Ridiculed for being cheap??

hankster said:
I think this is right on the money. I believe most spendthrifts know that it isn't wise to live that way, but find themselves unable to discipline themselves and control their childish impulses. Pressuring their friends and relatives to roll in the same poop with them makes them feel better about their bad behavior in a "misery loves company" sort of way.
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Nah, it ain't on the money, at all to me. And I bet this isn't really close to understanding the biting remarks the OP is receiving from her friend. In fact, I kinda think this might be a case where the tone of the message is actually causing the OP more grief than the content of the message.

The OP has a friend who wants the OP to spend more and ridicules the OP for being frugal. This is hardly a case of pulling the OP down to a life of misery. In fact, her friend mistakenly believes that the OP is a cheapskate and needs to be extravagant to enjoy life. Her friend does not appear to want to harm the OP, at all, except perhaps in the tone that her message is being conveyed.

Crab mentality is not "misery loves company" or roll in the same bed of sh*t with someone. Think of a bunch of crabs in a barrel trying to get out, where one crab after another pulls another one down as they try to climb out, instead of collectively helping each other out. I've been in many places where the crab mentality or "crabs in a barrel" syndrome has existed, especially in places where you think it shouldn't exist, like houses of worship or nonprofit organizations where the stated goals of these places are to promote harmony and good fellowship among people.

Someone with a crab mentality, to me, is like someone who displays Schadenfreude, which ironically has been displayed in this thread. Some do not find it morally virtuous to have Schadenfreude.
 
Back to reusing paper for the printer...:cool:

I started using the reverse side of junk mail that I had previously thrown away as printer paper for items that were for my use only. I later went through a number of folders containing minutes to meetings, various reports, newsletters etc and recycled them all. I currently have a ream of unused paper for my printer (500 count) that should last me the rest of my life. I have about 1500 pieces of recycled paper just waiting to be used next.

A few years ago I redid my will and was in the process of running the old will thru the shredder until I spied the blank reverse side of the document. I stopped my shredding process and cut it into strips that I am still using to make notes and take phone call messages for DW.
 
LOL! said:
Wow, lots of Frugalistas on this forum that have really come out of the woodwork to knock down folks who seem to spend more.

I've found that if people are commenting about your frugality, then you are probably flaunting your frugality in their face. And many of the responses in this thread demonstrate this to be true.

So who is frugal, but your family, friends and colleagues don't even know it?
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How do I not 'flaunt my frugality' and thereby cause offense?

How do I not drive the same car for 18 years?

How do I not live in a small paid for house?

How do I not bring my lunch to w**k?
 
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LOL! said:
Wow, lots of Frugalistas on this forum that have really come out of the woodwork to knock down folks who seem to spend more.
I've found that if people are commenting about your frugality, then you are probably flaunting your frugality in their face. And many of the responses in this thread demonstrate this to be true.
So who is frugal, but your family, friends and colleagues don't even know it?
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i am very frugal, but every time i drive my mid-life crisis convertible, it kinda blows my cover. :cool:
i am currently emptying out my freezer and pantry shelves of food that will be past proper shelf life in a few months. my goal is to avoid grocery shopping at all costs except for perishables, plus get the freezer empty enough to defrost it. i am coming up with creative soups and "meat-something-with-cream of mushroom soup" over rice dishes, aka "college food", spiced in many different ethnic ways. i have not bought groceries on a large scale in over 6 weeks except for turkey day and of course weekly consumables like milk/yogurt/fresh fruit. i haven't bought a commercial loaf of bread in 3 months. no wonder my budget is easier to manage lately. :D
 
gettinthere,

We quit using wrap several years ago for gifts in the family. For Christmas, we have a number of cloth bags
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That is a GREAT idea! No waste whatsoever.

tmm
 
I think crab mentality works the other way too. My sis and bro are both in very bad financial shape...sis declared bankruptcy last year. They seem to want everything that I have, that I worked hard, 12-15 hours a day for a long time to save for, and paid hard earned cash for the few toys that I do have. We finally, after many months of "do we, or do we not" debating, bought a 42" Sharp Aquos LCD TV last year. I found out a couple of months later that my sis alreay had a 52 incher, and then declared bankruptcy and bragged that she wouldn't have to pay for it. Can you see the steam coming out of my ears? Also, DW and I have longed for an RV or travel trailer for a long time...still don't have one. Sis got one about six or eight months before her bankruptcy...a nice 32 footer I'm told....and a big 3/4 ton brand new Chevy truck to pull it with. Oh, and it has never been used. It has not been paid for, nor has it or the truck been re-possessed.

