For those who might be interested, I thought I'd update on this saga.
We filed for divorce in January, but the laws in our state require a 4 month waiting period, so it won't be final until May. We have a lawyer reviewing everything so there aren't any problems, and I should have that paperwork by the end of the week so we can file it with the court.
They have rented an apartment together and were supposed to move in Feb 4. He rented a U-Haul and moved her into their apartment, then he came to our house to get his stuff. However, he couldn't do it, as he said that he never loved her, still loves me, finally realized the full impact of what he did, wants to reconcile, can't stop thinking of me, is only happy and clear-headed when I'm around, etc. I told him the choice was no longer his, but he still decided not to move his stuff out. So now they're living together, but he was supposed to bring our bed and TV, so maybe they're sleeping on the floor? Who knows, but he told me his mistress is pretty angry at him right now for not following through. She may be beginning to recognize the "prize" she "won"
At least I get a little more time on the Tempurpedic instead of an air mattress!
My hunt for a j*b is going pretty well. That's currently my limiting factor, and why I'm still in the house. I want to live near w*rk, so I need to know where I'll be w*rking and what salary I'll be making before I can rent something. I'm hoping to have something solid by the end of the month. Timing is a bit difficult since I need to stay at my current j*b through the end of March due to severance/bonus issues, so many places don't even know what openings they have, or they don't want to commit to me when I can't start for 7 weeks yet.
My STBX was extremely anti-social (no friends) so I had started to become that way in order to keep the peace with him. I've realized that I had lost myself over the years, so I'm making up for that now. Have been going out with friends 3-5 times per week and having such a good time. So many free cultural events I was missing out on!
I am starting to realize that his affair was a blessing in disguise. He was emotionally abusive. I always thought he was joking, so I didn't think I took him seriously, but since this has happened and I am no longer walking on eggshells, I realize I must have internalized some of his abuse. My therapist told me I'm such a "glass half full" person that if I were in a concentration camp, I'd be rationalizing why it wasn't so bad, so I need to work on recognizing red flags to make sure I don't get involved in such a bad relationship again!
So now it's pretty much just a waiting game. If all goes well, I should only have to see him two more times -- the day of our divorce, and the day we sell the house. I am so happy that once those two things are final, there is nothing tying us together so I can cut ties completely and move on.