Getting old is scary

[street]

I was talking to an old friend today. He is 80 and I'm 20 years younger but have known the family for years. His wife has been in the nursing home for 9 years and he told me he has spent just at 1M bucks so far for nursing home cost and pills etc.

He has been down for years over his wife illness (dementia). He said he didn't sleep at all the night before because he had to cash in some funds to pay for this month's nursing home bill ($8275.00).

I seen how fast savings can go because both my mom & dad each spent 5 years in the nursing home. It is sad to hear the costs and how it is such a downer for the families involved.

 

[Fermion]

Sad, and scarier than most horror films IMO. I don't mind getting old but I really don't want to spend decades in an assisted care facility

 

[bclover]

seeing your spouse sick and dying is no picnic at any age. My husband battled Leukemia at 55. Had to have 2 neupogen shots a day after his chemo at the lovely price tag of 7000 bucks a shot.
Insurance cover 2 lousy days (4 injections). the remaining 24 shots are on your tab.

I won't get started on the price of healthcare in the states.

We seriously considered moving back to Portugal over it.

 

[Fermion]

Sorry about that but I am curious why insurance declined the doctor recommendations for the shots? Was it an experimental treatment or something? I always try and have good insurance and would be quite upset if they deny a standard of care.

 

[Letj]

I was talking to an old friend today. He is 80 and I'm 20 years younger but have known the family for years. His wife has been in the nursing home for 9 years and he told me he has spent just at 1M bucks so far for nursing home cost and pills etc.



He has been down for years over his wife illness (dementia). He said he didn't sleep at all the night before because he had to cash in some funds to pay for this month's nursing home bill ($8275.00).



I seen how fast savings can go because both my mom & dad each spent 5 years in the nursing home. It is sad to hear the costs and how it is such a downer for the families involved.

America is the only one among it's peers where getting old can
can bankrupt you.

 

[razztazz]

America is the only one among it's Peers where getting old can bankrupt you.

Hey, they call that "Freedom."

 

[Sunset]

I was talking to an old friend today. He is 80 and I'm 20 years younger but have known the family for years. His wife has been in the nursing home for 9 years and he told me he has spent just at 1M bucks so far for nursing home cost and pills etc.

He has been down for years over his wife illness (dementia). He said he didn't sleep at all the night before because he had to cash in some funds to pay for this month's nursing home bill ($8275.00).

I seen how fast savings can go because both my mom & dad each spent 5 years in the nursing home. It is sad to hear the costs and how it is such a downer for the families involved.

I have no experience with this, but it seems like it would be a good idea for your friend to spend an hour with an elder lawyer. To ensure he gets his wife on medicaid before he spends his last penny and is sleeping on a park bench, and then his wife goes on medicaid and he visits the food banks.

 

[bclover]

Sorry about that but I am curious why insurance declined the doctor recommendations for the shots? Was it an experimental treatment or something? I always try and have good insurance and would be quite upset if they deny a standard of care.

Oh baby, lol upset was not the words I would use.
the main reason was because there supposedly was a cheaper drug that they recommended that they wanted my husband to try first. The problem was that my husband had acute myloid leukemia which is pretty much the worst type one can get (about a 27% survival rate) and we didn't have the luxury of time to see if a generic worked as well.

We did have the option of going through arbitration but once again time was an issue so we just paid out of pocket. I will say the Abramson Cancer center
at the University of Pennsylvania was great, did a lot of "new math" to bill Aetna to lower the cost

 

[Texas Proud]

Oh baby, lol upset was not the words I would use.
the main reason was because there supposedly was a cheaper drug that they recommended that they wanted my husband to try first. The problem was that my husband had acute myloid leukemia which is pretty much the worst type one can get (about a 27% survival rate) and we didn't have the luxury of time to see if a generic worked as well.

We did have the option of going through arbitration but once again time was an issue so we just paid out of pocket. I will say the Abramson Cancer center
at the University of Pennsylvania was great, did a lot of "new math" to bill Aetna to lower the cost

I would think that paying for the shots and doing the legal work after would be the way to go.... I know that there are people who cannot do that....

 

[bclover]

I would think that paying for the shots and doing the legal work after would be the way to go.... I know that there are people who cannot do that....

That's actually what we did and I'm happy to say that University of Penn now has a system where if this happens to a patient they are immediately assigned a professional patient advocate who immediately goes to battle with the insurance company.

I was/am also extremely blessed in that we had a huge support system. my best friend is an attorney so she immediately said "oh hell to the no" , "girded her loins" to battle and started calling but what if I hadn't??

I just keep imagining, supposed this had happened to some poor family whose kid was battling cancer. sweet Lord, I can't imagine the stress.

and like op said, the remainder of the family still had to live. we have 3 sons, 2 were in college, 1 out of state in Ohio, tuition still has to be paid etc etc

it's a delicate balancing act.

 

[kitesurfer2]

I had my physical last week with a new Dr. He told me that i could live into my 120's as there are many people now in their 1oo's plus. When they start dyeing, they will make the news. he asked will I have enough money to make it

 

[marko]

... it seems like it would be a good idea for your friend to spend an hour with an elder lawyer.

+1
Nine years ago would've been a better time but he should still see what his options are.

Some states have 'medicaid lite' where those with assets can pay a small income based (not asset based) premium each month--usually less than $100-- to access many medicaid benefits. An elder lawyer would know about this.

