The question is appropriate, and the situation is part of life so it's OK to think about/discuss.
In our case, if I go "first", (assuming my DW doesn’t "hook up" with someone else after I'm gone <heaven knows she deserves it
>) there's a good chance that expenses will remain the same. Since our "fur kids" (dogs) are a big part of her life, I can't see her immediately downsizing from our current home. In fact, since 20% our retirement budget is dedicated to her "passion" (travel), she may have more expenses (single participants on tours are always charged more). If she (and it's my hope) that she meets somebody after I'm gone, and lives life to its fullest, I have no (and I won't care
what her expenses may be!).
Since I'm the one that's happiest with a good book, a glass of wine, a roaring fire, and the dogs at my feet (in other words, I don't necessarily share her "passion" for travel - but I do participate
) I would expect my expenses to drop dramatically if something would happen to her.
Anyway, that's my thought on the question.
- Ron