Bro always has the latest computer and camera equipment, makes about 30k a year and has about 60k in CC debt, not to mention the mortgage, which on the other hand is relatively small because he did buy a relatively modest house. However, because of his low income and his total debt, he is always on the brink.

My PCs are modest, my digital camera is six or seven years old, everything I own is paid for, but my siblings think that they have to either keep up or get a step ahead of me in terms of things. In fact, we are going to have a family reunion in 18 months for my parents 50th wedding anniversary. These two siblings can't afford the trip, so I will pay for them to come, because it is important to my parents.

I'm frugal to a point, I take my lunch to work most days, I'm careful with how I spend my money, but I am not afraid to spend money I have when there is something that will bring joy to myself or my family. But the point is that we don't spend what we don't have. We are patient, make our "payments" (savings) up front, and then we are careful with what we buy.

The "reverse crab mentality" here is that both of the above siblings are always quick to say "its not fair that you have -fill in the blank-."

Sorry for the rambling...but, Rambler I am...

R
 
Rambler said:
I think crab mentality works the other way too. My sis and bro are both in very bad financial shape...
The "reverse crab mentality" here is that both of the above siblings are always quick to say "its not fair that you have -fill in the blank-."

Sorry for the rambling...but, Rambler I am...

R
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i'm gonna make ya feel better pronto - i have 4 siblings like this. :p
can i hand you one and that way it's a level playing field, 3 and 3 ?
seriously, i understand your frustration. without the dirty details, 3 of my siblings were sponging off my mom for years, all the while owning the latest and greatest toys. all 3 were in hock up to their eyeballs. :eek:

hold your head up high, and just smile and wave. :D
 
Interesting story, Rambler, thanks.
 
I always bring my lunch, but that is because I do not eat that synthetic cr*p that the fast-food industry calls "food". I like my home-made goodness better!
 
Rambler, I feel like a spendthrift compared to you, not knowing your income, but of the high job level you hold.

I would restrain from criticizing how someone spends his/her money. But pride in declaring bankruptcy to cheat on payments for luxurious goods, not unavoidable medical bills or due to joblessness, is truly reprehensible.

The bankers and credit card companies are the enablers in this, and we are bailing them out?
 
NW-Bound said:
The bankers and credit card companies are the enablers in this, and we are bailing them out?
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I've been criticized on this board for blaming these creatures. They seem to have friends here.

Oh, and for God's sake, don't leave out the lawyers!


And I never mean anything I post in a NEGATIVE way. Nope. Just Happy.
Happy, happy happy. Happy & positive. That's me to a T.

grin.gif
I'm smiling right now as I read about the latest government bailouts. A happy, positive, bailout smile!!:D
 
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Barbarus, people may agree with what you say, but they may not like the way you say it.

I usually try to contain my temper, and not be vindictive. The usual members of this forum are not the financially irresponsible people we denounce. I do not raise my voice with them. In fact, who do I raise my voice to? The people you are angry with do not frequent this forum.
 
tmm99 said:
The person I mentioned earlier who uses un-used wallpaper as gift wrapping paper would mix pickle juice (juice in a jar of pickles) with olive oil to make home made salad dressing. She always made sure and used the plastic bag the sliced bread came in as a sandwich bag when all bread was gone. She always went to the "almost expired" section of supermarkets first to get stuff half price.
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Heeeeyy, doesn't everybody do that?

Notmuchlonger said:
This board is great. Never heard of the crab mentality. Learn something new every day :)
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I'd never heard of that analogy before Hawaii, but around here it's cultural. A popular kid twilight activity is catching sandcrabs on the beach, putting them in a five-gallon bucket, and watching the metaphor in action.

Rambler said:
The "reverse crab mentality" here is that both of the above siblings are always quick to say "its not fair that you have -fill in the blank-."
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The only consolation I have is that they must be living a miserably stressful life-- like that guy in the credit commercial who's smiling as he rides his tractor mower while the soundtrack says "I'm in debt up to my eyeballs-- somebody please [-]kill[/-] help me!"

