Rewarded for doing a good deed (NOT)

[JP.mpls]

I realize this could go under the pet peeve post, but I think it is a specific topic. I put it under the "no good deed goes unpunished" category.



I own an old cabin with my cousin, who is also one of my best friends.

We have managed to stay friends while sharing this place. Not always easy.

We don't have a garage, and we decided to build a nice new storage shed.

He is a contrator/carpenter, and I'm capable enough to help him with that, and do painting and electrical work.


The neighbors are a nice older couple. They heard our plans, and started talking about having one built too. We like these people, and we decided what the hell, we will build one for them at the same time, right next to ours.
They just have to pay for the material.



We are being good neighbors, and friends with them. This is the fun stuff. It is also efficient to build the second one at the same time. All the tools and materials are gathered, which is half the job, and we will just get this done over the summer.


I also opened my big mouth, and said I would paint both of them. She talked about having some electrical outlets and lights, and we decided that sounded good too.



The end of summer results: Both sheds are built up, each has a coat of paint, waiting for a second coat in the spring. The electrical is roughed in, and will be finished in the spring. No big deal. Other than a few long days at first, most of the work has been done on bad weather days up at the cabin. The sheds are very nice. Cousin even built up some awesome shelving inside both units.



Cousin told me recently that our neighbor friends haven't paid him for the material. We are both thinking WTH. I talked with the neighbor lady last weekend about something else, and she handed me a check for half of what she owed my cousin. She is holding back full payment until the shed is 100% completed.

Note: Her shed is 100% built, and all that is remaining is the free work I offered her to complete the paint job and electrical. Our's is in the same state.



I reminded her that all she is paying for is the material, and that all of our labor was free. She is looking at us like we are her hired contractors who have not fulfilled their requirements. All she said, was that she understood the labor was free. Her husband was standing behind her, and I think he might be on my side of this, and thinks she is being silly.


Anyway, I will most likely proceed to complete the painting and electrical on both units in the spring, per my word, but the fun and happiness of doing a good deed for friends sure went away. I would also say our relationship will never quite be the same. Maybe I will get over it.



I suspect we got what we deserved, being nice to someone we didn't know that well. Like I said, no good deed goes unpunished.


My cousin deals with customers all of the time. He is a calm, honest, good man. He is also a very talented carpenter. He just said, he is used to that kind of stuff. Didn't seem to bother him too much.



Thanks for listening to my whine.



JP

 

[Amethyst]

Well, all I can say is...no, I won't type it, but you know what phrase I meant. It's something you wouldn't want to do anyway.

In their shoes, I would not have been able to believe my good luck (Free labor? Not since I was a good-lookin' young woman) and would have been trying to figure out what we could do in return that was worth half as much as your labor. Would have been bringing over cookies, beer, etc. while the shed was going up.

 

[street]

WOW!!
They would complain about getting hung with a new rope.

 

[njhowie]

SMH - you are a good person. Unfortunately, though most people in the world are good, some are bad. If there is a lesson going forward - get money for materials up front, all of it - you shouldn't have to front the money for neighbors, or even friends, especially when you're giving free labor.

 

[Dash man]

I wonder if they had gotten burned in the past. I don’t know. If you want to build a shed for me, I’ll pay the materials up front!

 

[pb4uski]

Totally unacceptable. I would hitch the shed to my truck and drag it over the line onto my property and then give her the check back.

If I was in a good mood I would offer to drag it back once the check for all the materials clears.

 

[JP.mpls]

Her husband mentioned her being burned in the past.
It would be different if the shed wasn't close to being completed, but the carpentry is done, and they have all their stuff loaded in there.


We did it up nice. Heavy duty floors with green treaded wood. Top of the line siding, a nice side window, and good shingles. Solid 2x4 walls spaced properly apart.


One thought. She hired a local "do everything guy" to do some concrete work for her this summer. Maybe he told her he could have done it cheaper. He would have had to use a bunch of low quality material. I still don't know how he would beat "no labor" costs.



