Please recommend retirement book for DW - not Zelinski

[Racer X]

I am looking for a retirement book for DW. Her OMY is going on two, and I'm starting to fear a trend.

Last month she admitted she isn't sure what she's going to do in retirement. Just throwing ideas at her didn't seem to help. I sensed that maybe she needs to go through a process. I searched the forums, and the Ernie Zelinski book "How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free" sounded absolutely perfect.

However, Zelinski's admonishments in the book regarding people having their identity tied up in their career seem to have hit a hot button with DW. She felt like the author was "yelling at her."

I took to retirement last year like a duck to water. I've always been "self entertaining" and have had a marvelous time in retirement. I'm kind of at a loss for how to help DW through this process. Any other books that you could recommend? TIA!

 

[Sojourner]

I'd recommend Work Less, Live More by Bob Clyatt. It's less focused on the emotional and "how will I fill my days" issues than Zelinski's book is, but I still found it a very good read and it helped me get comfortable with the idea of ER.

 

[Rambler]

I second Clyatt's book, but I'm surprised she didn't respond well to zelinski. My identity WAS in fact tied up in my career and I still admit to somewhat missing that identity. But the thought of going back to that stage of life gives me the heebie jeebies.

 

[Chuckanut]

Your wife is lucky, I think. Reading between the lines, I assume that she has not experienced the sudden, unexpected death or serious disability happening to a loved one or good friend. I will skip the unpleasant details and just say that unfortunate events were a huge motivation to me retiring closer to 62 than going all the way to 66. I thank my parents for teaching me to LBYM. Earlier this year I had a bit of a scare myself, which made even retiring around 62 seem 'late', but thankfully it was a false alarm.

As one who has lost younger family members and several good friends to diseases that seem to come out of nowhere to strike down an otherwise healthy person in their late 50's and early 60's, I think the earlier the better.

 

[braumeister]

Maybe better to just wait until she's ready.

I retired at 55 and was immediately completely happy with it (and still am).

DW (2 years younger) waited until 65. Her mindset had always targeted that age, and she honestly enjoyed all the social aspects of her job. When she hit 65 it was like flipping a switch and she has been completely happy with it since.

During the 12 years in between, I got in the habit of doing all the grocery shopping (never bothered me) and all the cooking (which I still enjoy). I would also take solo "vacations" now and then, which DW didn't mind a bit.

It worked out well for us. Maybe you too?

 

[Scuba]

I read quite a few books on retirement. A few I recommend are:
Supercharged Retirement
Don't Retire, Rewire
My Next Phase (or maybe it was Your Next Phase)

Another book not specifically geared towards retirement that was excellent is called "Repacking Your Bags."

Probably best if she picks her own book that resonates with her.

 

[Koolau]

My gut tells me that NO book will convince your DW to retire. She has reasons - I assume rational - to keep w*rking. My only advice would be to live you're life and let her live hers. An example: DW had no desire to "do" highway 101 (as I say, from BC to BC - British Columbia to Baja California.) It was something I had always wanted to do and I frequently brought it up. I finally told her "I'm going - do you want to join me?" She decided she would join me and loved it.

If you're DW sees you doing WHAT YOU WANT and enjoying it in ER, she may want to join you. If not, there's no reason for you to be restrained by her OMY syndrome. None of this means you can't still have a life together. It just may be a "yours, mine and ours" existence for while. This is all very personal, so more than ever, YMMV.

 

[bclover]

Your wife is lucky, I think. Reading between the lines, I assume that she has not experienced the sudden, unexpected death or serious disability happening to a loved one or good friend. I will skip the unpleasant details and just say that unfortunate events were a huge motivation to me retiring closer to 62 than going all the way to 66. I thank my parents for teaching me to LBYM. Earlier this year I had a bit of a scare myself, which made even retiring around 62 seem 'late', but thankfully it was a false alarm.

As one who has lost younger family members and several good friends to diseases that seem to come out of nowhere to strike down an otherwise healthy person in their late 50's and early 60's, I think the earlier the better.

Got that right. Since 2013 I Lost my wonderful husband of 30 years to cancer, lost my 51 year old baby brother to cancer and my BFF of 36 years to a heart attack. All were under the age of 55. Cured me quickly of OMY

 

[ocean view]

You need to get her reading and maybe participating on this forum. Especially the Life after FIRE subforum. Let our experiences show her the bright side of ER. Rather than give her a one sided conversation, she can ask her questions, raise her concerns and get wonderful, non-judgemental feedback, from folks living it every day.

Before we took the plunge, we reminded ourselves that if it didn't work out (financially or mentally) we could always go back to work.