Embarrassed and guilty when asked...

[Mdlerth]

Still a year or so away from the big ER, so I am only speculating here. It will sound strange, but I am dreading having the subject come up at all. Not because I will feel embarrassed or guilty, but because of my fruitcake relatives.

Two brothers and two sisters; not one of them has made a tinker's da** worth of retirement preparation. But when I clock out in relative comfort while they never will, it's going to spark angry outbursts. "You're just lucky and don't deserve it" will be followed by "If you have so much money that you can retire before 65, you ought to think about the less fortunate and share some of it with us."

If you think I'm making this up, it's because you've never met my family.

 

[Ready]

Still a year or so away from the big ER, so I am only speculating here. It will sound strange, but I am dreading having the subject come up at all. Not because I will feel embarrassed or guilty, but because of my fruitcake relatives.

Two brothers and two sisters; not one of them has made a tinker's da** worth of retirement preparation. But when I clock out in relative comfort while they never will, it's going to spark angry outbursts. "You're just lucky and don't deserve it" will be followed by "If you have so much money that you can retire before 65, you ought to think about the less fortunate and share some of it with us."

If you think I'm making this up, it's because you've never met my family.

I believe you. I think we all have a family member like that.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Still a year or so away from the big ER, so I am only speculating here. It will sound strange, but I am dreading having the subject come up at all. Not because I will feel embarrassed or guilty, but because of my fruitcake relatives.

Two brothers and two sisters; not one of them has made a tinker's da** worth of retirement preparation. But when I clock out in relative comfort while they never will, it's going to spark angry outbursts. "You're just lucky and don't deserve it" will be followed by "If you have so much money that you can retire before 65, you ought to think about the less fortunate and share some of it with us."

If you think I'm making this up, it's because you've never met my family.

No, I believe you. Thankfully, my blood relatives are few and my DW's family is quite accepting of my retirement status (although on SIL still thinks I will get bored and go back to w*rk) and I haven't heard anything negative from them.

 

[Nemo2]

"If you have so much money that you can retire before 65, you ought to think about the less fortunate and share some of it with us."

The best defense is a good offense...get in first with a tale of woe, and give the impression that you're about to hit them up for a few bucks.

To ice the cake you could mention that, if they get phone calls from collection agencies looking for you, they don't know where you are.

 

[FreeBear]

Still a year or so away from the big ER, so I am only speculating here. It will sound strange, but I am dreading having the subject come up at all. Not because I will feel embarrassed or guilty, but because of my fruitcake relatives.

Two brothers and two sisters; not one of them has made a tinker's da** worth of retirement preparation. But when I clock out in relative comfort while they never will, it's going to spark angry outbursts. "You're just lucky and don't deserve it" will be followed by "If you have so much money that you can retire before 65, you ought to think about the less fortunate and share some of it with us."

If you think I'm making this up, it's because you've never met my family.

+1

Maybe we have

We don't tell our crazy relatives anything. Besides, they are too busy talking about themselves to have any real interest in our lives, thankfully.

Outside of family, I normally dodge any talk about about w*rk, but if pressed I'll just say "I'm retired" and move on. Somewhat surprisingly, no one has been hostile or aggressive, although a few have been amazed

 

[SAtoUS]

Still a year or so away from the big ER, so I am only speculating here. It will sound strange, but I am dreading having the subject come up at all. Not because I will feel embarrassed or guilty, but because of my fruitcake relatives.

Two brothers and two sisters; not one of them has made a tinker's da** worth of retirement preparation. But when I clock out in relative comfort while they never will, it's going to spark angry outbursts. "You're just lucky and don't deserve it" will be followed by "If you have so much money that you can retire before 65, you ought to think about the less fortunate and share some of it with us."

If you think I'm making this up, it's because you've never met my family.

I soooo understand. That's why I'm not talking to half of my immediate family. I'm just this self-centered, egotistical rich American that doesn't care about them. I always get asked for money and when I say no, I'm the problem and don't care about them. Sad.

 

[GalaxyBoy]

After I told one of the tour guides on my recent trip that I was retired (we were obviously about the same age - mid/late '50s), his response was, "I'd like to talk later about how you did that." So far that's not an uncommon reaction.

He never got the time, though.

 

[Walt34]

"You're just lucky and don't deserve it" will be followed by "If you have so much money that you can retire before 65, you ought to think about the less fortunate and share some of it with us."

If you think I'm making this up, it's because you've never met my family.

I suspect every family has at least one like that. To them we are "cold, calculating, and heartless" as she wrote in a letter.

Well, I'll admit we were cold when we were scraping ice & snow off the car windshields at 0600 hours while they were sleeping in, but they didn't seem to notice that part.

 

[MarieIG]

Still a year or so away from the big ER, so I am only speculating here. It will sound strange, but I am dreading having the subject come up at all. Not because I will feel embarrassed or guilty, but because of my fruitcake relatives.

Two brothers and two sisters; not one of them has made a tinker's da** worth of retirement preparation. But when I clock out in relative comfort while they never will, it's going to spark angry outbursts. "You're just lucky and don't deserve it" will be followed by "If you have so much money that you can retire before 65, you ought to think about the less fortunate and share some of it with us."

If you think I'm making this up, it's because you've never met my family.

Well, if it comes up, Hey Sis/ Bro, yeh, I'm outta work. I'm short on cash myself here, I've been meaning to hit ya up for a loan.

