How Do You Feel About Your Upcoming Death

[shiny]

I honestly don't worry about my own death, but I do hope that DH and I die in a common catastrophe. I don't know if either of us can survive scattering the other's ashes.

 

[Danny]

Still need to iron out some details - found some purveyors of Mead on the internet - is it worth the trouble? - or should I pencil in kegs of beer for the drinkers and coffee for the non drink crowd.

End of the week - should be all set to croak - and then Bon Temps Rolliere until the time arrives.

heh heh heh

Martinelli's Sparkling Cider is always a hit at our festive occasions. Heheheh

 

[Danny]

I honestly don't worry about my own death, but I do hope that DH and I die in a common catastrophe. I don't know if either of us can survive scattering the other's ashes.

Yes! DW and I want to be holding each other in bed when a comet makes a direct hit and obliterates us - scattering our ashes - no cremation expense! ....

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Unclemick...barenjager (may be misspelled) is a honey liquer with "other stuff" in it that isnt too far off from "mead", although its more of a high octane liquer than the beer-like mead. Available in any store. I vaguely remember having a lot of sex after drinking it. Sometimes there were even other people involved.

 

[shiny]

Unclemick...barenjager (may be misspelled) is a honey liquer with "other stuff" in it that isnt too far off from "mead", although its more of a high octane liquer than the beer-like mead. Available in any store. I vaguely remember having a lot of sex after drinking it. Sometimes there were even other people involved.

Well then, he should place his order to be delivered BEFORE his funeral!

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

A coworker's father died of Alzheimer's disease not long ago.... Not a bad way to go; oblivious to reality.

i can not imagine a more horrible or undeserved death than alzheimer's. fortunately my mother had the best care givers possible, her loving children. i will have to adopt care givers for me if that is my fate. i've already named them, smith & wesson.

one of the last complete sentences in lucidity mom said to me was "this is horrendous." and then she asked, "what can you do?" i sat down besides her and said "mom, there is nothing i can do." mom looked at me and said "i don't know what i can do either."

now mom is out of words, she tries to talk but it is all gibberish. she is no longer ambulatory. 85% of such people die within 6 months. we've been with her as she's deteriorated over the past 12 years. i said to her last week, "mom, i know you are trying to tell me something but when you talk there are no words, only sounds that seem like sentences but no words, just sounds. i'm so sorry this has happened to you." mom stared right into my face. i could see her struggling. she opened her mouth to talk. i was expecting more gibberish. in a weak & raspy but careful voice she said "i'm sorry for you." we sat in silence for a moment and then she went back into gibberish.

you think it is oblivion? you think it is not a bad way to go? you think just because someone can not communicate in a way you understand that they do not understand? well, good for you.

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

At least I won't have to go to work the next day.

Gypsy,

Still labouring in the fields of mamon and wondering, is all this worth it?

 

[Nords]

i can not imagine a more horrible or undeserved death than alzheimer's.

you think it is oblivion? you think it is not a bad way to go? you think just because someone can not communicate in a way you understand that they do not understand? well, good for you.

I can't argue with those sentiments, but Thomas DeBaggio managed to write not just one but two books on the subject from the first-person perspective.

Maybe it was therapy, but apparently he felt that he had more to contribute.  He's been a tremendous activist for the disease and as recently as 18 months ago was still giving interviews.

Again, I think the human instinct for self-preservation is pretty strong. I'd find myself thinking "Why not stick around for a while and see what happens next?"

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

I think the human instinct for self-preservation is pretty strong.  I'd find myself thinking "Why not stick around for a while and see what happens next?"

we caregivers have a saying: "once you've seen one person with alzheimer's, you've seen one person with alzheimer's." it runs a general course but not always such a predictable one. mom was very smart, funny lady, optimistic, positive, enthusiastic and sincere. it seems to me that she was able to tap into a lot of that so when one part of the brain was destroyed she accessed other parts. with family help we kept her "independent" for very long time. even now, in stage 7 of 7, her abilities are remarkable. still, there is no stopping it. she is completely incontinent both of bladder and bowel, nonambulatory & soon she will lose even her ability to smile.