The total costs ran about what you would pay for one of the cheaply made Menard's specials. There is no comparison. They are sweet sheds.



Did I mention my cousin made a custom built ramp for her husband to drive his lawn tractor up into the shed, and he built custom barn doors that slide with an opening just big enough for his lawn tractor.


I appreciate that the responses are more about her being ungrateful, and less about us being dumbasses.



I know she is going to pay the full amount. It is just the fact that she is going to make my cousin finance it over the winter, because I didn't complete her free painting and electrical job. Us silly untrustworthy contractors.

(I was swimming and drinking beer off my boat with my new woman, that is why the painting didn't get done. See, I'm not completely stupid.)


JP

 

[38Chevy454]

I would leave it as it is and not do anything else. [MOD EDIT] Golden rule, treat others the way you want to be treated, and she just let her actions speak.



I could *maybe* understand her if it was paid labor, even reduced price labor. But the fact you paid for materials up front out of your pocket, with the agreement they paid only for materials and zero labor, while doing this when you are up there and not living at the cabin full time makes her actions totally out of line. If you are nice you may mention to the husband that you will absolutely never again do any favors or help.

 

[JP.mpls]

38Chevy,
This is kind of a reoccurring theme in my adult life. I often get into positions where people behave badly and I want to tell them off, but I hold back, because I don't want to deal with the situation after I burn the bridge with someone.



I've had times where my brother's wife and cousin's wife both should be told off, and I bite my tongue, because I don't want to lose the relationships with their spouses. They are the baggage that comes with those two people in my life.



It wouldn't be a huge loss damaging the relationship with this neighbor, but I'm going to try staying civil. The bad feelings drain me. The positive feelings I had for this neighbor are certainly gone.



I appreciate that I can complain on this forum on occasion.

People are kind of like life. Very bittersweet. I sometimes start thinking everyone is crazy and nasty, and then out of nowhere someone behaves with great kindness and honor, and it is wonderful.

 

[RobbieB]

Write them off. They are people that will be better off dead.

Just stop all work. No dough, no work. Next time you see them tell them to "talk to the hand"

 

[aja8888]

Finish the work, move on. Life happens. Sometimes we learn lessons, that's all.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

Sorry to hear this, some folks will let others work for free and even lose money... unreal.


I'm glad you spent some time swimming, drinking beer and spending time with your new woman. That sounds better than painting.

 

[tmm99]

Sorry to hear about what happened to you. I have no enlightening advice, but I can tell you that I would be so pissed. I would have had a little talk with them and let them know how I feel. I would feel totally used and abused. WTH??!!! (Sorry, it's not like it's happened to me, but I'm getting angry!)

 

[RunningBum]

Did you give or show her the receipts? Though I guess you might have mixed the materials for your shed and hers. What a bad situation for doing a nice thing. I suppose as long as you eventually get your money it's not like you're getting totally screwed, but it would leave a very bad taste in my mouth.

 

[Scrapr]

I would leave it as it is and not do anything else. Tell the old bitch that she can F herself and find a (expensive) contractor to finish the job. Golden rule, treat others the way you want to be treated, and she just let her actions speak.

I'm with you. I would walk off the job.

As Henry Ford said Never complain, never explain. No tickee no workee

I would not be nasty about it. But I would not touch anything of hers ever again. Even if she offered double. When next Spring came i would be 'busy' doing fun stuff like swimming & boating & drinking beer on my dock. Let her figure out that she messed up

 

[skipro33]

Hand her the check back and tell her she's right, it's not finished and you wouldn't dream of accepting payment until it is. Then put a lock on the shed with her belongings already moved in. When she contacts you. Explain that it's not her shed yet. Not until it's finished and she's paid in full. However, RENT on the unfinished space is (fill in an amount here) and that you should be finished by spring. Or not. Depends on how things go.
Another option is to dismantle it out of spite. Or post an ad for free stuff in a shed. Or let a skunk loose in the shed. You get the point.
Sometimes people need to be reminded what an ass they are by example.