 

[Gumby]

I absolutely HATE those comments and I've heard 'em 100x over. Look, I can appreciate that you gave 4 years to your country, that's admirable. However, do not equate that with the amount of time, sacrifice and pain of 20+ plus years that was required of me for that pension check. Luck had very, VERY little to do with it.

Maybe you could cut them a little slack. I don't think people who say that are literally saying that your success is the result of luck alone. Rather, they realize that they had the chance to attempt what you've done and passed it up. And they also realize, looking back, that the military was not as bad as they thought when they were 21 years old. They most likely understand that it was a long tough slog to get that pension, but now they know that it's a long tough slog out of the military too.

 

[doneat54]

Nope. Damn proud. And when they ask "How did you retire at 54??". I say "I decided to 30 years ago and made it happen."

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Maybe you could cut them a little slack. I don't think people who say that are literally saying that your success is the result of luck alone. Rather, they realize that they had the chance to attempt what you've done and passed it up. And they also realize, looking back, that the military was not as bad as they thought when they were 21 years old. They most likely understand that it was a long tough slog to get that pension, but now they know that it's a long tough slog out of the military too.

That's way too much effort.

 

[mickeyd]

Anybody else feels the same?


I have been using this "I manage the assets of a financially successful south Texas family. That keeps me busy enough."

 

[youbet]

One of the "eye openers" that I'm picking up from this thread is the huge difference between retiring in your mid to late 50's or later and retiring before 50 (and looking it) in terms of other people's thoughts about it.

DW and I fully FIRE'd at 55 (her) and 58 (me). There were really very few instances of people thinking we were young to be retired and asking questions. After all, you're talking about folks showing some grey and only single digits away from "regular" retirement age.

OTOH, even I become curious as to the circumstances when I discover someone who is FIRE'd at an earlier age, say mid to late 40's. I have the discipline to not say anything, but I readily admit I try to find out more if I can. I'm just curious about it.

But meeting a, say, 57 year old who announces he/she is retired, really not a big deal. And that's the experience DW and I had with no one becoming particularly curious about us retiring at 55/58.

 

[Nemo2]

One of the responses that has worked for me is "Hey, this is MY corner!"

 

[Joylush]

Interesting questions. I wouldn't think it's something to be ashamed of or guilty over. I guess I tend to say I'm not completely retired, that I own/manage a bunch of houses. They usually ask how many and when I say 32, they can't imagine dealing with the needs of having 32 houses which really is at least a part time job or a hobby that keeps me busy anyway.

I think I'd prefer being completely retired but doing it so long it's not really that hard and the investment returns would be hard to give up even if I don't actually need them.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Interesting questions. I wouldn't think it's something to be ashamed of or guilty over. I guess I tend to say I'm not completely retired, that I own/manage a bunch of houses. They usually ask how many and when I say 32, they can't imagine dealing with the needs of having 32 houses which really is at least a part time job or a hobby that keeps me busy anyway.

I think I'd prefer being completely retired but doing it so long it's not really that hard and the investment returns would be hard to give up even if I don't actually need them.

I personally wouldn't say I was retired if I had to manage 32 houses...that's quite a bit of work (just in MY opinion)!

 

[SAtoUS]

Interesting questions. I wouldn't think it's something to be ashamed of or guilty over. I guess I tend to say I'm not completely retired, that I own/manage a bunch of houses. They usually ask how many and when I say 32, they can't imagine dealing with the needs of having 32 houses which really is at least a part time job or a hobby that keeps me busy anyway.

I think I'd prefer being completely retired but doing it so long it's not really that hard and the investment returns would be hard to give up even if I don't actually need them.

I'm 100% with you on that one. It's like a hobby and keeps me busy too. As for the return... I can't imagine life without a 'SCHEDULE E (Form 10400')

 

[doneat54]

Another one I have used, "I don't work for money any more. My money works for me now."

 

[scrabbler1]

Another one I have used, "I don't work for money any more. My money works for me now."

That's (nearly) my signature line!

 

[kcowan]

I was always A private portfolio manager. If they asked anything further I would say Hey it's private!

 

[Drake3287]

I'm in the same boat so to speak. Retired in my early 50's as a Firefighter after 30+ years but because everyone hates people with "big" public retirement plans I try not to even bring it up unless I'm around group of other public employees.

Whether they admit it or not most of my family and non government employee friends and neighbors hate the fact that I have such a comfortable financial situation not to mention being able to retire at such a young age.

When they ask about my medical coverage it gets even worse. Certainly not something I bring up in casual conversation.

 

[braumeister]

If you think it's tricky for folks like us, imagine the deeper levels of shame and embarrassment a lower end billionaire has to endure.

"So, how many helipads do you have on your primary megayacht?"





[apologies to any billionaire forum members]

 

[ncbill]

"forced out before 65" is another popular reply.

whether or not your departure was voluntary...

 

[foxfirev5]

I always try to fly under the radar in the real world away from this forum. We are having all the streets replaced in our rather nice subdivision. (Big bucks but another topic). Today I took a drive and was greeted by a flagman on the road out. I struck up a conversation as the delay mounted. He told me the crew had a laugh about what a bunch of self important jerks lived there. Then he asked me which one I worked for. I changed the subject and told him I worked for a paving crew for over 6 years. So far my cover is not blown.