You single guys, note how fast posters, including the men, jump all over the husband, and make very aggressive money grabbing suggestions, notwithstanding that we know almost nothing about the rest of the story.
And this is not just this board; this is American society. You cannot change it, but you can avoid it, or perhaps abort it even if you are already married, if you are not already wealthy or do not have a very high paying job.
Do you want to post an unlimited bond, to be paid on demand to the woman that you are divorcing from, for whatever reason? Do you want the person that you have loved to set out to try the tricks suggested in this thread? Could this poison your attitude toward women? Will you perhaps look at your bride and think, hmm, I sure hope that I will forever fit her wishes, desires and fantasies, whatever they may become, or else I am public enemy #1, and she is the prosecutor?
Is there any freedom at all in this? Nope, it is just punishment for not staying the course, a course that you may not have much interest in anymore. Is it possible that people change, both men and women? Note that your wife can lose interest in you, and this will generally be taken to be your fault also.
Also note that the big justification for this woman-first bias is usually "It's for the children!" And where are the children in this case, or in many other cases?
Consider that however much you may like women, love women, respect women, it may be to your best interests to avoid letting one of them get a strong grip on your most tender parts.
Ha
Ha, this is not just American society, this is Western society in general.
I do sympathise in this case with the OP who put her husband through medical school.
However, how many men worked for years whilst the wife stayed at home (of her own choosing) such that the wife never earnt an income, and then the husband is penalised on top of it when the divorce occurs - ie. wife gets a greater share of the asset pool, wife requires an ongoing income from the ex husband, as she is deemed to have a greater need and less future earning potential. I was certainly one of those husbands.
Let's face it, all of us are on this forum because we want to be financially independent and/or retire early. Unfortunately when growing up, no one seems to tell you that the most devastating financial mistake you can make is your choice in husband or wife. In Australia, this extends beyond marraige to live in partner now, as laws have been introduced such that once you are living together, you are considered effectively equal to married from a legal/financial perspective - ie. lawyers can be engaged to seek up to half the others worth when the relationship ends, as well as spousal support (what you call alimony in the US).
So my only advice now to anyone who cares to listen (and they do) is that if you have an interest in becoming financially independent or retiring early, and wish to get married or have a live in partner, then make sure:
- he/she has equal or more assets (and that these assets are legally held in their name, not someone elses name or some legal entity that renders the asset "untouchable")
- he/she has equal or more income generating potential
- he/she is prepared to generate that income for the same amount of time (ie not just stay at home and not work once together)
- he/she has similar spending and financial habits/desires
Doesnt sound very romantic does it !
But these are the cold hard facts for those of us that are FIRE inclined. I just wish someone had been able to tell me this before I ventured down that path.
But in consolation to the OP, the future can be better. I have never been able to save as much money as I do now, or earn as much money as I do now, or have had as much money in the bank as I do now, since my divorce. All because I have been able to focus on my career with the promotions/increased income that have come with that, and rid myself of the out of control spending habits that I had to put up with in order to please my wife and keep my marraige together.
End of rant.
Good luck with it all Marathoner, and one very big bonus is that you didnt have children so eventually you can remove all ties if that is how it pans out.