 

[donheff]

Insurance companies can be a PITA with new drugs or when cheaper alternatives exist although I can understand why. DW has high cholesterol and has muscle problems with statins. There is a new biweekly injection that costs a bundle her docs wanted to try. The docs working with her fought the HI company and eventually got her certified. What would have cost $14K/year is now $125.00. Her LDL dropped from near 200 to 60.

On a promising treatment for aggressive cancer I would undoubtedly just pay out of pocket and fight later if the "generics" were really not the same chemical structure which is often the case.

 

[Oneparkatatime]

Just coming off a battle to get my wife's cancer drug paid for. It's a brand new treatment that may be able to stop progression and essentially turn the cancer into a long term chronic condition. They are paying for it now and the drug company provided free drugs while the insurance company was deciding. I was looking at just paying out of pocket--cost was around $15k per month.


Sent from my iPad using Early Retirement Forum

 

[MRG]

+1
Nine years ago would've been a better time but he should still see what his options are.

Some states have 'medicaid lite' where those with assets can pay a small income based (not asset based) premium each month--usually less than $100-- to access many medicaid benefits. An elder lawyer would know about this.

+1
When DM was in a home the state they lived in would have allowed her to sign off joint assets allowing her to become indigent.

We moved them to a different state that didn't allow for that. An elder attorney is definitely a help.

 

[googily]

My 84-year-old father and his 85-year-old college buddies spend much time talking about how "growing old ain't for sissies." And they at least all have their faculties. (My mother died of dementia at 73, but it was combined with ALS and only took about 18 months, which, given the hopelessness of the diagnosis, was a relief. If she had spent 10 years in a nursing home, it would have ripped my family apart.)

 

[athena53]

I'm very relieved to be close to getting Medicare; when DH had acute myeloid leukemia we paid very little out-of-pocket between Medicare and his supplement. That included a week of daily injections of Vidaza, which could have been really expensive. They didn't work but at least he had the option.

At this point I can handle just about everything except the scary scenario of decades in LTC with Alzheimer's and I hope it never comes to that.

My other big fear, which is more likely, is losing my mobility. Being able to run, walk, bicycle, swim, etc. is a big part of what makes me feel happy and healthy. Being bedridden, or restricted to a scooter, would be a huge adjustment. I'm doing everything I can to avoid that day.

 

[Car-Guy]

I had my physical last week with a new Dr. He told me that i could live into my 120's as there are many people now in their 1oo's plus. When they start dyeing, they will make the news. he asked will I have enough money to make it

He may be a bit optimistic. Looks like the "current" record for a women is 122 but the oldest man only made it to 116. Also the list of the top 10 oldest people are all women.

My original WR was based on me and/or the DW living to 100. However after watching my parents struggle physically in their 90's, I don't want any part of it. My adjusted thinking is my mid 80's, and that may be pushing it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oldest_people

 

[Nemo2]

However after watching my parents struggle physically in their 90's, I don't want any part of it. My adjusted thinking is my mid 80's, and that may be pushing it.

My parents are long gone....DW's mom, 87 drifting off and fading fast....her dad, 92 in December, still sharp but the physical aging is accelerating.....I just turned 75, DW will be 65 in 12 days.....we're doing what we can while we can....as we tell people "Clock's ticking.....and it seems to be ticking faster and faster".

"Semper memento mori et carpe diem."

 

[MichaelB]

We have neighbors in their mid-80''s, married 14 years. He was very active, walked 3 miles daily, until he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. In only 2 years he became unable to live at home and is now permanently in an assisted living, and soon may be asked to relocate to a nursing home. She is struggling, has no family in the US to help, and his children appear disinterested. Trying to downsize but finding it difficult, as there is little buyer interest in their home. I stop by once a week to give her a hand, but it's not enough. They were not ready for this.

 

[Silver]

The stories in this thread represent the primary reason we plan to move to a CCRC in about 10 years around age 75-76. We'll invest about $300k lump sum and about $6,500 a month in a "Life Plan". This allows us to lock in those monthly expenses and stay at the same facility regardless of the level of care required.

It's not a panasea, but it does provide me with some emotional comfort and feelings of control.

 

[gerntz]

I was talking to an old friend today. He is 80 and I'm 20 years younger but have known the family for years. His wife has been in the nursing home for 9 years and he told me he has spent just at 1M bucks so far for nursing home cost and pills etc.

He has been down for years over his wife illness (dementia). He said he didn't sleep at all the night before because he had to cash in some funds to pay for this month's nursing home bill ($8275.00).

I seen how fast savings can go because both my mom & dad each spent 5 years in the nursing home. It is sad to hear the costs and how it is such a downer for the families involved.

It's water over the dam, but the story is an example of poor elder life planning imo. With that level of assets, seems they could have either afforded nursing home insurance or given away most assets to someone they trust years ago and after the 5 year look back period, gotten Medicaid nursing home benefits.

 

[lucky penny]

<<With that level of assets, seems they could have either afforded nursing home insurance...>>

Isn't most of the nursing home insurance you can buy nowadays limited to only about three years of coverage?

 

[aja8888]

...as we tell people "Clock's ticking.....and it seems to be ticking faster and faster".

"Semper memento mori et carpe diem."

And I am finding out that I can't even HEAR the ticking.....

 

[Curmudgeon]

America is the only one among it's peers where getting old can
can bankrupt you.

Why? Because elder care is so expensive here? Because elsewhere, the government picks up the tab? Because elsewhere, end-of-life care is handled differently?

Seriously, I'm curious whether, and how, it's so much different here than elsewhere.