She wanted to improve her career prospects and wanted to go to school when the kids were still young. I encouraged her, paid for her tuition and raised the kids during time she went to school and worked nights at the hospital. I had a full time job, and picked up the kids from daycare to care for them after and was primary caregiver during days that I did not work.
After years to trying to work things out and giving to all of her unreasonable demands, I could no longer be the 'giver' both economically, emotionally and everything else. She lost out on a good thing in me.
What I made, I spend fully on the kids, family and shared expenses. On top of that I made sure that some of it was saved and invested even though it was not easy. I was fully transparent of my income expenses assets. She was not transparent, nor contributed to any of the major expenses. Income wise it was a 65/35 split. Expenses wise it was more like 90/10 for the duration of the marriage. Her approach to money was, what is yours is mine and what is mine is mine (her words).
Because I was able to save money all of my life and family is comfortable, she took the approach that I could afford it all.
All of the assets saved and invested during marriage was from me. Where her money went, I have no clue (i.e. black hole).
She had credit cards that I paid for and spend money from jtten account that only I funded. I even gave her mom an allowance to show my fealty and respect. It truly was one sided.
During the first 10 years of marriage, we lived in an area close to her family and she spent a lot of time over at her parents while severely limiting my time with kids and my family. We had to move for a better school district and had agreed to move. The new place was 25 miles away with a great school district. 2 months after I closed, they moved in 5 mins of the new house. Didn't really mind her close relationship with her family, just wanted fairness with my family. She was and remain 'married' to her family not me.
After I took the job traveling more and now situated in west coast, I stay engaged through calls/skype and frequent trips crosscountry. Currently looking at 20k in travel costs this year alone. Can't tell you how many red eye trips and banging out work on laptop in the narrow plane seats to squeeze in the trips to see the kids (yeah, that's me in the plane with the laptop).
All vacations and trips were done by me and with kids, in and around the NE area for the past 10 years. The 'fancy' European trip was something that I have never done and wanted to do for as long as I can remember.
I don't have a chip anywhere. I am a victim of domestic abuse that finally said no, as she feels like I abandoned her. Nobody is perfect, starting with me.
Thanks for helping me remember why I am where I am now.