Those scolds who keep telling us how awful it is to retire

[Markola]

I have watched two retirements at close range. My FIL and my brother. One upon retirement traveled, pursued preservation projects, took classes and indulged in a hobby, all the while still hanging out with friends regularly. The other moved to a golf course retirement community on the coast where they knew know one. When a back injury made golf impossible, he sat in his "office" at home and played puzzles online. Today he eats alone after the death of his wife. No friends. Family visits when they can, but all are hours or days away. Very sad, but very true. I learn from both.

Yikes. As some have pointed out, having money and resulting time just magnifies who you really are. My engineer DF finally retired at 75 last year into a golf course community in FL. He puttered around for six months, rearranged his lady friend's kitchen cabinets, much to her distress, rode his bike and lost a bunch of weight. Work called recently and asked if he could help them out, which he leapt at. Back to the factory he's gone, but with no management portfolio and hassle. The man just likes to work. YMMV.

 

[samsterdog]

I like being retired at 53. The freedom to do what I want, when I want, is wonderful.

However, my situation is a bit different than most. DW still works which provides the ability to not have to access savings and maintain our lifestyle even though I have run simulations through FIRECalc; she doesn't believe those numbers. She wants to work until she is eligible for her pension which is several years away. When I retired, I knew there might be resentment by her, and my fears have been realized. Although I do most of the activities around the house including cleaning, cooking, etc., as well as completing several projects around the house, her resentment is palatable.

While my stress alleviated upon retirement, it has increased over time with DW’s increased dissatisfaction. Because of this, my satisfaction with retirement is lessened to the point that I am trying to find some j*b, hopefully part-time, to appease her and improve my attitude.

 

[Taxman59]

I had an up and down first 18 months. a portion of it was due to the change from working to retired. My identity was wrapped around my career (see my handle). It took a few trips to get away from much of that and create a new life. I also struggled with my surgeries (2 carpel tunnel surgeries and a total knee replacement), DW's broken ankle and mental health issues. That being said, I struggled not so much because I retired, rather from the "deferred maintenance" on our bodies that were put off so I could go to the office!

 

[Paracelsus]

I'm still new to retirement (1/1/17) and feeling the glow of leaving my job. When I was much younger, I learned the lesson of not identifying with my position or rank in my job, so leaving my career doesn't affect me. Financially, I'm doing very well, so no concerns about that - I had planned an early retirement since I was in my twenties. I'm keeping busy with tasks I had put off for many years waiting for some free time. I do just a little part time work now for fun (about 8-10 hours a week) that's fine - no big responsibilities there. I'm exploring some volunteer opportunities, but no work on that yet. I'm exercising more and getting my health back from previously too little time. I was able to spend more quality time with my mother at the end of her life which I have no regrets doing (she died Monday). Retirement to me is experiencing life more than what I did in my work years.

 

[Midpack]

"People go into mourning when they retire," she said. "Your whole identity is caught up in who you are and what you did. Continuing to work provides social benefits, including feeling relevant," Hannon added."

I usually defend these articles, as early retirement isn't ideal for everyone who reaches FI. But her article seems as badly slanted against retirement, as this site is pro (early) retirement***.

*** This site only because it's mostly a predisposed group, nothing wrong with that as long as we recognize it's a niche. This site is like a devoted group of Chevy enthusiasts, in a world of many other makes/models. It's questionable to come here asking about anything but Chevy's...as newbies sometimes do.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Adjustment? Zero. The first few days I had a moment or two of, "uh, er, OK, so, um, exactly what am I supposed to do now" but then discovered how delicious it is to figure out one's own schedule and activities.

+1. I had been looking so forward to retirement, it was something that I celebrated (and still do). There have been very few (if any?) days in which I have had nothing to do, or found myself to be bored. I always fine SOMETHING to do and I am not sure how I got ANYTHING done when I was still w*rking.

I will also concede that people are ALL over the spectrum when it comes to retirement. There are those like me and W2R that have had no issues with adjustment and then well; a little story.

Story: It is a very, long, drawn out story but I will try and make it short. My DW's boss (soon to be former) is in her mid 70's and has some issues with dementia. As you might imagine, it has caused HUGE problems in the organization. Well, at long last because of a merger, it became obvious to those in a position to "change" the situation that something had to be done. Initially, they tried to "phase" her out. They took away responsibilities and made it somewhat uncomfortable for her. I assume they were trying to elicit a resignation, but it didn't work. So, eventually, she was told she was being terminated. She has had some issues with her husband (he is in poor health and has been in and out of the hospital) and begged to be kept on until March (for insurance? Not sure how that works when you are old enough for Medicare?) but nonetheless, they let her stay. She continued to mettle and make things tough and eventually the boss told her she needed to just "w*rk from home". Well...she hasn't taken the hint and is STILL coming to the office and trying to cause issues...even though she has NO responsibility. Yesterday, she was having a fit when they came to take her printer because she has to "print out some financial information" before she leaves. My DW is afraid that when it's all said and done, she is going to be escorted out of the office by security. It's really a sad situation and can't even imagine being so attached to a j*b.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I like being retired at 53. The freedom to do what I want, when I want, is wonderful.

However, my situation is a bit different than most. DW still works which provides the ability to not have to access savings and maintain our lifestyle even though I have run simulations through FIRECalc; she doesn't believe those numbers. She wants to work until she is eligible for her pension which is several years away. When I retired, I knew there might be resentment by her, and my fears have been realized. Although I do most of the activities around the house including cleaning, cooking, etc., as well as completing several projects around the house, her resentment is palatable.