 

[NgineER]

This situation sucks, and I’ve experienced similar things in my past. It kept on festering until I dealt with it.

I think you should tell them how this makes you feel. How you enjoyed their friendship and how this makes you feel like they don’t value your friendship. You offered to build a shed for them for free, something that likely would have cost a couple of thousand dollars in labor.
They are seeing it through their lens and they are unaware of how you feel about the situation.

 

[travelover]

This would make me furious.

In my old neighborhood in Michigan I lived in a subdivision of about 30 houses with 3 cul-de-sacs. The county was very slow to plow snow, so I'd often clean out the sub with my tractor if we got a big blast, so everyone could get out. One day I got a curt email from my neighbor that I had left too high of a berm in front of her driveway and she was afraid her 4x4 Escalade couldn't drive over it and she wanted me to clean it up NOW.

After that I did the entire neighborhood except in front of her house.

 

[RobbieB]

Yeah Baby! Hire your own service if you don't like my free job.

You're gonna have to anyway 'cause we are done!

 

[427Vette]

Sadly it has been engrained in many peoples heads that all contractors are shady especially small contractors. All though you are not a contractor she sees you as one. There are stories all over the place even on this very forum about how you should never pay until the job is complete or the little contractor will most certainly buy a bunch of weed and beer and you will never see him until he needs another fix. I am guessing that she simply doesn't understand the situation. Although it is very obvious you have to realize that the general public is very stupid and getting worse. In this situation you are best to explain the circumstances in writing, be simple and blunt or she won't get it. Then simply ask for your money at the end of the note. This works better than a verbal conversation because she wont feel pressured and can reread it until she grasps it. Hopefully she shows the letter to some of her tight wad dingbat friends and they tell her how unreasonable she is being. After you collect your money its up to you if you go back but I wouldn't. I would explain how her actions opened your eyes and that you didn't feel comfortable being put in that predicament and she would be better to hire a professional to finish the job. She will soon learn how much you saved her.

Let us know how this turns out.

 

[Montecfo]

Very strange.

You sound like a great neighbor. Maybe they will apologize at some point.

I just try to think positive. You guys did a very nice thing, regardless of her reaction to this point.

 

[strobot]

I still don't understand how someone can call an individual a "friend" and in the same post say you don't know them that well. They sound more like an acquaintance. If they wouldn't give you the shirt off of their own back, they aren't your friend. I think this has been one of the biggest issues as the world grows smaller (social media, Internet, ease of traveling) over the years; people think they have LOTS of friends. In reality, most people have between 1-3 *actual* friends. Phrasing and words are important and you shouldn't be upset when an acquaintance that you "don't know that well" tries to fleece you for your free labor.

 

[Out-to-Lunch]

I think you should tell them how this makes you feel. How you enjoyed their friendship and how this makes you feel like they don’t value your friendship. You offered to build a shed for them for free, something that likely would have cost a couple of thousand dollars in labor.
They are seeing it through their lens and they are unaware of how you feel about the situation.

I totally agree with this.

All the suggestions to respond to them with curtness, etc., are understandable. It is what I would WANT to do. But communicating with them more fully should lead to a better result.

 

[427Vette]

I still don't understand how someone can call an individual a "friend" and in the same post say you don't know them that well. They sound more like an acquaintance. If they wouldn't give you the shirt off of their own back, they aren't your friend. I think this has been one of the biggest issues as the world grows smaller (social media, Internet, ease of traveling) over the years; people think they have LOTS of friends. In reality, most people have between 1-3 *actual* friends. Phrasing and words are important and you shouldn't be upset when an acquaintance that you "don't know that well" tries to fleece you for your free labor.

I guess I don't understand this way of thinking. How can it possibly matter how upset a person would get if a friend, neighbor, acquaintance, someone you know or a total stranger tries to short change you on something? I guess I would be more aggravated if I knew them.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I can’t believe the nerve they have. I would have a conversation with them reminding them that the labor was free and you want the money they owe you now.