Getting the right balance

[Scuba]

Our 2 year FIRE anniversary is coming up. We’ve had a great time so far, and we both love being retired. Neither of us would ever consider going back to work unless we had to for survival, which is highly unlikely.

The first year, we traveled or had others visit us almost half the year. The second year, we traveled and had family visits too, but only for 2-3 months rather than almost six months in Year One. I ramped up my volunteer work too much and have already started to cut back.

I’m beginning to realize that I can likely be fulfilled without doing any volunteer work. Between exercising, food shopping and cooking, seeing friends and family, traveling, and learning/pursuing hobbies, I think I can stay busy enough to be happy. This surprises me a bit as I’ve always been a “Type A” person with a high need for activity, and I’ve always liked achieving things and feeling productive.

I could drop all of my volunteer work as my commitments come up for renewal, but it took me some time to build the relationships so I’m hesitant to do it in case I want to get back into it. I also wonder if I would feel selfish and guilty if I did nothing to help others.

Anyone else had this uncertainty and how did you resolve it?

 

[W2R]

Our 2 year FIRE anniversary is coming up. We’ve had a great time so far, and we both love being retired. Neither of us would ever consider going back to work unless we had to for survival, which is highly unlikely.

The first year, we traveled or had others visit us almost half the year. The second year, we traveled and had family visits too, but only for 2-3 months rather than almost six months in Year One. I ramped up my volunteer work too much and have already started to cut back.

I’m beginning to realize that I can likely be fulfilled without doing any volunteer work. Between exercising, food shopping and cooking, seeing friends and family, traveling, and learning/pursuing hobbies, I think I can stay busy enough to be happy. This surprises me a bit as I’ve always been a “Type A” person with a high need for activity, and I’ve always liked achieving things and feeling productive.

I could drop all of my volunteer work as my commitments come up for renewal, but it took me some time to build the relationships so I’m hesitant to do it in case I want to get back into it. I also wonder if I would feel selfish and guilty if I did nothing to help others.

Anyone else had this uncertainty and how did you resolve it?

(Bolding of one key sentence was done by me).

Sounds like time for you to stop doing volunteer work. If it helps, a good number of forum members who intended to volunteer, stopped doing so once they realized what it would be like. I intended to volunteer too, but never did.

Sometimes we spend our time helping others, to avoid having to figure out what to do all day and how to structure our time. I'm not saying that is the case for you, but it's something to think about anyway.

If you were a Type A back when you were working, then when you retired, you probably had a lot of stress to ditch. I know it took me several years before I was able to do that. For me de-stressing was like peeling an onion; I'd peel one layer of stress off, only to find more layers of stress beneath, so to speak.

Productivity can mean several things. It can serve the needs of megacorps or your employer, or it can be put to use to enhance your own life. One question that sounds easy (but isn't, IMO) is this: What use of your time will enhance your retirement experience the most? Lately that is where I have been directing my attention.

 

[Fedup]

No guilt here. Not sure what type I’m. But I did volunteer when I was younger and when my kids were younger. I might sign up with my old work place to volunteer for a few events but that’s it, not a long term commitment. Just a few times a year.

 

[audreyh1]

We've done some volunteering off and on over the years, on our terms. Lately we've really pulled back. I think after several years of doing the same things, we got tired of it.

 

[Tekward]

Congrats. Sounds like you are doing RE right.


I will continue to volunteer as long as my health allows, but only in situations where I feel like my experience has special value (2 teaching gigs & a service academy). I've done other volunteer work, but being a "pair of hands" seems to end up with me feeling that they don't value my time as much as I do.

 

[RobbieB]

Volunteer work has never entered into my mind. I work for myself or I work for others for dough.

 

[NW-Bound]

I have donated plenty of money, but not my time.

 

[Scuba]

(Bolding of one key sentence was done by me).

Sounds like time for you to stop doing volunteer work. If it helps, a good number of forum members who intended to volunteer, stopped doing so once they realized what it would be like. I intended to volunteer too, but never did.