While my stress alleviated upon retirement, it has increased over time with DW’s increased dissatisfaction. Because of this, my satisfaction with retirement is lessened to the point that I am trying to find some j*b, hopefully part-time, to appease her and improve my attitude.

I am sorry to hear this. My DW also continues to w*rk and has now taken a promotion that will keep her busier than she already is (NO!!!!). She knows she doesn't have to w*rk, but she does it anyway...I don't understand it, personally. But, thankfully, she doesn't resent my retirement. I assume it has something to do with her not having to deal with housework and chores. Maybe if you go back to w*rk for a bit and those chores you are doing start falling to her, she will see the value in your retirement!

 

[Teacher Terry]

For those people that moved to a retirement community I would think it would be easy to make friends by going to some of the activities. WE have looked into them and there are tons of things to do. If the home chores are being done I am surprised that anyone would be resentful of the sah spouse. I do think that many people are not retired by choice and that accounts for them not being happy.

 

[Maenad]

I think retirement, especially early retirement, is a HUGE life change. It's a major disruption to a person's life, and it's not unusual for people to have a hard time adjusting. For some, if the transition is difficult it can be easier and more pleasant to return to work and postpone the adjustment for a while.

I predict some stress myself in a few years (hopefully 3!) when I pull the plug and need to change to my next life phase. However, forewarned is forearmed. If I'm having trouble I'll come talk to you guys.

 

[Clone]

"Studies have found that as many as 40% of retirees have difficulty adjusting, and even those who claim to enjoy retirement may experience some uneasiness as they adapt to a life lacking in structure and direction."

I experience some uneasiness when I need to select items from a menu at the restaurant! That doesn't mean I don't enjoy eating at restaurants occasionally!

I have seen folks who lived on the power and authority that they had as managers. They were tyrants, and when they retired they were powerless. One previous manager tried to talk with a former underling in the grocery store. The underling told him, in no uncertain terms, that most people felt he was an (expletive), and to never approach him again!

I have seen folks that were so defined by their jobs, that they were lost and without direction when they retired.

When I retired, I had an urge to talk shop with the folks still working. Not because I was truly concerned, but more because I missed some of the social interaction with those folks. And the way we interacted with each other was associated with work. After a few months, I settled into other relationships and activities, and the urge to talk shop dissipated.

 

[Souschef]

My philosophy for my retirement is a old Spanish saying:
Love, health, and money, and the time to enjoy it.

 

[RockLife]

The Japanese have this concept of "ikigai". It's basically a reason to get up in the morning. If you want to live a long and healthy life (physically and emotionally), you need an ikigai. You could volunteer time, you could help a friend, you could be the "workout guy", you could be the "financial gal" making sure your portfolio is working right, or the person learning to surf/play the guitar/cook gourmet/etc. every day. But you have to pursue something. I am looking forward to this like nothing else, and it starts soon, very soon!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ikigai

 

[VFK57]

DW co worker and friend unexpectedly died 8 days ago at 57. She had plans and money for retirement yet it will never happen now. The job was very stressful and I think it contributed a lot to her sudden death. If you love your job and enjoy every day of it, then work till employer(s) no longer wants you. Otherwise if you saved enough, enjoy your life and do not pay attention to those who cannot do it.

 

[seraphim]

Immediately upon retiring early DW and I jumped into the truck camper and spent three months travelling to and around Alaska. Came home, a month later were gone again. No time for thinking about what to do lol.

It's been addressed here, but I don't think the majority of retirees plan properly - either financially or mentally. You have to have an idea of what you are going to do to make yourself happy - whether you need to be productive or not - and you need the resources to make it so. RockLife pretty much covered it.

My father retired a bit early, then spent the rest of his life in the rocker in his apartment. Ticked my mother off to no end. but his job was his life, as was his house. When he retired and moved into an apartment, his joys were gone. Watching him, I learned the lesson early. I don't need to plan each day, but each day I have a variety of things which need to be done: rebuilding the old VW, getting the house ready to sell (some day lol) with constant minor repairs and getting rid of old stuff (Been doing that for four years now). Installed solar on the truck camper. Modified a few firearms for pleasure shooting. Read, play guitar, hike, paddle, ride a bike, jump in the camper and take off for a month. Yea - cooking, laundry, house cleaning, constantly reorganizing the tools... Who can get bored?

 

[kcowan]

The people she refers to might be those who (were) retired not by their own decision but because
- they just reached a defined age
- employer or co-workers pushed them out
- health reasons made them retire.

My dad was let go early and even though the money was not an issue he never became a happy retiree till he passed away in his 80s. He tried to find another job or consult but without enough success.

Yes I think this is a key factor. Most of us planned to ER so there was no sudden change. When I took my first voluntary "golden handshake", one of the guys jumped off a bridge. I guess it was not quite so voluntary for some functions?

I left two more companies as planned and finally ERd 10 years after the first departure. The only twinge I had was shutting down my contracting company because that was it. Having high stress assignments during the consulting phase made the ER easier.

There was still a period of adjustment to sleeping in and not having to go anywhere. That is when I discovered my inner slug self!

 

[Chuckanut]

I have seen folks who lived on the power and authority that they had as managers. They were tyrants, and when they retired they were powerless. One previous manager tried to talk with a former underling in the grocery store. The underling told him, in no uncertain terms, that most people felt he was an (expletive), and to never approach him again!

I had a similar experience when I met an very nasty administrator I worked under for a short time. She gave me the same fake smile she had used at work - the one she used before she sank her teeth deep into your neck. Then she attempted to engage me in conversation. I acted as though I had no memory of her at all - she was of such little importance that I could not even remember she was my boss for a while. I have to admit it felt good.