Originally Posted by Nova
The older two siblings have had "the talk" with her numerous times. Sell the house, move into something smaller. They have taken her to look at condos, apts. and even several really nice senior developments. MIL won't have any of it, meantime the lawn needs mowing, or the leaves need to be raked, and on, and on.
We are in a similar position with FIL, 85, but he is not quite so expecting/demanding of services, but he is grateful when we do it.
A bit over three years ago we spent the better part of six months on his house doing major repainting, hardwood floors refinished, correcting a moisture problem in the basement, redoing a bathroom, and other deferred maintenance, the idea being that he could then sell the house, buy into a nearby continuous care facility and still have close to $100k left over. We toured the place and at the time he said he liked it. He has a small pension and SS for income and is financially slowly sinking by about $100/month on credit cards, mostly for prescription costs.
After all that, he decides that "I just can't move from this house." He does still drive but can't afford a replacement car when the current old one finally gives out. Other siblings are sticking their collective heads in the sand (or somewhere else). I have made it clear to the others that we are not going to buy him another car, as I'm fence-sitting on whether to ask DMV for a driver reexamination of him anyway. When the car croaks that will hopefully force a decision on the issue.
DW is usually over there two or three times a week, an easy 35-minute drive, and is well aware that he doesn't have much time left as he has slowed a lot in the last two years. While her dedication is admirable, I also get the feeling that she's chosen to put her own life on hold for the sake of her father, who could relieve her of those duties by moving, but won't, and that is (to me) just stubborn selfishness on his part. Hence my announced decision that I will not
assist in replacing his car.
So for now I'm just in a sort of waiting mode since there's not a whole lot I can do to change things without causing major rifts with DW and family.