How to answer all the naysayers?

[HuskerChica]

I have just started my ER journey at age 50. I'm wondering how you have handled the complete lack of understanding-from everyone! My sisters, my friends, old co-workers, neighbors, no one can really comprehend that I don't need to work. Do I say I'm semi-retired? Do I say I'm a day trader? Any tips for how to navigate the waters would be appreciated!!!

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Lots of threads on this very question. I have fielded this for several years and depending on the audience, my answer will vary. For close friends/relatives...they got the honest answer. I am retired. Done and Done.

For former associates/acquaintances, I am either involved in some investment activities (as a limited partner) or do consulting w*rk. I am pretty vague in those answers since it's really none of their business. They rarely push for more info, but if they do I just say that I am under an NDA and can't really discuss the particulars.

Others will certainly chime in.

 

[ShokWaveRider]

Why do you care what anyone thinks? Why do you have to make excuses? Don't tell them anything. Just do it and live your life as normal. Not much in your relationships with them will change. You may just see them a little more.

 

[audreyh1]

My family didn’t give us any grief, and we were as low profile about it as possible with everyone else,

 

[RobbieB]

Yeah, tell them the truth. I saved and invested and if you look back on what the market has done in the last 30 years...

 

[pacergal]

Answer honestly "I'm retired" Simple, honest, straight up.
To all the grief given, either ignore or a simple "I lived below my means and saved like crazy so I could retire early".
That will make their eyes glaze over, they don't want to hear that you worked hard and saved and went without new things all the time.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Why do you care what anyone thinks? Why do you have to make excuses? Don't tell them anything. Just do it and live your life as normal. Not much in your relationships with them will change. You may just see them a little more.

Don't you think that's a bit awkward?

Every Acquaintance Everywhere: "Hey, Jim Bob how have you been? What are you doing these days, where are you w*rking?"

Jim Bob: Blank stare.

 

[WhenIsItTime]

I have just started my ER journey at age 50. I'm wondering how you have handled the complete lack of understanding-from everyone! My sisters, my friends, old co-workers, neighbors, no one can really comprehend that I don't need to work. Do I say I'm semi-retired? Do I say I'm a day trader? Any tips for how to navigate the waters would be appreciated!!!

I took the leap at 47. While we live well, we never acted like we have money. I didn't want to brag. We surprised many. Nobody harassed me. My standard answer included elements like: Always lived below my means, saved and invested over time. I waited until I should never have to work again. Can't buy time. If it doesn't work out, either my wife or I could find something pretty easily.

Get comfortable not answering to their satisfaction. I have had others ask me for advice. I decided to spend my time on those conversations.

Some people call me lucky. I just respond, the more I saved the luckier I got.

 

[brett]

Why do you care what anyone thinks? Why do you have to make excuses? Don't tell them anything. Just do it and live your life as normal. Not much in your relationships with them will change. You may just see them a little more.

Could not agree more.

This business of caring what other people think of early retirement is getting tired.

Just do your thing, don't concern yourself for five seconds about what others will think. Who cares?

Live your life for you and your spouse, not for others.

Just do your own thing and be happy.

 

[ERD50]

Don't you think that's a bit awkward?

Every Acquaintance Everywhere: "Hey, Jim Bob how have you been? What are you doing these days, where are you w*rking?"

Jim Bob: Blank stare.

Why a blank stare? Just tell them what you've been doing.

One answer is "You know the stuff you like to do on a Saturday or Sunday? I do that seven days a week.".

-ERD50

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Why a blank stare? Just tell them what you've been doing.

One answer is "You know the stuff you like to do on a Saturday or Sunday? I do that seven days a week.".

-ERD50

I was responding to this (in regards to what someone does for w*rk, not other subjects as I don't think that is what the OP was looking for):

Why do you have to make excuses? Don't tell them anything.

I personally wouldn't want to use the statement you suggested as I think it would come off as bragging but that's just me.

I would add that the younger one retires, the more difficult it is to deal with these questions. Of course you can take the road of, "I do whatever I want...SUCKER!!!" but a lot of us may not want to take that tactic. When you are 60+ years old, the responses to the question of retirement is inconsequential as it's pretty acceptable.

 

[sheldon cornped]

No need to provide any explanation for what speaks for itself. And in 10-15 years you will look old enough for everyone to assume you are retired.

 

[geeky_grrl]

I retired at 45 and just told people I was retired. Most of the people close to me understood but other people I knew didn't seem to believe me - I had acquaintances suggesting places where I could get a job - but I just shrugged them off.

It has been five years now so people don't bring it up anymore.

