Very strange feeling

[foxfirev5]

The few former coworkers I talked to after ER have a very hard time comprehending that I'm OK. Particularly those east of I95. How do you live on little income? The arrogance in assuming how much I have is amazing. Or, I've got some contacts that can get you hooked up. Yeah right!!!
I never bragged about my FI at work (only here). But out in the real world I'm just another guy. Retired old guy barely getting along. Don't judge a book by it's cover.

 

[CaptTom]

So you lie and say you're working. Where at? What do you do? I work just down the street, let's have lunch.
...
No thanks, I'll just tell the truth. If that ruffles your feathers I don't want to talk to you anyway.

I totally agree. But I'm confused.

I re-read all the posts to try to find anyone suggesting lying. I saw a couple of creative, but not quite false, answers suggested. I suggested not bringing up the subject at all if it's not a good time. But I can't imagine why anyone would make up a story if asked point-blank.

 

[travelover]

........ Has 5 dogs. .......

That's my dream.

 

[grasshopper]

That's my dream.

Heck, you need 5 dogs to howl back at the song dogs.

 

[mistermike40]

My DW suggested I tell people that I'm unemployed so as to explain the way I dress.

 

[ChrisK]

I like the private money manager response. this pretty much fits with my primary responsibility now. I do alot of bike riding, but don't think anyone would believe a 56 yr old is a professional bike rider!

 

[HI Bill]

I totally agree. But I'm confused.

I re-read all the posts to try to find anyone suggesting lying. I saw a couple of creative, but not quite false, answers suggested. I suggested not bringing up the subject at all if it's not a good time. But I can't imagine why anyone would make up a story if asked point-blank.

My wife is very concerned about people being jealous, and about others having an idea we have any money (therefore making us the target of scammers). I'm no where near that paranoid or concerned. Most 'wage slaves' can't comprehend the possibility that a working stiff saved and invested rather than spending their entire income and was able to retire early!

 

[mokan]

Still getting used to it myself ...

This thread struck a cord with me. I'm 57 and FIRE for a year now. It still feels odd to tell people I'm retired... as if I'm playing hookie from work! Especially people my age that are working ... comes out like an apology.

The last job for Megacorp was a meatgrinder with heavy international travel and long hours. Even though its been a year, I still feel a nagging sense that I should be doing something. But I'm resisting it pretty well and this forum helps.

I haven't run into any outright jealousy, although I've learned to temper my comments. Most of the siblings on both sides (mine and DW) have very different situations and they will never be able to FIRE. They're happy for us but I try not to harp on it. Former colleagues are mostly conservative (engineer types) and will FIRE when ready. Everyone else... it probably helps that I look retired -- grey/white hair, blue jeans & Hawaiian shirts!

 

[gauss]

I retired in my upper 40's and DW had decided to continue to work about 5 additional years to hit the sweet spot on her employers retirement plans.

As such, I had to "own" this from day one and come up with appropriate language to discuss it with people--no option to conceal my status.

When discussing socially, I usually mention the care for aging parents as one of the motivators along with not having kids as an enabler. I quickly mention all my volunteer commitments that can feel very much like a white collar job (deadlines/emails/meetings/deliverables etc etc.). I may also mention all the work that I do myself as a "hobby" that most people outsource.

I generally add something to the effect that the Financial Planners generally recommend 80% of earned income in retirement and that is crazy for people like us (ie advice designed for someone who never contributed to a 401k and whose income is based on you continuing to work). Might also add that society as a whole prefers to have us working and if everyone were to do this, the system would likely break down. I might also add that I am a bit of a risk taker and that my decision was not irreversible. At that point often I can tell that the wheels in their brain are starting to turn. Might also mention that not all cultures (ie Western European) have the "live to work" mentality we have here. On the other extreme there are Asian cultures were you are expected to "work until you drop". One has to own their life despite pressures from the prevailing culture.

(Wow - after reading this so far, it seems like maybe I could have been a motivational speaker on this topic!)

As with anything, practice makes perfect.

Come up with your story, refine it, live it!
Be proud of your accomplishments, and don't shy away from them. At the same time if your story is developed to not demean the person on the other end, that can make it even better.

-gauss

p.s. Obviously my scenario is not designed for interaction with a retail rep which was your original question. Most of my interactions where my work status comes up are in the context of social interactions.

 

[Major Tom]

You can tell you have really arrived when you no longer feel the need to say the "I was a ______" part.

+1

 

[WestUniversity]

56 yrs old, FIRE for a couple months. Today was at the post-office getting my passport renewed. One of the questions the PO employee asked in order to complete one of my forms was my "where do you work?". I've been asked this question a million times while working for the same mega corp for 25 yrs, so it was super strange to say "retired". A bit of me felt anxious/insecure/guilty to say retired (= i am not working). I was surprised to have this feeling as FIRE
has been something I've worked for for so long, but understandable as I've I been conditioned to 'be working' for most my life and am at an age where most are working. This was a good reminder to say 'retired' with pride next time i am asked where i work.