Sometimes we spend our time helping others, to avoid having to figure out what to do all day and how to structure our time. I'm not saying that is the case for you, but it's something to think about anyway.

If you were a Type A back when you were working, then when you retired, you probably had a lot of stress to ditch. I know it took me several years before I was able to do that. For me de-stressing was like peeling an onion; I'd peel one layer of stress off, only to find more layers of stress beneath, so to speak.

Productivity can mean several things. It can serve the needs of megacorps or your employer, or it can be put to use to enhance your own life. One question that sounds easy (but isn't, IMO) is this: What use of your time will enhance your retirement experience the most? Lately that is where I have been directing my attention.

Great question for me to ponder, W2R. Thank you!

 

[Scuba]

Congrats. Sounds like you are doing RE right.


I will continue to volunteer as long as my health allows, but only in situations where I feel like my experience has special value (2 teaching gigs & a service academy). I've done other volunteer work, but being a "pair of hands" seems to end up with me feeling that they don't value my time as much as I do.

Yes, I feel a bit “put upon” being on the HOA Board. My term is up in early 2019 and I don’t plan to renew. I also stopped volunteering for the local Red Cross. DH and I deployed to help with 2017 hurricane relief, but following that, I didn’t find the local work motivating. I’m still doing quite a bit with the local university. I enjoy the student interaction but I think I’m doing too much with administration.

I think part of my problem is that I’ve still been in the “work” mindset - is, prove myself, and then be honored when I’m asked to play a bigger role. I think I’m figuring out that I don’t need to achieve any more. I can kick back and relax now. I wasn’t aware of this mental evolution until we went on a six week trip. Now that we’re home, this volunteer work feels like a burden.

 

[W2R]

I think part of my problem is that I’ve still been in the “work” mindset - is, prove myself, and then be honored when I’m asked to play a bigger role. I think I’m figuring out that I don’t need to achieve any more. I can kick back and relax now. I wasn’t aware of this mental evolution until we went on a six week trip. Now that we’re home, this volunteer work feels like a burden.

That's exactly how I feel in retirement, too! For me it's hard to verbalize but you said it well.

 

[Fedup]

I’m a bum and continuing to be an average bum. Maybe I should try to be above average bum at least.

 

[FreeBear]

It took me almost 3 years to adjust retirement, both to recover from years of w*rk BS and to give myself permission to do what I want, even if it is "nothing". I was also a high-achiever throughout my school years and most of my professional career.

I resented lazy, shiftless folks who did as little as possible, w*rking only if it helped them and their egos directly, regardless of the pain it caused for their w*rk teams. They seemingly spent most of their w*rk day chatting about politics, home improvement, and their weekend hobbies.

Now in retirement, I've become THAT guy, drinking coffee and chatting about politics, home improvement, and now all-week hobbies. I was born to do this! Some folks manage to "retire" at w*rk, as in ROAD (Retired On Active Duty). I was too type-A to do this while w*rking, but I've learned to love in in FIRE.

We do volunteer a ton of time to our church as well as support the church and other charities financially. It's a big part of our retirement plan. Still, we only do stuff we like. For example, we mentor young adults, which mainly consists of eating out and drinking coffee while chatting about life. Most w*rking stiffs don't have the energy and flexibility of schedule to devote to effective mentoring, so we've found our niche.

Church management tries to rope us into meetings and schedules, and we just say "No!". No guilt, no should, no must do. It has taken awhile to get to this point.

We realize that time is running out. DW and I have maybe 10 years to do all the active outdoors stuff that we love. We are already slowing down compared to a decade ago. We keep most of the week open so that we can enjoy the precious days of good weather outside.

 

[Fedup]

Maybe they are more efficient at the work they do, work smarter, not harder that kind of people. Heck, I got nothing but exceed expectations at review time, 6 years in a row, where I spent very little effort, just saying.

 

[street]

I have gave a lot of time and money for great causes.

 

[FreeBear]

I think part of my problem is that I’ve still been in the “work” mindset - is, prove myself, and then be honored when I’m asked to play a bigger role. I think I’m figuring out that I don’t need to achieve any more. I can kick back and relax now. I wasn’t aware of this mental evolution until we went on a six week trip. Now that we’re home, this volunteer work feels like a burden.