i'm familiar with the author but haven't read the books to which you refer. do they mention how he can no longer bathe himself? how people strip him everyday? how strangers wipe his ass for him? does it mention choking on food because his body forgets how to swallow? does it mention what it is like to no longer learn in life? to no longer grow in life? because that is the inevitable progress of this disease. i would wish anyone the best in their decisions and would help where i can but i have no intention to wait for any of that for myself.

still, we are taking mom out to lunch tomorrow. we have yet to give up this ship. i'll have the facility double bag her (depends). you should see the heads turn when we enter the restaurant. it used to be because we looked so good.  now it is because we are so tragic. well, ya do what you can do while you can do as long as you don't wait too long.

peace

 

[MDW]

His post count exceeded his IQ and he squirted out of the known universe like a watermellon seed.  He's now one with the cosmos.

Have you seen him lately? 

 

[Eagle43]

My mom has alzheimers, too. She came here in September from New Orleans to escape Katrina, and I got her into a nursing home. Since she's been here, I have had one reasonably intelligent conversation, where she seemed in-focus. The other conversations have been a series of reminders(you're 85; she says she's 80), questions (what's your underwear doing on the floor?) and it's just frustrating. Further, it seems to slowly but surely get worse. The elevator doesn't go up, and I know it. I sneak up and watch her surreptitiously and she sits in her rocker and talks to herself. Left alone, she would just sit there, till the end.

BTW: I hope this is not genetic. I forget a little now and anytime I do, it scares me.

 

[ESRBob]

BTW: I hope this is not genetic. I forget a little now and anytime I do, it scares me.

Eagle,
Not going to try to be a doctor here, but one of my friends directs the Neuro dept at a big NY teaching hospital and he told me that unless your parent had early alzheimers, it is not genetic. The "regular Alazheimers" that hits around 75 or 80 is just what happens to the brains of a lot of people, and that you shouldn't feel worried about yourself now just because it happened to a parent.

At least that is what I think I remember

Seriously, I tell myself this every day because otherwise I'd be spooked every time I space on something or drop the ball. I prefer to believe I'm "improving my concentration skills" (on whatever it was I was actually thinking about) rather than "losing it" (whatever I wasn't thinking about that my wife thinks I should have been!) Then again, this could just be another version of Martha's "inspecting the plumbing" story...

 

[Nords]

i'm familiar with the author but haven't read the books to which you refer. do they mention how he can no longer bathe himself? how people strip him everyday? how strangers wipe his ass for him? does it mention choking on food because his body forgets how to swallow? does it mention what it is like to no longer learn in life? to no longer grow in life? because that is the inevitable progress of this disease. i would wish anyone the best in their decisions and would help where i can but i have no intention to wait for any of that for myself.

Listen, I'm not debating your hard-earned expertise or your viewpoint. No offense intended.

I'm trying to say that DeBaggio, in an early stage of Alzheimer's where the inevitable was starkly clear and where he could have elected to euthanize himself, chose not to do so. He hung around to see what happened next, and he knocked off a couple of pretty frightening books in the process.

In his second book a friend mentions that DeBaggio no longer recognizes friends, and I'm sure the process will reach its inevitable conclusion soon, although I checked for obituaries and found none.

My point is that most people will hang around to see what happens next. Then one day they wake up and they aren't that person any more, and perhaps they're not even capable of taking the actions that their former identity had sworn to take at that stage. It's too late, but they're not who they used to be and they don't care anymore.

I guess the other equally tragic side to this would be to choose euthanasia the day before the miracle cure is announced. Even if you nominate someone to pull the switch for you, I wouldn't want my best buddies to carry that burden around for the rest of THEIR lives. Given my stock-picking record, I'd do far better hanging around to see what happened next. After that, there's money in the bank to take care of whoever I become when I'm no longer me. The me that I was won't be around to care any more, but I would have hated to waste the rest of your Medicare taxes.