Of all the things I've been working through preparing for FIRE this year, this had not yet occurred to me...

 

[Letsdoit]

This is interesting. We're still (hopefully) about 5 years out from a super early retirement. I never considered what we will say when asked this question...

 

[Teacher Terry]

I agree with Robbie.

 

[youbet]

Isn't this whole situation totally dependent on your age at retirement? Folks who don't make FIRE until their mid fifties or older (I was 58), aren't that far out of the norm these days. Now, for those FIRE'ing in their 40's or earlier, it's understandable that some people will be curious as to how you did it or just assume you had an inheritance, etc.

I was RIF'd at 58 and, after some serious pencil pushing and discussions with DW, decided to call it "FIRE'd" instead of "fired" (which it actually was). We live modestly and that, coupled with our ages, has led to no one questioning my "long term unemployed" status. FIRE'd for 12 years and still waiting for that right opportunity to come along!

 

[Shanky]

When someone asks or when filling out forms I just say "unemployed". Shuts folks up, so I don't have to explain why I retired relatively young. Others on this forum do the same thing. It works.

 

[KevinP]

I'm starting to think about Early Retirement (hopefully 2 more years), and this is one of the topics that concerns me. Most of my friends, siblings etc are all older and I don't feel that they are close to retirement. Has anyone experienced resentment from older friends and family that aren't retired?

 

[MRG]

I'm starting to think about Early Retirement (hopefully 2 more years), and this is one of the topics that concerns me. Most of my friends, siblings etc are all older and I don't feel that they are close to retirement. Has anyone experienced resentment from older friends and family that aren't retired?

Resentment from some former co-w*rkers, they were not friends. My friends are genuinely happy for me.

I have an 8 year older sibling who still is w*rking. We've never had issues because of my retirement. She picked a different career path and a place to live. Had I stayed in that crappy part of the world I'd probably be working till I was 70, or dead. She and her husband are both afraid of losing money, to the point where they don't invest. She's bought some rental property as she understands that.

 

[HI Bill]

I'm starting to think about Early Retirement (hopefully 2 more years), and this is one of the topics that concerns me. Most of my friends, siblings etc are all older and I don't feel that they are close to retirement. Has anyone experienced resentment from older friends and family that aren't retired?

I've told all of my friends for years that I was planning to retire at 50 [I didn't make that goal after unexpectedly getting married, but am now shooting for my 53rd birthday in 10 months]. Most (including my father) are incredulous (you won't have enough money, what will you do with your time, you'll be bored), and perhaps more than a few were jealous, or at least 'wishing' that they could do the same. For the friends who have good salaries (say, $100K+), I do let know them that I plan to have enough money to do four international liveaboard dive trips per year for two (~$48K) in the budget. Most can't comprehend saving enough to retire, none look forward far enough to plan for such an event, and none of them seem to know how much you should save for retirement!

 

[JoeWras]

Resentment from some former co-w*rkers, they were not friends. My friends are genuinely happy for me.

Just got that today when I bumped into a co-w*rker I hadn't seen in a while. I mentioned my plans and it fell flat as a pancake with the conversation ending. First time I've gotten that kind of cold shoulder.

I'm going to have to learn to be careful.

 

[ownyourfuture]

A bit of me felt anxious/insecure/guilty to say retired

Even after 2.5 years, I feel the same way.

 

[WestUniversity]

No one knows yet at my MegaCorp. For various reasons I can’t go into my announcement will not be until the fall. I’m busting inside anytime anyone talks about distant MegaCorp plans, cause I won’t be here...[emoji4]

 

[akidagain2018]

No one knows yet at my MegaCorp. For various reasons I can’t go into my announcement will not be until the fall. I’m busting inside anytime anyone talks about distant MegaCorp plans, cause I won’t be here...[emoji4]

All you can do is dance!!

And a little:

 

[kgtest]

I think a lot of people in general are uncomfortable talking about money. Especially those less fortunate. I try to keep this in mind with any discussions about money.

When I asked my ER neighbors on Maui what they did and they responded "We manage our families money" I was simultaneously disparaged yet encouraged and super inspired.

Here I was trying to mange my own ER journey when my neighbors were living that dream and only 10years older than me. A little jealousy, a lot of inspiration.

They did work hard for the short period they did work. Bearing sea fishing and MX restaurant in Cali.

I had to give them working-class perspective from time to time, as after 5 ER years, they sometimes would forget other's weren't quite there. Some of the most generous people I've ever met, with their time and money.

 

[JustCurious]

"I'm basically focused on managing my real estate now" and doing some professional consulting work, as demand arises, "of course".

Let me guess, you only own one piece of real estate, and it's your home.

 

[nativenewenglander]

I say I'm 75% retired as I still work 10 hours a week on our small business and then I spend 10 or so hours on a few volunteer gigs each week. Fly fishing season is coming, so I've got work at keeping the native brook trout population in check......