My emotions are pretty raw at the moment, so please be kind.
My marriage of 17 years is going through a very rough patch (the first and only in 17 years, so I am not used to this). Until a couple of months ago, I thought that we had a pretty solid marriage. DW retired in 2015, 5 years after me, and the past 3 years have been pretty blissful. People who see us together think that we are a tight couple (even now).
But tension has been building up lately. There are no screaming matches or broken china, just simmering tension. We had a talk about it and, all of the sudden, I realized that we are not on the same page anymore. I want a quiet, non stressful life with her but now she wants a go-go fun life with friends (we are supposedly both introverts, so that came as a surprise). At first, I thought that she might be going through a midlife crisis but it seems worse than that. Things were said, hurtful (but true) things, on both sides. This was the most serious talk we have ever had and it left me reeling, unsure on how we move on from this. I always assumed that we would grow old together, but I am not so sure anymore. I will try to do my best to save the marriage (give her more space, crank up the fun, etc...) but I am not so sure that she will. At any rate, even though the word was never uttered, the specter of divorce is quite real in my mind.
Which brings me to FIRE. I feel like my FIRE plan could now be turned upside down. How do I prepare for the worst? If we are heading for the rocks, do I start to batten down the hatches financially? I already have a plan B in place but, honestly, it would require some belt tightening for a few years for me to get back to what I would consider solid financial footing on my own (WR<3%). Protecting my financial future is my utmost priority.
Any suggestion or wisdom on how to work through this both in terms of relationship and money? I have already made an appointment with a therapist (just for me) to talk it out because right now I am totally confused.
My marriage of 17 years is going through a very rough patch (the first and only in 17 years, so I am not used to this). Until a couple of months ago, I thought that we had a pretty solid marriage. DW retired in 2015, 5 years after me, and the past 3 years have been pretty blissful. People who see us together think that we are a tight couple (even now).
But tension has been building up lately. There are no screaming matches or broken china, just simmering tension. We had a talk about it and, all of the sudden, I realized that we are not on the same page anymore. I want a quiet, non stressful life with her but now she wants a go-go fun life with friends (we are supposedly both introverts, so that came as a surprise). At first, I thought that she might be going through a midlife crisis but it seems worse than that. Things were said, hurtful (but true) things, on both sides. This was the most serious talk we have ever had and it left me reeling, unsure on how we move on from this. I always assumed that we would grow old together, but I am not so sure anymore. I will try to do my best to save the marriage (give her more space, crank up the fun, etc...) but I am not so sure that she will. At any rate, even though the word was never uttered, the specter of divorce is quite real in my mind.
Which brings me to FIRE. I feel like my FIRE plan could now be turned upside down. How do I prepare for the worst? If we are heading for the rocks, do I start to batten down the hatches financially? I already have a plan B in place but, honestly, it would require some belt tightening for a few years for me to get back to what I would consider solid financial footing on my own (WR<3%). Protecting my financial future is my utmost priority.
Any suggestion or wisdom on how to work through this both in terms of relationship and money? I have already made an appointment with a therapist (just for me) to talk it out because right now I am totally confused.