Nothing like a big trip to help you focus on what you really want. We went on a three week trip, our longest one ever, 2 year into retirement. It was a turning point, washing away old w*rk attitudes, paving the way for the start of our true retirement.


I hear that some people can adapt to retirement with no or only several month's time. I guess I'm a slow learner since it's taken at least a couple of years.

 

[Maenad]

I've been getting the feeling from "listening in" on retirees' posts, that "balance" is somewhat of a moving target. Balance in year 1 is different from years 5, 10, 20, etc. So try not to be too hard on yourself.

 

[JDARNELL]

Last commitment is 4 qtr hoa meetings then I am done. Everything else I have shed the last two years.

 

[SumDay]

I've been retired for 1.5 months, and although I've had MANY offers of fulfilling volunteer opportunities, I only jumped on one, which will be done November 6th. I had dreams of saving the world when I was still w*rking, and am finding that putzing in the yard, organizing closets, cooking, exploring things in our city we've never seen, and the occasional nap and good book seem to be pretty darned rewarding. I may volunteer once a week to help with reading tutoring, but I have no desire to have a full time j*b and no salary for it.

Like you, I'm shocked. You can always pick something up if you get bored. As said previously, balance changes from time to time. You do just exactly what you feel like doing. That's what I'll do too.

 

[foxfirev5]

As a now full blown sandwich gen, DW and I do far more volunteer work than most. Family first, second and third.

 

[Scuba]

Yes, I can see that this will evolve over time. Maybe I need to take a year off my remaining volunteer efforts and see how I feel after that.

 

[Music Lover]

Yes, I can see that this will evolve over time. Maybe I need to take a year off my remaining volunteer efforts and see how I feel after that.

Are your volunteer efforts spread out or mostly geared to one particular effort? If they're spread out start purging the lower ranked ones until you come to the place where time and commitment meet.

 

[Golden sunsets]

I's rather give my money than my time. The later is a more precious commodity.


Sent from my iPad using Early Retirement Forum

 

[googily]

I'd like to thank this thread for erasing the pre-guilt I've been feeling. It always felt like everyone in FIRE was doing tons of volunteering, which is more than this introvert could bear to imagine. I run a couple of ventures without payment over the years, which benefit a large number of people but which can be done almost completely from my computer. That and money might have to be good enough. [emoji16]

 

[SoReady]

I've found the right balance by having chocolate in each hand!

 

[StephieJean]

Our 2 year FIRE anniversary is coming up. We’ve had a great time so far, and we both love being retired. Neither of us would ever consider going back to work unless we had to for survival, which is highly unlikely.

The first year, we traveled or had others visit us almost half the year. The second year, we traveled and had family visits too, but only for 2-3 months rather than almost six months in Year One. I ramped up my volunteer work too much and have already started to cut back.

I’m beginning to realize that I can likely be fulfilled without doing any volunteer work. Between exercising, food shopping and cooking, seeing friends and family, traveling, and learning/pursuing hobbies, I think I can stay busy enough to be happy. This surprises me a bit as I’ve always been a “Type A” person with a high need for activity, and I’ve always liked achieving things and feeling productive.

I could drop all of my volunteer work as my commitments come up for renewal, but it took me some time to build the relationships so I’m hesitant to do it in case I want to get back into it. I also wonder if I would feel selfish and guilty if I did nothing to help others.

Anyone else had this uncertainty and how did you resolve it?

I will be beginning my retirement Dec. 8th of this year. (Type A) I had thought about volunteering as well; however, my soon to be neighbor advised me to wait and "decompress" from work as volunteering has become a full time job for him soon after he retired and he did not want the same mistake to happen to me. I will heed his advice and instead, focus on those things that bring me joy such as my family (DW and DD-Dear Dog) We just got back from a 3 week vacation and I now realize, I need to wind down at work as I inch closer to retirement, not keep same pace. Good advice from W2R.