a dollar" and gave him a ten. It was worth it just to see his shocked expression.

I wouldn't let someone come up to me in a parking lot and stand there and open my bag. (It would be different if they were in an open area and I walked up to them.) When I worked in the City, I wore a long black trench coat which had internal and external pockets. I carried a nylon bag which I held under my arm tight to my side. The point was to look neat, but not like money. I kept singles in my outer pockets for hand outs - but I would try not to show "cash" just slip it to the person quickly as I walked by. Sort of a hit-and-run. Probably my max street donation was $20 to a homeless woman who was not asking for it.

 

[Gumby]

I wouldn't let someone come up to me in a parking lot and stand there and open my bag. (It would be different if they were in an open area and I walked up to them.) When I worked in the City, I wore a long black trench coat which had internal and external pockets. I carried a nylon bag which I held under my arm tight to my side. The point was to look neat, but not like money. I kept singles in my outer pockets for hand outs - but I would try not to show "cash" just slip it to the person quickly as I walked by. Sort of a hit-and-run. Probably my max street donation was $20 to a homeless woman who was not asking for it.

Easier for me, because I just had to reach into my front pants pocket (where I keep all my cash) and pull some out. Also, I was never concerned that someone would try to assault me or anything (one of the under-appreciated benefits/privileges of being male).

 

[Act2]

Yeah, as a female I get freaked out by people approaching me in parking lots to ask for money or trying to sell stuff. Go away!!!

 

[Irishgirlyc58]

Yeah, as a female I get freaked out by people approaching me in parking lots to ask for money or trying to sell stuff. Go away!!!

I worked in social services for 35 years and I do not like it when people approach me in a parking lot or other seemingly inappropriate places and invade my space.
Boundaries are important to keep.

I give to people based on my gut feelings and only if I feel safe. The majority of people are quite nice but there’s always the chance that they aren’t.

I don’t worry about what they use it for. I learned a long time ago to try and not judge others. We all have our flaws. As my mother would say, the more money you have the easier it is to hide those flaws.

 

[luckydude]

I've done this a few times:

Back in 2017 when I was traveling through South Iceland in a rental car, I picked up a young Canadian couple. They had been hitchhiking in cold and rainy weather for an hour with no luck, and the girl was not feeling well. I took them to the next town (Hofn I believe) and gave them money to get a room.

Last year my piano teacher got into a car accident and was financially strapped. I gave her $800. She didn't ask for it, but I volunteered and she was very grateful. I have been taking lessons from her for 7 years now so I know her well and knew she would put it to good use.

A decade ago, when homeless wasn't such a problem in my neighborhood, I used to hand out $5 bills to homeless people with signs at freeway off ramps or intersections because I felt sorry for them. I don't do that anymore because the homeless population has exploded and many of them clearly have drug and mental problems, and I don't want to end up being a victim by interacting with them.

I gave a couple of hundred dollars to a GoFundMe for a mountain biker living my neighborhood. He had a bad crash on a trail I often ride and was paralyzed from waist down, and had a young wife and a young daughter. I didn't know the dude but felt very sorry for him.

 

[jim584672]

No. Not happening.

 

[wallygator69]

A 25 year old guy I worked with has a disease and got an infection. (I did research on him and the issue and seemed legit). Meds to cure were gonna be $15k for 6 months of treatment. He needed $3k more. I gave it to him. Had a friend tell me I'd get it back and more.... A Week later I had a kind of remarkable sequence of events occur that saved me at least $5k. Don't believe in that kind of stuff but who knows.....

 

[Aerides]

Yeah, as a female I get freaked out by people approaching me in parking lots to ask for money or trying to sell stuff. Go away!!!

I worked in social services for 35 years and I do not like it when people approach me in a parking lot or other seemingly inappropriate places and invade my space.
Boundaries are important to keep.

My last two trips to Home Depot, in a relatively affluent area, loading somewhat large, heavy things into my car, which I'm quite capable of handling:

1) Man stops starts to handle my items says he'll help. I say, no thanks, I've got this. He walks away in a huff, calls me a bitch.

2) Man stops starts to handle my items says he'll help. Given the recent bitch incident, I let him load 2 items while I do the rest. I say thank you. He asks for money.

Next time I leave Home Depot by myself with anything big/heavy I'm gonna ask for someone to come load for me. I do not need any of this aggro!