 

[savory]

I typically use it as a information session. I tell them that at the age of about 35, I was fortunate enough to have someone ask me at what age would I like to retire. A question I did not know existed since the answer was always 65+. With their help, I did the math and was glad to learn I created a conservative plan to retire at 58. I was fortunate to beat the plan and was able to retire at 54.

Bottom line, it took a plan based on spending and saving. With the key being creating a plan. If it is too late for you (the questioner/doubter), teach your children. And check out a forum like this one or Boggleheads to gain some ideas and a better understanding.

 

[bmcgonig]

Question: What are you doing these days?

Answer: Not a damned thing and enjoying it immensely!


That’s how I answer it.

 

[Montecfo]

Those of us that have long ago or even recently navigated these waters can perhaps be a bit flip. It's a real issue. You need an answer. You have told closest friends/family. And you do not want to alienate people.

I just went with the "I'm retired" to some close friends and word seemed to spread. I did get some incredulous responses but just ignored them.

I have found people will nip around the edges. Do you have a pension? No. Did you sell your company and make a mint? No.

But in my experience most folks are not nosy enough to delve too deeply.

If you want to be stealth:

I'm on sabbatical.
Not working at the moment
Taking a break from work
Between gigs
Consulting

All perhaps have a veneer of truth.

 

[PaunchyPirate]

Me: "I'm retired now."
Them: IF they ask "Why?" or "How?" or "What?", etc.
Me: "I worked hard and I saved and invested my money and I don't need to work to give myself something to do."

 

[Midpack]

Why do you care what anyone thinks? Why do you have to make excuses? Don't tell them anything. Just do it and live your life as normal. Not much in your relationships with them will change. You may just see them a little more.

+1. I just laughed it off and changed the subject when I retired early. There’s no answer to satisfy others, don’t bother. But I didn’t worry what anyone else thought at all. Why should you?

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

+1. I just laughed it off and changed the subject when I retired early. There’s no answer to satisfy others, don’t bother. But I didn’t worry what anyone else thought at all. Why should you?

I would surmise that a lot of people do care (maybe not a large degree) what others (especially those that you value as friends) *do think* and perhaps the OP is one of those. Personally, do I care what someone thinks about what I might say that I may NEVER see again? Not nearly as much as someone who I might want to keep in touch with.

 

[iloveyoga]

My DH retired first, then me at 54. I mostly discussed with close friend and family who at least acted happy for us. As the years go on, more of my friends have retired so it is so fun to discuss with them. Both of my sisters have also found flexible work and get to live with more freedom that I did when working at "big company".

Now DS will ask what did we do today, and I just tell him that we relaxed or went to the park or whatever.

 

[ScoopKona]

I've had three distinct careers. My final career was "just for fun and health care." I was already most of the way through FIRE. And I spent six years doing a job I wanted to do -- an admittedly difficult job. But something I wanted to try.

Because I didn't need the salary, I took a great deal of time off -- a few weeks at a clip -- and traveled. Everyone was OK with this. But people asked a LOT of questions.

"How can you afford to do this?"

I explained it.

Except for one person, they all demanded that because of their special situation, none of this would work for them.

And the one person who said, "Oh, that makes sense. I should try it" retired in her 30s. She flips houses now.

 

[WhiskyDave]

The responses you get usually fall into two categories,
1. Supportive ie..Good for you, wow, that's awesome if you can do it
2. Resentful that you are able to do it, ie...Why would you give up work, you will get bored, you should keep working

At first, I used to say 'well I have worked for a long time since high school etc" or I only get "2 weeks of vacation" almost as I needed to justify all my effort and planning.

Then I realized, I just need to tell people, that I've reached the point in my life where I want to do other things and pursue other passions such as travel and visiting family. I realized, it's my life, and I don't need to justify or explain my decisions about this.
Some will get it, but most will not.

 

[Koolau]

Mentioned before: I always got "You're so lucky!" rather than "how did you..., what do you do..., etc." I would always answer (only partially truthfully) "Luck had nothing to do with it!" Of course, luck did have something to do with it. I was lucky to be able to go to university and get decent grades (though I worked hard). I was lucky to snag a really decent paying j*b that I didn't always hate. Very lucky that I walked into an "outpost" of Megacorp and filled out an empl*yment form. The HR guy said "It just happens that we got a position approved for your field - today." I still give thanks for that 50+ years later. YMMV

 

[Gumby]

I see no harm in agreeing with people who say "you're so lucky," because I am. The implication that I didn't work for it doesn't make me any less retired or less happy about it. And it makes them feel better to think it was all luck.

 

[Jenna]

When getting my hair cut.
Stylist: "Are you off work today?"
Me: "Yes I am" ( and tomorrow and the next day and the next day...LOL)

I really dont think most people want to know, They are just making small talk