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

My mom has alzheimers, too.  She came here in September from New Orleans to escape Katrina, and I got her into a nursing home. 

hi eagle43. my brother was just telling me of a tv spot he saw about nursing home patients and katrina in your mom's area. apparently the shock and stress caused many alzheimer's victims to lose abilities, even those who previously seemed higher functioning.

might i suggest you visit one of the online discussion boards such as alzheimerschat.com or you can google others. people there have a wealth of information and hugs to share if you need.

esrbob was close on the genetics thing. yes it is genetic, what isn't. but not in the way, say, baldness is. because even if your parents had it, no one can yet say what percentage chance there is of you getting it. so maybe there are environmental triggers. early onset alzheimer's (eoa), as esrbob mentioned, is highly hereditary. it is likely if your parents had it, you will get it. eoa can strike in the 20s and can devastate a person and their often young families by their 30s & 40s. i believe most of them die before age 50 or 60.

the garden variety alzheimer's though is often diagnosed in early to mid 60s or later. however, it is likely that it had been progressing for maybe even 20 years already by then. so i think the difference between that and eoa should be defined not by when it starts, but by when it ends. though i think a genetic marker has been identified for eoa.

the financial ramifications of this disease are off the scale. currently 4.5 million people have it just in the u.s.a. it lingers an average of 8 years but can last 20 after diagnosis. about 15% of the population over 65 suffers some form of dementia. by age 85 that number rises to 47%. one half of all nursing beds in the u.s. are occupied by dementia sufferers of which 70% is caused by alzheimer's.

welcome, eagle43, to the club where no one wants to belong.

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

I'm not debating your hard-earned expertise or your viewpoint. No offense intended. My point is that most people will hang around to see what happens next... Even if you nominate someone to pull the switch for you, I wouldn't want my best buddies to carry that burden around for the rest of THEIR lives.

no offense taken. this so-called earned expertise is not a badge i proudly wear. it is simply the color of hair i was born with. your words reflect very much my own brother's sentiments and rationale. i completely respect that and i'll make sure my brother's wishes are carried out if need be, as i do for mom.

mom lived a productive, happy life throughout most of her disease. and she, like most people, as you say, hung around for that one small hope. my mother didn't know how bad this would get. she didn't know that by the time a person is in stage 5 of 7 (and stage 4/5 is generally is where most people are forced to face what's happening to them), the brain has already been 50% destroyed. there is no getting that back and the plaque marches on.

i also meant no offense to your point of view or expectations. i think you are correct in your assessment that there is some point at which people can no longer take action previously planned. i wonder about that myself and my brother is certain i will miss my window of such opportunity. i expressed that very thing in my post where mom pleaded "what can you do?" for by then there was nothing i could do or she.

however, most of us who plan even the best we can for our own demise do indeed put the switch pulling burden on family and friends simply by stipulating in our living wills "no tubes." like it or not, argue it as much as you please, but fact is, at some point, we tell them, don't keep me alive. let me die.

 

[Gpax7]

The two most inspired works on the planet other than the Bible, the Koran (sp), the Tao, and a few others are the two poems "Thanatopsis" and "If".
I have tried to especially live by "If" and Thanatopsis provides me with real peace of mind.

 

[Eagle43]

Speaking of Alzheimers prevention, is cholesterol a player?  I have heard that the satin drugs seem to delay/prevent it, but they don't seem to have been around long enough to verify that. 

Another seems to be level of education.  But then, I had a friend, lady from the Big Apple, who was very literate and educated.  Got the dreaded disease in her 50s, medically retired from Mega-Corp, and is now long gone. 

 

[ESRBob]

Eagle,
Sounds like your friend got the "Early Alzheimers" which appears to be hereditary and hits without regard to lifestyle or other factors. (At least that is what I have heard). It is almost as if there are two separate diseases with the same symptoms -- one kicks in with genes (early), the other kicks in with age/ wear-and-tear/some other x-factor.

 

[Rustic23]

Speaking of Alzheimers prevention, is cholesterol a player?  I have heard that the satin drugs seem to delay/prevent it, but they don't seem to have been around long enough to verify that.

It appears you can take you choice of articles. Early articles say yes, this one fairly recent says maybe not.

http://www.alzinfo.org/news/NewsArticle7-13-2005-12-58-PM.aspx

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

Speaking of Alzheimers prevention, is cholesterol a player? Another seems to be level of education. 

alzheimer's, early onset or otherwise, is possibly the most insidious of diseases. thus far, research seems to suggest that anything bad for the heart is also bad for the brain. similarly, what helps the heart also helps the brain. however, nothing has yet been shown to actually prevent alzheimers. whether lifestyle or drug induced, effects seem only to maybe delay symptoms, if that. my mom was extremely bright woman long on statins and early on aricept. perhaps all that helped at first or simply dragged out the suffering later. i don't know.