 

[Montecfo]

We give regularly to church and other charities.

I give cash to people panhandling but usually the females especially if they have kids.

I have not seen the opportunity to need to give to acquaintances or family members and I hope not to.

Have not yet encountered the person short in cash for groceries but I will do that for sure.

 

[punkinhead]

We have always given generously and volunteered at charities that we've vetted enough to know they're helping truly needy people. I don't give money to casual acquaintances with a sad story because I'm unlikely to be able to vet the situation to know whether it's a real need or a result of poor choices that are likely to continue. I never give to panhandlers.

It's funny how certain scams seem regional. I worked all over the world but when I'd work in the Rio Grande Valley at least once during a 2 week stint I could count on someone trying to pull the "my car is out of gas" scam. I once watched a guy pull out of a gas station and follow me several miles to my hotel. When he got out to ask me for gas money he left his large SUV idling and gave me a sob story about how he forgot his wallet and can't get home. He claimed he tried calling his "POS" brother in law who refused to come help him. My reply was, "well, he knows you better than I do".

 

[38Chevy454]

Never to any panhandler. Never to any go fund me. Never to any coworker. Never to any friend. Never to....... see a common theme here? We do give to church and charity, plus way too much to taxes. I might be called a hardass, but I also worked my way through school, and for the most part what I have is from my hard work. Modest inheritance form parents probably enabled FIRE a couple years early, and grateful for that. I do sometimes offer labor help or use my truck and trailer as a help. But not money.

 

[sengsational]

The "effective altruism" movement caught my attention, primary because it exposes the irrationality we all have when it comes to giving.

One observation of the movement is that giving to anyone in the US is going to have a lot less impact than giving to an effective charity that helps people in a poor country*. But close proximity makes the giver feel better. The shallow pond example makes it clear.

You see a child drowning in a pond where you, being tall, have no risk of drowning. Time is of the essence, so must run in, ruining a $100 pair of shoes. Everyone will do this, pretty much. But if you get an opportunity to save a child by donating to an effective charity (one that distributes bed nets, for instance), even if a $100 donation is proven to save at least one (distant) child, not very many people will choose to do this.


*Just ask "what would happen if I did not give" in each case. In the US, some other person or entity would probably step in before the worst happened. But elsewhere, the worst is likely to occur.

 

[Car-Guy]

I don't even give away cash to charities anymore. Too many reports of abuse/skimming by many (not all). It's just hard to know which are good ones and which are not. I still give frequently to the local food bank. Ex, actual canned goods and non perishables. I guess they could be re-selling what I give them but for now, I'll still give.

 

[ncbill]

No direct donations to anyone on the street.

We never sell or trade vehicles but take them to a used car dealer who sells them at their cost & donates the proceeds to our local rescue mission.

Long-term personal charity can be a problem, at least for your heirs:

A close relative let a long-term, former employee live for free in their last rental house over the last couple of decades.

We all begged them to give it to the tenant via their will but of course that didn't happen.

I also got to be the unpaid property manager for it so after years of that I didn't want any part of it, and neither did most of the other heirs.

Finally convinced one heir to take it & I've pleaded with them to 'cash for keys' the tenant ASAP after taking title.

 

[rk911]

I don't even give away cash to charities anymore. Too many reports of abuse/skimming by many (not all). It's just hard to know which are good ones and which are not. I still give frequently to the local food bank. Ex, actual canned goods and non perishables. I guess they could be re-selling what I give them but for now, I'll still give.

We give to many different charities, most of which have been long established. Upon the second death our trust specifies the majority of our assets be transferred via QCD to some of those charities. We also use https://www.charitynavigator.org/ to check the financials of a charity.

 

[Walt34]

Interesting thread. Did anyone ever find themselves on a different page vs significant other? One wants to give...other doesn't?

Sometimes, with DW, who is far more generous than me and is (I think) far more susceptible to a sob story than I am. But, I remind myself that I married her in part because she is one of the most kind, generous, giving people that I have ever met. And if I'm not quite as generous as she is, what I can do is make it possible for her to be, to sort of make up for it. If that makes any sense.

I like the ideas of the $5 McDonald's and $100 grocery store gift cards. I may adopt that practice.

 

[bclover]

as a general rule I don't loan money. When I've done it with family and I don't get repaid it causes a problem. If I can help someone with money I can afford to give away I'll consider it.