I guess you could lean back, smile, say "Yeah, I guess it's not fair!" and change the subject...
 
freebird5825 said:
ditto.
i have actually seen live crabs do this. ah, the days of catching fresh blue crab on the lower Hudson River, every 2nd week of August. :cool:
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Another crab eater? I still remember fondly the time we had crab in St. Michaels, MD. A dozen for each of us, dumped out on a table over butcher paper, salty air blowing in from the Chesapeake Bay, a big mug of beer ...

Still like to have a chance to eat fried soft-shelled crab, two or three of them between hamburger buns like I have seen in a magazine.
 
NW-Bound said:
I would restrain from criticizing how someone spends his/her money. But pride in declaring bankruptcy to cheat on payments for luxurious goods, not unavoidable medical bills or due to joblessness, is truly reprehensible.
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You're right. I don't really care how they spend "their" money. What I do not like is having to pay for "their" or at least sis's toys because of bankruptcy. And, I don't like being told that it isn't fair that I have a good income, a paid off home, etc, when I have worked very hard and saved for these things. I don't think I could look another person in the eye and tell them it was not fair that they had a few more bucks than me. Rather than thinking "not fair", I am usually just in awe, and try to learn what I can from them.

R
 
Well said Rambler. Oh, by the way when I was in the Navy many years ago sandcrabs were also known as civilians.

2soon2tell
 
I try not to print a lot and have used the PDF printing for many years, it is easy on the Mac and I tend not to loose files on the computer as fast as on my desk. I never liked using the back of used pages to print on it seemed to increase jams and often the reverse side was a distraction. Until I RE from mega corp I found that there was plenty of good paper available. Like someone else mentioned there always seemed to be a few to many sheets left when refilling the printer. At our office the practice seemed to be to toss the extras on top of the printer or on a near by shelf. These pages never seem to get in the printer, they worry about jams from paper that was not fresh from the wrapper. I would just pickup these stacks of completely unused paper but not fresh from the package from time to time and fed my ink jet printer with paper for free till I retired. Hurt the first time I had to go in to Staples and buy a ream. I have since found that the local GoodWill store often has new reams of paper on the shelf that someone donates for $1-2 per ream, so I stock up when I see it.

I have always been a fan of old cars, but it was amusing back in the 80s when I realized that the local old car show allowed cars older than 15 years old and everything I owned could have been entered in their show.

Jeb
 
I would like to add something about how I feel regarding spending. I think most readers would agree with me on the following points.

That most of us who frequent this forum treat money as a finite resource. Some have more income than others, depending on how fortunate we are to have skills that society needs at the moment. But none of us is so rich to have more than he/she can spend.

So, how we spend our money is really our business. It's all a matter of priority. Some save maximum, to get out of the rat race ASAP. Some, like myself, started to save for financial security, to be able to sleep at night during crises like this. Up until a few years ago, when I became burnt-out with my work, I never thought I would retire early.

On the other hand, some like my brother believe that they need to enjoy these material things now, when they are still young to "enjoy" it. My brother has said he does not mind living in poverty if he gets struck by a haphazard job cut. It is his choice.

Most of us know how to ration our expenses. It's a personal preference. Some like new fast cars, boats... Some like to eat out. Some like a nice house. I like to travel... But most of us save plenty for our early retirement.

What I find interesting about this forum is how people have different choices. There's more than one road to ER, which is our common goal. Yes?

Some people may find my own car repair masochistic, and would rather cut something else to pay for that. I pack my own lunch when working, but my friends value a few more minutes of extra sleep in the morning. It's our choice.

The different individualistic idiosyncrasies in saving money are interesting. I find it amusing and will not make fun of anyone's way to save. We are not machines after all, not peas in a pod.

By the way, when I first joined this forum, I found a few threads like this one. Reading those, I bursted out laughing a few times. GOOD STUFF! HILARIOUS. I think some of you probably chuckled at my masochistic car repairs, but too polite to laugh at me publicly. It's OK. I don't mind.

Hey, after a few car repairs, I can justify a trip. It's my choice, yes?
 
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